Gary wrote:
> I love it, keep shaking up the can.
ooooooooh, i love when ya talk dirty !
oops ! i thunk ya said "taking" it up tha can.... (mibad)
> These people may need some
> long-overdue "stimulation" anyway.
they ain't tha ONLY ones.... (c'mere)
> It's always good to see people
> decide that they WILL be heard !!
wowie kazowie !!!! most tell me ta d'cide NOT ta be heard. i tried
that once and choked on muh own spit'nmuh eyeball popped out.
> In the immortal words of Michelle Shocked "Keep on rockin' girl" !!
amen.
i'm probly gettin' nowhere fast in this effort, but what the hell, i
got nowhere without tryin'... so tha worse that can happen is i stay in
nowheresville (but with my best shot b'hind me.)
> Da load gon' come tumbellin' down (said w/ heavy Jamaican accent) and
> you will be victorious.
thank you, Mon.
> Parsimony and prejudice have NO PLACE (!!!!!)
double amen.
it's'ah sad state of affairs, at least... a violation of everything
*i* thought the medical community stood for, which is "treating"
patients, at best.
> in the delivery of healthcare, and it's HIGH TIME someone made this
> LOUDLY known. Lawd I am suddenly feelin' REALLY self-righteous!!!
and i'm feelin'ah bit sanctimonious. let's marry.
....but when i go in tha ER or the Crisis Center, my bp 208/163 and am
told i'm NOT having a panic attack, i am NOT in danger and asked "what
IS your emergency? this IS an emergency room" and some chick with a
blister on her fucking foot gets put on the "fast track" for medical
attention when she arrived about 30 minutes after me, i get pissed.
before that lil slice'ah non-heaven i was at the Crisis Center offered
"detox" from
xanax as my ONLY option in tha same breath that he tells
me that alcohol, benzos and barbituates are the ONLY substances that
can be fatal if immediate discontinuance is employed, as if i didn't
know that, (JEEEEzus H. PIZZA man)...oh, btw... their method of detox
is high doses of phenobarbital....a barbituate. it kinda makes me
wonder just what IS a "crisis" in these here parts. (let's not forget
ole boy said SSRIs were the first choice of treatment for panic AFTER i
informed him i was bipolar, and yes, Gary, i DID have ta break out with
"i'm SURE you read that page in tha book that blatantly dictates that
SSRIs and bipolarity are a recipe for disaster, am i correct?" (so i
stole yer line, i had ta.) to which he replied "oh yes, i read that
page and it WOULD be a preferred treatment if you were NOT Dx'd with
bipolarity."
GOOD SAVE, HOT SHOT!!!!!
after i informed him of everything i'd learned from Gary, i told him
"surely you know this, a 1st year "med", much less "psych" student
knows everything i just made you aware of, am i correct?" he
ostentatiously replied.... "of course, and i also understand
addiction".... then my dependence rant started, suggesting he "detox"
diabetics from
insulin.
please, oh PLEASE tell me he did NOT BUST OUT WITH.... "but when you
detox from xanax your pancreas will still function." (yes, yes he did,
i swear afore j'hovah he did) and my lame ass retort was "and if a
diabetic detoxes from insulin, they will most likely not sieze and be
in a position of being withdrawn from one of THREE MOTHERFUCKING
SUBSTANCES THAT ARE FATAL, *WITH* THE METHOD OF DETOX BEING ANOTHER OF
THE 3 DRUGS AS YER TRADIN' APPLES FOR APPLES, WHITE BOY !!!!!!! "
ALTHOUGH some illnesses more urgent than others, of course, i was of
the mind-set that all folks in need ... in NEEEEEEEEEED of medical
treatment were created equal. it's quite plain that some are WAY more
equal than others.
my hope is NOT that i can change tha world, i'm just'ah dorky chick...
but that someone with'ah lick'ah sense will HEAR MY VOICE and purvey
this cause and......... get'er dun.
there has ta be SUMbody out there that is capable, that has this angst
themselves or deals with it in a familial way ... HAS TA BE
!!!!!!!!!!!! that can relate to my experiences and is willing to raise
tha bar in the medical/psych community.
i don't ask for miracles.
possibly raise tha bar to tha level of equality.
no more, no less.
in a world where dignity is stripped by society at times, a world that
considers mental disorders (although manifested physically to the Nth
degree) taboo, how justifiable is it that we that seek help for our
horror are any less viable than those that cast stones and do NOT seek
help... because we ALL know that those holier-than-thou judgment
callers, those that say under their breath... "pssssssssst... she's
crazy" are DAMNED scary.
i KNOW i'm crazy. in my world? that gives me the upper hand to scream
it loud and scream it PROUD that i'm crazy ... as opposed to those
"normal people" that scream in silent judgment of me that are JUST as
crazy and have no clue.
soooooooooo, they have their 2.5 kids, a station wagon with wood on tha
side, and suck it up to "fit" societal standards in public, as they
linger in arenas i wouldn't dare tread as they inflict religious and
emotional abuse on their fellow members of this planet and lie in
wait.... to administer their squelched insanity in the form of "dirty
deeds" behind closed doors... and yup, DONE DIRT CHEAP.
I MIGHT *ADMIT* AND *CHERISH" MY DISORDERS, they may not.... and as
generalized as this rant is, i'm forthcoming, as is most everyone on
this forum, and the planet knows WHERE WE STAND AND WHERE everyone
stands in our world.
if i wanna kill ya, i'll tell ya skrait up.
personally, i much prefer that as opposed ta hiding in tha bushes,
which seems to be the M.O. of tha "sane."
when ya have nothing ta hide, ya hide nothing.
WOULD the stigma be so prevalent if the stigmatizing folks weren't so
aware of their own hidden behavior they know so well, and don't allow
themselves to acknowledge?
i resort to analogy, (a poor form of communication) :
Hitler had a "slight" prejudice against Jews. could it have been
because he was ashamed of his Jewish grandmother fucking up his
"german purity" and perpetuating the anti-semitic culture, prevalent, a
sign of the times, the "prejudice du jour." a self-hatred drove him to
historical infamy as his self-loathing turned outward in no small
fashion. (his name was probly never called when choosin' sides for
basketball.) that'll piss'ah boy off. talk about upsettin' an
applecart... <<<<boyohboy>>>>
this example, in my book (which nobody reads, thank god) is key to any
prejudice known to man.
albeit nature or nurture which creates such a vile distinction between
fellow members of this planet, it all comes down to nurture, even if by
nature... either personal or engrained. i mean hitler never hated
irish people, nor did he torture the british. he had an admiration for
the british. so one mush ask oneself... HOW does one stumble upon
prejudice? it's clear that it is societally induced, and nurtured
within the nature of human hatred, manifested as humane or inhumane,
depending on the level of compassion and respect and dignity one has
for oneself. the man in the mirror determines the path through
strength of character that dictates "acceptance" or the weakness that
allows others to determine personal views and behavior.
WHY is there prejudice against black folks? it didn't come outta
nowhere. it was either engrained via others' hatred inflicted on the
prejudiced, (bought lock, stock and barrel) or through a vendetta that
punishes an entire group borne of woman yet set apart by mankind.
without a doubt? 100 percent ignorance.
is this hitting home in our experience with the sector of the medical
practitioners that choose by their own volition to hate that which
forces them to either go against the grain of their cohorts' "good ole
boy network" rules or walk alone and deflect the cast stones while
maintaining personal integrity. tha latter can be lonely with many'ah
winding turn.
those that stand for nothing will most definitely... fall for anything.
the prevalent hatred of african americans is no accident. it was
nurtured, possibly by the idiotic nature of society or others.
some, prejudiced against the black community, may argue that they have
no link through nature to the african american community.
i would retort: then "WHY?"
::raisin' hand:: I CAN ANSWER THAT !
trust me... somewhere along tha line, in their life, there was'ah
hated niggah in da woodpile. NObody pops outta the womb as anything but
a blank slate.
translation: trust me... somewhere along tha line, in the prejudiced
medical/psych community there was'ah nutzoid in da motherfuckin'
woodpile... count on it.
and BOO ! (it might be that same man in tha mirror.)
i'm sure y'all could'ah done without that lil slice'ah history and
settled right nicely for "ya don't hate strawberries unless ya ate em
and either hated tha taste or ate 'em when they were real fuckin'
unpopular."
as fear is the only "true" emotion, (it even allowed the caveman to
escape the dinosaurs) ya gotta wonder what drives this emotion to the
point of following it with reckless abandon in lieu of abandoning the
"power to empathize" and the following of ones' intellectual prowess.
translation #2: until tha psych community comes ta terms with our
differences, (and/or their own angst) let'm walk'ah mile in my shoes.
if that don't give'm a lil view inta MY slice'ah non-heaven, at least
they'll be'ah mile away.
me? i have faith it is a fear of ego, self.
i have faith that the medical community "fears" being outted as a bona
fide member of a stigmatized arena...
so the easy answer?
hide from yourself, hide from the world. fake it til ya make it.
but those that have nothing to hide...hide nothing. (i made that up,
yanno.)
those that hide HAVE nothing.
what they own, the stigmatizing folks, is the ability society has
afforded them to purvey our comfort.
i weep for those that take advantage of/abuse that "opportunity."
to judge, to hate, to punish another member of their planet will
overwhelm my discomfort that lies within my inherited or hereditary
disorders... every time.
i wouldn't trade my non-existent undies with their plight for'ah
toasted bagel at Carnagie's Deli.
(R.I.P, Max)
KNOW THIS: if ya ain't crazy, i really don't wanna know ya. yer no
fuckin' fun.
> So proud, sheddin' a tear (as you'd say....)
i bet ya wish ya could retract THAT !
so Gary responds with'ah ligh-hearted post and write'ah motherfuckin'
novel that ain't got shit ta do with shinola.
i should be crushed in'ah woodchipper in tha pale moonlight.
but then agin, i can fuck up'ah wet dream.
i made'ah mountain outta a mole hill once. it was'ah proud day. (that
story always makes me cry.)
HELL, i could go ON ! i could play thissun like'ah STRADIVARIUS VIOLIN
AT'AH BACK YARD HO-DOWN til SUMbody yelled "BINGOOOOOOO" at tha baptist
church after CHOKIN' ON MACARONI SALAD !!!!!!!
but i won't.
i'm fuckin' borin' me ta tears.
shoot me, i'm crazy.
shit. no wonder them doctors hate my guts.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
HINT TO READERS: i'm annoyin'.
~t
BELLE 
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