Hallucinations, I suck at life...

[bugs]

My experiences all feel like hallucinations. Honestly, I'm more lucid
when I'm dreaming than when I'm awake. I play by the rules at work; I
smile and greet the same people every day, but I'm not even sure that
they are real. I'm not even sure if _I_ am real. It's difficult but I
cope with daily life and blame my perceptions, or lack thereof, on my
sensitive sinuses, and look forward to being able to relax with a hot
mug of tea and some music when I get home. I've never had a panic
attack (I have a friend that has had them so I know that I have never
been through anything that bad) but I feel like I'm trapped inside my
own hell (for all I know I died a long time ago and this _is_ hell). I
don't know if this is the right group for me, but if anyone can relate
to this, please respond.

[~*LiveLoveLaugh*~]

"bugs" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]..
> My experiences all feel like hallucinations. Honestly, I'm more lucid
> when I'm dreaming than when I'm awake. I play by the rules at work; I
> smile and greet the same people every day, but I'm not even sure that
> they are real. I'm not even sure if _I_ am real. It's difficult but I
> cope with daily life and blame my perceptions, or lack thereof, on my
> sensitive sinuses, and look forward to being able to relax with a hot
> mug of tea and some music when I get home. I've never had a panic
> attack (I have a friend that has had them so I know that I have never
> been through anything that bad) but I feel like I'm trapped inside my
> own hell (for all I know I died a long time ago and this _is_ hell). I
> don't know if this is the right group for me, but if anyone can relate
> to this, please respond.


Are you on meds of some kind? I can't relate to what you're saying, other
than when I've taken an anti-depressant that didn't agree with me.

I wish you well.

--

·.·´¨ ¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
Laurie
((¸¸.·´ ..·´
-:¦:- ((¸¸ ·.·

*~*LiveLoveLaugh*~*

All that I am or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.
~Abraham Lincoln

[bugs]

"~*LiveLoveLaugh*~" <[email protected]> posted on Fri, 04 Jun
2010 21:07:26 GMT:

> "bugs" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]..
>> My experiences all feel like hallucinations. Honestly, I'm more
>> lucid when I'm dreaming than when I'm awake. I play by the rules
>> at work; I smile and greet the same people every day, but I'm not
>> even sure that they are real. I'm not even sure if _I_ am real.
>> It's difficult but I cope with daily life and blame my
>> perceptions, or lack thereof, on my sensitive sinuses, and look
>> forward to being able to relax with a hot mug of tea and some
>> music when I get home. I've never had a panic attack (I have a
>> friend that has had them so I know that I have never been through
>> anything that bad) but I feel like I'm trapped inside my own hell
>> (for all I know I died a long time ago and this _is_ hell). I
>> don't know if this is the right group for me, but if anyone can
>> relate to this, please respond.
>
>
> Are you on meds of some kind? I can't relate to what you're
> saying, other than when I've taken an anti-depressant that didn't
> agree with me.
>
> I wish you well.
>

No regular meds at all, though I take .5 to 1 mg of xanax every few
weeks or so (completely self-medicated, last dose was .5mg on May
8). I enjoy the relief it provides but I also know about the side
effects of addiction and tolerance.
I wish there were a pill that would allow me to stay in a deep sleep
for about a month. Hook my body up to feeding tubes and let me brain
try to sort things out.
Thanks for the reply.

[~*LiveLoveLaugh*~]

"bugs" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]..
> "~*LiveLoveLaugh*~" <[email protected]> posted on Fri, 04 Jun
> 2010 21:07:26 GMT:
>
>> "bugs" <[email protected]> wrote in message
>> news:[email protected]..
>>> My experiences all feel like hallucinations. Honestly, I'm more
>>> lucid when I'm dreaming than when I'm awake. I play by the rules
>>> at work; I smile and greet the same people every day, but I'm not
>>> even sure that they are real. I'm not even sure if _I_ am real.
>>> It's difficult but I cope with daily life and blame my
>>> perceptions, or lack thereof, on my sensitive sinuses, and look
>>> forward to being able to relax with a hot mug of tea and some
>>> music when I get home. I've never had a panic attack (I have a
>>> friend that has had them so I know that I have never been through
>>> anything that bad) but I feel like I'm trapped inside my own hell
>>> (for all I know I died a long time ago and this _is_ hell). I
>>> don't know if this is the right group for me, but if anyone can
>>> relate to this, please respond.
>>
>>
>> Are you on meds of some kind? I can't relate to what you're
>> saying, other than when I've taken an anti-depressant that didn't
>> agree with me.
>>
>> I wish you well.
>>
>
> No regular meds at all, though I take .5 to 1 mg of xanax every few
> weeks or so (completely self-medicated, last dose was .5mg on May
> 8). I enjoy the relief it provides but I also know about the side
> effects of addiction and tolerance.
> I wish there were a pill that would allow me to stay in a deep sleep
> for about a month. Hook my body up to feeding tubes and let me brain
> try to sort things out.
> Thanks for the reply.

You're welcome, but I didn't really help you. So how about seeing your
general practioner first?? Start at the beginning in very small steps.
Just be careful. So many doctors prescribe anti-depressants like bubble
gum. There are *SO* many side effects that can be down right dangerous. If
you do seek help and are prescribed something, post it in here. There are a
few really good folks who have been on just about everything (like me). Oh,
and Xanax is a good med for anxiety. It sounds like you are already up to
date about the pro's and con's of it. Good!!!

Remember... baby steps!!

--

·.·´¨ ¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
Laurie
((¸¸.·´ ..·´
-:¦:- ((¸¸ ·.·

*~*LiveLoveLaugh*~*

All that I am or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.
~Abraham Lincoln

[bugs]

"~*LiveLoveLaugh*~" <[email protected]> posted on Sat, 05 Jun
2010 22:47:55 GMT:

> You're welcome, but I didn't really help you. So how about seeing
> your general practioner first?? Start at the beginning in very
> small steps. Just be careful. So many doctors prescribe
> anti-depressants like bubble gum. There are *SO* many side
> effects that can be down right dangerous. If you do seek help and
> are prescribed something, post it in here. There are a few really
> good folks who have been on just about everything (like me). Oh,
> and Xanax is a good med for anxiety. It sounds like you are
> already up to date about the pro's and con's of it. Good!!!
>
> Remember... baby steps!!

Well thanks for sharing your advice at least. I actually have not had a
GP for many years, so I would literally be starting at the beginning.
I'm in my mid 20s and can run a 5k in 30 minutes and not feel any
soreness, but who knows what kind of shape I'm really in. Time to find
out, I guess.

[~*LiveLoveLaugh*~]

"bugs" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]..
> "~*LiveLoveLaugh*~" <[email protected]> posted on Sat, 05 Jun
> 2010 22:47:55 GMT:
>
>> You're welcome, but I didn't really help you. So how about seeing
>> your general practioner first?? Start at the beginning in very
>> small steps. Just be careful. So many doctors prescribe
>> anti-depressants like bubble gum. There are *SO* many side
>> effects that can be down right dangerous. If you do seek help and
>> are prescribed something, post it in here. There are a few really
>> good folks who have been on just about everything (like me). Oh,
>> and Xanax is a good med for anxiety. It sounds like you are
>> already up to date about the pro's and con's of it. Good!!!
>>
>> Remember... baby steps!!
>
> Well thanks for sharing your advice at least. I actually have not had a
> GP for many years, so I would literally be starting at the beginning.
> I'm in my mid 20s and can run a 5k in 30 minutes and not feel any
> soreness, but who knows what kind of shape I'm really in. Time to find
> out, I guess.

It sucks to be physically fit, but still have emotional issues. I joined a
gym in April and have been really getting into it. I feel SO GOOD when I'm
done with a good work out. In fact, I feel better now than I have in the
past four years. But, I'm on meds for the rest of my life, which is fine by
me b/c it helps me immensely. (I'm bipolar). I also have Xanax for the
'rough patches' too. IMO you should get a GP. No matter how you're
feeling, it's good to have an old fashioned check up!!

Keep on keepin' on!

--

·.·´¨ ¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
Laurie
((¸¸.·´ ..·´
-:¦:- ((¸¸ ·.·

*~*LiveLoveLaugh*~*

All that I am or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.
~Abraham Lincoln

[Philip Peters]

> "bugs" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]..
>> My experiences all feel like hallucinations. Honestly, I'm more lucid
>> when I'm dreaming than when I'm awake. I play by the rules at work; I
>> smile and greet the same people every day, but I'm not even sure that
>> they are real. I'm not even sure if _I_ am real. It's difficult but I
>> cope with daily life and blame my perceptions, or lack thereof, on my
>> sensitive sinuses, and look forward to being able to relax with a hot
>> mug of tea and some music when I get home. I've never had a panic
>> attack (I have a friend that has had them so I know that I have never
>> been through anything that bad) but I feel like I'm trapped inside my
>> own hell (for all I know I died a long time ago and this _is_ hell). I
>> don't know if this is the right group for me, but if anyone can relate
>> to this, please respond.


Lacking more information this sounds like *dissociation symptoms* to me
(you know the infamous twins *derealization* - is this world real opr am
I playing in the wrong movie? - and *depersonalization* - are these *my*
hands?) that are often present in anxiety disorders but can also occur
without anxiety. In some cases they function as defense mechanisms but
apparently not in your case. The best thing tio do is consult a
pshciatrist. The next best thing is try a low dose benzo (like 2 mg of
Valium three times a day, maybe raised to 5 mg t.i.d. if it doesn't
work) and see what it gets you (if you can get a script from your GP).
You'll know within two days if this is the right course of action. If
not, stop the med because you will become dependent on it which makes it
more difficult to stop of you've taken it for a longer while and which
is confused with *addiction* by many doctors who didn;t do their
homework which is why many won't prescribe benzodiazapines like Valium.

Philip


>

[Philip Peters]

bugs schreef:
> "~*LiveLoveLaugh*~" <[email protected]> posted on Fri, 04 Jun
> 2010 21:07:26 GMT:
>
>> "bugs" <[email protected]> wrote in message
>> news:[email protected]..
>>> My experiences all feel like hallucinations. Honestly, I'm more
>>> lucid when I'm dreaming than when I'm awake. I play by the rules
>>> at work; I smile and greet the same people every day, but I'm not
>>> even sure that they are real. I'm not even sure if _I_ am real.
>>> It's difficult but I cope with daily life and blame my
>>> perceptions, or lack thereof, on my sensitive sinuses, and look
>>> forward to being able to relax with a hot mug of tea and some
>>> music when I get home. I've never had a panic attack (I have a
>>> friend that has had them so I know that I have never been through
>>> anything that bad) but I feel like I'm trapped inside my own hell
>>> (for all I know I died a long time ago and this _is_ hell). I
>>> don't know if this is the right group for me, but if anyone can
>>> relate to this, please respond.
>>
>> Are you on meds of some kind? I can't relate to what you're
>> saying, other than when I've taken an anti-depressant that didn't
>> agree with me.
>>
>> I wish you well.
>>
>
> No regular meds at all, though I take .5 to 1 mg of xanax every few
> weeks or so (completely self-medicated, last dose was .5mg on May
> 8). I enjoy the relief it provides but I also know about the side
> effects of addiction and tolerance.


Hey, does Xanax take care of the problem? If so have your doctor
prescribe Xanax XR to you. You will not develop tolerance on benzo's,
it's exceedingly rare contrary to folklore. I've been on trhe ame dose
of Xanax for 12 years now and I know dozens of others with similar
stories and it's widely studied and no seriosus tudy supports the idea
that one develops tolerance (addiction) on benzos - except maybe when
used as sleeping aids exclusively. Dependence does occur but what the
hell, if it makes you feel *normal*? I don't care about being dependent
on Xanax which gave me back my life.

Philip

[~*LiveLoveLaugh*~]

"Philip Peters" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:4c0c23ca$0$22934$[email protected]..
>
>> "bugs" <[email protected]> wrote in message
>> news:[email protected]..
>>> My experiences all feel like hallucinations. Honestly, I'm more lucid
>>> when I'm dreaming than when I'm awake. I play by the rules at work; I
>>> smile and greet the same people every day, but I'm not even sure that
>>> they are real. I'm not even sure if _I_ am real. It's difficult but I
>>> cope with daily life and blame my perceptions, or lack thereof, on my
>>> sensitive sinuses, and look forward to being able to relax with a hot
>>> mug of tea and some music when I get home. I've never had a panic
>>> attack (I have a friend that has had them so I know that I have never
>>> been through anything that bad) but I feel like I'm trapped inside my
>>> own hell (for all I know I died a long time ago and this _is_ hell). I
>>> don't know if this is the right group for me, but if anyone can relate
>>> to this, please respond.
>
>
> Lacking more information this sounds like *dissociation symptoms* to me
> (you know the infamous twins *derealization* - is this world real opr am I
> playing in the wrong movie? - and *depersonalization* - are these *my*
> hands?) that are often present in anxiety disorders but can also occur
> without anxiety. In some cases they function as defense mechanisms but
> apparently not in your case. The best thing tio do is consult a
> pshciatrist. The next best thing is try a low dose benzo (like 2 mg of
> Valium three times a day, maybe raised to 5 mg t.i.d. if it doesn't work)
> and see what it gets you (if you can get a script from your GP). You'll
> know within two days if this is the right course of action. If not, stop
> the med because you will become dependent on it which makes it more
> difficult to stop of you've taken it for a longer while and which is
> confused with *addiction* by many doctors who didn;t do their homework
> which is why many won't prescribe benzodiazapines like Valium.
>
> Philip
>

Hey Philip...

'Was hoping you'd show up with a reply for this op. You always give such
good and sound advice. Always nice to read you!!

--

·.·´¨ ¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
Laurie
((¸¸.·´ ..·´
-:¦:- ((¸¸ ·.·

*~*LiveLoveLaugh*~*

All that I am or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.
~Abraham Lincoln

[Figaro]

On Mon, 07 Jun 2010 00:40:09 +0200, Philip Peters wrote:

> Lacking more information this sounds like *dissociation symptoms* to me
> (you know the infamous twins *derealization* - is this world real opr am
> I playing in the wrong movie? - and *depersonalization* - are these *my*
> hands?) that are often present in anxiety disorders but can also occur
> without anxiety. In some cases they function as defense mechanisms but
> apparently not in your case. The best thing tio do is consult a
> pshciatrist.

Yes, this was my first thought, but as Philip implied, more info is needed
before a diagnosis can be made.

Absolutely see a doctor, preferably a psychiatrist, and get both a
diagnosis and a treatment plan.

Fig

[bugs]

Philip Peters <[email protected]> posted on Sun, 06 Jun 2010
22:40:09 GMT:

>
>> "bugs" <[email protected]> wrote in message
>> news:[email protected]..
>>> My experiences all feel like hallucinations. Honestly, I'm more
>>> lucid when I'm dreaming than when I'm awake. I play by the rules
>>> at work; I smile and greet the same people every day, but I'm
>>> not even sure that they are real. I'm not even sure if _I_ am
>>> real. It's difficult but I cope with daily life and blame my
>>> perceptions, or lack thereof, on my sensitive sinuses, and look
>>> forward to being able to relax with a hot mug of tea and some
>>> music when I get home. I've never had a panic attack (I have a
>>> friend that has had them so I know that I have never been
>>> through anything that bad) but I feel like I'm trapped inside my
>>> own hell (for all I know I died a long time ago and this _is_
>>> hell). I don't know if this is the right group for me, but if
>>> anyone can relate to this, please respond.
>
>
> Lacking more information this sounds like *dissociation symptoms*
> to me (you know the infamous twins *derealization* - is this world
> real opr am I playing in the wrong movie? - and
> *depersonalization* - are these *my* hands?) that are often
> present in anxiety disorders but can also occur without anxiety.
> In some cases they function as defense mechanisms but apparently
> not in your case. The best thing tio do is consult a pshciatrist.
> The next best thing is try a low dose benzo (like 2 mg of Valium
> three times a day, maybe raised to 5 mg t.i.d. if it doesn't work)
> and see what it gets you (if you can get a script from your GP).
> You'll know within two days if this is the right course of action.
> If not, stop the med because you will become dependent on it which
> makes it more difficult to stop of you've taken it for a longer
> while and which is confused with *addiction* by many doctors who
> didn;t do their homework which is why many won't prescribe
> benzodiazapines like Valium.
>
> Philip
>

Thanks for the valuable information, and the derealization you
mentioned is a great way to describe every waking moment of my life.
I only notice anxiety when I'm around large crowds or at work.

To address the question you asked in your other reply,
> Hey, does Xanax take care of the problem?

Unfortunately no. It completely eliminates any anxiety I feel
related to my derealization symptoms but doesn't seem to do anything
for the derealization symptoms.

I haven't made plans to consult a psychiatrist yet, but I have made
an appointment on Friday to establish care with a GP.

[Tennessee Tony]

bugs wrote:
> My experiences all feel like hallucinations. Honestly, I'm more lucid
> when I'm dreaming than when I'm awake. I play by the rules at work; I
> smile and greet the same people every day, but I'm not even sure that
> they are real. I'm not even sure if _I_ am real. It's difficult but I
> cope with daily life and blame my perceptions, or lack thereof, on my
> sensitive sinuses, and look forward to being able to relax with a hot
> mug of tea and some music when I get home. I've never had a panic
> attack (I have a friend that has had them so I know that I have never
> been through anything that bad) but I feel like I'm trapped inside my
> own hell (for all I know I died a long time ago and this _is_ hell). I
> don't know if this is the right group for me, but if anyone can relate
> to this, please respond.

I'm afraid I can't help much, but when I read "(for all I know I died a
long time ago and this _is_ hell)" I could relate. I did feel that way
for most of my life. I really thought I was in hell and I just wanted
to know what I did to be sent to that hell. I'm so happy so be able to
write about that in the past tense! I suppose it came slowly so
although I still have very bad days, I very seldom think I must be in
hell any more. Hopefully you can get to that point also.

Tono

[bugs]

Tennessee Tony <[email protected]> posted on Wed, 09 Jun 2010
23:49:41 GMT:

> bugs wrote:
>> My experiences all feel like hallucinations. Honestly, I'm more
>> lucid when I'm dreaming than when I'm awake. I play by the rules
>> at work; I smile and greet the same people every day, but I'm not
>> even sure that they are real. I'm not even sure if _I_ am real.
>> It's difficult but I cope with daily life and blame my
>> perceptions, or lack thereof, on my sensitive sinuses, and look
>> forward to being able to relax with a hot mug of tea and some
>> music when I get home. I've never had a panic attack (I have a
>> friend that has had them so I know that I have never been through
>> anything that bad) but I feel like I'm trapped inside my own hell
>> (for all I know I died a long time ago and this _is_ hell). I
>> don't know if this is the right group for me, but if anyone can
>> relate to this, please respond.
>
> I'm afraid I can't help much, but when I read "(for all I know I
> died a long time ago and this _is_ hell)" I could relate. I did
> feel that way for most of my life. I really thought I was in hell
> and I just wanted to know what I did to be sent to that hell. I'm
> so happy so be able to write about that in the past tense! I
> suppose it came slowly so although I still have very bad days, I
> very seldom think I must be in hell any more. Hopefully you can
> get to that point also.
>
> Tono
>

I hope so too. I looked at a tree today and tried to concentrate on its
reality, hoping I could convince my brain it was a real and living
thing outside of my own being. It didn't work, but I don't feel bad for
trying. I'm really looking forward to seeing a doctor on Friday.

[~*LiveLoveLaugh*~]

"bugs" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]..
> Tennessee Tony <[email protected]> posted on Wed, 09 Jun 2010
> 23:49:41 GMT:
>
>> bugs wrote:
>>> My experiences all feel like hallucinations. Honestly, I'm more
>>> lucid when I'm dreaming than when I'm awake. I play by the rules
>>> at work; I smile and greet the same people every day, but I'm not
>>> even sure that they are real. I'm not even sure if _I_ am real.
>>> It's difficult but I cope with daily life and blame my
>>> perceptions, or lack thereof, on my sensitive sinuses, and look
>>> forward to being able to relax with a hot mug of tea and some
>>> music when I get home. I've never had a panic attack (I have a
>>> friend that has had them so I know that I have never been through
>>> anything that bad) but I feel like I'm trapped inside my own hell
>>> (for all I know I died a long time ago and this _is_ hell). I
>>> don't know if this is the right group for me, but if anyone can
>>> relate to this, please respond.
>>
>> I'm afraid I can't help much, but when I read "(for all I know I
>> died a long time ago and this _is_ hell)" I could relate. I did
>> feel that way for most of my life. I really thought I was in hell
>> and I just wanted to know what I did to be sent to that hell. I'm
>> so happy so be able to write about that in the past tense! I
>> suppose it came slowly so although I still have very bad days, I
>> very seldom think I must be in hell any more. Hopefully you can
>> get to that point also.
>>
>> Tono
>>
>
> I hope so too. I looked at a tree today and tried to concentrate on its
> reality, hoping I could convince my brain it was a real and living
> thing outside of my own being. It didn't work, but I don't feel bad for
> trying. I'm really looking forward to seeing a doctor on Friday.

I'm glad you made that appointment, bugs! One step closer to getting to the
root of your troubles!! Just remember that this will probably take some
time. Your GP may prescribe an antidepressant. If that's the case, you'll
go through different doses and/or different meds until you find the one that
will work for you. Be a patient patient!!

--

·.·´¨ ¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
Laurie
((¸¸.·´ ..·´
-:¦:- ((¸¸ ·.·

*~*LiveLoveLaugh*~*

All that I am or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.
~Abraham Lincoln