Hello Everyone

I have not posted here in a very long time. A little over a year it
has been, actually. So I guess I will kind of re-introduce myself.

Two years ago I lost my mother and a few months later my best friend,
both to cancer. Two weeks before my best friend died, I was taking
Zoloft to ease the shaking I was having, daily. It helped, but it made
my chest hurt. So I had to stop the medication, because of the serious
side effect I was having. Shortly after my best friend died I noticed
that I was having trouble functioning on a day to day basis, as I had
in the past. It was difficult for me to get out of the house, and it
seemed like I had the shakes all day long. I always felt very nervous.
I was also experiencing ocular migraines. Not fun to have them all at
the same time. I felt helpless, and very confused, and totally alone.

I sought help with a state psychotherapist, which was all I could
afford at the time. She diagnosed me with Panic/Acute Anxiety/PSTD.
About a month later, I was unable to drive, or leave the house alone.
I was always afraid. I had no clue what I was afraid of. Soon after
she added the agoraphobia to the diagnoses.

I started to see a regular doctor, and got a full check up. Everything
came back okay except my protein levels. I soon began to realize that
I had reactive hypoglycemia too. I learned that by trial and error.
That is not an easy one to get under control.

Within that year I moved and got settled in. I got a new doctor, and
began looking for a therapist who was closier to me. I did not find
one until last December.

Last summer, things were beginning to look up. I was beginning to feel
a little better. During the beginning part of October of last year I
was getting out on my own, at least 10 blocks from my house, and that
was as far as I could go. Better than nowhere though. I also started
school online. It gave me something else to focus on and reach for.
However, shortly after I began school, my father was diagnosed with
liver cancer. It took his life in 3 weeks. It felt to me as though I
had blinked and he was gone. It was by far, the hardest thing I had
ever gone through. I am still going through the loss. I have no family
now, that I talk to on a regular basis. There is family out there, but
we have been apart for so many years, I don't know them as an adult.
My mother and father were all I had.

I do have a therapist now, and have had since last December. I also
have a regular doctor. Just recently the doctor found that I have
prolonged qt intervals. So I have to see a cardiologist for a second
opinion. I am not currently on any medication while I wait to see the
cardiologist to get his opinion. By taking an anti-depressant, I run
the risk of having the chest pains and possibly more heart problems.
So I would rather hear from the cardiologist what I should and should
not take.

It is a constant struggle for me. I have come to realize that there is
no way in beans that I can do this on my own. I do not have any
friends who come around to see me. There are no hugs on the very bad
days, or shoulders to lean on. Just the therapist. So I am alone in my
fight. Some days it can be very overwhelming. Especially when you
don't feel loved at all. I know that I will be well again someday. I
am able to get out and take walks now, but I have to be careful that
my heart rate does not go up to much, or the anxiety kicks in. So I
stay close to home. A 6 block radius works for me.

So I am here for all the support I can get, and to give as much
support to others as I can give. I know that I really need some
friends who are understanding to my situation, that I can lean on, and
who can lean on me. I have a lot of friends, but I never see them, and
they just don't understand my situation. You really can't, until you
have lived it or even experienced it just a little. I'm a pretty nice
person, and would welcome new friends with open arms.

Sorry this was so long. Have a good day everyone!!

Marge