Little girl in the lake

[i coulda been someone]

She was maybe a year old, gurgling and laughing, as her young parents
splashed her with water on her head.

I thought about my nieces and nephews, about time passed by, about 40
years of priceless memories.

I just couldn't let go.

After, we drove to the store to get the FOR SALE signs.

No turning back.

[Gigglz]

On Wed, 20 Jun 2007 18:02:57 -0700, i coulda been someone
<[email protected]> wrote:

>She was maybe a year old, gurgling and laughing, as her young parents
>splashed her with water on her head.
>
>I thought about my nieces and nephews, about time passed by, about 40
>years of priceless memories.
>
>I just couldn't let go.
>
>After, we drove to the store to get the FOR SALE signs.
>
>No turning back.

How sad :-(

Gigglz

[Gary]

On Jun 20, 9:02 pm, i coulda been someone <filmbuf...@yahoo.ca> wrote:
> She was maybe a year old, gurgling and laughing, as her young parents
> splashed her with water on her head.

Family memories are excellent. Do keep them forever, they can sustain
you through much.

> I thought about my nieces and nephews, about time passed by, about 40
> years of priceless memories.

They are indeed priceless. Focus on THAT part, how good they are.
Future *fun* looks different/uncertain/sometimes non-possible even.
Truth is, we will have more. It will just be different, with
different people. You are also different - obviously (as compared
with *way back when*). They have memories as well - they are still
creating them (as are you) - so make some good ones now too.

> I just couldn't let go.

You don't have to "let go" completely, but at the same time, we can't
*stay in the past*, or we miss the present. It's a balancing act.
The past (both good and bad parts of it) all sort of coalesced
together to make you who you are today. Thus, some of it was good,
some mediocre, some not so good (like me, and everybody else). We
tend to reminisce about the good stuff and selectively ignore (to
varying degrees) the *not so good* stuff. All of it was important in
its own way.

> After, we drove to the store to get the FOR SALE signs.

Been there, done that. I'm sorry you had to have that feeling, it's
outrightly excruciating (or at least I thought it was).
Unfortunately, pain is part of life, and we just can't (no matter how
hard we try - and most of us do try to) avoid all of it. Dr. Scott
Peck (a favorite author of mine) said that *some mental pain is worse
than the worst kinds of physical pain*. Most of us who've been around
very long would probably not disagree with him on this.
>
> No turning back.

You're right, there isn't. I think of things like this now and then,
and understand that it has a very bittersweet and uniquely painful
element to it. What I've kinda had to do is go "well, I can't go back
- obviously - I can recall when I feel like it, and I can move forward
as well, when I feel like it." Sometimes I also wonder if I'd really
want to go back - while there were plenty of really cool things about
the past that could NEVER be duplicated - there were things I'd
really, really rather not do again as well. Each of the lists, if
they were totally tabulate-able (tabulable?), would probably be (I
suspect) about equal in length.

I do realize that this post has the character of a sort of poetic
musing - but I also know many of the other things you've been
struggling with, and my only intent is to be supportive, allow you to
know (remind you, since you do know) that it's existential, and
(equally as much) I want you to know that pain is very singular - it's
experienced by each person, at the time, in their own way, not fully
knowable by another really. We cannot go back, but we can go forward,
and so spend a healthy amount of time (as defined by you) dealing with
whatever loss this encompasses, and then continue moving in the only
direction possible; forward. You DO have promise, you ARE capable,
you WILL have things you want. It's all about getting clear, having
confidence in the universe (that it is an "ok" place offering much),
and putting all that together. I've been following your posts for
some time, and know it hasn't been the best couple of years now. Been
there, done that too. They do improve, and it kind of waxes and
wanes. Yin/Yang etc... You're going to be fine Paul.