Is there a cure for cowardice?

I have been a coward all my life. A wimp. A wuss. And, as a
male, I've been ridiculed and ostracized for it. (Actually, most
women have more balls than I do.) I'm sure that my condition has
an organic basis (it runs on my mother's side of the family), but
it is universally true that cowardice gets the least compassion
among all of human afflictions. A minimum of courage is required
of anyone who wants to belong to a social group. Without courage
one is, at best, useless to the rest.

I don't dare to talk to my family, or even to a therapist, about
my cowardice because I expect they'll respond only with concealed
contempt.

Not only do I lack an ounce of "fighting spirit," but I also lead
an infantilized, thoroughly unaccomplished life, even though I'm
pushing 50 and have a PhD in science from an Ivy League school.
I don't use any of my fancy training at my current work, because
I was too much a coward to compete in my field. My infantile life
is filled with low-responsibility trivialities, while important
matters, such as my financial future and my career advancement,
get ignored because they are too anxiety-producing.

I have never been married, despite having had several relationships.
I live all alone now, which allows me at least freedom from having
to confront the judgments of a spouse. I have no social life, for
I fear ridicule at my lack of accomplishments in life relative to
the great opportunities I've had.

I'm not suicidal only because I'm afraid of death, but I really
should kill myself. I have absolutely nothing to live for.

My life is one of avoidance, of even the tiniest sources of stress.
I always choose flight over fight. Always except once.

Some years ago I had a "pharmacological accident" that led to an
amazing revelation. I had been put on a rather high daily dose of
Prozac. While this was going on, I met a very beautiful woman who
briefly (and inexplicably) showed an interest in me, and we went
out on a date. The sudden elation produced in me by this event,
coupled by the effects of the Prozac, led to a manic episode that
lasted almost a week.

I had never experienced mania before, nor have since. I knew that
I was acting manic, and it was harrowing. But it gave me a taste
of what it was like to live without fear. And that was just
wonderful, even if I know that I was at the time insane. I'll
never forget that, one night, I'd gone to a nightclub, and while
I was standing near the door one of the bouncers gave me a hard
time. I quickly swung around and yelled "And what of it?" The
bouncer actually backed down, even though he certainly could have
decked me cold.

That's the fighting spirit that I lack. It's fast and fearless...

Is there any way to get it without toying with insanity? I.e. is
there any way to cure cowardice?

B

bill, wrote:

>Without courage one is, at best, useless to the rest.

cognitive distortion

>I don't dare to talk to my family, or even to a therapist, about
>my cowardice because ...

>I expect they'll respond only with concealed contempt.

cognitive distortion

>I fear ridicule at my lack of accomplishments in life relative to
>the great opportunities I've had.

cognitive distortion

>Is there any way to get it without toying with insanity? I.e. is
>there any way to cure cowardice?

My best guess is there's certainly a way to learn to live with what you see as
cowardice, and not see yourself in such a negative way.

Without having to confront - read.

My suggestion is "Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy" by David Burns, M.D.

The cognitive distortions I've noted are but a few you showed very clearly in
your post. The book can help you identify and challenge those thoughts/beliefs
you have, which would be a good start at learning how you can help yourself.

A therapist who understands this method would be far better. Perhaps in reading,
you'll see that seeing someone who concentrates on this field of cognitive
restructuring might be just the ticket for you.

E...

Bill, the book Bear mentions is one my doctor recommended I read when he
first diagnosed my clinical depression. Honestly, I didn't go to a
therapist or get training to change the cognitive distortions in my thinking
processes because my medicine was doing so well in eliminating my symptoms.
However, the book is worth reading and may help you get on the right tract
from coward to "lion" :-) Nanny
"Bear" <Bear993not@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:220539633.00003069.039.0001@drn.newsguy.com.. .
> bill, wrote:
>
>>Without courage one is, at best, useless to the rest.
>
> cognitive distortion
>
>>I don't dare to talk to my family, or even to a therapist, about
>>my cowardice because ...
>
>>I expect they'll respond only with concealed contempt.
>
> cognitive distortion
>
>>I fear ridicule at my lack of accomplishments in life relative to
>>the great opportunities I've had.
>
> cognitive distortion
>
>>Is there any way to get it without toying with insanity? I.e. is
>>there any way to cure cowardice?
>
> My best guess is there's certainly a way to learn to live with what you
> see as
> cowardice, and not see yourself in such a negative way.
>
> Without having to confront - read.
>
> My suggestion is "Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy" by David Burns, M.D.
>
> The cognitive distortions I've noted are but a few you showed very clearly
> in
> your post. The book can help you identify and challenge those
> thoughts/beliefs
> you have, which would be a good start at learning how you can help
> yourself.
>
> A therapist who understands this method would be far better. Perhaps in
> reading,
> you'll see that seeing someone who concentrates on this field of cognitive
> restructuring might be just the ticket for you.
>
> E...
>

> I don't dare to ..... a therapist, about
> my cowardice because I expect they'll respond only with concealed
> contempt.

Concealed contempt? If it's concealed, how would you know?
Maybe they're just bored because you're the dozenth patient
that week describing the exact same problems.

At this point, what do you have to lose trying a therapist?

Would a medical doctor respond with concealed contempt if you
came in with an inflamed appendix? Or would they respond to
your problem and help you because that is what they do?

Think it over.

Bill (do I have the right name?), there's some coward in each one of us;
it's nothing to be ashamed of. However, if it is a source of concern to you
and you spend time "beating yourself up", then you probably would benefit
from some counseling. I don't know if you're a Christian, but there is a
scripture that comes to mind: "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but
of love and of power and a sound mine". Nanny
"nanny" <gloria006@woh.rr.com> wrote in message
news:4827ceaf$0$30525$4c368faf@roadrunner.com...
> Bill, the book Bear mentions is one my doctor recommended I read when he
> first diagnosed my clinical depression. Honestly, I didn't go to a
> therapist or get training to change the cognitive distortions in my
> thinking processes because my medicine was doing so well in eliminating my
> symptoms. However, the book is worth reading and may help you get on the
> right tract from coward to "lion" :-) Nanny
> "Bear" <Bear993not@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:220539633.00003069.039.0001@drn.newsguy.com.. .
>> bill, wrote:
>>
>>>Without courage one is, at best, useless to the rest.
>>
>> cognitive distortion
>>
>>>I don't dare to talk to my family, or even to a therapist, about
>>>my cowardice because ...
>>
>>>I expect they'll respond only with concealed contempt.
>>
>> cognitive distortion
>>
>>>I fear ridicule at my lack of accomplishments in life relative to
>>>the great opportunities I've had.
>>
>> cognitive distortion
>>
>>>Is there any way to get it without toying with insanity? I.e. is
>>>there any way to cure cowardice?
>>
>> My best guess is there's certainly a way to learn to live with what you
>> see as
>> cowardice, and not see yourself in such a negative way.
>>
>> Without having to confront - read.
>>
>> My suggestion is "Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy" by David Burns,
>> M.D.
>>
>> The cognitive distortions I've noted are but a few you showed very
>> clearly in
>> your post. The book can help you identify and challenge those
>> thoughts/beliefs
>> you have, which would be a good start at learning how you can help
>> yourself.
>>
>> A therapist who understands this method would be far better. Perhaps in
>> reading,
>> you'll see that seeing someone who concentrates on this field of
>> cognitive
>> restructuring might be just the ticket for you.
>>
>> E...
>>
>
>

Dear Bill,

This is not my area of expertise, our paths have crossed by the sheerest of
chance, but you have more courage in you than you know, surely more than you
give yourself credit for. I know people who would be terrified to post what
you have just written. I don't know if I'd have the guts and I consider
myself a brazen loud mouth sometimes.
As far as being useless, you couldn't be further from the mark. How many
other people feeling the same way couldn't muster the guts to hit the send
button, on a post like yours? Do you know how many people you may have
helped by bringing out your fears? Plenty I'd bet.
As far as doctors and therapists go, you are far from alone. It's a jigsaw
puzzle of a relationship and the pieces don't always fit. Don't be afraid to
fire one and hire another, even if it's because you find their aftershave
offensive. Doc's think they're in charge, but thinking it and acting it
doesn't make it so. Something I have learned from being in the chronic pain
group so long, many doctors don't bother concealing contempt. The hell with
them. Next.
You have had relationships. I know people who haven't gotten that far, and
never will, be it from fear of rejection and/or fear of success. You're far
ahead of the curve from many people I know, Bill.
Being married is no big deal or measure of a person. It takes $50, a blood
test (in some states), and about 10 minutes. You have done more than most
people have in their lives. I wouldn't have the balls or tenacity to push
myself through a PhD anyplace, much less an Ivy League college. My fear of
commitment and failure. You got more balls than I do, my friend.
And like it or not you are in a social group right now. it may not be buying
a beer for the hot blonde across the bar, but it's social interaction.
Mid life is full of things that you dreamed would be, and haven't yet. But
you have more guts than you give yourself credit for, more guts than a lot
of people, and the game is still a foot. It's only half-time.
As far as your Prozac experience goes, I just quit taking that crap. It was
making things worse, not better. But I don't think the other party was
interested in what drugs you were on, or how you were acting on them. People
are more perceptive than that. The interest was in Bill. Who Bill is.
Flight is always the way of the intelligent person. Fight is for somebody
looking for trouble and they will always find a way get in to some. Brains
always beat brawn. Pushed around and starting trouble are two different
things. You proved the balls are there, Bill. Don't mistake intelligence and
a good heart for cowardice. A man isn't judged by the size of his privates,
but by who he screws over with them in his life. I can tell you're a much
better bigger and braver man than you give yourself credit for.
Cut yourself some slack, and if you ever want to talk, feel free to email
me. Just edit the spammer nonsense from the email address, if you cut and
paste. Nothing to be afraid of, you're invited. Just cause this isn't my
normal hangout, is no reason not to talk.

I promise, no contempt, concealed or otherwise--og

--
Be Sure to Check Out the PAYNE HERTZ blog, for people with chronic pain, by
people with chronic pain.
join in at: http://paynehertz.blogspot.com


"bill" <please_post@nomail.edu> wrote in message
news:g07kgm$ib4$1@reader2.panix.com...
>
>
> I have been a coward all my life. A wimp. A wuss. And, as a
> male, I've been ridiculed and ostracized for it. (Actually, most
> women have more balls than I do.) I'm sure that my condition has
> an organic basis (it runs on my mother's side of the family), but
> it is universally true that cowardice gets the least compassion
> among all of human afflictions. A minimum of courage is required
> of anyone who wants to belong to a social group. Without courage
> one is, at best, useless to the rest.
>
> I don't dare to talk to my family, or even to a therapist, about
> my cowardice because I expect they'll respond only with concealed
> contempt.
>
> Not only do I lack an ounce of "fighting spirit," but I also lead
> an infantilized, thoroughly unaccomplished life, even though I'm
> pushing 50 and have a PhD in science from an Ivy League school.
> I don't use any of my fancy training at my current work, because
> I was too much a coward to compete in my field. My infantile life
> is filled with low-responsibility trivialities, while important
> matters, such as my financial future and my career advancement,
> get ignored because they are too anxiety-producing.
>
> I have never been married, despite having had several relationships.
> I live all alone now, which allows me at least freedom from having
> to confront the judgments of a spouse. I have no social life, for
> I fear ridicule at my lack of accomplishments in life relative to
> the great opportunities I've had.
>
> I'm not suicidal only because I'm afraid of death, but I really
> should kill myself. I have absolutely nothing to live for.
>
> My life is one of avoidance, of even the tiniest sources of stress.
> I always choose flight over fight. Always except once.
>
> Some years ago I had a "pharmacological accident" that led to an
> amazing revelation. I had been put on a rather high daily dose of
> Prozac. While this was going on, I met a very beautiful woman who
> briefly (and inexplicably) showed an interest in me, and we went
> out on a date. The sudden elation produced in me by this event,
> coupled by the effects of the Prozac, led to a manic episode that
> lasted almost a week.
>
> I had never experienced mania before, nor have since. I knew that
> I was acting manic, and it was harrowing. But it gave me a taste
> of what it was like to live without fear. And that was just
> wonderful, even if I know that I was at the time insane. I'll
> never forget that, one night, I'd gone to a nightclub, and while
> I was standing near the door one of the bouncers gave me a hard
> time. I quickly swung around and yelled "And what of it?" The
> bouncer actually backed down, even though he certainly could have
> decked me cold.
>
> That's the fighting spirit that I lack. It's fast and fearless...
>
> Is there any way to get it without toying with insanity? I.e. is
> there any way to cure cowardice?
>
> B

listen to og. og is the coolest.
anyone who is lucky enough to know him, loves him to pieces. even
people who don't know him, love him!

og, you are one in a million. WHEN are we gonna connect (phone)?
i'm actually going to a baseball game tomorrow. (sitting should be
fun, NOT).

please let me know how things are going.

love ya much...always & forever!

gigglz (who says hey to mrs. og, too)


p.s. OG FOR PREZIDENT!





On Thu, 15 May 2008 04:09:24 GMT, "OldGoat"
<oldgoatmail@ERdocsuckYahoo.com> wrote:

>Dear Bill,
>
>This is not my area of expertise, our paths have crossed by the sheerest of
>chance, but you have more courage in you than you know, surely more than you
>give yourself credit for. I know people who would be terrified to post what
>you have just written. I don't know if I'd have the guts and I consider
>myself a brazen loud mouth sometimes.
>As far as being useless, you couldn't be further from the mark. How many
>other people feeling the same way couldn't muster the guts to hit the send
>button, on a post like yours? Do you know how many people you may have
>helped by bringing out your fears? Plenty I'd bet.
>As far as doctors and therapists go, you are far from alone. It's a jigsaw
>puzzle of a relationship and the pieces don't always fit. Don't be afraid to
>fire one and hire another, even if it's because you find their aftershave
>offensive. Doc's think they're in charge, but thinking it and acting it
>doesn't make it so. Something I have learned from being in the chronic pain
>group so long, many doctors don't bother concealing contempt. The hell with
>them. Next.
>You have had relationships. I know people who haven't gotten that far, and
>never will, be it from fear of rejection and/or fear of success. You're far
>ahead of the curve from many people I know, Bill.
>Being married is no big deal or measure of a person. It takes $50, a blood
>test (in some states), and about 10 minutes. You have done more than most
>people have in their lives. I wouldn't have the balls or tenacity to push
>myself through a PhD anyplace, much less an Ivy League college. My fear of
>commitment and failure. You got more balls than I do, my friend.
>And like it or not you are in a social group right now. it may not be buying
>a beer for the hot blonde across the bar, but it's social interaction.
>Mid life is full of things that you dreamed would be, and haven't yet. But
>you have more guts than you give yourself credit for, more guts than a lot
>of people, and the game is still a foot. It's only half-time.
>As far as your Prozac experience goes, I just quit taking that crap. It was
>making things worse, not better. But I don't think the other party was
>interested in what drugs you were on, or how you were acting on them. People
>are more perceptive than that. The interest was in Bill. Who Bill is.
>Flight is always the way of the intelligent person. Fight is for somebody
>looking for trouble and they will always find a way get in to some. Brains
>always beat brawn. Pushed around and starting trouble are two different
>things. You proved the balls are there, Bill. Don't mistake intelligence and
>a good heart for cowardice. A man isn't judged by the size of his privates,
>but by who he screws over with them in his life. I can tell you're a much
>better bigger and braver man than you give yourself credit for.
>Cut yourself some slack, and if you ever want to talk, feel free to email
>me. Just edit the spammer nonsense from the email address, if you cut and
>paste. Nothing to be afraid of, you're invited. Just cause this isn't my
>normal hangout, is no reason not to talk.
>
>I promise, no contempt, concealed or otherwise--og

You, my friend, lifted Bill up in a tremendous way by the things you said.
Well done! And then, offered your friendship as well. Nanny
"OldGoat" <oldgoatmail@ERdocsuckYahoo.com> wrote in message
news:UHOWj.36244$Au2.22339@trnddc07...
> Dear Bill,
>
> This is not my area of expertise, our paths have crossed by the sheerest
> of
> chance, but you have more courage in you than you know, surely more than
> you
> give yourself credit for. I know people who would be terrified to post
> what
> you have just written. I don't know if I'd have the guts and I consider
> myself a brazen loud mouth sometimes.
> As far as being useless, you couldn't be further from the mark. How many
> other people feeling the same way couldn't muster the guts to hit the send
> button, on a post like yours? Do you know how many people you may have
> helped by bringing out your fears? Plenty I'd bet.
> As far as doctors and therapists go, you are far from alone. It's a jigsaw
> puzzle of a relationship and the pieces don't always fit. Don't be afraid
> to
> fire one and hire another, even if it's because you find their aftershave
> offensive. Doc's think they're in charge, but thinking it and acting it
> doesn't make it so. Something I have learned from being in the chronic
> pain
> group so long, many doctors don't bother concealing contempt. The hell
> with
> them. Next.
> You have had relationships. I know people who haven't gotten that far, and
> never will, be it from fear of rejection and/or fear of success. You're
> far
> ahead of the curve from many people I know, Bill.
> Being married is no big deal or measure of a person. It takes $50, a blood
> test (in some states), and about 10 minutes. You have done more than most
> people have in their lives. I wouldn't have the balls or tenacity to push
> myself through a PhD anyplace, much less an Ivy League college. My fear of
> commitment and failure. You got more balls than I do, my friend.
> And like it or not you are in a social group right now. it may not be
> buying
> a beer for the hot blonde across the bar, but it's social interaction.
> Mid life is full of things that you dreamed would be, and haven't yet. But
> you have more guts than you give yourself credit for, more guts than a lot
> of people, and the game is still a foot. It's only half-time.
> As far as your Prozac experience goes, I just quit taking that crap. It
> was
> making things worse, not better. But I don't think the other party was
> interested in what drugs you were on, or how you were acting on them.
> People
> are more perceptive than that. The interest was in Bill. Who Bill is.
> Flight is always the way of the intelligent person. Fight is for somebody
> looking for trouble and they will always find a way get in to some. Brains
> always beat brawn. Pushed around and starting trouble are two different
> things. You proved the balls are there, Bill. Don't mistake intelligence
> and
> a good heart for cowardice. A man isn't judged by the size of his
> privates,
> but by who he screws over with them in his life. I can tell you're a much
> better bigger and braver man than you give yourself credit for.
> Cut yourself some slack, and if you ever want to talk, feel free to email
> me. Just edit the spammer nonsense from the email address, if you cut and
> paste. Nothing to be afraid of, you're invited. Just cause this isn't my
> normal hangout, is no reason not to talk.
>
> I promise, no contempt, concealed or otherwise--og
>
> --
> Be Sure to Check Out the PAYNE HERTZ blog, for people with chronic pain,
> by
> people with chronic pain.
> join in at: http://paynehertz.blogspot.com
>
>
> "bill" <please_post@nomail.edu> wrote in message
> news:g07kgm$ib4$1@reader2.panix.com...
>>
>>
>> I have been a coward all my life. A wimp. A wuss. And, as a
>> male, I've been ridiculed and ostracized for it. (Actually, most
>> women have more balls than I do.) I'm sure that my condition has
>> an organic basis (it runs on my mother's side of the family), but
>> it is universally true that cowardice gets the least compassion
>> among all of human afflictions. A minimum of courage is required
>> of anyone who wants to belong to a social group. Without courage
>> one is, at best, useless to the rest.
>>
>> I don't dare to talk to my family, or even to a therapist, about
>> my cowardice because I expect they'll respond only with concealed
>> contempt.
>>
>> Not only do I lack an ounce of "fighting spirit," but I also lead
>> an infantilized, thoroughly unaccomplished life, even though I'm
>> pushing 50 and have a PhD in science from an Ivy League school.
>> I don't use any of my fancy training at my current work, because
>> I was too much a coward to compete in my field. My infantile life
>> is filled with low-responsibility trivialities, while important
>> matters, such as my financial future and my career advancement,
>> get ignored because they are too anxiety-producing.
>>
>> I have never been married, despite having had several relationships.
>> I live all alone now, which allows me at least freedom from having
>> to confront the judgments of a spouse. I have no social life, for
>> I fear ridicule at my lack of accomplishments in life relative to
>> the great opportunities I've had.
>>
>> I'm not suicidal only because I'm afraid of death, but I really
>> should kill myself. I have absolutely nothing to live for.
>>
>> My life is one of avoidance, of even the tiniest sources of stress.
>> I always choose flight over fight. Always except once.
>>
>> Some years ago I had a "pharmacological accident" that led to an
>> amazing revelation. I had been put on a rather high daily dose of
>> Prozac. While this was going on, I met a very beautiful woman who
>> briefly (and inexplicably) showed an interest in me, and we went
>> out on a date. The sudden elation produced in me by this event,
>> coupled by the effects of the Prozac, led to a manic episode that
>> lasted almost a week.
>>
>> I had never experienced mania before, nor have since. I knew that
>> I was acting manic, and it was harrowing. But it gave me a taste
>> of what it was like to live without fear. And that was just
>> wonderful, even if I know that I was at the time insane. I'll
>> never forget that, one night, I'd gone to a nightclub, and while
>> I was standing near the door one of the bouncers gave me a hard
>> time. I quickly swung around and yelled "And what of it?" The
>> bouncer actually backed down, even though he certainly could have
>> decked me cold.
>>
>> That's the fighting spirit that I lack. It's fast and fearless...
>>
>> Is there any way to get it without toying with insanity? I.e. is
>> there any way to cure cowardice?
>>
>> B
>
>
>

that is what he is best at :-)

hugs,
giggz


On Thu, 15 May 2008 00:38:37 -0400, "nanny" <gloria006@woh.rr.com>
wrote:

>You, my friend, lifted Bill up in a tremendous way by the things you said.
>Well done! And then, offered your friendship as well. Nanny
>"OldGoat" <oldgoatmail@ERdocsuckYahoo.com> wrote in message
>news:UHOWj.36244$Au2.22339@trnddc07...
>> Dear Bill,
>>
>> This is not my area of expertise, our paths have crossed by the sheerest
>> of
>> chance, but you have more courage in you than you know, surely more than
>> you
>> give yourself credit for. I know people who would be terrified to post
>> what
>> you have just written. I don't know if I'd have the guts and I consider
>> myself a brazen loud mouth sometimes.
>> As far as being useless, you couldn't be further from the mark. How many
>> other people feeling the same way couldn't muster the guts to hit the send
>> button, on a post like yours? Do you know how many people you may have
>> helped by bringing out your fears? Plenty I'd bet.
>> As far as doctors and therapists go, you are far from alone. It's a jigsaw
>> puzzle of a relationship and the pieces don't always fit. Don't be afraid
>> to
>> fire one and hire another, even if it's because you find their aftershave
>> offensive. Doc's think they're in charge, but thinking it and acting it
>> doesn't make it so. Something I have learned from being in the chronic
>> pain
>> group so long, many doctors don't bother concealing contempt. The hell
>> with
>> them. Next.
>> You have had relationships. I know people who haven't gotten that far, and
>> never will, be it from fear of rejection and/or fear of success. You're
>> far
>> ahead of the curve from many people I know, Bill.
>> Being married is no big deal or measure of a person. It takes $50, a blood
>> test (in some states), and about 10 minutes. You have done more than most
>> people have in their lives. I wouldn't have the balls or tenacity to push
>> myself through a PhD anyplace, much less an Ivy League college. My fear of
>> commitment and failure. You got more balls than I do, my friend.
>> And like it or not you are in a social group right now. it may not be
>> buying
>> a beer for the hot blonde across the bar, but it's social interaction.
>> Mid life is full of things that you dreamed would be, and haven't yet. But
>> you have more guts than you give yourself credit for, more guts than a lot
>> of people, and the game is still a foot. It's only half-time.
>> As far as your Prozac experience goes, I just quit taking that crap. It
>> was
>> making things worse, not better. But I don't think the other party was
>> interested in what drugs you were on, or how you were acting on them.
>> People
>> are more perceptive than that. The interest was in Bill. Who Bill is.
>> Flight is always the way of the intelligent person. Fight is for somebody
>> looking for trouble and they will always find a way get in to some. Brains
>> always beat brawn. Pushed around and starting trouble are two different
>> things. You proved the balls are there, Bill. Don't mistake intelligence
>> and
>> a good heart for cowardice. A man isn't judged by the size of his
>> privates,
>> but by who he screws over with them in his life. I can tell you're a much
>> better bigger and braver man than you give yourself credit for.
>> Cut yourself some slack, and if you ever want to talk, feel free to email
>> me. Just edit the spammer nonsense from the email address, if you cut and
>> paste. Nothing to be afraid of, you're invited. Just cause this isn't my
>> normal hangout, is no reason not to talk.
>>
>> I promise, no contempt, concealed or otherwise--og
>>
>> --
>> Be Sure to Check Out the PAYNE HERTZ blog, for people with chronic pain,
>> by
>> people with chronic pain.
>> join in at: http://paynehertz.blogspot.com
>>
>>
>> "bill" <please_post@nomail.edu> wrote in message
>> news:g07kgm$ib4$1@reader2.panix.com...
>>>
>>>
>>> I have been a coward all my life. A wimp. A wuss. And, as a
>>> male, I've been ridiculed and ostracized for it. (Actually, most
>>> women have more balls than I do.) I'm sure that my condition has
>>> an organic basis (it runs on my mother's side of the family), but
>>> it is universally true that cowardice gets the least compassion
>>> among all of human afflictions. A minimum of courage is required
>>> of anyone who wants to belong to a social group. Without courage
>>> one is, at best, useless to the rest.
>>>
>>> I don't dare to talk to my family, or even to a therapist, about
>>> my cowardice because I expect they'll respond only with concealed
>>> contempt.
>>>
>>> Not only do I lack an ounce of "fighting spirit," but I also lead
>>> an infantilized, thoroughly unaccomplished life, even though I'm
>>> pushing 50 and have a PhD in science from an Ivy League school.
>>> I don't use any of my fancy training at my current work, because
>>> I was too much a coward to compete in my field. My infantile life
>>> is filled with low-responsibility trivialities, while important
>>> matters, such as my financial future and my career advancement,
>>> get ignored because they are too anxiety-producing.
>>>
>>> I have never been married, despite having had several relationships.
>>> I live all alone now, which allows me at least freedom from having
>>> to confront the judgments of a spouse. I have no social life, for
>>> I fear ridicule at my lack of accomplishments in life relative to
>>> the great opportunities I've had.
>>>
>>> I'm not suicidal only because I'm afraid of death, but I really
>>> should kill myself. I have absolutely nothing to live for.
>>>
>>> My life is one of avoidance, of even the tiniest sources of stress.
>>> I always choose flight over fight. Always except once.
>>>
>>> Some years ago I had a "pharmacological accident" that led to an
>>> amazing revelation. I had been put on a rather high daily dose of
>>> Prozac. While this was going on, I met a very beautiful woman who
>>> briefly (and inexplicably) showed an interest in me, and we went
>>> out on a date. The sudden elation produced in me by this event,
>>> coupled by the effects of the Prozac, led to a manic episode that
>>> lasted almost a week.
>>>
>>> I had never experienced mania before, nor have since. I knew that
>>> I was acting manic, and it was harrowing. But it gave me a taste
>>> of what it was like to live without fear. And that was just
>>> wonderful, even if I know that I was at the time insane. I'll
>>> never forget that, one night, I'd gone to a nightclub, and while
>>> I was standing near the door one of the bouncers gave me a hard
>>> time. I quickly swung around and yelled "And what of it?" The
>>> bouncer actually backed down, even though he certainly could have
>>> decked me cold.
>>>
>>> That's the fighting spirit that I lack. It's fast and fearless...
>>>
>>> Is there any way to get it without toying with insanity? I.e. is
>>> there any way to cure cowardice?
>>>
>>> B
>>
>>
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