Trust and regret

How do you get to trust people or your judgment ? I seem
unconsitutionally incapable of it. If an expert gives me free advice,
i figure he doesn't know what he/she is talking about, and if someone
charges high fees, or stands to gain a cut from me, i think they're
lying to me.

Regret is a biggie, i have oceans of regret. All my decisions have
turned out wrong, and I may end up in real trouble later. I keep
replaying paths not taken, and even though i try to move forward, the
lateness or error of a decision to not act, or act, leaves me crippled
with obsession.

On Fri, 6 Jun 2008 17:12:52 -0700 (PDT), PaulB <pbca1965@aim.com>
wrote:

>How do you get to trust people or your judgment ? I seem
>unconsitutionally incapable of it. If an expert gives me free advice,
>i figure he doesn't know what he/she is talking about, and if someone
>charges high fees, or stands to gain a cut from me, i think they're
>lying to me.

i don't know the answer to this one.
perhaps you have to allow yourself to 'let go', or you will never
benefit from someone else's knowledge?


>Regret is a biggie, i have oceans of regret. All my decisions have
>turned out wrong, and I may end up in real trouble later. I keep
>replaying paths not taken, and even though i try to move forward, the
>lateness or error of a decision to not act, or act, leaves me crippled
>with obsession.

your obsessive-compulsive disorder is getting the best of you.
perhaps it's time for another medication?

CBT therapy helped me immensely...but you have to really TRY. so many
people have it, but they are too mentally lazy to do the work. IT IS
WORK, and you have to WANT to change. i don't know if you've ever
tried it...but it is worth it to check it out. you will have to let
some of your walls down as far as 'trust' goes, however. sorry i
don't have better advice for you :-(

gigglz

"PaulB" <pbca1965@aim.com> wrote in message
news:c096bcab-8d13-4de9-8edc-0483757dd84c@d77g2000hsb.googlegroups.com...
> How do you get to trust people or your judgment ? I seem
> unconsitutionally incapable of it. If an expert gives me free advice,
> i figure he doesn't know what he/she is talking about, and if someone
> charges high fees, or stands to gain a cut from me, i think they're
> lying to me.

Well, it kinda sounds like you have some paranoia, Paul. I mean, from this
paragraph, you sound like 'people are out to get you'. The only way to
right this is with some good therapy and medication. I know that may sound
time consuming, but hey, what do you have to lose??

> Regret is a biggie, i have oceans of regret. All my decisions have
> turned out wrong, and I may end up in real trouble later. I keep
> replaying paths not taken, and even though i try to move forward, the
> lateness or error of a decision to not act, or act, leaves me crippled
> with obsession.

After I got out of drug/alcohol rehab last August, I needed to have a way to
forgive myself. I heard a song that sticks with me always. In it, the
singers says "I'm finally content with the past I regret". Those words ring
true for me, and by saying them, I allow myself to be free today.

Goodluck, Paul...

--

·.·´¨ ¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
Laurie
((¸¸.·´ ..·´
-:¦:- ((¸¸ ·.·

*~*LiveLoveLaugh*~*

All that I am or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.
~Abraham Lincoln

>

"PaulB" <pbca1965@aim.com> wrote in message
news:c096bcab-8d13-4de9-8edc-0483757dd84c@d77g2000hsb.googlegroups.com...
> How do you get to trust people or your judgment ? I seem
> unconsitutionally incapable of it. If an expert gives me free advice,
> i figure he doesn't know what he/she is talking about, and if someone
> charges high fees, or stands to gain a cut from me, i think they're
> lying to me.
>
> Regret is a biggie, i have oceans of regret. All my decisions have
> turned out wrong, and I may end up in real trouble later. I keep
> replaying paths not taken, and even though i try to move forward, the
> lateness or error of a decision to not act, or act, leaves me crippled
> with obsession.

Hi Paul,

You remind me of myself a while back. It took me some time, but I have now
learnt that regret is a pointless feeling for me to have. Sure I have the
odd regret now and again but nowhere near the biggies I used to. I listened
to advice given (eventually) and realised that by living on past regrets, I
would never move forward. You have to really WANT to move forward to be able
to do this Paul. At the end of the day, if you make a decision and it turns
out to be what you perceive to be "the wrong one" learn from it. Don't just
regret it but actually learn from what you did. Life is just one big lesson
to us all Paul and we all make decisions that we feel maybe weren't the
right ones, but those decisions are then in the past.

Focus on the present more and don't keep looking back. It's the only way
that I find that I can move forward in a more positive way.

"All my decisions have turned out wrong," All of them Paul?? Are you sure
about that? I have absolutely no doubt whatsoever that if you think in a
more positive way, you will remember many decisions taken that you know were
the right ones.

Cazmania!

"PaulB" <pbca1965@aim.com> wrote in message
news:c096bcab-8d13-4de9-8edc-0483757dd84c@d77g2000hsb.googlegroups.com...
> How do you get to trust people or your judgment ? I seem
> unconsitutionally incapable of it. If an expert gives me free advice,
> i figure he doesn't know what he/she is talking about, and if someone
> charges high fees, or stands to gain a cut from me, i think they're
> lying to me.
>
> Regret is a biggie, i have oceans of regret. All my decisions have
> turned out wrong, and I may end up in real trouble later. I keep
> replaying paths not taken, and even though i try to move forward, the
> lateness or error of a decision to not act, or act, leaves me crippled
> with obsession.
>
Re regret. One of the hardest things I work on is letting of of the past. We
cannot undo it. We all make mistakes but we can learn from our mistakes.
Meryl