Would you go one last time ?

After 40 years of cottage life in the family, it is now sold for
various financial and family dysfunction reasons.

Now, it's been the best things in our live, been in my life since i
was 2 years old, so, my whole life essentially, in fact they bought
the land the year i was born, and built the cottage 2 years later.

I know nothing lasts forever, but it's already sad to let it go. What
is making much more difficult is that my parents, getting pretty up in
age, are now selling their precious cottage to strangers instead of
being able to pass it on to children or a child.

The worse for them is that life is going horribly wrong for 2 of their
kids, and 1 of the other is sort of estranged from the family despite
things going well financially and wife and daughter and career etc...

Because my oother sister is going through a brual bankrupting divorce
and a nervous breakdown, and I am in more trouble than i care to tell,
or can even count at this point, it is very difficult to finish off
spending happy time at cottage as we would have wanted. Yet, the
cottage has so much sentimental value to us (if those wall could
talk), we owe it to go and drain all the last moments from it we can
before ownership changes hands.

What would you do ?

My only consolation, and it will have to sustain me on this one is
that the couple that bought have 2 young kids who love nature and love
to swim, so I ll have to be happy for her 9 year old daughter who will
now get to enjoy what I was so privileged to have.

Anyways, went 2 weeks ago, was painfully gorgeous out there, and
enjoyed the sun and lake, but parents were sad. Last week, I gave them
a break, and stayed in town, but i regretted it cause the weather was
so nice.

Now, I figure, it's a roll of the dice.

Maybe really bad present times can't ruin paying homage to great (and
I mean great : girlfriends, nieces, nephews, water skiing, fishing,
endless campfires, parties, etc...) past times.

Until I lose a parent, this is what grief feels like for sure.

On Aug 16, 8:58 pm, "woulda, coulda, shoulda" <filmbuf...@yahoo.ca>
wrote:

> After 40 years of cottage life in the family, it is now sold for
> various financial and family dysfunction reasons.
>
> Now, it's been the best things in our live, been in my life since i
> was 2 years old, so, my whole life essentially, in fact they bought
> the land the year i was born, and built the cottage 2 years later.

that's amazing. you're very lucky.

> I know nothing lasts forever, but it's already sad to let it go. What
> is making much more difficult is that my parents, getting pretty up in
> age, are now selling their precious cottage to strangers instead of
> being able to pass it on to children or a child.

that could be a blessing in disguise. they'll make it their own,
change the look ot it, i'm sure, if won't be so familiar and will most
likely will help you get past the angst. i know when my Brother died,
my Mother wouldn't change a thing in his room. it was horrific for
me. when she finally did take the plunge and pack his things and
redecorated, a huge burden was lifted for me and actually, for her, as
well.
>
> The worse for them is that life is going horribly wrong for 2 of their
> kids, and 1 of the other is sort of estranged from the family despite
> things going well financially and wife and daughter and career etc...

folks are resilliant. it's amazing how they work things out,
natually. problems seem heal sooner than later, they get boring. we
gotta get problems out of our way to make room for new and exciting
ones !

> Because my oother sister is going through a brual bankrupting divorce
> and a nervous breakdown, and I am in more trouble than i care to tell,
> or can even count at this point, it is very difficult to finish off
> spending happy time at cottage as we would have wanted. Yet, the
> cottage has so much sentimental value to us (if those wall could
> talk), we owe it to go and drain all the last moments from it we can
> before ownership changes hands.

ya owe it to yourselves, too, if that's what you choose to do. make it
festive ! invite everyone ya know and give'ah gool ole fashioned good
time.

> What would you do ?

learn how to create memories that with thrive in your heart.

i'm sure you reminisce, reflect, share stories, and the source of
those recollections, you can recreate visually on any day. you never
had an opportunity to have actual memories, as memories thrive within
you, your mental visuals, recreated from purely remembering, putting
the pieces together as one memory ignites another piece of the scenery
that motivates another piece of the puzzle, and most pleasantly shared
with a participant in the days long gone.

the ole "oh crap, what was that little boy's name that used to hide in
our bushes? what was it? it's on the tip of my tongue.....dang,
dang, dang !!! oh yeah, Tony ! and he had that funny lookin' dog
that ate all the watermelons outta....now WHAT did we used to call
that man that had the garden he ate the melons from? YESSSS...'ole man
garden guard ! ' the excitement of recalling resulting in whoops of
laughter, .... remember how he'd sit in that old rockin' chair
endlessly with that rifle in tow??? just WAITIN' for that melon
eatin' dog ta show up.... and oh yeah, his wife that used ta whistle
and he'd jump outta that chair and get ta runnin' when he heard that
whistle. she had that boy trained ! each recollection spawned
another, then another, til the entire memory had been pieced together,
then genreally a wave of silence simultaneously ensued, and they
quietly reflected, their eyes told the story, sometimes tearful
longin' for those days that seemed like yesterday, were so long ago.
where did the time go? wonder where ole man garden gaurd is now.
probly still in that garden. HAHAHAHA. i hear Tony's workin' at the
local shipyard, 2 years from retirement. he started that job when we
were barely outta high school. almost 43 years ago. gotta kid that's
a LAWYER now, couplah grandkids in college, 2 great grandbabies, and
he'll always be lil Tony that hid in the bushes. hey look ! you
believe that ole clothesline's still there? same clothespins, too.
and aunt martha's wig she'd hang out ta dry? i dunno which was more
embarrassin'.. that wig or that row'ah granny panties. the park has a
walmart on it now. i guess big business took over, no more swingsets
and merry go rounds. welp, this town's surely changed. the memories
haven't, tho ! c'mon... let's fetch us sum sweet tea. i'm bettin'
THAT recipe hasn't changed... oooooooh lordy, that was fun. we gotta
do this more often, there's nothin' like comin' home. toss me that
lemon.... it's bout tha only thing that'll cut thru that sugar. that
woman always did like'ah little tea with her sugar."

memories are the best. i loved borin' ya that lil example.

maybe a tree you climbed with your friends in first grade was a
memory, and the tree was always there to offer your memories a
picturesque view to connect the memory to. more appropriately, youi
reminisced, reflected, and had constant reminders of the events,
reminders that possibly motivated reminiscent times and reflection.
you seem to have never experienced change. you have a lifelong touch-
stone.

this particular change is going to remove the tangible constants
you're deeply invested in. your recollections have been ones you
could recreate visually. i'm guessing, of course.
>
> My only consolation, and it will have to sustain me on this one is
> that the couple that bought have 2 young kids who love nature and love
> to swim, so I ll have to be happy for her 9 year old daughter who will
> now get to enjoy what I was so privileged to have.

it's time. the thrill you'll get from passing it on will surprise
you, i'm sure.

you'll still grieve. i'm sure of that.

> Anyways, went 2 weeks ago, was painfully gorgeous out there, and
> enjoyed the sun and lake, but parents were sad. Last week, I gave them
> a break, and stayed in town, but i regretted it cause the weather was
> so nice.

they probably needed some alone time to reflect.

> Now, I figure, it's a roll of the dice.

> Maybe really bad present times can't ruin paying homage to great (and
> I mean great : girlfriends, nieces, nephews, water skiing, fishing,
> endless campfires, parties, etc...) past times.

seems like your already collecting memories, you'll have'ah heart full
of 'em, and they'll bring you unbelievable joy, trust me.

> Until I lose a parent, this is what grief feels like for sure.

i'd be real concerned if you didn't grieve.

maybe put together a scrap book, reminders of memoies, even a twig
from that tree ya climbed (in my story, anyway) would be awesome.
involving yourself in a project to take with you could possibly give
you comfort, and happier tears. maybe that's not something you'd even
consider, i dunno you. just'ah suggestion. i moved a lot as a kid.
i'd always save my favorite thing to pack last. i'd sit in the empty
house with it and cry like hell. my first boyfriend gave me a music
box that played "my love." he sat in the empty house with me once,
and we played that music box a zillion times and cried like our lives
were ending immediately. i'm a sap tho. i think it's healthy to do
something to create a final lasting memory, it helped me move on.
closure's real important to me, tho.

i'm not suggesting you do that or anything at all, it's just what i
did.

i gotta feeling your gonna dig change.

i'm really excited for you to discover memories.

i predict you're gonna have'ah blast on your new journey. i'm
jealous !

time'll heal your grief, and the glitter'll never fade.

~tanya

On Aug 22, 5:13 am, ~tanya <Subnbel...@aol.com> wrote:
> On Aug 16, 8:58 pm, "woulda, coulda, shoulda" <filmbuf...@yahoo.ca>
> wrote:
>
> > After 40 years of cottage life in the family, it is now sold for
> > various financial and family dysfunction reasons.
>
> > Now, it's been the best things in our live, been in my life since i
> > was 2 years old, so, my whole life essentially, in fact they bought
> > the land the year i was born, and built the cottage 2 years later.
>
> that's amazing. you're very lucky.
>
> > I know nothing lasts forever, but it's already sad to let it go. What
> > is making much more difficult is that my parents, getting pretty up in
> > age, are now selling their precious cottage to strangers instead of
> > being able to pass it on to children or a child.
>
> that could be a blessing in disguise. they'll make it their own,
> change the look ot it, i'm sure, if won't be so familiar and will most
> likely will help you get past the angst. i know when my Brother died,
> my Mother wouldn't change a thing in his room. it was horrific for
> me. when she finally did take the plunge and pack his things and
> redecorated, a huge burden was lifted for me and actually, for her, as
> well.
>
>
>
> > The worse for them is that life is going horribly wrong for 2 of their
> > kids, and 1 of the other is sort of estranged from the family despite
> > things going well financially and wife and daughter and career etc...
>
> folks are resilliant. it's amazing how they work things out,
> natually. problems seem heal sooner than later, they get boring. we
> gotta get problems out of our way to make room for new and exciting
> ones !
>
> > Because my oother sister is going through a brual bankrupting divorce
> > and a nervous breakdown, and I am in more trouble than i care to tell,
> > or can even count at this point, it is very difficult to finish off
> > spending happy time at cottage as we would have wanted. Yet, the
> > cottage has so much sentimental value to us (if those wall could
> > talk), we owe it to go and drain all the last moments from it we can
> > before ownership changes hands.
>
> ya owe it to yourselves, too, if that's what you choose to do. make it
> festive ! invite everyone ya know and give'ah gool ole fashioned good
> time.
>
> > What would you do ?
>
> learn how to create memories that with thrive in your heart.
>
> i'm sure you reminisce, reflect, share stories, and the source of
> those recollections, you can recreate visually on any day. you never
> had an opportunity to have actual memories, as memories thrive within
> you, your mental visuals, recreated from purely remembering, putting
> the pieces together as one memory ignites another piece of the scenery
> that motivates another piece of the puzzle, and most pleasantly shared
> with a participant in the days long gone.
>
> the ole "oh crap, what was that little boy's name that used to hide in
> our bushes? what was it? it's on the tip of my tongue.....dang,
> dang, dang !!! oh yeah, Tony ! and he had that funny lookin' dog
> that ate all the watermelons outta....now WHAT did we used to call
> that man that had the garden he ate the melons from? YESSSS...'ole man
> garden guard ! ' the excitement of recalling resulting in whoops of
> laughter, .... remember how he'd sit in that old rockin' chair
> endlessly with that rifle in tow??? just WAITIN' for that melon
> eatin' dog ta show up.... and oh yeah, his wife that used ta whistle
> and he'd jump outta that chair and get ta runnin' when he heard that
> whistle. she had that boy trained ! each recollection spawned
> another, then another, til the entire memory had been pieced together,
> then genreally a wave of silence simultaneously ensued, and they
> quietly reflected, their eyes told the story, sometimes tearful
> longin' for those days that seemed like yesterday, were so long ago.
> where did the time go? wonder where ole man garden gaurd is now.
> probly still in that garden. HAHAHAHA. i hear Tony's workin' at the
> local shipyard, 2 years from retirement. he started that job when we
> were barely outta high school. almost 43 years ago. gotta kid that's
> a LAWYER now, couplah grandkids in college, 2 great grandbabies, and
> he'll always be lil Tony that hid in the bushes. hey look ! you
> believe that ole clothesline's still there? same clothespins, too.
> and aunt martha's wig she'd hang out ta dry? i dunno which was more
> embarrassin'.. that wig or that row'ah granny panties. the park has a
> walmart on it now. i guess big business took over, no more swingsets
> and merry go rounds. welp, this town's surely changed. the memories
> haven't, tho ! c'mon... let's fetch us sum sweet tea. i'm bettin'
> THAT recipe hasn't changed... oooooooh lordy, that was fun. we gotta
> do this more often, there's nothin' like comin' home. toss me that
> lemon.... it's bout tha only thing that'll cut thru that sugar. that
> woman always did like'ah little tea with her sugar."
>
> memories are the best. i loved borin' ya that lil example.
>
> maybe a tree you climbed with your friends in first grade was a
> memory, and the tree was always there to offer your memories a
> picturesque view to connect the memory to. more appropriately, youi
> reminisced, reflected, and had constant reminders of the events,
> reminders that possibly motivated reminiscent times and reflection.
> you seem to have never experienced change. you have a lifelong touch-
> stone.
>
> this particular change is going to remove the tangible constants
> you're deeply invested in. your recollections have been ones you
> could recreate visually. i'm guessing, of course.
>
>
>
> > My only consolation, and it will have to sustain me on this one is
> > that the couple that bought have 2 young kids who love nature and love
> > to swim, so I ll have to be happy for her 9 year old daughter who will
> > now get to enjoy what I was so privileged to have.
>
> it's time. the thrill you'll get from passing it on will surprise
> you, i'm sure.
>
> you'll still grieve. i'm sure of that.
>
> > Anyways, went 2 weeks ago, was painfully gorgeous out there, and
> > enjoyed the sun and lake, but parents were sad. Last week, I gave them
> > a break, and stayed in town, but i regretted it cause the weather was
> > so nice.
>
> they probably needed some alone time to reflect.
>
> > Now, I figure, it's a roll of the dice.
> > Maybe really bad present times can't ruin paying homage to great (and
> > I mean great : girlfriends, nieces, nephews, water skiing, fishing,
> > endless campfires, parties, etc...) past times.
>
> seems like your already collecting memories, you'll have'ah heart full
> of 'em, and they'll bring you unbelievable joy, trust me.
>
> > Until I lose a parent, this is what grief feels like for sure.
>
> i'd be real concerned if you didn't grieve.
>
> maybe put together a scrap book, reminders of memoies, even a twig
> from that tree ya climbed (in my story, anyway) would be awesome.
> involving yourself in a project to take with you could possibly give
> you comfort, and happier tears. maybe that's not something you'd even
> consider, i dunno you. just'ah suggestion. i moved a lot as a kid.
> i'd always save my favorite thing to pack last. i'd sit in the empty
> house with it and cry like hell. my first boyfriend gave me a music
> box that played "my love." he sat in the empty house with me once,
> and we played that music box a zillion times and cried like our lives
> were ending immediately. i'm a sap tho. i think it's healthy to do
> something to create a final lasting memory, it helped me move on.
> closure's real important to me, tho.
>
> i'm not suggesting you do that or anything at all, it's just what i
> did.
>
> i gotta feeling your gonna dig change.
>
> i'm really excited for you to discover memories.
>
> i predict you're gonna have'ah blast on your new journey. i'm
> jealous !
>
> time'll heal your grief, and the glitter'll never fade.
>
> ~tanya



Well, my mother wanted a big bash with family and friends, but let's
just say that ain't gonna happen. The reasons are the sad part.

Othewise, it might be a whimper, but I'll pay my respects my way. I'll
always remember and honor that place. Ooooooooooooo (teary), the
Prozac is still too low....:-)

Thanks Tanya for that effort, very sad, heartwarming, funny and
bittersweet. A lot like life I guess. You seem like a hell of a gal.
LOL

Cheers, to happier times, may there be other different ones in the
future.