Do any of you just get scared?

I mean with all these diseases and such, and what they take from us, I
just wonder if any of you get just plain scared at times? Ever since
I had the stroke, I deal with it ok most of the time, but every once in
a while it just kind of sneaks up o me and I get really scared as to
what is in the future. What if I get really sick again and it sets off
another stroke? I know, it's probably not a normal reaction, but it is
what it is and I'm not sure what to do with it. Am I alone in this
type of feeling? If it persists, I guess I will have to go find a good
counselor that deals with chronic health issues and work through all of
this, but I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else gets these feelings
or am I just plain going crazy?

Also, do any of you ever get the feeling like there are bugs crawling on
your legs and then you look and there is nothing there? Honestly,
these last couple of weeks have me feeling like I truly am losing it!

Accck!!! Your nutty friend---LOL!!!


Donna G.
..
..
..
ANGELS EXIST, but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call
them FRIENDS......

Donna, the feelings of fear I can identify with. I think a little of that
is normal, but not to be dwelt upon 24/7. The 2 things I fear most are:
heart attack and having to live with even more pain in the years ahead.
Fortunately, I don't get the "creepy bug crawling" sensation on my legs, but
I've heard others describe it. Hang in there; you're not losing it yet LOL!
Nanny
"Donna G." <DKGBeeker@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:9886-460744EB-201@storefull-3111.bay.webtv.net...
>
>
>
> I mean with all these diseases and such, and what they take from us, I
> just wonder if any of you get just plain scared at times? Ever since
> I had the stroke, I deal with it ok most of the time, but every once in
> a while it just kind of sneaks up o me and I get really scared as to
> what is in the future. What if I get really sick again and it sets off
> another stroke? I know, it's probably not a normal reaction, but it is
> what it is and I'm not sure what to do with it. Am I alone in this
> type of feeling? If it persists, I guess I will have to go find a good
> counselor that deals with chronic health issues and work through all of
> this, but I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else gets these feelings
> or am I just plain going crazy?
>
> Also, do any of you ever get the feeling like there are bugs crawling on
> your legs and then you look and there is nothing there? Honestly,
> these last couple of weeks have me feeling like I truly am losing it!
>
> Accck!!! Your nutty friend---LOL!!!
>
>
> Donna G.
> .
> .
> .
> ANGELS EXIST, but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call
> them FRIENDS......
>

On Sun, 25 Mar 2007 23:58:35 -0400, DKGBeeker@webtv.net (Donna G.) wrote:

>
>I mean with all these diseases and such, and what they take from us, I
>just wonder if any of you get just plain scared at times?

Absolutely! Doesn't everyone? Hehe, just kidding. I've come to the
conclusion that occasional bouts of "scaredness" are just as normal for all
of us with complex diseases as are bouts of depression.

>Ever since
>I had the stroke, I deal with it ok most of the time, but every once in
>a while it just kind of sneaks up o me and I get really scared as to
>what is in the future. What if I get really sick again and it sets off
>another stroke? I know, it's probably not a normal reaction, but it is
>what it is and I'm not sure what to do with it. Am I alone in this
>type of feeling?

No, you're not alone in this at all, and it's a perfectly human and normal
reaction. What's NOT normal is having diseases and medical conditions that
greatly restrict our lives and the quality of our lives. I had a
stroke-like episode as well, and the right side of my face, my right
shoulder and side and arm and hand all went numb. It took six months for
the feelings to gradually returned, and since there was no definitive
evidence of an actual stroke, the doctors eventually learned that it was
the precursor to my full blown aggressive type of RA.

Back to the issue of being scared: For me it went through phases as the
uncertainty about so many things kept cropping up, like finances, the
ability to remain self-sufficient, that sort of thing.

But like you, the thing that scares me the most is the thought of another
stroke, or having my body become so disabled that I can no longer take care
of myself. The thought of living the last years of my life in assisted
living housing is abhorrent to me. I'd rather have a massive stroke or
heart attack and check out quickly!

I know that's awful to hear for some people, but it's something I've
thought a lot about. For me, now, the priority is "quality" of life, not
longevity.

Which frees me up to enjoy the life I do have, and to shed all that angst
and worry at last. I have a thorough handle, information-wise, on
everything related to my medical conditions and diseases, and I know what
to expect. And as each new phase happens I recognize it, adjust my
lifestyle accordingly, and keep on keeping on while hardly missing a beat.
The bouts of depression are brief when they happen, now, as a result of
that inner serenity I've found.

>If it persists, I guess I will have to go find a good
>counselor that deals with chronic health issues and work through all of
>this, but I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else gets these feelings
>or am I just plain going crazy?

Nope, not going crazy. Just experiencing completely normal feelings
resulting from dreadful, unrelenting pain and discomfort from diseases and
the side effects from necessary drugs. The constancy of it all consumes
ones world at times. It does help to have someone to talk to about it.
But unless they also suffer from some medical condition, it's hard for
normal "healthy" people to really understand and empathize.

Tell you my secret: It all comes down to -attitude-. Your attitude, and
your reaction to what's happening to you and your body, makes all the
difference in the world. You can either let the diseases run your life, or
you can live your life on your terms while accommodating the restrictions
caused by the diseases.

When I saw my RD late last year, he came in the way he usual does, looking
solicitous and concerned, and asked me how I was feeling. I looked up at
him with a big grin and said: "--I'm-- great! It's my BODY that's got all
the problems!" It all boils down to attitude.


>Also, do any of you ever get the feeling like there are bugs crawling on
>your legs and then you look and there is nothing there? Honestly,
>these last couple of weeks have me feeling like I truly am losing it!

No, you're not losing it. I get that feeling in other places, too. Like
on my face and my scalp. It feels like thousands of microscopic soldier
ants are crawling around under my skin with their little pincers snipping
at tissue. It can drive me crazy at times. Frankly, when I told my RD
about it and that I thought it must be feeling the flares starting when my
immune system goes hyperactive again, sending out all those soldier guys
attacking healthy tissue.....he looked at me like I was nuts!

My SO has Myasthenia Gravis, and similar things happen with him, so I know
it's not uncommon for people with autoimmune diseases to have this type of
symptom.

>Accck!!! Your nutty friend---LOL!!!
>
>
>Donna G.

LOL! Nutty is GREAT! It's the only thing that keeps us SANE!!! ;-}

--
DaKittster

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention
of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body,
but rather to slide in broadside, thoroughly used up,
totaly worn out, and proclaiming: WOW...WHAT A RIDE!!!"

Donna G. wrote:

> I mean with all these diseases and such, and what they take from us, I
> just wonder if any of you get just plain scared at times? Ever since
> I had the stroke, I deal with it ok most of the time, but every once in
> a while it just kind of sneaks up o me and I get really scared as to
> what is in the future. What if I get really sick again and it sets off
> another stroke? I know, it's probably not a normal reaction, but it is
> what it is and I'm not sure what to do with it. Am I alone in this
> type of feeling? If it persists, I guess I will have to go find a good
> counselor that deals with chronic health issues and work through all of
> this, but I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else gets these feelings
> or am I just plain going crazy?

You're not crazy, Donna. I get those feelings too. When I was first
diagnosed with CHF, I kept waking up in the night feeling like I
couldn't breathe. I thought I was having a heart attack. I went to my
cardiologist who explained to me that since my arteries were as clear as
a bell, I was not having a heart attack. What I was experiencing was
the stress of all I was going through. I went to speak with a
psychologist and my "attacks" stopped. But every so often if I wake up
during the night not feeling well, my first thought is that it's my
heart. And it's not...it's generally something I ate that was too spicy


> Also, do any of you ever get the feeling like there are bugs crawling on
> your legs and then you look and there is nothing there? Honestly,
> these last couple of weeks have me feeling like I truly am losing it!

I get that a lot since I do not have good circulation in my legs because
of the CHF. Do you have good circulation in your legs? You can try
massaging your legs with some kind of cream. I find it helps a bit

Hugs,
Carole

Carole:
Are you on oxygen, and if so how much/often?
How do you cope with daily activities- shopping, housework, etc.

I am not asking because of being nosy, but because my sister deals
with CHF as a result of damage sustained from chemo and radiation when
she had her breast cancer. She is not able to walk far at all, in fact
grocery shopping presents a challenge. O2 sats seem to decrease when
she lies down, so typically she sleeps on the recliner. It would be
nice for her to hear about someone else that is going through it.
Thanks!
Rose @}>->--
Being educated means that rather than fearing the unknown, one seeks to understand it. RB

Please remove "Ima" to reply.

Yes Donna, I get to feeling like that at times also with all that I deal
with in the chronic issues area.

The leg thing sounds like restless leg syndrome to me. I get that too and
the drs have said that is what it is called. I thought it was just pain that
people were talking about when they talked about RLS but the drs said no
that it is that buggy crawling feeling too.

Hope you get to doing better and soon.

--
Love and Hugs to all
Jo the squirrely one

> I mean with all these diseases and such, and what they take from us, I
> just wonder if any of you get just plain scared at times? Ever since
> I had the stroke, I deal with it ok most of the time, but every once in
> a while it just kind of sneaks up o me and I get really scared as to
> what is in the future. What if I get really sick again and it sets off
> another stroke? I know, it's probably not a normal reaction, but it is
> what it is and I'm not sure what to do with it. Am I alone in this
> type of feeling? If it persists, I guess I will have to go find a good
> counselor that deals with chronic health issues and work through all of
> this, but I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else gets these feelings
> or am I just plain going crazy?
>
> Also, do any of you ever get the feeling like there are bugs crawling on
> your legs and then you look and there is nothing there? Honestly,
> these last couple of weeks have me feeling like I truly am losing it!
>
> Accck!!! Your nutty friend---LOL!!!
>
>
> Donna G.
> .
> .
> .
> ANGELS EXIST, but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call
> them FRIENDS......
>

#1 this IS a perfectly normal reaction! I think it is even more normal for
someone who has been through a truly life-threatening & not previously faced
situation, such as your stroke. Donna, you have strength that amazes us who
know you. You stay so upbeat and caring and enjoy so much of life despite
all the health and personal issues you've dealt with recently. It's ok to be
normal and scared once in a while! <chuckle>

You know, I'm thinking there's probably a stroke survivors group in you area
that would be a good way to connect with others who are dealing with the same
stuff you're ggoing through right now. I imagine you physical therapists or
doctors could find out more about that for you. Your reaction sounds normal
enough to me that I think such a group would possibly be more helpful for you
than a single counselor.

Oh, and on the more physical side - as great as your doctors have always
sounded, I think tthey'll be perfectly understanding if you call them, tell
theem you are sick and are wondering if you need closer watching. Didn't one
office chew you out for not calling? Just go ahead and call the nurse if you
get sick again and discuss stuff. Heck, I've only known my doctors a couple
of years, but my PCP has already seen me a couple of times to rule out the
possibility that something truly serious is underlying a virus. He's been
great about it. In my experience, good doctors and nurses know the
difference between someone who is *fighting* for his or her health and
someone who is a whining hypochondriac. Just go ahead and call and stay in
touch with them if you get sick. That's an order! We don't want to lose
you!

#2 I agree with SJ, the creepy-crawly feeling sounds very much like restless
leg syndrome. I do wonder if in your case it might be connected to your
nervous system redesigning ittself after the stroke. Definitely mention it
to your PT and your docs. They can probably give you things to try to help
with it.

Fear is normal. My biggest fear these days is pain related. Mike helpss me
a lot, but God is my biggest help - from pleas that I don't think I can do
this again (when the pain is really building) to asking for guidance about
calling a doctor for something, prayer and listening have gotten me through a
lot. So when the fear hits, remember to assk for strength, courage and
guidance. (I forget this too often at firstt and really tense up over the
pain, when I remember to pray, I relax and cope better.)

sigh..... I see my recent affliction of typing double letters has hit this
reply. I don't feel like correcting the typos and y'all understand
anyway.........
--
Nann
remove the Gator cheer to email me
Simply the thing I am shall make me live --- William Shakespeare

Hi Rose,

I am not on oxygen. Daily activities are a challenge, and I have to
admit that sometimes I just let them go, especially the housework I
do most of my shopping online now. I just can't do clothes shopping
anymore. It's just too difficult.

As for food shopping, I have to stick to the smaller grocery stores as I
also can only walk short distances. I can't do the large ones at all. If
I'm having a bad day, I use the electric cart. Most of the time, I'm OK
with the regular shopping cart. I just have to go very slow. Oh, and I
can't do a whole week's grocery shopping at once. I go every two or
three days as I can't carry the bags if they are too heavy or too many
of them. I also ask the cashiers to please pack my bags light. If they
seem to heavy whem I put them in the cart, then I grab a couple of extra
bags so that I can divide the stuff up once I get to the car.

There are a lot of things I can no longer do, but I try not to think
about them and concentrate on what I can do. I do get frustrated so if
your sister is getting that way, be understanding. I used to walk from
57th Street to 34th Street when I lived in NYC, and now I can't walk
from my apartment to my mailbox. I have to get my mail when I'm going
out in the car.

The other frustrating part for me is that I always loved to travel. I
can't do that anymore either. I have to just do day trips here and there.

Life is a challenge, but to look on the bright side, I'm still here :-)
And the birds are singing in my trees this morning, and my ducks are
swimming in their pond

Hugs,
Carole



RoseB wrote:

> Carole:
> Are you on oxygen, and if so how much/often?
> How do you cope with daily activities- shopping, housework, etc.
>
> I am not asking because of being nosy, but because my sister deals
> with CHF as a result of damage sustained from chemo and radiation when
> she had her breast cancer. She is not able to walk far at all, in fact
> grocery shopping presents a challenge. O2 sats seem to decrease when
> she lies down, so typically she sleeps on the recliner. It would be
> nice for her to hear about someone else that is going through it.
> Thanks!
> Rose @}>->--
> Being educated means that rather than fearing the unknown, one seeks to understand it. RB
>
> Please remove "Ima" to reply.

Donna, I have often had the feeling something was crawling on my legs
without being able to see anything or wipe off anything. Like my daddy, I
have never been one to worry about things, so I just pray that the Lord will
take me through whatever comes (like heart problems, a broken ankle, and
dislocated hips!).
Gwen

"Donna G." <DKGBeeker@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:9886-460744EB-201@storefull-3111.bay.webtv.net...
>
>
>
> I mean with all these diseases and such, and what they take from us, I
> just wonder if any of you get just plain scared at times? Ever since
> I had the stroke, I deal with it ok most of the time, but every once in
> a while it just kind of sneaks up o me and I get really scared as to
> what is in the future. What if I get really sick again and it sets off
> another stroke? I know, it's probably not a normal reaction, but it is
> what it is and I'm not sure what to do with it. Am I alone in this
> type of feeling? If it persists, I guess I will have to go find a good
> counselor that deals with chronic health issues and work through all of
> this, but I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else gets these feelings
> or am I just plain going crazy?
>
> Also, do any of you ever get the feeling like there are bugs crawling on
> your legs and then you look and there is nothing there? Honestly,
> these last couple of weeks have me feeling like I truly am losing it!
>
> Accck!!! Your nutty friend---LOL!!!
>
>
> Donna G.
> .
> .
> .
> ANGELS EXIST, but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call
> them FRIENDS......
>

Yup - regularly. Then I pick myself up and dust myself off. Donna - I have
pity parties but unlike what some people do I schedule them. I know they
are coming (yesterday was one). I make sure I have nothing happening that
day - cry if I need to, sleep, stay in pajamas and generally feel sorry for
myself. I always schedule something the next day to get myself out of them.
Today was quilting day with my friends even though it was tough to get out
of bed.

I think it is healthy to be scared so long as you don't let it grip you and
take life out of you. If you kept looking for something to happen and kept
waiting for it, well eventually it would. You would miss out on life. On
the otherhand if you are scared and aware but go on with life in a positive
way, then you are aware if it happens and can deal with it. For example you
had the stroke. You know the symptoms now but don't go looking for them.
Look after yourself doing what needs to be done to avoid having another one,
know the signs as you do now but keep doing things. Keep reaching out just
that little bit more for life. If for example Carole knows she can't go
traipsing out in the wild looking for pictures to take on her camera she can
open her windows and take pictures from her deck, make them black and white,
sepia, twist them, manipulate them on the computer etc. A whole show from
where she is. What a wonderful study and a way to turn a negative into a
positive.

A counselor is good but sometimes you know the answers inside. It is a
normal reaction but how you deal with it can set the tone for your life. I
know you can turn it into a positive thing - that is the kind of person you
are. It is good to be scared! And you dealt with it by talking to us. Now
move on until the scared feeling happens again and talk to us again. Damn
Donna - we have reason to be scared you and I. How we deal with it though
is the difference between giving up and being us! You and I are not going
to give up - we still have options (okay not as many as we had before but
still options.)

Okay off my pedestal. Sorry but this is something I deal with all the time
and I think I deal with it well. I know most here can as well and I
especially know you can. You can sound off to me all you need to though - I
have people I sound off to - like to all of you. It is okay to be scared -
more than okay!!!!

A gentle big hug. Have a pity day then schedule something special to get
over it. Like a walk in the sunshine (I know it is there somewhere).

Kelly

"Donna G." <DKGBeeker@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:9886-460744EB-201@storefull-3111.bay.webtv.net...
>
>
>
> I mean with all these diseases and such, and what they take from us, I
> just wonder if any of you get just plain scared at times? Ever since
> I had the stroke, I deal with it ok most of the time, but every once in
> a while it just kind of sneaks up o me and I get really scared as to
> what is in the future. What if I get really sick again and it sets off
> another stroke? I know, it's probably not a normal reaction, but it is
> what it is and I'm not sure what to do with it. Am I alone in this
> type of feeling? If it persists, I guess I will have to go find a good
> counselor that deals with chronic health issues and work through all of
> this, but I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else gets these feelings
> or am I just plain going crazy?
>
> Also, do any of you ever get the feeling like there are bugs crawling on
> your legs and then you look and there is nothing there? Honestly,
> these last couple of weeks have me feeling like I truly am losing it!
>
> Accck!!! Your nutty friend---LOL!!!
>
>
> Donna G.
> .
> .
> .
> ANGELS EXIST, but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call
> them FRIENDS......
>

Thank-you Carole,
It helps to hear how others are coping- not that there is a standard
because each case is different. It sounds like you are making the best
of your situation. Good for you!
Rose @}>->--
Being educated means that rather than fearing the unknown, one seeks to understand it. RB

Please remove "Ima" to reply.

Thanks so much, Nanny, for your words of encouragement, I so appreciate
them!!!
..
..
..


Donna G.
..
..
..
ANGELS EXIST, but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call
them FRIENDS......

Thanks so much, Carole, for your input, it really means a lot to me. I
appreciate you sharing all of what you went through as it does help me
to get a little bit better handle on where some of these feelings are
coming from. I also appreciate the suggestion of using cream and
massaging the legs, will see if that helps mine any. I don't have the
best circulation in my legs, but the feeling like bugs are crawling up
and down them just started within the last couple of weeks and really
drives me crazy some nights. I swear, I get out of bed sometimes and
put the light on cause it feels like there on bugs all over my left leg.
Very freaky. I know my condition is no where near as serious as yours
is and I don't mean to whine, but I'm just not use to feeling really
scared about something. Especially health issues. Usually I have my
little pity party and then get on with dealing with whatever it is I
have to deal with. These strong feelings of fear that seem to just pop
up every so often and wash over me are very new to me and I must say
quite unsettling.

Anyways, thanks again for sharing so honestly with me!
..
..
..


Donna G.
..
..
..
ANGELS EXIST, but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call
them FRIENDS......

LOLOL.......thanks, LadyK, for your reply. I needed the humor that you
threw in there along with your words of wisdom!!!

Glad to know I haven't gone completely nuts as of yet!!!

I usually do have a pretty tough and positive attitude about things, and
I think that is why these feels of being scared that just seem to pop up
out of no where are throwing me for a bit of a loop. I'm just not
accustomed to being fearful of much. Usually I try to face things head
on and deal with what ever it is I have to deal with and go on with
life. Having these bouts of being really fearful are new to me and
then add in the feeling of bugs crawling on me, makes me wonder if it is
tme for the padded room yet!

Wow, I think you are the first one I remember ever hearing that had a
stroke like event as well. It is scary not to know if you will ever
get complete feeling and function back in the limbs effected. I
certainly am encouraged to know that you still got function back after 6
months. My stroke was on dec. 31st, so it feels like things should be
back to normal by now, but I guess I need to really work more on my
patience. I have come a long way since dec., but still have a longs
ways to go and just want to chuck the walker, the brace on my leg/foot,
and be able to drive again.

I think you listing your phases that you went through seems to hit the
nail right on the head for me. Maybe that is what is the undercurrent
here for me. Hmmmmm..

Well, thanks again for all of your input, it does help tremedously and
I'm glad I'm not alone in all of this.


Hugs,


Donna G.
..
..
..
ANGELS EXIST, but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call
them FRIENDS......

Thanks so much, SJ, for your input. I know you have been through so
very much in your lifetime. Far more than I have ever had to endure
that is for sure.

Always thinking of you and Jim and hoping for some goodness to come both
of your ways.!!!
..
..
..


Donna G.
..
..
..
ANGELS EXIST, but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call
them FRIENDS......

Rose,


Is your sister on oxygen? Having the oxygen may help her tremendously,
especially at night when lieing down. Has her doctor offered this
option to her? Doesn't seem like she should have to suffer so.

Are there any shopping services in your sisters area? I am fortunate
in that here where I am you can hire a service to do your shopping for
you for only $5.00 per shopping. It really is wonderful to have and I
have used them several times since my stroke.

..
..
..


Donna G.
..
..
..
ANGELS EXIST, but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call
them FRIENDS......

Thanks Gwen. I guess I need to toughen up a bit. I have always
admired you and so many others in the group for your fortitude and for
dealing so well with all that comes along. So many here deal with some
really tough things and do so with amazingly wonderful attitudes and
spirits and humor. I have also always realized that I have been quite
blessed to not have had to endure as much as so many here in the group
have. It just seems that the last few years have been extra tough and
although I think I deal with most of it ok, this whole stroke thing and
the length of time it is taking to recover and the uncertainty of just
how much I will get back I guess has really thrown me for a loop and
scared me a bit more than I had realized in the beginning. I do pray
and I do know that the good Lord will take me through what ever it is I
need to deal with.


Donna G.
..
..
..
ANGELS EXIST, but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call
them FRIENDS......

Hey Carole,


I took a page out of your book today and went out and hung out on my
balcony for a while. Does a soul good just to be out there and soak up
the sunshine and the breeze that was blowing. Felt wonderful and very
renewing. I often go out on my balcony at night, as I love the cool air
and to look at all of the stars and such, but it had been awhile now
since I have been out on the balcony during the day. Today was the
perfect time to do that. Thanks for the reminder!


Donna G.
..
..
..
ANGELS EXIST, but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call
them FRIENDS......

{{{{{{{{{{{ Nann }}}}}}}}}}

Thanks, Nann, so much for your encouragement. It truly means a lot to
me.

I was sorry to read that you are going through a bit of a rough patch as
well. And, you are right, this weather isn't helping any at all.
Between the constant temperature changes, barometer changes, and
humidity changes, my poor body is quite confused. I'm sure part of my
problem is also the not sleeping well due to the weather issues. I
finally turned on my a/c about an hour ago because it is just way way
too humid out there to breathe, but way to hot in here with the windows
closed up. Ugggh. Pretty sad to have to put the a/c on in march!

I think you're right, too often I do forget to pray first. I usually
start panicing or wriggling around in pain for a while before I realize
I need to stop and pray about it all. Usually once I do that, things
do begin to look up. You'd think by now that would be the first thing I
did, but nooooo!

I do plan on talking to my doctors and will mention some of this stuff
to the PT and OT as well. Thanks for that nudging. You are right, I do
have wonderful compassionate doctors and I know they will be more than
willing to have me ask questions and call them with concerns rather than
suffer through. I just hate to always feel like a pest. I will do what
I have to do though.

Could definitely use a good dose of gimp picnic right about now and a
few good margaritas and some major laughing that comes with those gimp
picnics. Yoooohoooo, oh KJ!!! LOL!

Hope you get to doing better and also hope that you have recovered at
least somewhat from all of the bumps and bruises of the falls you took
not too long ago!

Hugs to you and Mike!!!


Donna G.
..
..
..
ANGELS EXIST, but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call
them FRIENDS......

Ahhhh, thanks, Kelly, for your words of wisdom.

I usually do ok with dealing things, but now sure how to schedule a pity
party as the feelings I have been having of fear, just kind of sneak up
on me seemingly from no where. Can't schedule that. I usually don't
fight pity parties. When they come along, I usually allow myself to
wallow in them for a day or two or even three, but usually no more than
3 days and then, I too, pick myself up by the boot straps and go on.
Cause, as the saying goes, life goes on whether you go on with it or
not! Guess I'm just perhaps fatigued and caught off gaurd with these
feelings of fear and not sure quite what to do with them.

I don't THINK I dwell on them 24/7, but when they do come along, they
kind of hit me upside the head without warning and I'm just not
accustomed to being fearful of much and not sure exactly how to deal
with it. You are probably right, though. the answer is probably
somewhere inside of me and maybe I just need to set aside some time to
find those answers within.

I've always considered myself fairly tough, but I have to say, there are
sooooo many in this group, including you, who handle things with such
grace and tenacity, and I have always admired so many here for that.
Such awesome role models, Just not sure how you all do it so beautifully
while I kind of stumble around like the clumsy one with two left feet
trying to figure it all out as I go.

Don't worry, though, I am too ornery to throw in the towel, just got to
figure out a better way of dealing with it all.

I so appreciate all of your support, nudges, lectures, whatever. I
need them and it is what will get be back on track.

Guess I was just feeling a little alone and wondering if all of you
incredible people really ever did get scared as you all handle things so
well and don't really show your fear much.

OK, I am fogging up with tears and rambling now and of course not making
much sense. Tomorrow is a new day and things will be better!!!

Blessings and thanks from the bottom of my heart to all of you for
responding and for your incredible ideas and support and encouragement.

Going to light a candle for ALL of you and for the amazing people you
each are. May your days be more tolerable and more joyful as well!!!!

Hugs,


Donna G.
..
..
..
ANGELS EXIST, but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call
them FRIENDS......

Hi Donna,

We all have to deal with what we are dealt. Believe me, when I first got
sick, I went through all of the stages of anger, depression, etc. One of
the good things about where I worked was that we could have 6 sessions
paid for with a psychologist. I took advantage of that as I needed to
vent...and vent I did ))

You should try the massaging. Get a good massage cream. My massage
therapist in NYC always used Eucerin, so that's what I got. The other
thing is to go to a massage therapist. Your insurance may cover part or
all of it. They are trained to help with these things.

If you need to talk, I'm here, and I'm a pretty good listener )

Hugs,
Carole


Donna G. wrote:

>
>
> Thanks so much, Carole, for your input, it really means a lot to me. I
> appreciate you sharing all of what you went through as it does help me
> to get a little bit better handle on where some of these feelings are
> coming from. I also appreciate the suggestion of using cream and
> massaging the legs, will see if that helps mine any. I don't have the
> best circulation in my legs, but the feeling like bugs are crawling up
> and down them just started within the last couple of weeks and really
> drives me crazy some nights. I swear, I get out of bed sometimes and
> put the light on cause it feels like there on bugs all over my left leg.
> Very freaky. I know my condition is no where near as serious as yours
> is and I don't mean to whine, but I'm just not use to feeling really
> scared about something. Especially health issues. Usually I have my
> little pity party and then get on with dealing with whatever it is I
> have to deal with. These strong feelings of fear that seem to just pop
> up every so often and wash over me are very new to me and I must say
> quite unsettling.
>
> Anyways, thanks again for sharing so honestly with me!
> .
> .
> .
>
>
> Donna G.
> .
> .
> .
> ANGELS EXIST, but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call
> them FRIENDS......
>

GREAT!! I love my balcony! I'm not sure where you live, but what I'm
looking forward to now is the start of the whale watch season. For me,
there is nothing better than being out on the boat with the sea air
blowing against my face and through my hair. The grey whales are here
now so I'm thinking of going next week to see them Orca season
starts in May and they are my favorites I love those guys!

I just got some nice furniture for my balcony. They had a big sale at
Big Lots for people on their email list. I got a nice little round table
and two chairs for under $50. So now I can go out there and have
breakfast on the balcony. Even the Queen doesn't have it as good, LOL!

Carole


Donna G. wrote:

>
>
> Hey Carole,
>
>
> I took a page out of your book today and went out and hung out on my
> balcony for a while. Does a soul good just to be out there and soak up
> the sunshine and the breeze that was blowing. Felt wonderful and very
> renewing. I often go out on my balcony at night, as I love the cool air
> and to look at all of the stars and such, but it had been awhile now
> since I have been out on the balcony during the day. Today was the
> perfect time to do that. Thanks for the reminder!
>
>
> Donna G.
> .
> .
> .
> ANGELS EXIST, but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call
> them FRIENDS......
>

Hi Donna,
She uses the oxygen a lot. This is a small town so there are not that
many services. Her husband did everything, but now who knows? We shall
see tomorrow.
Rose @}>->--
Being educated means that rather than fearing the unknown, one seeks to understand it. RB

Please remove "Ima" to reply.

"RoseB" <Imarosab.1@shaw.ca> wrote in message
news:a1ue03plh0lnhqic2l8silc7n4551dnhhs@4ax.com...
> Carole:
> Are you on oxygen, and if so how much/often?
> How do you cope with daily activities- shopping, housework, etc.
>
> I am not asking because of being nosy, but because my sister deals
> with CHF as a result of damage sustained from chemo and radiation when
> she had her breast cancer. She is not able to walk far at all, in fact
> grocery shopping presents a challenge. O2 sats seem to decrease when
> she lies down, so typically she sleeps on the recliner. It would be
> nice for her to hear about someone else that is going through it.
> Thanks!
> Rose @}>->--
> Being educated means that rather than fearing the unknown, one seeks
to understand it. RB
>
> Please remove "Ima" to reply.

Rose, this is the first time I have heard anyone else mention CHF because of
the treatment given for cancer. This happened to my Dad...
My Dad had Lung Cancer and was only given 3 mths to live. They treated it
very aggressively and he ended up first with Radiation Sickness, and then
CHF...but he had 4 more years...and was cancer free. When we think about the
treatments there are out there for cancer and living through it...I don't
think we realize what the stuff that kills the cancer does to our bodys...
Prayers for your sister..

YES.. when I was first dignosed I was working for a cardiologist and I took
a lady back for her appointment and she had major deformities of her hands
and feet. I was writing her info in her chart and saw that she was on the
exact same mads as me so I glanced at her dignoses and it was RA. I went
home that night crying all the way home, I was thinking will I look like
that will my body do the same thing? My hands and feet are starting to curve
and change shape (5years after dignoses). I think I will be ok I am not
sure. My BP is getting harder to control and I do and collect water on my
heart and lungs at times.. I take high power water pills to controll this on
top of my bp meds that have a water pill in it. I am just not sure what the
future holds for me so I am living everyday like it was my last. I never
leave without letting my family klnow that I love them..we always say we
love each other when we leave even if it is just to the store. I am going to
live love and laugh to the best of my ability as long as I can and love
every minute that I breathe.
Donna that was a good honest question that you asked and it helped me to
think a little more about this.

"Donna G." <DKGBeeker@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:9886-460744EB-201@storefull-3111.bay.webtv.net...
>
>
>
> I mean with all these diseases and such, and what they take from us, I
> just wonder if any of you get just plain scared at times? Ever since
> I had the stroke, I deal with it ok most of the time, but every once in
> a while it just kind of sneaks up o me and I get really scared as to
> what is in the future. What if I get really sick again and it sets off
> another stroke? I know, it's probably not a normal reaction, but it is
> what it is and I'm not sure what to do with it. Am I alone in this
> type of feeling? If it persists, I guess I will have to go find a good
> counselor that deals with chronic health issues and work through all of
> this, but I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else gets these feelings
> or am I just plain going crazy?
>
> Also, do any of you ever get the feeling like there are bugs crawling on
> your legs and then you look and there is nothing there? Honestly,
> these last couple of weeks have me feeling like I truly am losing it!
>
> Accck!!! Your nutty friend---LOL!!!
>
>
> Donna G.
> .
> .
> .
> ANGELS EXIST, but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call
> them FRIENDS......
>

LOL........Carole, glad that you were able to find such nice furniture
for your balcony. That will definitely make the time spent out there
all that more enjoyable.

I am in Michigan, and the weather here right now is a little
unpredictable to say the least. One day it is 80 the next day it is 40
and you never know how to dress. In any case, it has been extremely
humid the last few days which makes it very hard to breathe for me, but
I do so appreciate the sunshine.

I dont have quite the view you do out on your balcony, but thats ok. I
am actually on the 7th floor of a highrise apartment building and I look
out over a parking lot, a fairly busy road with a shopping center across
the street, but also can see quite a distance since I am so far up. I
just enjoy being out there as it is like your own little haven out
there.

Today I had a full day of PT and OT and by the time I got done with
both, I was so sore that I could hardly move. Went down to the lobby
and sat outside on one of their benches and people watched for about
30-45 minutes before I even called my cab to go home. It was relaxing
and there was a nice breeze.

Just got to get my mind in a better place mentally with this fear stuff
that keeps trying to sneak in. I will get there and I so appreciate
having all of you to come to and talk with about it.

It's kind of funny when you feel like you are the only one dealing with
a particular feeling or health issue and then when you do finally post
about it, it is sometimes surprising at how many others have experienced
or are experiencing the same things. That in itself helps to get a
better prospective of things.

Have fun watching the orcas and if you get any good pictures of any,
please share them with all of us!!!


Hugs,


Donna G.
..
..
..
ANGELS EXIST, but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call
them FRIENDS......

I second Donna - we would love to see some pictures - your photography is so
good.

Donna - glad you had a good day. Little things will help. Take each day
individually and if that is too much go by the hour. We are all here to
help you through.

i had a crappy day and stayed in bed most of the day. My dad's cousin who I
was really close to died yesterday. Gloria had mouth cancer and it was a
horrible ending. I am comforted by the fact that their was one heck of a
good party up in heaven last night. Gloria and her husband Al who died of
cancer 15 years ago, my dad, my grama and grampa and Gloria's mom and dad -
my aunt and uncle. They were all catholics and my favorite memories are of
gatherings with the whole family, the laughter, the stories. I know it was
a great wake last night! No service which is sometimes hard. Second funeral
in a week - both expected but always hard.

Anyhow I have to get out of bed tomorrow and get on with life. We are going
to the subdivision approval commitee to get our new house approved. Kind of
anticlimatic as the father of the approval guy designed the house - duh!

So yes share those orca pictures. Glad to hear you have a good place to
sit. Do you have flowers on your deck??

Kelly
"Donna G." <DKGBeeker@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:8306-4609C7C5-246@storefull-3113.bay.webtv.net...
>
>
>
>
> LOL........Carole, glad that you were able to find such nice furniture
> for your balcony. That will definitely make the time spent out there
> all that more enjoyable.
>
> I am in Michigan, and the weather here right now is a little
> unpredictable to say the least. One day it is 80 the next day it is 40
> and you never know how to dress. In any case, it has been extremely
> humid the last few days which makes it very hard to breathe for me, but
> I do so appreciate the sunshine.
>
> I dont have quite the view you do out on your balcony, but thats ok. I
> am actually on the 7th floor of a highrise apartment building and I look
> out over a parking lot, a fairly busy road with a shopping center across
> the street, but also can see quite a distance since I am so far up. I
> just enjoy being out there as it is like your own little haven out
> there.
>
> Today I had a full day of PT and OT and by the time I got done with
> both, I was so sore that I could hardly move. Went down to the lobby
> and sat outside on one of their benches and people watched for about
> 30-45 minutes before I even called my cab to go home. It was relaxing
> and there was a nice breeze.
>
> Just got to get my mind in a better place mentally with this fear stuff
> that keeps trying to sneak in. I will get there and I so appreciate
> having all of you to come to and talk with about it.
>
> It's kind of funny when you feel like you are the only one dealing with
> a particular feeling or health issue and then when you do finally post
> about it, it is sometimes surprising at how many others have experienced
> or are experiencing the same things. That in itself helps to get a
> better prospective of things.
>
> Have fun watching the orcas and if you get any good pictures of any,
> please share them with all of us!!!
>
>
> Hugs,
>
>
> Donna G.
> .
> .
> .
> ANGELS EXIST, but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call
> them FRIENDS......
>

On Mar 27, 7:02 pm, Kelly wrote:

> I second Donna - we would love to see some pictures -
> your photography is so good.

What photography? Does Carole have a web page we can view?

On Tue, 27 Mar 2007 0:42:06 -0500, Carole wrote
(in message <56rp5fF2a3341U1@mid.individual.net>):

> I just got some nice furniture for my balcony. They had a big sale at
> Big Lots for people on their email list.

email list??!?!?! didn't know they had special deals for the email list. As
we're usually in there at least once/week I hadn't bothered, but I suppose I
should now. And it figures that today we co-ordinated errands to save gas,
but that limited my shopping rounds so I didn't do my traditional Big Lots
inspection. May have to later this week. I really want an affordable small
table for our deck.

--
Nann
remove the Gator cheer to email me
Simply the thing I am shall make me live --- William Shakespeare

a thought Donna - is the crawling-bugs feeling interfering with your sleep?
It sounds like it might be and as we know all too well, lack of sleep starts
us down a very unpleasant slippery slope. If it's causing sleep
disturbances, that alone makes itt worth talking to your docs about it now
rather than later. You need your rest so you can heal.

--
Nann
remove the Gator cheer to email me
Simply the thing I am shall make me live --- William Shakespeare


On Mon, 26 Mar 2007 20:41:00 -0500, Donna G. wrote
(in message <9338-4608762C-1003@storefull-3115.bay.webtv.net>):

>
>
>
> Thanks so much, Carole, for your input, it really means a lot to me. I
> appreciate you sharing all of what you went through as it does help me
> to get a little bit better handle on where some of these feelings are
> coming from. I also appreciate the suggestion of using cream and
> massaging the legs, will see if that helps mine any. I don't have the
> best circulation in my legs, but the feeling like bugs are crawling up
> and down them just started within the last couple of weeks and really
> drives me crazy some nights. I swear, I get out of bed sometimes and
> put the light on cause it feels like there on bugs all over my left leg.
> Very freaky. I know my condition is no where near as serious as yours
> is and I don't mean to whine, but I'm just not use to feeling really
> scared about something. Especially health issues. Usually I have my
> little pity party and then get on with dealing with whatever it is I
> have to deal with. These strong feelings of fear that seem to just pop
> up every so often and wash over me are very new to me and I must say
> quite unsettling.
>
> Anyways, thanks again for sharing so honestly with me!
> .
> .
> .
>
>
> Donna G.
> .
> .
> .
> ANGELS EXIST, but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call
> them FRIENDS......
>