Doctor Jokes

[Califchief]

----- Original Message -----
From: Tom Walker
Sent: Wednesday, March 05, 2008 7:52 AM




Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being
discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one
elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a
suitcase at his feet -- who insisted he didn't need my help to
leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he
reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I
asked if his wife was meeting him. "I don't know," he said. "She's
still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
***************



Our nephew was getting married to a doctor's daughter. At the
wedding reception, the father of the bride stood to read his
toast, which he had scribbled on a piece of scrap paper. Several
times during his speech, he halted, overcome with what I assumed
was a moment of deep emotion. But after a particularly long pause,
he explained, "I'm sorry. I can't seem to make out what I've
written down." Looking out into the audience, he asked, "Is
there a pharmacist in the house?"
***************



Fitness center applicants at my hospital are queried about their
medical problems. One man wrote "None" on the application form
where it asked whether he had any cardiac problems. When a huge
surgical scar was noticed on his chest, he was asked, "What is
that from?"
"I used to have problems with my heart, but it was replaced last
year," the man answered calmly.
****************



I was making rounds one morning with a physician when we were
interrupted by a co-worker who inquired about a patient's diet.
"Mrs. Jones does nothing but complain about her food ," said my
co-worker. "She says the coffee tastes like mud."
"Well, it should," the doctor quipped. "It was fresh ground just
this morning."
**************



My nursing colleague was preparing an intravenous line for a
15-year-old male patient. The bedside phone rang, and the boy's
mother reached over to pick it up. After talking for a few
minutes, the mother held the phone aside, turned to her son and
said, "Your dad is asking if you've got any cute nurses."
The boy gazed at the nurse, who had the needle poised above his
arm, ready for insertion. "Tell him," he replied, "they're
absolutely gorgeous."
*******************



Employed as a dental receptionist, I was on duty when an extremely
nervous patient came for root-canal surgery. He was brought into
the examining room and made comfortable in the reclining dental
chair. The dentist then injected a numbing agent around the
patient's tooth, and left the room for a few minutes while the
medication took hold. When the dentist returned, the patient was
standing next to a tray of dental equipment. "What are you doing
by the surgical instruments?" asked the surprised dentist.
Focused on his task, the patient replied, "I'm taking out the ones
I don't like."
*************



As an obstetrician, I sometimes see unusual tattoos when working
in labor and delivery. One patient had some type of fish tattoo on
her abdomen. "That sure is a pretty whale," I commented.
With a smile she replied, "It used to be a dolphin."
*****************



After transporting hospital patients from one floor to the next, I
stopped to chat with a new volunteer. "I work in patient
transfer," I told him. "I push people around."

Not the type to be one-upped, he countered, "I work at the
information desk. I tell them where to go."



.... Playing doctor is for kids; let's play gynecologist!
___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12

[Nann Bell]

ROTFL! these are great, esp. the replaced heart. But anything about
doctors' handwriting reminds me of when Dr Jaffe was a resident at Shands and
we'd call him to decipher some of the orders he'd written and he couldn't
read them himself. He'd have to go back to his notes and work out what he
wanted done.

then there were the family conferences we used to have to decipher letters
from my family physician aunt...............

--
Nann
remove the Gator cheer to email me
Simply the thing I am shall make me live --- William Shakespeare

[Carole]

Nann Bell wrote:

> ROTFL! these are great, esp. the replaced heart. But anything about
> doctors' handwriting reminds me of when Dr Jaffe was a resident at Shands and
> we'd call him to decipher some of the orders he'd written and he couldn't
> read them himself. He'd have to go back to his notes and work out what he
> wanted done.
>
> then there were the family conferences we used to have to decipher letters
> from my family physician aunt...............
>

I worked my way through college working at a department store. For part
of the time, I worked in the pharmacy. I could never figure out how the
pharmacist could read some of the handwriting we got on prescriptions. I
think doctors take a course in illegible writing while in med school!

Carole

[d'huit]

the dolphin/whale tattoo cracked me up! i turned 60, so i now have a very
old promise to myself to keep. it's tattoo time. but i'm not going to get
the leaping dolphin over my eyebrow that i thought i was going to, back when
i was 40.LOL maybe a small daisy over my right wrist.

kate

"Califchief" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]..
----- Original Message -----
From: Tom Walker
Sent: Wednesday, March 05, 2008 7:52 AM




Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being
discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one
elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a
suitcase at his feet -- who insisted he didn't need my help to
leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he
reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I
asked if his wife was meeting him. "I don't know," he said. "She's
still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
***************



Our nephew was getting married to a doctor's daughter. At the
wedding reception, the father of the bride stood to read his
toast, which he had scribbled on a piece of scrap paper. Several
times during his speech, he halted, overcome with what I assumed
was a moment of deep emotion. But after a particularly long pause,
he explained, "I'm sorry. I can't seem to make out what I've
written down." Looking out into the audience, he asked, "Is
there a pharmacist in the house?"
***************



Fitness center applicants at my hospital are queried about their
medical problems. One man wrote "None" on the application form
where it asked whether he had any cardiac problems. When a huge
surgical scar was noticed on his chest, he was asked, "What is
that from?"
"I used to have problems with my heart, but it was replaced last
year," the man answered calmly.
****************



I was making rounds one morning with a physician when we were
interrupted by a co-worker who inquired about a patient's diet.
"Mrs. Jones does nothing but complain about her food ," said my
co-worker. "She says the coffee tastes like mud."
"Well, it should," the doctor quipped. "It was fresh ground just
this morning."
**************



My nursing colleague was preparing an intravenous line for a
15-year-old male patient. The bedside phone rang, and the boy's
mother reached over to pick it up. After talking for a few
minutes, the mother held the phone aside, turned to her son and
said, "Your dad is asking if you've got any cute nurses."
The boy gazed at the nurse, who had the needle poised above his
arm, ready for insertion. "Tell him," he replied, "they're
absolutely gorgeous."
*******************



Employed as a dental receptionist, I was on duty when an extremely
nervous patient came for root-canal surgery. He was brought into
the examining room and made comfortable in the reclining dental
chair. The dentist then injected a numbing agent around the
patient's tooth, and left the room for a few minutes while the
medication took hold. When the dentist returned, the patient was
standing next to a tray of dental equipment. "What are you doing
by the surgical instruments?" asked the surprised dentist.
Focused on his task, the patient replied, "I'm taking out the ones
I don't like."
*************



As an obstetrician, I sometimes see unusual tattoos when working
in labor and delivery. One patient had some type of fish tattoo on
her abdomen. "That sure is a pretty whale," I commented.
With a smile she replied, "It used to be a dolphin."
*****************



After transporting hospital patients from one floor to the next, I
stopped to chat with a new volunteer. "I work in patient
transfer," I told him. "I push people around."

Not the type to be one-upped, he countered, "I work at the
information desk. I tell them where to go."



.... Playing doctor is for kids; let's play gynecologist!
___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12

[Carole]

d'huit wrote:

> the dolphin/whale tattoo cracked me up! i turned 60, so i now have a very
> old promise to myself to keep. it's tattoo time. but i'm not going to get
> the leaping dolphin over my eyebrow that i thought i was going to, back when
> i was 40.LOL maybe a small daisy over my right wrist.
>
> kate

I've been thinking about a little tattoo somewhere to celebrate my 100
pounds lost. I just have to think about what I want and where I want it

When I hit goal, I'm getting my navel pierced )

Carole