femara: others here?

> my 30th (nonmarried) anniversary was kind of ruined when he dumped me the
> week after we returned from our celebration trip!
>
ouch....

That's a long time, lots of shared experiences, friends and so on.

no shared friends, but we pretty much raised each other, and we went through
everything a couple can, and I mean that. He saved my life on more than one
occasion. I think most people would say (and did) he was the perfect
boyfriend. so I was lucky for a long long time, and so be it. people die,
too. NO one would have stayed through what he stayed through, I don't think,
all those years. his wife-to-be is very lucky!

You
have my sympathy. I hope you had/have some good friends to hang out
with.

I like strangers! I do have friends but I like strangers. They are so much
more fun and interesting and appreciative. thanks for your sympathy. it's
been seven years since he left. he's getting married next month. that is
totally surreal. but we made this really unusual kid who is in several books
already (before he was even 12) and is mighty exceptional.

and so it goes.

Ixia

"pumpkin" <billowroad@att.net> wrote in message
news:9IV9k.162989$SV4.110474@bgtnsc04-news.ops.worldnet.att.net...
>
> "Mary Fisher" <mary.fisher@zetnet.co.uk> wrote in message
> news:486349a2$0$18188$4c56ba96@master.news.zetnet. net...
>>
>> "fortunata" <pacifist@gmail.com> wrote in message
>> news:WKw8k.72621$102.33102@bgtnsc05-news.ops.worldnet.att.net...
>>> my 30th (nonmarried) anniversary was kind of ruined when he dumped me
>>> the week after we returned from our celebration trip! technically we
>>> were at 29 years 7 months and one week.
>>
>> You're probably better off without him then :-(
>
> in what way? the deck needs repairing, the shower upstairs leaks, oh, and
> no unconditional love/support/anchor during life crises. oh, and paying
> the mortgage alone! oh wait, and waking up alone, without stomach hair and
> sweet manparts.....

I think anyone's better off without a man who doesn't want her any more.

There's usually someone else who can undertake those other roles, without
the downsides. You could always do the practical things yourself - or live
with them. My husband is wonderful and extremely practical, he can - and
does - do anything I ask or he sees needs doing. But there's always
something else on the list which we have to live with, currently holes in
two bedroom ceilings, an overgrown tree, a falling-down shed. We also have a
messy house because I spend too much time indulging myself.

And that's the way we like it :-)

Mary

pumpkin wrote:

>
> I don't want to be disputatious, but my experience has been quite the
> opposite. Doctors (by their own admission) are just people who have read
> certain books and had certain experiences.
>
> even doctors are now on record as touting the Internet as a wonderful tool;
> some of them tell their patients to check webmd or go to the discussion
> groups....I think the BC onling forums are unbeLIEVABLY helpful, they are
> lifesavers!

>
I strongly agree that the internet is an excellent source of medical
information. I was blown away recently when my highly regarded primary
care doctor made a statement that was totally at variance with
everything I had researched prior to seeing him about an unusual
symptom. While I don't pretend that I can diagnose and treat myself, I
am alerted that he may not be the 'source of all wisdom' and that I may
need to seek out more informed advice. After all, it is my body, my
life, my quality of life that is at stake.

I walked away from two doctors who were prescribing dosages that were
far above what was recommended. In one case, the doctor wanted me to
take 80 mgs of Lipitor. I refused because of information i had gleaned
from the internet. I am now taking 20 mgs with satisfactory results. As
a matter of fact, if I stayed with him I would have been taking
medication for something or other every 5 minutes during the day!
Another wanted to dose me with super high levels of a blood pressure
medication, against all recommendations that I have read. I walked away
from her and am doing fine on another medication.

I had experiences with two oncologists - one who did everything by the
book relying on generated computer programs for advice and another who
individualized his patients and was not afraid to veer from cookbook
diagnosis and treatment. The latter spared me from a lot of unnecessary
tests and side effects.

So if nothing else, research on the internet can arm you to assess the
quality of your doctor's advice and alert you to his/her competence and
spare you a lot of trouble.

MMH

On Jun 29, 8:26*pm, "pumpkin" <billowr...@att.net> wrote:
>
> > You
> > have my sympathy. I hope you had/have some good friends to hang out
> > with.
>
> I like strangers!
>
People who don't like strangers probably stay clear of Usenet...
>
> I do have friends but I like strangers. They are so much
> more fun and interesting and appreciative.
>
More so than your friends!? Perhaps you just need some new ones? :-D
Some of mine certainly are fun, interesting and appreciative - some
not so much, but they have other wonderful qualities.
>
> thanks for your sympathy. it's
> been seven years since he left. he's getting married next month. that is
> totally surreal.
>
Seven years is quite a while, but It must be very difficult for you
that he is marrying someone else. After ties the knot might be a good
time for you to re-calibrate and start building new, satisfying
relationships. Imho ;-)
>
> but we made this really unusual kid who is in several books
> already (before he was even 12) and is mighty exceptional.
>
Kids are the best, they make life sparkle:-) I have 2, and a little
grand-child. I'm grateful for anything that gives me a chance of more
time with them.

Ixia

>So if nothing else, research on the internet
> can arm you to assess the quality of your
> doctor's advice and alert you to his/her
> competence and spare you a lot of trouble.

>MMH

I totally agree! I have had so many of my ego-challenged doctors
actually tell me in a loud voice "STAY OFF THE INTERNET!!". However, I
am not so much interested in what their PDR tells them about medications
but more interested in reading about what reactions other humans have
had to these RXs and dosages.

I have a "mantra" with meds. I refuse to try anything "I" have already
researched unless it is in the smallest dose available. I can always
work my way up to a larger dose. My doctors may not always "like" me
but they have to respect the fact that I take responsibility for my
healthcare. I left one gyn after just one visit because his ego was
bigger than his hands and he felt that any person who would question
their doctor's treatment must be paranoid. I told him "he" was
definitely "not" getting my approval and I never returned to him.

Bea




"NO FORWARDS OR SPAM, PLEASE"

>
> I think anyone's better off without a man who doesn't want her any more.
>
> There's usually someone else who can undertake those other roles, without
> the downsides. You could always do the practical things yourself - or live
> with them.

I think sarcasm doesn't always translate in email.

>

>
People who don't like strangers probably stay clear of Usenet...

yes, the web is a font of strangers, a lifeline!
>
>
More so than your friends!?

oh my yes.

Perhaps you just need some new ones? :-D

I delete and delete and delete them.

Some of mine certainly are fun, interesting and appreciative - some
not so much, but they have other wonderful qualities.

my friends are great email support. indispensable.
>
>
Seven years is quite a while,

Seven years isn't much after 30, particularly when much of the seven years
is crisis and triage.

but It must be very difficult for you
that he is marrying someone else. After ties the knot might be a good
time for you to re-calibrate and start building new, satisfying
relationships.

as if one just snaps one's fingers and does that. like finding the perfect
job. which I help people do. the best relationship is the one with one's
self, and that's the one I don't have so much. I have sovereignty and
resourcefulness and autonomy and outreach...but no self esteem. that I am
working on, finally giving up all the dating dating dating. giving is better
than getting.

>
Kids are the best, they make life sparkle:-) I have 2, and a little
grand-child. I'm grateful for anything that gives me a chance of more
time with them.

good for you!

Ixia

what she said.

"mmh" <mm@nowhere.net> wrote in message news:g4aij9$9vj$1@news.datemas.de...
> pumpkin wrote:
>
>>
>> I don't want to be disputatious, but my experience has been quite the
>> opposite. Doctors (by their own admission) are just people who have read
>> certain books and had certain experiences. even doctors are now on record
>> as touting the Internet as a wonderful tool; some of them tell their
>> patients to check webmd or go to the discussion groups....I think the BC
>> onling forums are unbeLIEVABLY helpful, they are lifesavers!
>
>>
> I strongly agree that the internet is an excellent source of medical
> information. I was blown away recently when my highly regarded primary
> care doctor made a statement that was totally at variance with everything
> I had researched prior to seeing him about an unusual symptom. While I
> don't pretend that I can diagnose and treat myself, I am alerted that he
> may not be the 'source of all wisdom' and that I may need to seek out more
> informed advice. After all, it is my body, my life, my quality of life
> that is at stake.
>
> I walked away from two doctors who were prescribing dosages that were far
> above what was recommended. In one case, the doctor wanted me to take 80
> mgs of Lipitor. I refused because of information i had gleaned from the
> internet. I am now taking 20 mgs with satisfactory results. As a matter
> of fact, if I stayed with him I would have been taking medication for
> something or other every 5 minutes during the day! Another wanted to dose
> me with super high levels of a blood pressure medication, against all
> recommendations that I have read. I walked away from her and am doing
> fine on another medication.
>
> I had experiences with two oncologists - one who did everything by the
> book relying on generated computer programs for advice and another who
> individualized his patients and was not afraid to veer from cookbook
> diagnosis and treatment. The latter spared me from a lot of unnecessary
> tests and side effects.
>
> So if nothing else, research on the internet can arm you to assess the
> quality of your doctor's advice and alert you to his/her competence and
> spare you a lot of trouble.
>
> MMH

>
Well, one thing they have done is treat lots and lots of people with
cancer, year in and year out...

I don't know what you do for a living, but after 30 years of doing
what I do, I have certainly learned a thing or two, and my clients
benefit greatly from it.

Ditto. More than 30 years, unless you count interim retirement. there are
good docs and bad, good police officers and bad, good wal-mart clerks and
bad.

I'm not about to dismiss my oncologist's 20 + years of experience with
breast cancer! I picked her because of it. She has seen women like
myself die and others live. She is tough and competitive and does not
like to lose. Any tricks, "gut feelings", or new drugs she has up her
sleeve that will help put me in her survivors group, I want.

my surgeon doesn't like to lose either. she does like to cut.

Ixia

fortunata wrote:
>> After [he] ties the knot might be a good
>> time for you to re-calibrate and start building new, satisfying
>> relationships.
>
> as if one just snaps one's fingers and does that. like finding the perfect
> job. which I help people do. the best relationship is the one with one's
> self, and that's the one I don't have so much. I have sovereignty and
> resourcefulness and autonomy and outreach...but no self esteem. that I am
> working on, finally giving up all the dating dating dating. giving is better
> than getting.
>

As if!

Once we are beyond the age where we expect to create more children,
there is a lot less 'gravity' to bind a permanent relationship, the
urges of our 20's and 30's are no longer a compelling force to
compromise on everything else, even though the chemistry might still work.

Sovereignty is very hard to give up. Just ask Robert Mugabe.


Tim

"Tim Jackson" <tim@tim-jackson.co.uk> wrote in message
news:BsidnZVOEc02QPTVnZ2dnUVZ8tXinZ2d@posted.plusn et...
> fortunata wrote:
>>> After [he] ties the knot might be a good
>>> time for you to re-calibrate and start building new, satisfying
>>> relationships.
>>
>> as if one just snaps one's fingers and does that. like finding the
>> perfect job. which I help people do. the best relationship is the one
>> with one's self, and that's the one I don't have so much. I have
>> sovereignty and resourcefulness and autonomy and outreach...but no self
>> esteem. that I am working on, finally giving up all the dating dating
>> dating. giving is better than getting.
>>
>
> As if!
>
> Once we are beyond the age where we expect to create more children, there
> is a lot less 'gravity' to bind a permanent relationship, the urges of our
> 20's and 30's are no longer a compelling force to compromise on everything
> else, even though the chemistry might still work.

Not necessarily. I can honestly say that Spouse and I love each other as
passionately and at least as deeply as we did forty eight years ago
Creation of children was deliberately put a stop to after five, forty years
ago. Since then the RRP has made things more complicated but the urges are
still there. Over production of oestrogen has some advantages :-)
>
> Sovereignty is very hard to give up. Just ask Robert Mugabe.

Frankly I don't look forward to sovereignty :-(

Mary

"fortunata" <pacifist@gmail.com> wrote in message
newsQcak.85336$102.73570@bgtnsc05-news.ops.worldnet.att.net...
> >
>> I think anyone's better off without a man who doesn't want her any more.
>>
>> There's usually someone else who can undertake those other roles, without
>> the downsides. You could always do the practical things yourself - or
>> live with them.
>
> I think sarcasm doesn't always translate in email.

If you were being sarcastic and I didn't get it I apologise.

If you thought I was was being sarcastic I apologise too, I wasn't.

Mary

On Jun 30, 6:13*pm, "fortunata" <pacif...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > Perhaps you just need some new ones? :-D
>
> I delete and delete and delete them.
>
Ouch... remind me to stay clear of you, I wouldn't want to be
deleted ;-) I don't even want to imagine how you do it...
>
> Seven years is quite a while,
>
> Seven years isn't much after 30,
>
It's still quite a while.

We moved to the city where we live 9 years ago, the year our youngest
left for college. When we arrived I had never set foot here before and
knew no-one. Before moving here, we lived for 15 years elsewhere. I
miss my life there, but it's over.

That was then, this is now.

By the time I became sick last year, I could tell by the response that
I had become part of the fabric of the lives of neighbors, friends and
colleagues here, and they have become the fabric of my daily life. It
took a lot of effort over 8 years for that to happen.

It has not happened for my husband, except at work, to a degree. I'm
his "network", and our kids - but they don't live very close.
>
> particularly when much of the seven years
> is crisis and triage.
>
> > but It must be very difficult for you
> > that he is marrying someone else. After ties the knot might be a good
> > time for you to re-calibrate and start building new, satisfying
> > relationships.
>
> as if one just snaps one's fingers and does that.
>
In my experience, /starting/ is almost like snapping fingers, while
the /building/ never ends.
>
> like finding the perfect
> job. which I help people do. the best relationship is the one with one's
> self,
>
The most important. If that one is not healthy, all the others will
suffer.
>
> and that's the one I don't have so much. I have sovereignty and
> resourcefulness and autonomy and outreach...but no self esteem. that I am
> working on,
>
http://www.psychologytoday.com/artic...01-000033.html
>
> finally giving up all the dating dating dating.
>
That's a wise choice, I think
>
> giving is better than getting.
>
Nothing wrong with a healthy balance in that area ;-) But, yes.
>
Ixia

my relationship wasn't about procreation; we were together 21 years before
we had our sole spawn. We would still be together, I think, if we had never
become parents. but...it happens. and for the record, I agree that
relationships later in life can be wonderful and amazing....we had a good
thing, and my parents were still happy when dad died at 48....

"Mary Fisher" <mary.fisher@zetnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:4869ed3a$0$765$4c56ba96@master.news.zetnet.ne t...
>
> "Tim Jackson" <tim@tim-jackson.co.uk> wrote in message
> news:BsidnZVOEc02QPTVnZ2dnUVZ8tXinZ2d@posted.plusn et...
>> fortunata wrote:
>>>> After [he] ties the knot might be a good
>>>> time for you to re-calibrate and start building new, satisfying
>>>> relationships.
>>>
>>> as if one just snaps one's fingers and does that. like finding the
>>> perfect job. which I help people do. the best relationship is the one
>>> with one's self, and that's the one I don't have so much. I have
>>> sovereignty and resourcefulness and autonomy and outreach...but no self
>>> esteem. that I am working on, finally giving up all the dating dating
>>> dating. giving is better than getting.
>>>
>>
>> As if!
>>
>> Once we are beyond the age where we expect to create more children, there
>> is a lot less 'gravity' to bind a permanent relationship, the urges of
>> our 20's and 30's are no longer a compelling force to compromise on
>> everything else, even though the chemistry might still work.
>
> Not necessarily. I can honestly say that Spouse and I love each other as
> passionately and at least as deeply as we did forty eight years ago
> Creation of children was deliberately put a stop to after five, forty
> years ago. Since then the RRP has made things more complicated but the
> urges are still there. Over production of oestrogen has some advantages
> :-)
>>
>> Sovereignty is very hard to give up. Just ask Robert Mugabe.
>
> Frankly I don't look forward to sovereignty :-(
>
> Mary
>