and the journey ends...

....Deborah passed away yesterday and since some of you asked about her
frequently I thought I'd stop by and share.

She and I separated more than a year ago and that's when I left this
group, since I was no longer supporting a cancer survivor. Since I am
not connected with her family I really have no details.

I wanted to thank you all for carrying me when I couldn't not stand by
myself. I won't be returning to this group, I just wanted to provide
a little closure for the people who wondered about her.

Travel well, friends - and thank you again.

allan

wizard wrote:
> ...Deborah passed away yesterday and since some of you asked about her
> frequently I thought I'd stop by and share.
>
> She and I separated more than a year ago and that's when I left this
> group, since I was no longer supporting a cancer survivor. Since I am
> not connected with her family I really have no details.
>
> I wanted to thank you all for carrying me when I couldn't not stand by
> myself. I won't be returning to this group, I just wanted to provide
> a little closure for the people who wondered about her.
>
> Travel well, friends - and thank you again.
>
> allan

Thank you Allan, and also thank you for the example you have set and all
the support you have provided for others.


Tim

On Mon, 23 Jun 2008 12:24:12 -0700 (PDT), wizard
<wizard10000@gmail.com> wrote:

>...Deborah passed away yesterday and since some of you asked about her
>frequently I thought I'd stop by and share.
>
>She and I separated more than a year ago and that's when I left this
>group, since I was no longer supporting a cancer survivor. Since I am
>not connected with her family I really have no details.
>
>I wanted to thank you all for carrying me when I couldn't not stand by
>myself. I won't be returning to this group, I just wanted to provide
>a little closure for the people who wondered about her.
>
>Travel well, friends - and thank you again.
>
>allan

Thank you, Allan, for letting us know.

Marilyn

On Jun 23, 3:24 pm, wizard <wizard10...@gmail.com> wrote:
> ...Deborah passed away yesterday and since some of you asked about her
> frequently I thought I'd stop by and share.
>
> She and I separated more than a year ago and that's when I left this
> group, since I was no longer supporting a cancer survivor. Since I am
> not connected with her family I really have no details.
>
> I wanted to thank you all for carrying me when I couldn't not stand by
> myself. I won't be returning to this group, I just wanted to provide
> a little closure for the people who wondered about her.
>
> Travel well, friends - and thank you again.
>
> allan

Thanks allan and don't be too hard on yourself, thanks for stopping
by,
Alex

wizard wrote the following on 6/23/2008 12:24:
> ...Deborah passed away yesterday and since some of you asked about her
> frequently I thought I'd stop by and share.
>
> She and I separated more than a year ago and that's when I left this
> group, since I was no longer supporting a cancer survivor. Since I am
> not connected with her family I really have no details.
>
> I wanted to thank you all for carrying me when I couldn't not stand by
> myself. I won't be returning to this group, I just wanted to provide
> a little closure for the people who wondered about her.
>
> Travel well, friends - and thank you again.
>
> allan

Hi Allan,

Don't forget that you helped others stand too and I thank you for that.

Actually, I just stopped by the group today myself and was fortunate
enough to see your posting. It's good to see some familiar names.

Lance
*****

wizard wrote the following on 6/23/2008 12:24:
> ...Deborah passed away yesterday and since some of you asked about her
> frequently I thought I'd stop by and share.
>
> She and I separated more than a year ago and that's when I left this
> group, since I was no longer supporting a cancer survivor. Since I am
> not connected with her family I really have no details.
>
> I wanted to thank you all for carrying me when I couldn't not stand by
> myself. I won't be returning to this group, I just wanted to provide
> a little closure for the people who wondered about her.
>
> Travel well, friends - and thank you again.
>
> allan

Hi Allan,

Don't forget that you helped others stand too and I thank you for that.

Actually, I just stopped by the group today myself and was fortunate
enough to see your posting. It's good to see some familiar names.

Lance
*****

"wizard" <wizard10000@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:f885d8d0-1a46-4ed5-83e5-b59335538cfe@d45g2000hsc.googlegroups.com...
> ...Deborah passed away yesterday and since some of you asked about her
> frequently I thought I'd stop by and share.
>
> She and I separated more than a year ago and that's when I left this
> group, since I was no longer supporting a cancer survivor. Since I am
> not connected with her family I really have no details.
>
> I wanted to thank you all for carrying me when I couldn't not stand by
> myself. I won't be returning to this group, I just wanted to provide
> a little closure for the people who wondered about her.
>
> Travel well, friends - and thank you again.
>
> allan

Allan, I'm sorry to hear about Deborah although we know it would happen.

You both were good company as well as an inspiration to others.

It would be good to hear from you again either here or privately, I still
have your photographs.

Hugs,

Mary

"wizard" <wizard10000@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:f885d8d0-1a46-4ed5-83e5-
b59335538cfe@d45g2000hsc.googlegroups.com...
> ...Deborah passed away yesterday and since some of you asked about her
> frequently I thought I'd stop by and share.
==============
I am sorry to hear this. Her survival, and your wonderful supportive
posts
to this group, have given me a lot of hope and comfort. I don't know
if you
could even realize how much. All the best to you, Allan.

Eva

I am so sorry for your loss, Allan. I can't tell you how many times
your posts and your dedication to helping Deborath survive gave me the
incentive to hope for myself and others fighting this damnable disease.

You could consider becoming like Tim, and popping in whenever you can to
share your knowledge with us. Best of luck and happiness in whatever
your future holds for you. Thanks again for all the helpful posts you
shared.

Bea

'NO FORWARDS OR SPAM, PLEASE"

why did all these people write to someone who has left? it is like talking
to a headstone? so others can see/hear what you feel, even though the person
to whom you are writing isn't here?

"Bea X" <pm95sb@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:6526-48617F5D-587@storefull-3253.bay.webtv.net...
>I am so sorry for your loss, Allan. I can't tell you how many times
> your posts and your dedication to helping Deborath survive gave me the
> incentive to hope for myself and others fighting this damnable disease.
>
> You could consider becoming like Tim, and popping in whenever you can to
> share your knowledge with us. Best of luck and happiness in whatever
> your future holds for you. Thanks again for all the helpful posts you
> shared.
>
> Bea
>
> 'NO FORWARDS OR SPAM, PLEASE"
>

pumpkin wrote:
> why did all these people write to someone who has left? it is like talking
> to a headstone? so others can see/hear what you feel, even though the person
> to whom you are writing isn't here?
>

Whatever he says, I can't imagine Allan won't be tempted to sneak a peek
and see what response his post got, even if he has no plans to
contribute further. I know I would.

At least, we are coming together to recognise to each other, Allan's
contribution to the group. Why not? We have funerals where people
commemorate someone who has 'left'. Perhaps for the reasons you say.

Allan was instrumental in creation of our FAQ, and back in the days when
there was no advertising-funded FaceBook or MySpace, he created our
own 'biographical' website at his own expense. He was also fluent in
writing honestly about the emotional turmoil, if not panic, that many of
us experience in this situation, but few want to talk about.


Tim

"pumpkin" <billowroad@att.net> wrote in message
news:qnk8k.139796$SV4.59967@bgtnsc04-news.ops.worldnet.att.net...
> why did all these people write to someone who has left? it is like talking
> to a headstone? so others can see/hear what you feel, even though the
> person to whom you are writing isn't here?

Allan came back to tell us that Deborah, for whom he cared for a long time,
through thick and thin, had died.

The older posters here held him and Deborah (from whom we rarely heard) in
great affection because he, like Tim, was open and honest about the progress
of the disease, the various treatments and their side effects and how they
affected their relationship. All those things have a bearing on our own
conditions.

We're not talking to a headstone but to the survivor, even if Allan never
came here again I suspect it's been cathartic for us to express our
gratitude and, yes, love for someone we never met.

A very clever and much loved British entertainer (Alan Coren) died recently,
from throat cancer. He knew that he was dying and agreed to help with the
programme of appreciation which would be broadcast as a radio memorial. He
was reluctant to do it but was persuaded when the presenter told him, "We're
not doing this for you, Alan, we're doing it for us."

The 'us' in the context of this ng are those who have benefited from Allan's
presence among us. It might have come to an end now but won't be forgotten
while we're around and we're entitled to express our feelings even if Allan
doesn't see them. If he does come back from time to time I'm sure that he'll
have something to contribute. There are too few men here.

Mary

>why did all these people write to someone
> who has left? it is like talking to a headstone?
> so others can see/hear what you feel, even
> though the person to whom you are writing
> isn't here?

It's an act of compassion for someone we feel was an integral part of
this group for so long. As for "talking to a headstone" I guess you
should go to all the cemetaries and chase all those "weird" people away
who spend many hours visiting their beloveds and speaking to them at
their headstones! When one passes on, in my opinion, we can still
remember them with love and speak to them as we stand by a HEADSTONE,
look at a photo of them, or just have a thought about them. Memories
keep our loved ones alive so please don't knock talking to "headstones".
We all cope in our own ways.

My post to Allan, and yes, I agree with Tim that Allan may check in to
see if he received any caring respones to his post about Deborah, was
just to let him know we not only care about what Deborah suffered but
about his role in being there for her. Not everyone has an Allan or Tim
to be such a mountain of support through this ordeal. I am so grateful
for everyone who posts in this group but as Mary so wisely said, we
don't get to hear enough about what the men are going through or doing
for their spouses. Their women may have passed on to another life but
these men can live in peace knowing they were there for them.

So if I am just talking to a "headstone" be grateful it isn't yours,
Pumpkin!

Bea

'NO FORWARDS OR SPAM, PLEASE"

On Jun 25, 3:51*am, Tim Jackson <t...@tim-jackson.co.uk> wrote:
> Whatever he says, I can't imagine Allan won't be tempted to sneak a peek
> and see what response his post got, even if he has no plans to
> contribute further. *I know I would.

Yeah, I did.

;-)

Thanks to all for the kind words. I've heard from a couple of you in
email and that was also greatly appreciated.

On Jun 23, 3:24*pm, wizard <wizard10...@gmail.com> wrote:
> ...Deborah passed away yesterday and since some of you asked about her
> frequently I thought I'd stop by and share.
>
> She and I separated more than a year ago and that's when I left this
> group, since I was no longer supporting a cancer survivor. *Since I am
> not connected with her family I really have no details.
>
> I wanted to thank you all for carrying me when I couldn't not stand by
> myself. *I won't be returning to this group, I just wanted to provide
> a little closure for the people who wondered about her.
>
> Travel well, friends - and thank you again.
>
> allan

allan,

I'm so sorry to hear about Deborah's passing.

I don't stop by here very often, but from time to time, I drop in just
to see how folks are doing. I've found it better for me to keep a
distance, since I worry less about my situation when I'm not
constantly bombarded by others in the same boat. I'm still NED, but
my mother is going through a second round of lumpectomy and treatment
decisions - and this is over 24 years after the first.

I'm sure that I won't be the only one to offer thanks to you for all
you provided to this group. Your insight, humor, and intelligent
input has been so very valuable to people who participate in this
forum. From one geek to another, I really looked forward to your
posts. You have been, and will continue to be, missed.

Take care, my friend. I wish you all the best.
...lisa

On Jun 25, 12:06*am, "pumpkin" <billowr...@att.net> wrote:
> why did all these people write to someone who has left? it is like talking
> to a headstone? so others can see/hear what you feel, even though the person
> to whom you are writing isn't here?
>

I can only tell you that two years after his death, I still talk to my
husband via his picture sometimes late at night, telling him about my
day and problems I have and how very much I miss him. And when I feel
comforted at those times, I believe there is some way in which he
hears me.

Linda Scheimann

please note I didn't say that talking to a headstone was BAD! I asked if it
was like talking to a headstone, only. I asked a neutral question. I was
assuming that's what it was like, talking to one's tribe, talking even to
oneself (which I do habitually and therapeutically). Cemeteries are among my
favorite places....(again, a published essay on that topic ;-)....not sure
why it was interpreted that way...probably because of the "why" question,
which sounded critical. That's not what I meant. I was just asking.

and apparently inserting mouse into mouth...

"Bea X" <pm95sb@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:1825-486266E6-29@storefull-3253.bay.webtv.net...
> >why did all these people write to someone
>> who has left? it is like talking to a headstone?
>> so others can see/hear what you feel, even
>> though the person to whom you are writing
>> isn't here?
>
> It's an act of compassion for someone we feel was an integral part of
> this group for so long. As for "talking to a headstone" I guess you
> should go to all the cemetaries and chase all those "weird" people away
> who spend many hours visiting their beloveds and speaking to them at
> their headstones! When one passes on, in my opinion, we can still
> remember them with love and speak to them as we stand by a HEADSTONE,
> look at a photo of them, or just have a thought about them. Memories
> keep our loved ones alive so please don't knock talking to "headstones".
> We all cope in our own ways.
>
> My post to Allan, and yes, I agree with Tim that Allan may check in to
> see if he received any caring respones to his post about Deborah, was
> just to let him know we not only care about what Deborah suffered but
> about his role in being there for her. Not everyone has an Allan or Tim
> to be such a mountain of support through this ordeal. I am so grateful
> for everyone who posts in this group but as Mary so wisely said, we
> don't get to hear enough about what the men are going through or doing
> for their spouses. Their women may have passed on to another life but
> these men can live in peace knowing they were there for them.
>
> So if I am just talking to a "headstone" be grateful it isn't yours,
> Pumpkin!
>
> Bea
>
> 'NO FORWARDS OR SPAM, PLEASE"
>

of course! And that's healthful! this isn't quite the same, because Allan
isn't dead, although I guess he is "virtually" absent.

I expect you will be talking to your husband even decades from now. It's
that way for many people. and two years is not very much time ;-( so sorry.
"Linda" <lindascheimann@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:a6ddb4b6-0998-4b22-88b1-09418b6af2c0@s50g2000hsb.googlegroups.com...
On Jun 25, 12:06 am, "pumpkin" <billowr...@att.net> wrote:
> why did all these people write to someone who has left? it is like talking
> to a headstone? so others can see/hear what you feel, even though the
> person
> to whom you are writing isn't here?
>

I can only tell you that two years after his death, I still talk to my
husband via his picture sometimes late at night, telling him about my
day and problems I have and how very much I miss him. And when I feel
comforted at those times, I believe there is some way in which he
hears me.

Linda Scheimann

pumpkin wrote:
> please note I didn't say that talking to a headstone was BAD! I asked if it
> was like talking to a headstone, only. I asked a neutral question. I was
> assuming that's what it was like, talking to one's tribe, talking even to
> oneself (which I do habitually and therapeutically). Cemeteries are among my
> favorite places....(again, a published essay on that topic ;-)....not sure
> why it was interpreted that way...probably because of the "why" question,
> which sounded critical. That's not what I meant. I was just asking.
>
> and apparently inserting mouse into mouth...
>

Care with syntax.

"it is like talking to a headstone?"

Your original post was ambiguous, you said "it is" rather than "is it",
although you ended the sentence with a question mark. I guess that was
probably a typo. Obviously some saw the affirmative statement and some
saw the question intended.


Tim

On Jun 23, 3:24 pm, wizard <wizard10...@gmail.com> wrote:
> ...Deborah passed away yesterday and since some of you asked about her
> frequently I thought I'd stop by and share.
>
> She and I separated more than a year ago and that's when I left this
> group, since I was no longer supporting a cancer survivor. Since I am
> not connected with her family I really have no details.
>
> I wanted to thank you all for carrying me when I couldn't not stand by
> myself. I won't be returning to this group, I just wanted to provide
> a little closure for the people who wondered about her.
>
> Travel well, friends - and thank you again.
>
> allan

i stopped back today , my sharon johnston's been gone since feb 19,
2007. god bless you tim jackson and every one for whom a modern
typewriter and a tv monitor magically connect us by wire and wireless
to each other when we need us, around the clock and around the world.
i have been tuning past TERMINAL CITY [may be 10 episodes] on sundance
channel, i was going to be able to pass it by but i guess i have some
grief issues.
it stirs some gripping emotional memories. i'm going to try to pick
this up from the first episode.
see:
http://www.terminalcity.tv/
sundance says:
"A hit in Canada, where its writing and acting were critically
compared to Six Feet Under, Angus Fraser's witty and challenging drama
series bravely examines life, death, family and reality TV. Vibrant 43-
year-old mother of three Katie Sampson (Maria Del Mar) has been
diagnosed with breast cancer. While undergoing treatment, her spirited
and uninhibited comments catch the attention of TV producers who
invite her to host the ultimate reality series."
http://www.sundancechannel.com/series/terminal_city