A little bit of humour??

On my 60th birthday, I got a gift certificate from my wife.

The certificate paid for a visit to a shaman living on a nearby
reservation, rumoured to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded, I drove to the reservation, handed my ticket to
the shaman, and wondered what I was in for.



The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to me,
and with a grip on my shoulder, warned;
'This is powerful medicine and it must be respected. You take only a
teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3.'



When you do that, you will be longer and harder than you have ever been
in your life and you can perform as long as you want.



I was encouraged. As he walked away, I asked, 'How do I stop the
medicine from working?'

'Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,' the shaman responded.

'But when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next
full moon.'

I was eager to see if it worked. I went home, showered, shaved, took a
spoonful of the medicine and invited Cara to join me.

When she came in, I took off my clothes and said, '1-2-3!' Immediately,
I was the manliest of men.

Cara was excited and began throwing off her clothes and then she asked,

'What was the 1-2-3 for?'



And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with
a preposition!

On June 28, Heather instructed:

(snip)
>
> And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with
> a preposition!
>

I thank her for the lesson.

And for the opportunity finally to send this along:

"* Remember to never split an infinitive.
* The passive voice should never be used.
* Do not put statements in the negative form.
* Verbs have to agree with their subjects.
* Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
* If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal
of repetition can be by rereading and editing.
* A writer must not shift your point of view.
* And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a
preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)
* Don't overuse exclamation marks!!
* Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long
sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
* Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
* If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
* Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
* Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
* Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with
singular nouns in their writing.
* Always pick on the correct idiom.
* The adverb always follows the verb.
* Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable
alternatives."
--William Safire

Note that I did not write, "to finally." What a saint.

Regards,

Steve J

This is apparently a true story.

The playwright Bernard Shaw's publisher hired a new young editor
who corrected a split infinitive in the new play Shaw had sent in.

When Shaw saw the change he wrote to the publisher demanding the
removal of the new editor with the words "I don't care if he is
to go quickly or to quickly go."

Alan

On June 29, Alan Meyer wrote:

> This is apparently a true story.
>
> The playwright Bernard Shaw's publisher hired a new young editor
> who corrected a split infinitive in the new play Shaw had sent in.

And there is the story that some clerk corrected a sentence that ended
with a preposition in something Winston Churchill had written.

He rejected it with the comment that "this is something up with which I
will not put."

Regards,

Steve J

The only things that I split without worry is a lime, an onion and a
watermelon.