Denial in Cancer Patients and Family - long

Denial in Cancer Patients and Family - long
Well worth the read.
http://tinyurl.com/25ewg A post in this newsgroup's archives.
J

"J" <nexsw@nvalid,anon> wrote in message
news:461E9C57.46D59D6B@execulink.com...
> Denial in Cancer Patients and Family - long
> Well worth the read.
> http://tinyurl.com/25ewg A post in this newsgroup's archives.
> J


Thanks. I could identify with almost all of it.

G/J

Giuditta,

Scans are not treatment. If there is no treatment available, there
is no longer any reason to scan.

And, yes, mourning him while he is still alive is a waste of time you
could be spending living and loving him well.

You have mentioned your job. And you are in the USA. Your employer
sounds large enough that you should be eligible for FMLA leave. So
please start taking it! Spend those precious hours together with Don.

Una (baby sitting on her lap, helping her type each word!)

una@att.net (Una) wrote in news:evmr2r$jum$1@doliolum.localnet:

> Giuditta,
>
> Scans are not treatment. If there is no treatment available, there
> is no longer any reason to scan.
>
> And, yes, mourning him while he is still alive is a waste of time you
> could be spending living and loving him well.
>
> You have mentioned your job. And you are in the USA. Your employer
> sounds large enough that you should be eligible for FMLA leave. So
> please start taking it! Spend those precious hours together with Don.
>
> Una (baby sitting on her lap, helping her type each word!)
>
Sometimes hard for the breadwinner to do as it is unpaid. School will be
out soon, but then there's those pesky college classes...

I love the baby image.
Fig

Re FMLA, Figgertoes <me@privacy.net> wrote:
>Sometimes hard for the breadwinner to do as it is unpaid.

It is unpaid only if the employee has no accumulated sick time or
vacation time. Some employers allow other employees to donate their
sick time so the person taking FMLA leave can take it all as paid
leave.

And some states (California!) mandate even better deals than that.

DH took 7 weeks of FMLA leave in 2006, all paid out of his own
accumulated sick time. If we need to travel out of state for the
baby's cancer treatment, he will take FMLA again this year.

Una

Una wrote:

> Scans are not treatment. If there is no treatment available, there
> is no longer any reason to scan.
>
> And, yes, mourning him while he is still alive is a waste of time you
> could be spending living and loving him well.
>
> You have mentioned your job. And you are in the USA. Your employer
> sounds large enough that you should be eligible for FMLA leave. So
> please start taking it! Spend those precious hours together with Don.

Don's weak and spends his time going from doctor to sleeping and when he
feels well enough, out with buds to a place where his band plays. He
doesn't want her fussing over him.

Going to work gives G a break from it all. They need the money. The
"kids" take turns helping at home with Don. She's the only breadwinner
of a family of 4. There's more ("kids") but they live independently.

He was diagnosed in November and told his prognosis is measured in
months, not years. His oncologist is (proclaimed by his RN) a "kill or
cure" oncologist. This was his first line of treatment.
There's lots of other treatments or combos.

She'll likely need time off later this year.
J

Una wrote:

> Scans are not treatment. If there is no treatment available, there
> is no longer any reason to scan.

I forgot to mention.
Don does not know that his cancer is not curable.
His onc told him he's seen miracles and Don believes he'll be a miracle.
G wants to know what's going on in Don's body. (I think that's why she
mentioned more scans, but that's in a different "topic" of posts).
J

On Apr 13, 11:00 am, J <nexsw@nvalid,anon> wrote:
> Una wrote:
> > Scans are not treatment. If there is no treatment available, there
> > is no longer any reason to scan.
>
> > And, yes, mourning him while he is still alive is a waste of time you
> > could be spending living and loving him well.
>
> > You have mentioned your job. And you are in the USA. Your employer
> > sounds large enough that you should be eligible for FMLA leave. So
> > please start taking it! Spend those precious hours together with Don.
>
> Don's weak and spends his time going from doctor to sleeping and when he
> feels well enough, out with buds to a place where his band plays. He
> doesn't want her fussing over him.
>
> Going to work gives G a break from it all. They need the money. The
> "kids" take turns helping at home with Don. She's the only breadwinner
> of a family of 4. There's more ("kids") but they live independently.
>
> He was diagnosed in November and told his prognosis is measured in
> months, not years. His oncologist is (proclaimed by his RN) a "kill or
> cure" oncologist. This was his first line of treatment.
> There's lots of other treatments or combos.
>
> She'll likely need time off later this year.
> J

Giuditta mentioned earlier in her posts that she had used all her sick
leave. She sure doesn't want to put her job in jeopardy. Employers,
even generous compassionate ones, are considerate up to a point.

The accumulated sick leave thing works for some, but many companies,
including mine, have eliminated sick leave altogether in favor of PTO
plans & there is no carryover specifically for sick leave b/c there is
a separate short-term disability plan for illnesses exceeding 5 work
days. When our plan ended at the end of 2006, people with large
balances just saw them erased. Whether PTO is better or not depends
upon how often a person is sick with 1-5 day episodes. People sure
seem to make it to work more when days off for sick could be used for
more fun things. Downside: encourages bringing germs to work.

But the days of accumulating stockpiles of sick leave are largely
over. Companies also have to disclose it as a liability. When my
sister's company eliminated it, they cashed everyone out. She
received way over a years' extra salary - at her current compensation
rate as a director, not what it was 25 years earlier as a newby when
some of the hours went into the pot. Not small potatoes. This is
long-winded, I know.

I'm glad your dh has that option, Una. Use it, enjoy it, but know it
may not be a forever thing.

Fig

"Una" <una@att.net> wrote in message news:evmr2r$jum$1@doliolum.localnet...
> Giuditta,
>
> Scans are not treatment. If there is no treatment available, there
> is no longer any reason to scan.
>
> And, yes, mourning him while he is still alive is a waste of time you
> could be spending living and loving him well.
>
> You have mentioned your job. And you are in the USA. Your employer
> sounds large enough that you should be eligible for FMLA leave. So
> please start taking it! Spend those precious hours together with Don.
>
> Una (baby sitting on her lap, helping her type each word!)

I don't even know what FMLA leave is, but if it involves me not getting a
paycheck, it's impossible for me...I'm the main breadwinner now. As much as
I would love to be at home with Don, I have no other options. What is FMLA?
Is that the law where people can take off work and still keep their jobs?
That's probably like pregnancy leave at our school district. Sure, the mom
can be off, but she won't get paid anything but a smaller disabilty check
that we have through American Fideltiy.

I have that, but it's $1,000 less than my paycheck, and I would have to be
sick or having surgery to apply.

Thanks,
G

"Una" <una@att.net> wrote in message news:evob94$klc$1@doliolum.localnet...
> Re FMLA, Figgertoes <me@privacy.net> wrote:
>>Sometimes hard for the breadwinner to do as it is unpaid.
>
> It is unpaid only if the employee has no accumulated sick time or
> vacation time. Some employers allow other employees to donate their
> sick time so the person taking FMLA leave can take it all as paid
> leave.
>
> And some states (California!) mandate even better deals than that.
>
> DH took 7 weeks of FMLA leave in 2006, all paid out of his own
> accumulated sick time. If we need to travel out of state for the
> baby's cancer treatment, he will take FMLA again this year.
>
> Una


Una, I have used so many of my sick days that I have a full day coming out
of my check this very month...I can't miss work. My co-workers, bless their
hearts, don't have many sick days either, but they would contribute if I
asked them...they've all had sicknesses in their families or been sick
themselves...it's a smaller school with fewer teachers. It is part of the
public school system but it's an alternative school where we take behavioral
problem kids from the other schools or kids with felonies...

We have a mental health staff that works with us, but they aren't on the
same type payscale that we're on...personally, I think we should get combat
pay, but we don't.

Thanks for the idea though ... it sounds great but impossible right now. I
figure if worse comes to worse and if I lose Don, they will get together and
give me their days, but like one of the Lakeside staff members said to me
last week ... "You need those days now, not after he's gone." Lakeside is a
mental health facility based in Memphis, but they have employees whose
specialty is working with youngsters that have anger, etc. issues...they're
a lot of help to us.

Again, thank you for the suggestions,

Giuditta

"J" <nexsw@nvalid,anon> wrote in message
news:461FB730.68BC1E70@execulink.com...
> Una wrote:
>
>> Scans are not treatment. If there is no treatment available, there
>> is no longer any reason to scan.
>>
>> And, yes, mourning him while he is still alive is a waste of time you
>> could be spending living and loving him well.
>>
>> You have mentioned your job. And you are in the USA. Your employer
>> sounds large enough that you should be eligible for FMLA leave. So
>> please start taking it! Spend those precious hours together with Don.
>
> Don's weak and spends his time going from doctor to sleeping and when he
> feels well enough, out with buds to a place where his band plays. He
> doesn't want her fussing over him.
>
> Going to work gives G a break from it all. They need the money. The
> "kids" take turns helping at home with Don. She's the only breadwinner
> of a family of 4. There's more ("kids") but they live independently.
>
> He was diagnosed in November and told his prognosis is measured in
> months, not years. His oncologist is (proclaimed by his RN) a "kill or
> cure" oncologist. This was his first line of treatment.
> There's lots of other treatments or combos.
>
> She'll likely need time off later this year.
> J


J, you got it right ... every word of it. What are the other treatments or
combos? Are they different types of chemos?

Hugs,
G/J

"Figgertoes" <me@privacy.net> wrote in message
news:Xns9910EC49E4A7Cfiggertoes@216.168.3.44...
> una@att.net (Una) wrote in news:evmr2r$jum$1@doliolum.localnet:
>
>> Giuditta,
>>
>> Scans are not treatment. If there is no treatment available, there
>> is no longer any reason to scan.
>>
>> And, yes, mourning him while he is still alive is a waste of time you
>> could be spending living and loving him well.
>>
>> You have mentioned your job. And you are in the USA. Your employer
>> sounds large enough that you should be eligible for FMLA leave. So
>> please start taking it! Spend those precious hours together with Don.
>>
>> Una (baby sitting on her lap, helping her type each word!)
>>
> Sometimes hard for the breadwinner to do as it is unpaid. School will be
> out soon, but then there's those pesky college classes...
>
> I love the baby image.
> Fig

Fig, that's what I am talking about ... we need my paycheck and the college
courses will be "pesky" this time. I want to see the baby pic ... where is
it.

Happy Saturday Hug!
G/J

Giuditta <jmarrs@myspeedworks.com> wrote:

>
>"Una" <una@att.net> wrote in message news:evmr2r$jum$1@doliolum.localnet...
>> Giuditta,
>>
>> Scans are not treatment. If there is no treatment available, there
>> is no longer any reason to scan.
>>
>> And, yes, mourning him while he is still alive is a waste of time you
>> could be spending living and loving him well.
>>
>> You have mentioned your job. And you are in the USA. Your employer
>> sounds large enough that you should be eligible for FMLA leave. So
>> please start taking it! Spend those precious hours together with Don.
>>
>> Una (baby sitting on her lap, helping her type each word!)

>I don't even know what FMLA leave is

>but if it involves me not getting a paycheck, it's impossible

That depends on your circumstances. And because this newsgroup is
a resource for others, not just you, I'll mention that some states
provide benefits in addition to what FMLA requires. But to obtain
them the employee must first request leave under FMLA.

http://www.dol.gov/elaws/esa/fmla/s1.asp

Another thing you can do is ask your benefits administrator about
borrowing paid sick leave. This is much more likely to be granted
when you are not the one who is sick.

Hope this helps,

Una

Giuditta wrote:
> "Una" <una@att.net> wrote in message news:evmr2r$jum$1@doliolum.localnet...
>
>>Giuditta,
>>
>>Scans are not treatment. If there is no treatment available, there
>>is no longer any reason to scan.
>>
>>And, yes, mourning him while he is still alive is a waste of time you
>>could be spending living and loving him well.
>>
>>You have mentioned your job. And you are in the USA. Your employer
>>sounds large enough that you should be eligible for FMLA leave. So
>>please start taking it! Spend those precious hours together with Don.
>>
>>Una (baby sitting on her lap, helping her type each word!)
>
>
> I don't even know what FMLA leave is, but if it involves me not getting a
> paycheck, it's impossible for me...I'm the main breadwinner now. As much as
> I would love to be at home with Don, I have no other options. What is FMLA?
> Is that the law where people can take off work and still keep their jobs?
> That's probably like pregnancy leave at our school district. Sure, the mom
> can be off, but she won't get paid anything but a smaller disabilty check
> that we have through American Fideltiy.
>
> I have that, but it's $1,000 less than my paycheck, and I would have to be
> sick or having surgery to apply.
>
> Thanks,
> G
>
>
Here in the USA FMLA ( Family Medical Leave Act) You can take up 12
weks off from work for you or to rake care of a sick family member
(Having ababy, adopting a child, you, spiouse, child, Mother, father,
Grand parents, or someone who you are a care giver to). without pay. And
the be able to return to work. Your employer can't fire or release you
from work. So long as the paper work is made out correctly. Their are
some employers who will let you use all of you vacation time that you
have erned to offset your loss in pay while You are on FMLA. There also
some employers who allow fellow employess do donate a portion of their
vacation time to you to offset your loss of income while on FMLA. I do
know of one employer DOW chemical who will pay 60% of your income while
you are out on FMLA. It's not a whole paycheck. But it's enough to pay
for your medcial ins and keep your bills paid while you are out.

You are allowed to take the 12 weeks after you have been employed for 90
Calader says. you may take 1 FMLA leave per Calander year. their are
no Maximum leaves one can take over a whole carear at 1 employer. Lete
say you worked for a company 10 years and 4 of those yrs you used FMLA
in 4 different calabder yrs. Their would be no issues in doing that.

Frank

"Giuditta" <jmarrs@myspeedworks.com> wrote in
news:so5Uh.9$X05.157@eagle.america.net:

>
> "Figgertoes" <me@privacy.net> wrote in message
> news:Xns9910EC49E4A7Cfiggertoes@216.168.3.44...
>> una@att.net (Una) wrote in news:evmr2r$jum$1@doliolum.localnet:
>>
>>> Giuditta,
>>>
>>> Scans are not treatment. If there is no treatment available, there
>>> is no longer any reason to scan.
>>>
>>> And, yes, mourning him while he is still alive is a waste of time
>>> you could be spending living and loving him well.
>>>
>>> You have mentioned your job. And you are in the USA. Your employer
>>> sounds large enough that you should be eligible for FMLA leave. So
>>> please start taking it! Spend those precious hours together with
>>> Don.
>>>
>>> Una (baby sitting on her lap, helping her type each word!)
>>>
>> Sometimes hard for the breadwinner to do as it is unpaid. School
>> will be out soon, but then there's those pesky college classes...
>>
>> I love the baby image.
>> Fig
>
> Fig, that's what I am talking about ... we need my paycheck and the
> college courses will be "pesky" this time. I want to see the baby pic
> ... where is it.
>
> Happy Saturday Hug!
> G/J
>
By baby image, I meant the mental picture Una painted of her baby sitting
on he lap helping to type. I get similar feline help here, but mostly
they parade in front of the monitor or actually DO type with little
paws. I will blame all my typos & misspellings on them...
Fig

"Figgertoes" <me@privacy.net> wrote in message
news:Xns991357D5DBAF7figgertoes@216.168.3.44...
> "Giuditta" <jmarrs@myspeedworks.com> wrote in
> news:so5Uh.9$X05.157@eagle.america.net:
>
>>
>> "Figgertoes" <me@privacy.net> wrote in message
>> news:Xns9910EC49E4A7Cfiggertoes@216.168.3.44...
>>> una@att.net (Una) wrote in news:evmr2r$jum$1@doliolum.localnet:
>>>
>>>> Giuditta,
>>>>
>>>> Scans are not treatment. If there is no treatment available, there
>>>> is no longer any reason to scan.
>>>>
>>>> And, yes, mourning him while he is still alive is a waste of time
>>>> you could be spending living and loving him well.
>>>>
>>>> You have mentioned your job. And you are in the USA. Your employer
>>>> sounds large enough that you should be eligible for FMLA leave. So
>>>> please start taking it! Spend those precious hours together with
>>>> Don.
>>>>
>>>> Una (baby sitting on her lap, helping her type each word!)
>>>>
>>> Sometimes hard for the breadwinner to do as it is unpaid. School
>>> will be out soon, but then there's those pesky college classes...
>>>
>>> I love the baby image.
>>> Fig
>>
>> Fig, that's what I am talking about ... we need my paycheck and the
>> college courses will be "pesky" this time. I want to see the baby pic
>> ... where is it.
>>
>> Happy Saturday Hug!
>> G/J
>>
> By baby image, I meant the mental picture Una painted of her baby sitting
> on he lap helping to type. I get similar feline help here, but mostly
> they parade in front of the monitor or actually DO type with little
> paws. I will blame all my typos & misspellings on them...
> Fig

That's funny...my cat Jack used to love lounging on my keyboard.

G/J

"Giuditta" <jmarrs@myspeedworks.com> wrote in message news:L7BVh.118$X05.517@eagle.america.net...
>
> "Figgertoes" <me@privacy.net> wrote in message
> news:Xns991357D5DBAF7figgertoes@216.168.3.44...

>> By baby image, I meant the mental picture Una painted of her baby sitting
>> on he lap helping to type. I get similar feline help here, but mostly
>> they parade in front of the monitor or actually DO type with little
>> paws. I will blame all my typos & misspellings on them...
>> Fig
>
> That's funny...my cat Jack used to love lounging on my keyboard.
>
> G/J
>

Pine Cone, Sonya, and Huey are my worst (or best in their eyes) assistants on the key board. PC almost ruined a health chart I was modifying for Rob's care. I had to hit that undo button several times. Tanada also gets on the keyboard on occasion. However the worst they like to do is block the monitor when I'm playing an arcade style game.

Pam S.

"Tanada" <tanada@earthlink.net> wrote in
news:ElBVh.2861$j63.1283@newsread2.news.pas.earthl ink.net:

>
> "Giuditta" <jmarrs@myspeedworks.com> wrote in message
> news:L7BVh.118$X05.517@eagle.america.net...
>>
>> "Figgertoes" <me@privacy.net> wrote in message
>> news:Xns991357D5DBAF7figgertoes@216.168.3.44...
>
>>> By baby image, I meant the mental picture Una painted of her baby
> sitting
>>> on he lap helping to type. I get similar feline help here, but
> mostly
>>> they parade in front of the monitor or actually DO type with little
>>> paws. I will blame all my typos & misspellings on them...
>>> Fig
>>
>> That's funny...my cat Jack used to love lounging on my keyboard.
>>
>> G/J
>>
>
> Pine Cone, Sonya, and Huey are my worst (or best in their eyes)
> assistants on the key board. PC almost ruined a health chart I was
> modifying for Rob's care. I had to hit that undo button several
> times. Tanada also gets on the keyboard on occasion. However the
> worst they like to do is block the monitor when I'm playing an arcade
> style game.
>
> Pam S.
>
I am seriously considering a carpet play tower for my office. My little
stinkpot drank water out of a very small vase in which I have 3 tulips on
my desk. Delicate little tongue didn't spill a drop - & I was watching
carefully.

Little Barth-mew spent his day in seclusion after tormenting his 15 year
old brother. Tomorrow, he will have the run of he house & Isaac will
spend the day in my bedroom. He is a really sweet kitten & very bright.
His infractions were fewer tonight.

Fig, wishing she had half of Barth-mew's energy

Giuditta wrote:

> "Figgertoes" <me@privacy.net> wrote in message
>
> > By baby image, I meant the mental picture Una painted of her baby sitting
> > on he lap helping to type. I get similar feline help here, but mostly
> > they parade in front of the monitor or actually DO type with little
> > paws. I will blame all my typos & misspellings on them...
> > Fig
>
> That's funny...my cat Jack used to love lounging on my keyboard.

Type? After years of observing, some friends and I have concluded that cats
will do anything to get attention....mine's currently chewing up a paper and
licking me.
Next comes the bites or wailing "lonely" off in some corner.
Or knocking a ball around or something off a shelf.
Anything to get attention.

G, Jack was trying to impede your computer use.
J

My little baby also helps me type with her little paws. She has found
some of the "magic" keys too. And she gets excited and drools on the
spacebar. Trouble ahead!

Una

J <nexsw@nvalid,anon> wrote in news:46272D67.E3849E50@execulink.com:

> Giuditta wrote:
>
>> "Figgertoes" <me@privacy.net> wrote in message
>>
>> > By baby image, I meant the mental picture Una painted of her baby
>> > sitting on he lap helping to type. I get similar feline help here,
>> > but mostly they parade in front of the monitor or actually DO type
>> > with little paws. I will blame all my typos & misspellings on
>> > them... Fig
>>
>> That's funny...my cat Jack used to love lounging on my keyboard.
>
> Type? After years of observing, some friends and I have concluded
> that cats will do anything to get attention....mine's currently
> chewing up a paper and licking me.
> Next comes the bites or wailing "lonely" off in some corner.
> Or knocking a ball around or something off a shelf.
> Anything to get attention.
>
> G, Jack was trying to impede your computer use.
> J
>

Bartholomew has a paper shredding project going. My sister's cats do too &
she keeps a basket of their favorite paper. My deprived one has to
scrounge for recycled newspapers. I got them one of the carpeted towers
tonight. It is taller than I am & has a tube with cutout & several curved
perches for play & naps. I had intended for Isaac to get on top but am not
sure he can get up there. These things always look bigger once you get
them home. I pratically had to disassemble the car to get it in.

So where is the little brat? On the desk batting a tulip!

Fig

"J" <nexsw@nvalid,anon> wrote in message
news:46272D67.E3849E50@execulink.com...
> Giuditta wrote:
>
>> "Figgertoes" <me@privacy.net> wrote in message
>>
>> > By baby image, I meant the mental picture Una painted of her baby
>> > sitting
>> > on he lap helping to type. I get similar feline help here, but mostly
>> > they parade in front of the monitor or actually DO type with little
>> > paws. I will blame all my typos & misspellings on them...
>> > Fig
>>
>> That's funny...my cat Jack used to love lounging on my keyboard.
>
> Type? After years of observing, some friends and I have concluded that
> cats
> will do anything to get attention....mine's currently chewing up a paper
> and
> licking me.
> Next comes the bites or wailing "lonely" off in some corner.
> Or knocking a ball around or something off a shelf.
> Anything to get attention.
>
> G, Jack was trying to impede your computer use.
> J


I know.

G/J