This is for Joe-46er called "Microsoft God"

Microsoft God

Microsoft Corporation today announced its intent to purchase, copyright
and upgrade God Himself.

The new product would be named, predictably enough, "Microsoft God." It
would be available to consumers sometime in late 1998. "Too many people
feel separated from God in today's world," said Dave McCavaugh, director
of Microsoft's new Religions Division. "Microsoft God will make our Lord
more accessible and will add an easy, intuitive user interface to Him,
making Him not only easier to find, but easier to communicate with."

The new Microsoft Religions line will be expanded to include a multitude
of add-on products to Microsoft God, including:

Microsoft Crusades: This conversion product will bring all worshipper
accounts and prayer files over from previous versions of God or from
competing products.

Microsoft God for the World Wide Web: This product ties Microsoft God with
Microsoft Internet Information Server, making our Lord accessible from the
World Wide Web using a standard Web browser interface. It introduces
several new Web technologies, including Dynamic Salvation and Active
Prayer Pages (APP). Donations for the poor can be donated via a Secure
Alms Server.

Microsoft Prayers: Using a Windows-based WYSIWYG interface, this product
will allow worshippers to construct effective prayers in a minimum of
time. A Secure Prayer Channel technology allows guaranteed delivery of the
prayer to Microsoft God servers. Prayer Wizards enable users to construct
new types of prayers with a minimum learning curve.

Microsoft Savior: This product will allow worshippers to transfer their
sins to its internal Vice Database. After a preset interval, the product
will erase itself from the user's system and establish a clear line of
secure communications to the user's Microsoft God server.

Additionally, Microsoft is expected to announce a line of complimentary
products for the new Religions line, which will enhance the functionality
of the Microsoft God server product, by providing a customized user
interface. These interfaces will be based on popular religious sects,
allowing worshippers to interact with the new God product in much the same
way as the previous version. This line is expected to include Microsoft
Islam, Microsoft Catholicism, Microsoft Judaism (incompatible with
Microsoft Savior), etc.

Competitor Netscape Communications denies rumors that it is planning to
release a competing product, Netscape Satanism, that would attempt to
render Microsoft God installations inoperable.
from: http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/P.../micro027.html

"J" <nexsw@nvalid,anon> wrote in message
news:4629DF97.18AD8718@execulink.com...
> Microsoft God
>
> Microsoft Corporation today announced its intent to purchase, copyright
> and upgrade God Himself.
>
> The new product would be named, predictably enough, "Microsoft God." It
> would be available to consumers sometime in late 1998. "Too many people
> feel separated from God in today's world," said Dave McCavaugh, director
> of Microsoft's new Religions Division. "Microsoft God will make our Lord
> more accessible and will add an easy, intuitive user interface to Him,
> making Him not only easier to find, but easier to communicate with."
>
> The new Microsoft Religions line will be expanded to include a multitude
> of add-on products to Microsoft God, including:
>
> Microsoft Crusades: This conversion product will bring all worshipper
> accounts and prayer files over from previous versions of God or from
> competing products.
>
> Microsoft God for the World Wide Web: This product ties Microsoft God with
> Microsoft Internet Information Server, making our Lord accessible from the
> World Wide Web using a standard Web browser interface. It introduces
> several new Web technologies, including Dynamic Salvation and Active
> Prayer Pages (APP). Donations for the poor can be donated via a Secure
> Alms Server.
>
> Microsoft Prayers: Using a Windows-based WYSIWYG interface, this product
> will allow worshippers to construct effective prayers in a minimum of
> time. A Secure Prayer Channel technology allows guaranteed delivery of the
> prayer to Microsoft God servers. Prayer Wizards enable users to construct
> new types of prayers with a minimum learning curve.
>
> Microsoft Savior: This product will allow worshippers to transfer their
> sins to its internal Vice Database. After a preset interval, the product
> will erase itself from the user's system and establish a clear line of
> secure communications to the user's Microsoft God server.
>
> Additionally, Microsoft is expected to announce a line of complimentary
> products for the new Religions line, which will enhance the functionality
> of the Microsoft God server product, by providing a customized user
> interface. These interfaces will be based on popular religious sects,
> allowing worshippers to interact with the new God product in much the same
> way as the previous version. This line is expected to include Microsoft
> Islam, Microsoft Catholicism, Microsoft Judaism (incompatible with
> Microsoft Savior), etc.
>
> Competitor Netscape Communications denies rumors that it is planning to
> release a competing product, Netscape Satanism, that would attempt to
> render Microsoft God installations inoperable.
> from: http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/P.../micro027.html

My oldest son is a nerd for the US Senate and I know they will love this J,
thanks.

Betsy
>
>

Is there a Vista version? If so I want my money back.



On Sat, 21 Apr 2007 05:55:35 -0400, J <nexsw@nvalid,anon> wrote:

>Microsoft God
>
>Microsoft Corporation today announced its intent to purchase, copyright
>and upgrade God Himself.
>
>The new product would be named, predictably enough, "Microsoft God." It
>would be available to consumers sometime in late 1998. "Too many people
>feel separated from God in today's world," said Dave McCavaugh, director
>of Microsoft's new Religions Division. "Microsoft God will make our Lord
>more accessible and will add an easy, intuitive user interface to Him,
>making Him not only easier to find, but easier to communicate with."
>
>The new Microsoft Religions line will be expanded to include a multitude
>of add-on products to Microsoft God, including:
>
>Microsoft Crusades: This conversion product will bring all worshipper
>accounts and prayer files over from previous versions of God or from
>competing products.
>
>Microsoft God for the World Wide Web: This product ties Microsoft God with
>Microsoft Internet Information Server, making our Lord accessible from the
>World Wide Web using a standard Web browser interface. It introduces
>several new Web technologies, including Dynamic Salvation and Active
>Prayer Pages (APP). Donations for the poor can be donated via a Secure
>Alms Server.
>
>Microsoft Prayers: Using a Windows-based WYSIWYG interface, this product
>will allow worshippers to construct effective prayers in a minimum of
>time. A Secure Prayer Channel technology allows guaranteed delivery of the
>prayer to Microsoft God servers. Prayer Wizards enable users to construct
>new types of prayers with a minimum learning curve.
>
>Microsoft Savior: This product will allow worshippers to transfer their
>sins to its internal Vice Database. After a preset interval, the product
>will erase itself from the user's system and establish a clear line of
>secure communications to the user's Microsoft God server.
>
>Additionally, Microsoft is expected to announce a line of complimentary
>products for the new Religions line, which will enhance the functionality
>of the Microsoft God server product, by providing a customized user
>interface. These interfaces will be based on popular religious sects,
>allowing worshippers to interact with the new God product in much the same
>way as the previous version. This line is expected to include Microsoft
>Islam, Microsoft Catholicism, Microsoft Judaism (incompatible with
>Microsoft Savior), etc.
>
>Competitor Netscape Communications denies rumors that it is planning to
>release a competing product, Netscape Satanism, that would attempt to
>render Microsoft God installations inoperable.
>from: http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/P.../micro027.html
>

46erjoe@nospam.com wrote:

> Is there a Vista version? If so I want my money back.

he he...
Joe, there's been the funniest adverts on TV recently.
There's a PC ("suit") guy and a (kewlish-looking) Mac guy having conversations.

In one ad (conversation), Mr PC announces that he has to buy a new computer in
order to use Vista and more peripherals and Mr Mac, calmly looks over at his
1-piece Mac.

The next ad was Mr PC, having peripherals taped to his head by an IT guy and Mr
Mac, rubs his chin at all the commotion between Mr PC and Mr IT and cooly looks
over at his 1-piece Mac

(these are 30 second ads).

The most recent one, had Mr PC and Mr Mac talking about the commands in the
interface.
I forget them now. The "are you sure you want to do this" type questions. The
ads are hilarious.
J

46erjoe@nospam.com wrote:

> Is there a Vista version? If so I want my money back.

http://www.pugbus.net/artman/publish...11_vista.shtml
God Scorns Windows Vista, Sues Microsoft
By Biff Scuzzy
Feb 3, 2007, 12:34

HEAVEN - Windows Vista, Microsoft's controversial new operating system, has
incurred the wrath of God. The Supreme Power User, operating through his
purchasing agent, the Holy Spirit, was one of the first to buy Vista when it
went on sale Tuesday. He paid $299 (US) for the Vista Ultimate upgrade, the
most powerful of Vista's ten editions. The results were not pleasing in his
sight.

"I've been a Windows guy from the days of 3.0," said God, "because, frankly, I
find the attitude of those Mac heads a bit insufferable. My kid's a Mac head,
but don't get me started on that.

"Anyway, I religiously bought all of Mr. Gates' upgrades, even that transparent
money grab Windows ME; and I automatically installed all the service packs and
patches, but this latest shell game is too much."

God, who said he has been "messing around with PCs since DOS was a puppy,"
wanted to install Vista Ultimate over his copy of Windows XP Professional,
Service Pack 2.

"I needed to keep my old files, settings, and programs intact without going
through the hassle of off-loading them, reformatting my hard drive, doing a
clean install, then reinstalling my applications and data," said God. "Scarcely
did I realize what Vista's little bit of eye candy would cost me."

Among the things that God didn't realize were the necessity of finding and
installing Vista-compatible software drivers and, ultimately, of having to
delete several programs, including Storm Tracker DeLuxe 8.1, that didn't
function under the improved operating system.

"To make matters worse, after all that to-ing and fro-ing—plus a two-hour
installation punctuated by half a dozen glacial reboots—my PC was running as
though somebody had dipped the motherboard in molasses.

"Being in a New Testament mood, I figured I'd roll back Vista and just keep
working in XP. There was some rough weather sneaking up on Florida that I
needed to monitor, and I had already wasted a day on that Vista mess. So I
called technical support—big mistake.

"I got some guy in New Delhi who barely spoke a word of English. Even I
couldn't understand him, and I know my way around languages. When I asked to
speak to his supervisor, he mumbled something and put me on hold. After what
seemed like an eternity, the supervisor comes along and informs me that the
copy of XP I had used to validate my Vista upgrade was no longer functional.
I'd have to pay $150 for a reactivation license if I wanted to use it again.

"Meanwhile this wazzler storm barrels across Florida and kills nineteen people.
I could have diverted it easily if there was a Vista-compatible driver
available for Storm Tracker DeLuxe. That's when I decided to sue Microsoft."

In related news, God revealed that any proceeds resulting from his suit, which
accuses Microsoft of impersonating a deity, will be donated to storm relief
efforts.
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