Momentos

As it's quiet in here and free from looney tunes, it might be an idea to
raise posts on other topics but all related.

J, bless her ;-) went through the archives and found a post I made a good
while back, I've pasted it here below rather than re-typing but it did jog
my memory as to how important it is to have things that can be memory
triggers after you've lost a loved one.

They needn't necessarily be in video form (although I highly recommend
this); I've been lucky enough to have been a "hoarder" and have an entire
flight case full of old valentine cards/notes/snippets from the past/
favourite mug etc.

I don't look in the box very often these days but I (and my girls) know it's
there. I found it very helpful when I was in the throes of deep grief
because it brought back happier memories of our lifetime together rather
than the sad ones of his illness.

This is a strange topic for this ng and when you are battling with this
dreadful illness, perhaps not something that you wish to think about but it
would be a lifetime reminder for your families should the worst scenario
arise.

Here's what I posted:

I have recently received a copy of a video that my husband did whilst in
the hospice. It was filmed by a person working for Rosetta Life (deals with
last letters etc.)

I just wanted to express my comments from the opinion of a "surviving"
relative.


As you know, Tony died on 28th August from a Glioblastoma Multiforme. I
watched the video (it was actually done involving the whole family as part
of a promotional exercise for the hospice's "open day/cancer awareness
day"), to begin with, with some trepidation as to how I would feel to see
Tony again.


It was a really bizarre experience. I think in some respects that it did me
a whole lot of good, this is going to come out strange, but watching him on
video I really took on board how ill he was. It sounds odd, but I think
that when you care for someone on a daily basis you get so used to them
being so ill, that you almost don't notice it at all.


I have found myself grieving for the man that was, rather than the man that
he became. Suddenly noticing him through "new eyes", made me realise that
his death was a relief for him, and therefore in turn, it makes it easier
for me to deal with.


I think any sort of video diaries etc. are invaluable from all sorts of
angles. Both my daughters watched the video and seemed really pleased to
see "Daddy Man" again. They have come to terms with his death extrodinarily
well but a video records the voice where a still picture cannot. Tony also
left a "last letter" here on his computer which I also discovered. A few
simple words mean an awful lot to those that are left behind.


It is probably something that is really hard to do, mainly because it makes
you face your fate, but it really is something for your family to treasure
for here to eternity.


I just wanted to express my opinion in case any others hadn't thought of it
in all their own planning!!


Hugs


Alayne