Newby back again ... help

Trish said...
> Just remember that all the emotions you feel are normal so don't be hard on
> yourself. This does affect everyone in the family. It's a journey for all
> of you as well as him.
>
Thinking of which... how are you Trish? How's Michael and how are your
parents and grandmother? I'm still thinking about you all - I doubt I'm
the only one here.

--
Em

"Figgertoes" <me@privacy.net> wrote in message
news:Xns9879EAEB1EA67figgertoes@216.168.3.44...
> "Giuditta" <jmarrs@myspeedworks.com> wrote in
> news:T%P5h.132$255.981@eagle.america.net:
>
>>
>> "Figgertoes" <me@privacy.net> wrote in message
>> news:Xns98794D0A4F198figgertoes@216.168.3.44...
>>> "Giuditta" <jmarrs@myspeedworks.com> wrote in news:RFF5h.116$255.666
>>> @eagle.america.net:
>>>
>>>>
>>>> "Figgertoes" <me@privacy.net> wrote in message
>>>> news:Xns98784E7AF2804figgertoes@216.168.3.44...
>>>>> "Giuditta" <jmarrs@myspeedworks.com> wrote in
>>>>> news:LHj5h.82$255.117@eagle.america.net:
>>>>>
>>>>> My DH initially had a 6-18 month prognoisis & lived over 4 years.
>>>>> Penny (SCLC) was cautioned not to schedule a trip for January (docs
>>>>> thought that would be her time) but took several long trips later &
>>>>> lived until October. Others go faster than expected. We tend to
>>>>> hear from more longer-term survivors here than the norm, I'd guess,
>>>>> just because they are healthy enough to post.
>>>>>
>>>>> Thinking of you & wishing you & your family all the best,
>>>>> Fig
>>>>
>>>> How did your husband beat the prognosis, if you don't mind me
>>>> asking?
>>>>
>>>> Giuditta
>>>>
>>> There's no way to know. He still fell within the norms, just near
>>> the outer limits.
>>>
>>> He had a strong desire to live & remained extremely involved in life,
>>> continued to contribute. Penny was similar. Whether or not that
>>> contributed to longevity - who knows?
>>>
>>> I know you want answers so you can DO something, but there just
>>> aren't any.
>>>
>>> Fig
>>
>> What type of cancer does your hubby have? Is it in an isolated area or
>> had it mets to the liver, etc.? Is he still living? Is Penny related
>> to you also? I've been reading her blog and feel like I know her. It's
>> weird, but my husband lived in the same place as Penny before I met
>> him when he moved down to Nashville for country music gigs. Calgary,
>> Alberta, right?
>>
>> I received an email from someone that I assume reads this newsgroup,
>> and he was telling me to buy something called gumby gumby. Is that
>> just someone trying to sell something online. He didn't really ask me
>> to buy any from him but said he had it and only charged postage. My
>> cousin has prostrate cancer and went to Mexico for some new treatment
>> there, but it cost him $20,000. I don't know of it helped him or
>> not...I heard this through the grapevine...weird side of the family
>> who don't even want anyone to know he has cancer...
>>
>> You're right...I am looking for answers and there aren't any just like
>> you said...I'm scared and want to mainly know if my hubby's weakness
>> is from the chemo...he just looks so weak in his eyes...dark circles
>> under them also...he didn't feel strong enough to attend the gig
>> tonight, so I know he's weak. Should I notify his onc about the
>> weakness...If he's asleep, I am finding myself looking at his chest to
>> make sure he's still breathing...am I getting morbid? I'm afraid when
>> I do these things that it means I don't have faith in God that he will
>> be okay...I'm just a mess, and this whole thing is not even about me,
>> but I seem to be making it about me...geeezzz...I feel so selfish.
>>
>> Peace,
>>
>> Giuditta
>>
>>
>>
> Socks originally had NSCLC with mets to the bones - upper spine. It
> eventually spread to his liver. Then all over. he passed away 9/7/05,
> diagnised 5/21/01. Penny is not related except in spirit. We met on this
> ng. I have lived in Calgary but never been to Edmonton.
>
> The weakness is not unusual. Both the disease &/or chemo can wipe a
> person out from time to time. Sometimes he may feel like doing things &
> sometimes he won't.
>
> This IS about you too. It really is. You are a part of this journey &
> everything that affects him affects you as well. Don't be surprised if
> he starts looking after you.
>
> Hugs,
> Fig


Your Socks passed on my birthday. Did he live past his prognosis? It seems
that a lot of people do from what I have read and heard about. It unique how
people are the ng can get to feel so close, like family. It sounds like many
people loved and cared about Penny. I wish I had known her too. Oh he would
look after me if he could right now...I know his positive attitude is for me
as well as it is for him. I'm trying to be the same way. He said he feels
better than he did yesterday, but it's hard to find food he can taste
although he is eating it anyway.

Thanks again for making me feel so welcome here and for the compassion.

Hugs back,

Giuditta

"Figgertoes" <me@privacy.net> wrote in message
news:Xns9879EBB71BF62figgertoes@216.168.3.44...
> "Giuditta" <jmarrs@myspeedworks.com> wrote in
> news:zhQ5h.134$255.869@eagle.america.net:
>
>>
>>
>> Is Socks a Clinton fan? Dumb question huh?
>>
>> Peace Out!
>>
>> Giuditta
>>
>>
> Ha, ha, let's just say Socks was quite liberal.
>
> Fig

He sounds like a "cool" guy.

G

"J" <ercent@anon.inv> wrote in message
news:4557CF81.EF76A8A5@execulink.com...
> Giuditta wrote:
>
>> "J" <ercent@anon.inv> wrote in message
>> > Giuditta wrote:
>> >
>> >> How did your husband beat the prognosis, if you don't mind me asking?
>> >
>> > Her husband had a different type of lung cancer.
>> > J
>>
>> What type?
>
> NSCLC (non small cell lung cancer)
> It's treated with surgery, if possible and radiation therapy, if possible
> and adjuvant chemotherapy.
> I think that's the type that Betsy had (has).
> J


This is SCLC (did I get that right?), this terminology is all new to me.
It's inoperable and they aren't doing radiation just chemo. I was hoping
they'd do both to help more, but the dr. said it would be too extensive
radiation.

I still believe the radiation is going to zap it all...I have to believe
that. He has only said that the tumor is on one lung...can't a person live
with one lung? I'm sure they're concerned with the spots on the liver too
though and the adrenal gland...

Tomorrow he goes for the MRI to make sure it isn't in the brain. Can't they
do radiation there. I've read that it can be done. I have a strong feeling
that they won't find any in the brain.

Peace,

Giuditta

"betsyb" <betsy958@TRASHoptonline.net> wrote in message
news:ej8kga026k6@news1.newsguy.com...
>
>
> --
>
> BetsyB
>
> "J" <ercent@anon.inv> wrote in message
> news:4557CF81.EF76A8A5@execulink.com...
>> Giuditta wrote:
>>
>>> "J" <ercent@anon.inv> wrote in message
>>> > Giuditta wrote:
>>> >
>>> >> How did your husband beat the prognosis, if you don't mind me asking?
>>> >
>>> > Her husband had a different type of lung cancer.
>>> > J
>>>
>>> What type?
>>
>> NSCLC (non small cell lung cancer)
>> It's treated with surgery, if possible and radiation therapy, if possible
>> and adjuvant chemotherapy.
>> I think that's the type that Betsy had (has).
>> J
> J, you know I have never asked what flavor my cancer was. To me that would
> be like getting directions on rebuilding the motor in my car.
> Betsy
What do you mean by flavor?

Giuditta

"Figgertoes" <me@privacy.net> wrote in message
news:Xns9879EB5B394F1figgertoes@216.168.3.44...
>J <ercent@anon.inv> wrote in news:4557CF81.EF76A8A5@execulink.com:
>
>> Giuditta wrote:
>>
>>> "J" <ercent@anon.inv> wrote in message
>>> > Giuditta wrote:
>>> >
>>> >> How did your husband beat the prognosis, if you don't mind me asking?
>>> >
>>> > Her husband had a different type of lung cancer.
>>> > J
>>>
>>> What type?
>>
>> NSCLC (non small cell lung cancer)
>> It's treated with surgery, if possible and radiation therapy, if possible
>> and adjuvant chemotherapy.
>> I think that's the type that Betsy had (has).
>> J
>>
>>
>
> But Socks was not a candidate for surgery.

Neither is my husband. Why is that?

G

"Trish" <reddeertrish@yahoo.ca> wrote in message
news:dq36h.2999$_Z2.2527@edtnps89...
>>> I get sad, I get angry, I wallow in self pity...I am actually a mess
>>>> right now and this isn't even about me, so then I feel guilty about
>>>> that. My husband is the one suffering, and sometimes I think he feels
>>>> he has to keep me positive and strong...how lame is that of me? Very!
>>>>
>>>
>>> Aren't you married to him? Isn't he a part of your life as you are a
>>> part of his? If the answer to either/both question is yes, then it is
>>> about you too. The changes in his life affect you and you are looking
>>> at the future and all its possibilities. Go ahead feel the emotions,
>>> but don't count yourself out. He may feel as if he has to be strong for
>>> you, but you'll be strong for him when he needs you to be. Hang in
>>> there, sweetie, you'll make it through the storm and find sunshine on
>>> the other side. You just don't know how long the storm will last.
>>>
>>> Pam S. going through the storm too
>>
>>
>> Thanks Pam. I had a friend tell me the very same thing last
>> week...anything that affects him affects me whether bad or good...but
>> sometimes I do feel too caught up in how this is affecting me when he's
>> the one suffering...but which is really worse...suffering or watching
>> someone suffer...I'd say the latter...
>>
>> Let's pray the storm won't be a Katrina-style storm. You hang in there
>> too, Girl.
>>
>> Big hug!
>>
>> Giuditta
>
>
> When our family first learned of Penny's diagnosis, I went into a
> depression and grieved terribly. Even to the point of having to take time
> off work. Two things pulled me out, her attitude and getting it in my mind
> that now wasn't the time for that. She was alive and I needed to enjoy
> whatever time we had rather then getting caught in my own emotions of
> anger, despair and sorrow. For us, I knew that time for all those
> emotions would come later and could wait until later. Once I got that in
> my head, my times with Penny were even more special and I felt I was
> stronger for her when she needed it.
>
> Just remember that all the emotions you feel are normal so don't be hard
> on yourself. This does affect everyone in the family. It's a journey for
> all of you as well as him.
>
> Trish


I understand what you're saying. I could so easily fall apart right now but
can't. God gives us strength when we need it. I am just going to have a
positive attitude and have faith and put our lives in God's hands. I have
to.

Peace,

G

"Trish" <reddeertrish@yahoo.ca> wrote in message
news:gb36h.2991$_Z2.408@edtnps89...
> Thanks, Trish. Your Penny was quite remarkable wasn't she. I'm reading her
>> blog but not through with it yet. My husband used to live in the same
>> town as Penny before he left for Nashville for the country music scene.
>>
>> It's Calgary, Alberta right? Small world. Do you also live there? If so,
>> do you know anyone named Leigh Shantz. She's married now, but I don't
>> know her last name...been out of touch a long time...
>>
>> You're right about this group. I love it and look forward to reading the
>> advice, and there's so much support and understanding.
>>
>> Penny surely was a bright light here, still is.
>>
>> Peace Out!
>> Giuditta
>
>
> Yes, she was very special indeed and touched many lives over the last year
> and a half. There's a definite hole in my family and I miss my best
> friend and confidante very much.
>
> All my family is in Edmonton and I'm in Red Deer. Wow....it is a small
> world!! When did your hubby leave Alberta?
>
> As for all the concerns you've written about, be sure to write everything
> down when you go to the doctor so you don't forget anything. It's so easy
> to do especially when one's under stress.
>
> This is a tough time for your whole family so don't forget to take care of
> you too!! Penny encouraged us to live life as we normally would which can
> be very tough at times but please do try to do that as much as possible.
> Find things to look forward to and cherish the special moments that come
> your way.
>
> Take care!
> Trish


He moved to Nashville from there way back in the seventies or even late
sixties. He played in a lot of clubs there before coming here. There was the
Sneed Family he played with there. He loved it there, but he then got the
call from Nashville and left for the South of all places.

Penny seems to have been one to think about everyone else instead of herself
wasn't she. It's like her presense can be felt here...

God Bless,
G

--

BetsyB

"Giuditta" <jmarrs@myspeedworks.com> wrote in message
news:sh76h.12$pg.357@eagle.america.net...
>
> "betsyb" <betsy958@TRASHoptonline.net> wrote in message
> news:ej8kga026k6@news1.newsguy.com...
>>
>>
>> --
>>
>> BetsyB
>>
>> "J" <ercent@anon.inv> wrote in message
>> news:4557CF81.EF76A8A5@execulink.com...
>>> Giuditta wrote:
>>>
>>>> "J" <ercent@anon.inv> wrote in message
>>>> > Giuditta wrote:
>>>> >
>>>> >> How did your husband beat the prognosis, if you don't mind me
>>>> >> asking?
>>>> >
>>>> > Her husband had a different type of lung cancer.
>>>> > J
>>>>
>>>> What type?
>>>
>>> NSCLC (non small cell lung cancer)
>>> It's treated with surgery, if possible and radiation therapy, if
>>> possible
>>> and adjuvant chemotherapy.
>>> I think that's the type that Betsy had (has).
>>> J
>> J, you know I have never asked what flavor my cancer was. To me that
>> would be like getting directions on rebuilding the motor in my car.
>> Betsy
> What do you mean by flavor?
>
> Giuditta
Cancers apparently have different names. Like vanilla & chocolate.? Small
cell an the other names I don't really know.

"Mizz Marcia Ryder" <MizzOtis@regrets.com> wrote in message
news:jcS5h.29227$Cq3.16762@tornado.ohiordc.rr.com. ..
> Giuditta,
> First of all I want you to know that I am only snipping your text to get
> to a section I wanted to comment on. This by no means lessens the
> importance of the rest of your post. I really hope you have calmed
> down some since your original post. I know this is very scary for
> your husband, you and the rest of your family. Obviously you love
> him very much and want to help in every way.
>
> "Giuditta" wrote :
>> I'm backkkk.....now I have more info from my husband's biopsy and his
>> trip to the oncologist. I'm trying to understand all that's going on, I'm
>> in shock but can't fall apart because I have to work every day. He has a
>> tumor in his lung, and it's fast-growing, which the dr. said responds
>> best to chemo. It was like he was saying if one has cancer, this is the
>> best one to get, kind of like an oxymoronic statement.
>>
> <snipped for brevity>
>> I have been told so many things to do while he's on chemo like keeping
>> everything sterile, he can have fresh veggies or fruit. We are
>> disinfecting the house and washing everything the minute it's used to
>> keep a germ away. I'm a school teacher, so I'm very concerned about
>> bringing home germs from work. I immediately wash my clothes I wore and
>> shower as soon as I walk in the door.
>>
> <snipped>
> I am almost finished with my chemo. The only instructions I had about any
> extra steps regarding hygiene or diet was:
> (1) if possible get someone else to handle the cat litter duties and
> always
> wash your hands after handling the cats. I was used to washing my
> hands afterward as I am allergic to them anyway. My husband has
> taken on the litter box duties for me AND he hates it. But he does it.
> This issue probably doesn't apply to you.
>
> (2) Fresh fruits and veggies are probably ok at home since you can
> control the washing of such. One never knows how well a restaurant
> or another person is doing that. Still, I just don't that much since I
> can
> be more susceptible to infection. Fruit and veggie juices, 100% juice
> popsicles or canned fruit is ok for now. As much as I love salads
> (especially spinach) I just don't take the chance.
>
> (3) Consider getting a flu shot.
>
> The other stuff you've mentioned in your email I've not been told about.
> I have tried to stay away from crowds but I don't think that really
> matters.
> Since I returned to work 6 weeks ago, I have picked up 2 viruses but no
> bacterial infections. I agree with Steph that normal hygiene steps are
> all
> that's necessary. Your home is probably a lot safer than anywhere else.
>
> Again, please know many here are rooting for you and your family.
> Hugs,
> Marsha


Thanks Marsha!

It's good to know we have cheerleaders for our family ... I so appreciate
that. We don't have a cat, so I don't have to worry about that issue. The
fruit pops are a great idea.

I've learned a lot here and know to now write down every single question for
the onc this week.

You know, I don't think I can get this place any cleaner, and it wasn't even
dirty. I am making sure that the baths stay disinfected and all eating areas
and changing his sheets every day.

A couple of his musician friends are in there visiting right now, and one
was talking about his children who were home sick with viruses...I feel like
asking him to leave before a germ hops off him, but my husband is having a
great time visiting with them so I will just chill out...

It seems that people should know these things...it kind of irritates me that
someone could possible bring a virus germ into this place right now with his
resistance low like it is...

God Bless!

Giuditta

"Emily" <me@privacy.net> wrote in message
news:MPG.1fc2f254260aa83e98c1af@news.individual.ne t...
> Trish said...
>> Just remember that all the emotions you feel are normal so don't be hard
>> on
>> yourself. This does affect everyone in the family. It's a journey for
>> all
>> of you as well as him.
>>
> Thinking of which... how are you Trish? How's Michael and how are your
> parents and grandmother? I'm still thinking about you all - I doubt I'm
> the only one here.
>
> --
> Em


Thank you Em.

For the most part, I'm doing well but definitely have my moments. I had
some wonderful advice from Annie this weekend that lifted me up and made me
realize that just like all I was feeling during it all was normal, so are
the feelings I have now.

The family has grown quiet over the last week. The stress over the last
couple months especially took a tremendous toll in many ways so I think we
all have needed our own space for a while. I know I have. We've also all
voiced a feeling of being lost. Our lives for the past year and a half
revolved around Penny and cancer and it's been like "now what?". We will
have to find a new normal again. But no matter what that normal becomes,
she will always be in all our minds and I think there will always be a hole.

I must say I do find it difficult to come in here. It stirs up alot of
emotions and reminds me of how much I miss her. But there is definitely
something about cancer that makes you feel like you are part of an extended
family of sorts. And so I find myself coming back, checking to see how
people are and once in a while making a post.

Hope all is well with you too Em.
Take care.
Trish

http://pensclc.blogspot.com
http://www.penniesforcancer.com

Giuditta wrote:
> "Figgertoes" <me@privacy.net> wrote in message
> news:Xns98797580536A8figgertoes@216.168.3.44...
>
>>J <ercent@anon.inv> wrote in news:45575AE6.75AA654@execulink.com:
>>
>>
>>>Giuditta wrote:
>
> Is Socks a Clinton fan? Dumb question huh?
>
> Peace Out!
>
> Giuditta
>
Socks was a very active member of the Sierra Club and was well known by
many of us, most members of the Board of Directors, many of the staff
and others.
He was a conservationist and is sorely missed for his work in that area
alone.

--
******************************************
* This is the Spammish Inquisition *
* Not Lumber Cartel Unit 75 [TINLC] *
* http://bobcathoh.50megs.com/tinLC/ *
* david l kayp at earthlink dot net *
******************************************

betsyb wrote:

> "Giuditta" <jmarrs@myspeedworks.com> wrote in message
> >
> > "betsyb" <betsy958@TRASHoptonline.net> wrote in message
> >> "J" <ercent@anon.inv> wrote in message
> >>> Giuditta wrote:
> >>>
> >>>> "J" <ercent@anon.inv> wrote in message
> >>>> > Giuditta wrote:
> >>>> >
> >>>> >> How did your husband beat the prognosis, if you don't mind me
> >>>> >> asking?
> >>>> >
> >>>> > Her husband had a different type of lung cancer.
> >>>> > J
> >>>>
> >>>> What type?
> >>>
> >>> NSCLC (non small cell lung cancer)
> >>> It's treated with surgery, if possible and radiation therapy, if
> >>> possible
> >>> and adjuvant chemotherapy.
> >>> I think that's the type that Betsy had (has).
> >>> J
> >> J, you know I have never asked what flavor my cancer was. To me that
> >> would be like getting directions on rebuilding the motor in my car.
> >> Betsy
> > What do you mean by flavor?
> >
> > Giuditta
> Cancers apparently have different names. Like vanilla & chocolate.? Small
> cell an the other names I don't really know.

I posted the different types on Sunday.
J

Trish wrote:

>
> For the most part, I'm doing well but definitely have my moments. I had
> some wonderful advice from Annie this weekend that lifted me up and made me
> realize that just like all I was feeling during it all was normal, so are
> the feelings I have now.
>
> The family has grown quiet over the last week. The stress over the last
> couple months especially took a tremendous toll in many ways so I think we
> all have needed our own space for a while. I know I have. We've also all
> voiced a feeling of being lost. Our lives for the past year and a half
> revolved around Penny and cancer and it's been like "now what?". We will
> have to find a new normal again. But no matter what that normal becomes,
> she will always be in all our minds and I think there will always be a hole.

Undestandable. We miss her here as well.

> I must say I do find it difficult to come in here. It stirs up alot of
> emotions and reminds me of how much I miss her.

Yes, well for some it helps with the grieving and for others, they relive the
journey and would prefer mourning other ways. There are probably many lurkers
(for various reasons).

> But there is definitely
> something about cancer that makes you feel like you are part of an extended
> family of sorts. And so I find myself coming back, checking to see how
> people are and once in a while making a post.

Yes, it's hard to leave, once we get to know them.
New ones arrive and others are in different parts of their cancer "journey".

> Hope all is well with you too Em.
> Take care.
> Trish
>
> http://pensclc.blogspot.com
> http://www.penniesforcancer.com

Listen Trish, I asked Penny not to post penniesforcancer and we had an agreement
that the blog was okay. I eased off towards the end (during her last month or
so) rather than cause upsets to each who posted it but I am asking you not to
post it anymore. Others have been told the same thing, so it's not fair to allow
it and if all persons who want to raise funds here, it would become (too many)
alt.fund.raising posts, I can assure you and it's not permitted nor serves the
purpose of this newsgroup, which is emotional and information support for cancer
patients.
Please and thank you.

Take care, Trish.
J

Giuditta wrote:

> "Figgertoes" <me@privacy.net> wrote in message
> >J <ercent@anon.inv> wrote in news:4557CF81.EF76A8A5@execulink.com:
> >
> >> Giuditta wrote:
> >>
> >>> "J" <ercent@anon.inv> wrote in message
> >>> > Giuditta wrote:
> >>> >
> >>> >> How did your husband beat the prognosis, if you don't mind me asking?
> >>> >
> >>> > Her husband had a different type of lung cancer.
> >>> > J
> >>>
> >>> What type?
> >>
> >> NSCLC (non small cell lung cancer)
> >> It's treated with surgery, if possible and radiation therapy, if possible
> >> and adjuvant chemotherapy.
> >> I think that's the type that Betsy had (has).
> >> J
> >>
> >>
> >
> > But Socks was not a candidate for surgery.
>
> Neither is my husband. Why is that?

It won't cure him, nor extend his life, since the cancer has already spread.
J

Giuditta wrote:

> "
> This is SCLC (did I get that right?), this terminology is all new to me.
> It's inoperable and they aren't doing radiation just chemo. I was hoping
> they'd do both to help more, but the dr. said it would be too extensive
> radiation.
>
> I still believe the radiation is going to zap it all...I have to believe
> that. He has only said that the tumor is on one lung...can't a person live
> with one lung? I'm sure they're concerned with the spots on the liver too
> though and the adrenal gland...
>
> Tomorrow he goes for the MRI to make sure it isn't in the brain. Can't they
> do radiation there. I've read that it can be done. I have a strong feeling
> that they won't find any in the brain.

Hello G,
Apparently prophylactic radiation therapy to the brain does not prevent the
development of metastasis to the brain in the majority of patients who
developed metastases". According to the study mentioned in the website below

<http://ufscc.ufl.edu/Patient/cancernews.aspx?section=cancernews&id=36493>
Reference: Baas P, Belderbos JSA, Senan S, et al. Concurrent chemotherapy
(carboplatin, paclitaxel, etoposide) and involved-field radiotherapy in limited
stage small cell lung cancer: A Dutch multicenter phase II trial. British
Journal of Cancer. 2006;94:625-630

We already know that because Bob had that, then had subequent cyberknife RT for
recurrences in the brain. Penny chose to wait and see if the cancer spread to
her brain and I don't think it did. Another man's wife did (late in the
disease), so she did have radiation to the brain to stop symptoms.

So if they speak with you about whole brain radiation, ask them the risks,
because apparently there may not be a benefit, rather than just "picking them
off", if they show up and start causing symptoms.

This once seems to state "no meaningful differences" and seems current as well.

http://www.cancer.gov/clinicaltrials...diosurgery0806

Hugs
J

"Giuditta" <jmarrs@myspeedworks.com> wrote in message
news:6VO5h.128$255.997@eagle.america.net...
>
>
> Thanks for all the feedback! You know what? I do believe he'll beat this
> ... I'm standing in faith with him. Is Rob your husband? When was he
> diagnosed and what kind does he have if you don't mind me asking? It's so
> weird now...it seems that I have a million aches and pains myself
> now...it's my stomach and then my back and then I'm saying, "Oh hell, I
> have cancer too." Am I just losing my mind???
>
> Peace Out!
> Giuditta
>
> PS
> We didn't go to the gig...he's too weak. But he did eat dinner, well, part
> of it, which is good since he wasn't hungry.

As you read in my next post, Rob is my husband. He has a form of brain
cancer called malignant anaplastic oliodendroglioma (I rarely spell that
right) with an average survival time of 2-15 years. We're hoping for 50.
He's 44 now and was 40 when diagnosed.

I am home from school today with a hard dull pain in my back (level 6, I'd
say) that reminds me of when I had pneumonia 9 years ago. I figure it's in
my head, because a lot of aches pains and diseases seem to find me lately,
and I get past most of them by cussing and indulging my need to be with Rob.
Fortunately, my grades are good and my school is being fantastic about my
absentee rate.

And no, I don't think you're crazy.

Pam S.

"Giuditta" <jmarrs@myspeedworks.com> wrote in message
news:mLP5h.130$255.816@eagle.america.net...
>
>
> Sometimes I don't know who I'm responding to, but think this is Pam
> although I started out on this post with Betty...

Not to worry, we all butt in.

>
> Fear ... I hate fear almost as much as I hate Hitler. I really detest
> those down times too...and mine are always at 2 p.m. or 2:30 when I'm in
> school in front of my class...it's like something just hits me and I feel
> like all this anxiety...and sadness and fear...
>

I tell myself that fear is normal, and that I should worry if I didn't fear
it.

> My parents are both deceased, so when having a pity party, I think, "God,
> if I lose my husband, I'm an orphan and a widow." I hate that you have
> these moments too, but at least I don't feel quite as crazy. I guess
> misery really does love company. My dr. gave me xanex, and I don't want a
> crutch, but that crutch has come in very handy lately...

My parents died when I was in my teens, so they don't crop much in my
thoughts, however Rob's parents do. No parent should outlive their child.
Anyway I was already taking Paxil for social anxiety disorder and IBS when
Rob was diagnosed. There are times when I wonder if they should up the
dosage, but function very well most of the time. I need the help, so I
don't complain.

>
> Guess what else this dumbass did ... I went out on our balcony, which I
> refer to as my cruise ship and smoked cigarettes like a crazy person...I'm
> stressed, so I smoked cigarettes because my husband has lung cancer. You
> see, teachers aren't so smart are they...not this one.
>

I quit smoking 6 years before Rob was diagnosed, or I would be doing the
same. There are still times when I'd do just about anything to have a
bottle to drown my sorrows in. However, I'm a diabetic and alcohol is not a
good combination with the medications I'm on and I'm not suicidal, and not
wanting to be.

> I think I'm becoming a hypochondriac too...my stomach aches really
> bad...right where my hubby's was hurting and of course I felt a knot
> there...writers have wild imaginations too...I have started a journal on
> all this and have been reading a lot of Hunter S. Thompson because he's
> about as crazy as I feel right now and that's why I love him, but he
> killed himself...and he didn't even have cancer...

No comment, Hunter S. Thompson was nuts.

>
> these people in People magazine who are celebs with all this money and
> their health you read about...getting divorces, anorexia, etc., I wonder
> what the hell do they have to be so screwed up about...do they just not
> have any real problems?
>

Taylor Caldwell once had a doctor in one of her historical romance/suspense
novels say that mental disorder was something you'd find only in the upper
classes as those who actually worked didn't have time for it. To some
extent, I think she was right.

> I guess I have rambled enough now...you guys will be pointing me in the
> direction of the looney bin newsgroup but please don't...you've let me
> rattle on about nothing tonight...
>
> Maybe I should just go watch Desparate Housewives or even a smarter
> choice, grade a load of papers in my schoolbag...
>

Just don't do what a fifth grade teacher of my acquaintance did. She would
grade papers while driving to and from work. She ended up in an accident as
a result. She graded a lot of work while in the hospital.

> Thanks for letting me show my confused emotions...again ... I am so glad I
> found you guys!
>

I don't know about you, but every person I've ever known had to deal with a
bundle of mixed emotions at times. We're here to help you with whatever you
need us to help you with.

Pam S.

"Figgertoes" <me@privacy.net> wrote in message
news:Xns9879EC8F5ACAAfiggertoes@216.168.3.44...
>>
> Ha, ha. Socks had his collection of microbrew hats & Broncos stocking
> hats, etc. Then a friend went on business trips to Russia & bought him a
> hat on Red Square - the furry kind with the up/down ear flaps. he loved
> that hat & it was/is plenty warm.
>

LOL, Rob loves the idea of a Russian ear flap hat. I'll have to see what I
can do in that direction. I've tossed him this off white stocking hat (here
they call it a toboggan hat) and suggested he wear it as it looks really
asinine on me. Smart man, he won't wear it. One of our adoptive sons
brought back one of the head warmers he wore when stationed in the desert,
and Rob loves to try to weird us out with it. It's a spandex-mix tube and
you can adjust it on your head and neck as you want. Rob loves to put it on
so that it looks like a poorly adjusted condom and make us laugh. He does
have an overdeveloped sense of humor at times.

Pam S.

"Giuditta" <jmarrs@myspeedworks.com> wrote in message
news:bsQ5h.135$255.634@eagle.america.net...
>
> Hats! Great idea. I have always heard if a person's head and feet are warm
> that the rest of the body will stay warm. He used to wear cowboy hats a
> lot, but I don't know if one wold keep his head warm enough. My niece said
> she was getting him a do-rag like Willie wears...I can get him a tobaggan
> also...
>

Rob's mom is making a quilt out of the head scarfs that she wore after the
times that she was operated on for non-cancerous tumors on the lining of her
brain. I guess you could say that it runs in the family, sort of. She
offered to give Rob one, It was pink, had lots and lots of flowers and lace
printed on it, and looked very old fashioned feminine. I think he should
have taken her up on it, but he declined it, saying that he was sure that
she needed it for her quilt. I'm still chuckling.

> Are ya'll referring to my hubby's oncologist? I understand. I am going to
> give him a call tomorrow...to ask more questions...I was wondering as far
> as his cough goes that's keeping him up most the night...would a strong
> cough syrup help him or should he not take that...I mean, does he need to
> be coughing up stuff or stiffling the cough? The dr. ordered him Tussin,
> but my husband seemed to think the Robitussin was working well enough, but
> it isn't...the tussin is very expensive, but we'll buy it if it will help
> him more or should I ask for a less expensive one that works just as well
> as the tussin? I think if we could get the cough under control, he cold
> get more rest and feel much better.
>

Don't know about the Robitussin vs. Tussin debate, but if that is what the
doctor ordered, I'd generally go with it, after asking him about using
Robitussin instead. If the Robitussin isn't working, then I'd definately
change brands. Your doctor may be able to prescribe one, so that it will be
paid for, more or less, by your medical plan. It depends on your doctor and
your medical plan. We receive our medications through the military, and a
lot of medications are not covered, so we have to work around what is
available. Fortunately, most of the doctors here are aware of what the
military will and won't allow, and prescribe accordingly.

Pam S. Who still thinks the oncologist needs to get a life

"Giuditta" <jmarrs@myspeedworks.com> wrote in message
news:O3R5h.139$255.925@eagle.america.net...
>
>
> Thanks Pam. I had a friend tell me the very same thing last
> week...anything that affects him affects me whether bad or good...but
> sometimes I do feel too caught up in how this is affecting me when he's
> the one suffering...but which is really worse...suffering or watching
> someone suffer...I'd say the latter...
>
> Let's pray the storm won't be a Katrina-style storm. You hang in there
> too, Girl.
>

Thanks Sweetie,

Right now the storm is swirling around and I feel like the wolves are going
to get us. I just made reservations to spend at least one night up in
Chapel Hill (University of North Carolina University Hospital complex) so
that Rob can receive further tests. Tomorrow I have to have him at the
local army hospital for a long overdue MRI.

I used to hate being alone, understandable since I've had children since I
was 23. Now I would really love to have some true alone time. No one
calling us for one thing or another, no school, relatives, bills, or other
needs coming to my attention, and no urgency to take care of anything before
it's too late. It won't happen for a long time, and if getting that alone
time means losing Rob, well....bring on the interruptions. I think the
whole family is caught up in this, as is any boy or girl friends, and any
friends who've stayed after finding out about Rob's cancer.

Pam S.

"Giuditta" <jmarrs@myspeedworks.com> wrote in message
news:1l76h.14$pg.344@eagle.america.net...
>
>
> I understand what you're saying. I could so easily fall apart right now
> but can't. God gives us strength when we need it. I am just going to have
> a positive attitude and have faith and put our lives in God's hands. I
> have to.
>

We all have to find our feet one way or another and reach an accommodation
with that which has happened to us. Whatever gives you strength is what you
need right now.

Pam S.

"Trish" <reddeertrish@yahoo.ca> wrote in message
news:Z8a6h.5880$gy2.3512@edtnps90...
>
>
> The family has grown quiet over the last week. The stress over the last
> couple months especially took a tremendous toll in many ways so I think we
> all have needed our own space for a while. I know I have. We've also all
> voiced a feeling of being lost. Our lives for the past year and a half
> revolved around Penny and cancer and it's been like "now what?". We will
> have to find a new normal again. But no matter what that normal becomes,
> she will always be in all our minds and I think there will always be a
> hole.
>
> I must say I do find it difficult to come in here. It stirs up alot of
> emotions and reminds me of how much I miss her. But there is definitely
> something about cancer that makes you feel like you are part of an
> extended family of sorts. And so I find myself coming back, checking to
> see how people are and once in a while making a post.
>

It's amazing how we adjust to new realities in our lives. I never thought
that we'd be looking at living here past Rob's retirement from the army, or
that he wouldn't be working, or that I'd be back in school, or that the rest
of our lives would turn out the way they have. If I'm still around after
Rob passes to the next phase in his life, I don't know if I'll be able to
come in here. But then I don't know if I can avoid coming in here. I doubt
it as there are so many in here that have become friends over the last four
or so years.

Pam S.

> Listen Trish, I asked Penny not to post penniesforcancer and we had an
> agreement
> that the blog was okay. I eased off towards the end (during her last
> month or
> so) rather than cause upsets to each who posted it but I am asking you not
> to
> post it anymore. Others have been told the same thing, so it's not fair to
> allow
> it and if all persons who want to raise funds here, it would become (too
> many)
> alt.fund.raising posts, I can assure you and it's not permitted nor serves
> the
> purpose of this newsgroup, which is emotional and information support for
> cancer
> patients.
> Please and thank you.
>
> Take care, Trish.
> J


Will do J! Completely understandable. Sorry about that!

Trish

Trish wrote:

> >Jwrote: Listen Trish, I asked Penny not to post penniesforcancer and we had
> an
> > agreement
> > that the blog was okay. I eased off towards the end <snipped>
>
> Will do J! Completely understandable. Sorry about that!
>
> Trish

Thanks for your understanding, Trish.
Signatures are a PIA. In most newsreader software, they're either "on" for both
email and newsgroup or off, so I understand how that can happen. One has to
copy and paste the blog each post. Or have the blog in the signature and copy
and paste the "pennies" for each email. (or that's the way my newsreader would
handle it, so I don't use a signature).
I don't know the solution.
J

Trish said...
> I must say I do find it difficult to come in here. It stirs up alot of
> emotions and reminds me of how much I miss her. But there is definitely
> something about cancer that makes you feel like you are part of an extended
> family of sorts. And so I find myself coming back, checking to see how
> people are and once in a while making a post.
>
Aye, that's the main reason I've stayed. It's too easy to get to
'know' people here and to find oneself caring how they are getting on.

It's one of those families that one would prefer not to be part of, but
somehow I find I get caught up with people's stories and I keep coming
back to see how everyone is.

Meanwhile...
My mother is improving all the time and apparently her medical team are
pleased with her progress. It's too early to say she's 'cured', but the
indications are that such is the case. She still has difficulties with
eating certain things and she can't chew properly, but that's something
that she has to learn to work around. All in all she's doing OK.

--
Em

tanada wrote:
> "Figgertoes" <me@privacy.net> wrote in message
> news:Xns9879EC8F5ACAAfiggertoes@216.168.3.44...
> >>
> LOL, Rob loves the idea of a Russian ear flap hat. I'll have to see what I
> can do in that direction.
> Pam S.

Pam,

That hat looks very military - synthetic black fur with a horseshoe of
gold metal leaves & I think red star with hammer/sickle in it on a
front flap. Ear flaps with strings for tying up or letting down. I'm
not at home now but will be by weekend. If you think Rob would wear
it, I would be happy to give it to him. It carries fond memories &
Socks enjoyed it, but it's not something I would wear, yet I didn't
donate it with the rest of his clothes either.. He had lots of fun
with it. It does tend to draw attention (understatement). This is a
valid email addy; I think it will show up for you. If you want it,
just tell me where to send it!

I know Socks would enjoy Rob's wearing it.

Fig

Figgertoes wrote:

> Pam,
>
> That hat looks very military - synthetic black fur with a horseshoe of
> gold metal leaves & I think red star with hammer/sickle in it on a
> front flap. Ear flaps with strings for tying up or letting down. I'm
> not at home now but will be by weekend. If you think Rob would wear
> it, I would be happy to give it to him. It carries fond memories &
> Socks enjoyed it, but it's not something I would wear, yet I didn't
> donate it with the rest of his clothes either.. He had lots of fun
> with it. It does tend to draw attention (understatement). This is a
> valid email addy; I think it will show up for you. If you want it,
> just tell me where to send it!
>
> I know Socks would enjoy Rob's wearing it.

That's good of you to offer, fig. I'm sure Socks would be pleased to know his hat
found a new home where it will used and appreciated.

What happened? busy shipping?
There was a flurry of supporters here, earlier this week and everyone's
disappeared....
J

J <ercent@anon.inv> wrote in news:455E0F5A.5E3FAEA@execulink.com:

> Figgertoes wrote:
>
>> Pam,
>>
>> That hat looks very military - synthetic black fur with a horseshoe
>> of gold metal leaves & I think red star with hammer/sickle in it on a
>> front flap. Ear flaps with strings for tying up or letting down.
>> I'm not at home now but will be by weekend. If you think Rob would
>> wear it, I would be happy to give it to him. It carries fond
>> memories & Socks enjoyed it, but it's not something I would wear, yet
>> I didn't donate it with the rest of his clothes either.. He had lots
>> of fun with it. It does tend to draw attention (understatement).
>> This is a valid email addy; I think it will show up for you. If you
>> want it, just tell me where to send it!
>>
>> I know Socks would enjoy Rob's wearing it.
>
> That's good of you to offer, fig. I'm sure Socks would be pleased to
> know his hat found a new home where it will used and appreciated.
>
> What happened? busy shipping?
> There was a flurry of supporters here, earlier this week and
> everyone's disappeared....
> J
>
Hi, J,

I keep going away for a week or more at a time. Some for fun/more for
work. Hope no one takes absences personally.

Haven't heard from Pam re hat. It's not for everyone, but Socks got a
kick out of it & I guess pretty warm.

We're going to go ride choo choos tomorrow. Our light rail system just
opened a bunch of new routes. There will be festivities at all 13 new
stops, so we'll just go see!

I'm glad to read you friend's labs came back beneign. What a scare!

Remember Thursday is our turn to eat turkey, so it may be a slow week
here.

Hugs,
Fig

Figgertoes wrote:

> J <er