Ping: Fig from Chris

I don't want to bring up anything that will hurt you. I would never want to
do that. I just want to know if Socks went peacefully. Since Robert has
lung cancer, I don't want him to be gasping for breath or struggling to
breathe. I just want to know what I might be in for because I will be with
him when he goes. You told me they could hear me even when not conscious.
Thank you for that. I will talk to Robert the whole way through. I saw
Socks' site and you really made a great life for him during his illness, and
I'm sure your entire marriage. You helped make his dreams come true. You
are a real testament to what a great wife is. I have went back and read all
of the things you did for him. He was so lucky to have you.......Kindly,
Chris

"Christine" <dontspamme@anon.net> wrote in
news:qJmHi.45078$wN3.10489@bignews2.bellsouth.net:

> I don't want to bring up anything that will hurt you. I would never
> want to do that. I just want to know if Socks went peacefully. Since
> Robert has lung cancer, I don't want him to be gasping for breath or
> struggling to breathe. I just want to know what I might be in for
> because I will be with him when he goes. You told me they could hear
> me even when not conscious. Thank you for that. I will talk to Robert
> the whole way through. I saw Socks' site and you really made a great
> life for him during his illness, and I'm sure your entire marriage.
> You helped make his dreams come true. You are a real testament to
> what a great wife is. I have went back and read all of the things you
> did for him. He was so lucky to have you.......Kindly, Chris
>
Christine,

Socks did go peacefully, but I was not there. His aunt & doctor were
but no one had anticipated his dying when he did. He was within days or
a week or so, yes, but he exhibited none of the signs they look for to
predict impending death.

I had a certain amount of guilt about not being there. I had been asked
to go into work for a software presentation that was one day only. It
seemed safe to do that, but I missed his death, arriving very shortly
afterward. Now I am just glad he found a way to leave as he was very
ready the last time he was able to communicate with us.

His communication stopped a day or so before he died. He was not in a
coma. He wanted ice cream & would open his mouth to receive & swallow.
There were groans & other sounds, but we could not make sense of them,
nor did he answer our questions about comfort/pain, etc.

He had a great deal of pain hospice could not control, even with
sedation. That is not typical, but I have been reading of other similar
cases, involving younger men who had been on pain meds for several
years.

There was no gasping for breath at all with him at the end. However, he
did experience something they call air hunger earlier. Liquid morphine
helped with that. I don't really remember how that was & would have to
reread my own posts to refresh my memory.

Everyone is different, so you really can't predict what will occur with
a specific person.

http://crossingthecreek.com/
J & others have spoken highly of these books. I bought the whole series
& agree. They are quite detailed. Hospice also furnished reading
material about what to expect. If you buy Michael's books & have an
urgent need, he will let you read online until the books arrive. These
might be a good thing to have in your professional library as well.

http://www.amazon.com/Final-Gifts-Un...ing-Awareness-
Communications/dp/0553378767

Here is another book I found fascenating & somewhat useful. It seems
there are certain things a dying person may speak of, there are certain
universal themes. Many people think they are dreaming &/or are
confused. This book explored the possibility that the dying have a foot
in more than one world & may be reporting what they are experiencing in
another realm.

Socks had one such conversation that I heard. I had hoped it would go
on longer,

Socks was exceptionally easy to please. There were things he wanted to
do & he pushed himself to be able to do them. He rarely complained. He
had been forceful, almost strident at times before he became ill. Then
he became increasingly sweet & thoughtful. He had always been loving,
but it took on another quality. I did spend the last 4+ years after
diagnosis primarily making his dreams come true as much as I could. He
made that easy as he had specific dreams & enjoyed & appreciated all we
were able to do. Since he was initially given a very short prognosis,
we thought everything we did would probably be the last. I tried to get
him out of the house & traveling as much as he could. We'd always keep
one exciting thing on the horizon. We never had to cancel a single
thing.

Hope some of this helps you, Chris. You might find Final Gifts at the
public library.

Hugs,
Fig

"Christine" <dontspamme@anon.net> wrote in message
news:qJmHi.45078$wN3.10489@bignews2.bellsouth.net. ..
>I don't want to bring up anything that will hurt you. I would never want
>to do that. I just want to know if Socks went peacefully. Since Robert
>has lung cancer, I don't want him to be gasping for breath or struggling to
>breathe. I just want to know what I might be in for because I will be with
>him when he goes. You told me they could hear me even when not conscious.
>Thank you for that. I will talk to Robert the whole way through. I saw
>Socks' site and you really made a great life for him during his illness,
>and I'm sure your entire marriage. You helped make his dreams come true.
>You are a real testament to what a great wife is. I have went back and
>read all of the things you did for him. He was so lucky to have
>you.......Kindly, Chris
>
Hi Chris,

Sorry for the interruption between you and Fig, I've been off line for a
while but thought I could offer some words of comfort. My father in law
passed away in July this year of lung cancer (he had two different types),
and I lost my husband to a brain tumour back in 2003. Father in law was
hospitalised with pneumonia but I can honestly say that he didn't suffer
with any pain at all, his last week he spent sleeping and then he simply
passed. I was watching for the ultimate signs of his passing but to me they
went un-noticed and he simply slipped away.

May you all find peace in this journey

Warm Hugs

Alayne

"Figgertoes" <agent01413@my-deja.com> wrote in message
news:Xns99AE4C76A56Fagent01413mydejacom@216.168.3. 44...
> "Christine" <dontspamme@anon.net> wrote in
> news:qJmHi.45078$wN3.10489@bignews2.bellsouth.net:
>
>> I don't want to bring up anything that will hurt you. I would never
>> want to do that. I just want to know if Socks went peacefully. Since
>> Robert has lung cancer, I don't want him to be gasping for breath or
>> struggling to breathe. I just want to know what I might be in for
>> because I will be with him when he goes. You told me they could hear
>> me even when not conscious. Thank you for that. I will talk to Robert
>> the whole way through. I saw Socks' site and you really made a great
>> life for him during his illness, and I'm sure your entire marriage.
>> You helped make his dreams come true. You are a real testament to
>> what a great wife is. I have went back and read all of the things you
>> did for him. He was so lucky to have you.......Kindly, Chris
>>
> Christine,
>
> Socks did go peacefully, but I was not there. His aunt & doctor were
> but no one had anticipated his dying when he did. He was within days or
> a week or so, yes, but he exhibited none of the signs they look for to
> predict impending death.
>
> I had a certain amount of guilt about not being there. I had been asked
> to go into work for a software presentation that was one day only. It
> seemed safe to do that, but I missed his death, arriving very shortly
> afterward. Now I am just glad he found a way to leave as he was very
> ready the last time he was able to communicate with us.
>
> His communication stopped a day or so before he died. He was not in a
> coma. He wanted ice cream & would open his mouth to receive & swallow.
> There were groans & other sounds, but we could not make sense of them,
> nor did he answer our questions about comfort/pain, etc.
>
> He had a great deal of pain hospice could not control, even with
> sedation. That is not typical, but I have been reading of other similar
> cases, involving younger men who had been on pain meds for several
> years.
>
> There was no gasping for breath at all with him at the end. However, he
> did experience something they call air hunger earlier. Liquid morphine
> helped with that. I don't really remember how that was & would have to
> reread my own posts to refresh my memory.
>
> Everyone is different, so you really can't predict what will occur with
> a specific person.
>
> http://crossingthecreek.com/
> J & others have spoken highly of these books. I bought the whole series
> & agree. They are quite detailed. Hospice also furnished reading
> material about what to expect. If you buy Michael's books & have an
> urgent need, he will let you read online until the books arrive. These
> might be a good thing to have in your professional library as well.
>
> http://www.amazon.com/Final-Gifts-Un...ing-Awareness-
> Communications/dp/0553378767
>
> Here is another book I found fascenating & somewhat useful. It seems
> there are certain things a dying person may speak of, there are certain
> universal themes. Many people think they are dreaming &/or are
> confused. This book explored the possibility that the dying have a foot
> in more than one world & may be reporting what they are experiencing in
> another realm.
>
> Socks had one such conversation that I heard. I had hoped it would go
> on longer,
>
> Socks was exceptionally easy to please. There were things he wanted to
> do & he pushed himself to be able to do them. He rarely complained. He
> had been forceful, almost strident at times before he became ill. Then
> he became increasingly sweet & thoughtful. He had always been loving,
> but it took on another quality. I did spend the last 4+ years after
> diagnosis primarily making his dreams come true as much as I could. He
> made that easy as he had specific dreams & enjoyed & appreciated all we
> were able to do. Since he was initially given a very short prognosis,
> we thought everything we did would probably be the last. I tried to get
> him out of the house & traveling as much as he could. We'd always keep
> one exciting thing on the horizon. We never had to cancel a single
> thing.
>
> Hope some of this helps you, Chris. You might find Final Gifts at the
> public library.
>
> Hugs,
> Fig
You have helped me so much. I ordered those books immediately online. I
don't know how much time Robert has left, so I figured I needed to get those
books as fast as I could. I so very much appreciate you writing about it, I
know it can't be easy to relive. Of the pictures I've seen of Socks, he was
always smiling, and always looked comfortable, all I know was due to your
care. I got so much from his site. His love for you was obvious. I hope
this will be as easy as can be for Robert. The thing that scares me is that
he's been taking Percocet, Methadone, and Morphine pills for years now, due
to a back injury. I'm scared that he has a tolerance and his pain won't be
able to be controlled. I'm working on his room. He is sort of a pack rat,
but I assured him everything would be in boxes in the basement. I just
needed to get his room ready for Hospice. I've placed some African Violets
in his room, which are my favorite plants. I've also hung some curtains,
got him some new bedding, and hung some nice paintings on the wall. His dog
Dougie will be there, and his Kitty. He's getting sicker as each day
passes. I'm noticing his lips being a bluish color, also his fingernails.
He can't lay down, so we had to get a hospital bed for him. Thank you for
being here for me, and for letting me know about Socks. One good thing
happened because of you and Socks. Today we quit smoking. I had no idea
you both were anti smoking advocates. Both of us were at Socks' site, and
we both were crying, knowing that so many people suffer from lung cancer,
and what we've been doing could be affecting others. We quit cold turkey.
We just had to. Thank you again, and by the way, you are a very lovely
lady........Kindest Regards, Chris

"Alayne" <totallyfake@email.com> wrote in message
news:LOpHi.32753$Db6.3683@newsfe3-win.ntli.net...
>
> "Christine" <dontspamme@anon.net> wrote in message
> news:qJmHi.45078$wN3.10489@bignews2.bellsouth.net. ..
>>I don't want to bring up anything that will hurt you. I would never want
>>to do that. I just want to know if Socks went peacefully. Since Robert
>>has lung cancer, I don't want him to be gasping for breath or struggling
>>to breathe. I just want to know what I might be in for because I will be
>>with him when he goes. You told me they could hear me even when not
>>conscious. Thank you for that. I will talk to Robert the whole way
>>through. I saw Socks' site and you really made a great life for him
>>during his illness, and I'm sure your entire marriage. You helped make
>>his dreams come true. You are a real testament to what a great wife is. I
>>have went back and read all of the things you did for him. He was so
>>lucky to have you.......Kindly, Chris
>>
> Hi Chris,
>
> Sorry for the interruption between you and Fig, I've been off line for a
> while but thought I could offer some words of comfort. My father in law
> passed away in July this year of lung cancer (he had two different types),
> and I lost my husband to a brain tumour back in 2003. Father in law was
> hospitalised with pneumonia but I can honestly say that he didn't suffer
> with any pain at all, his last week he spent sleeping and then he simply
> passed. I was watching for the ultimate signs of his passing but to me
> they went un-noticed and he simply slipped away.
>
> May you all find peace in this journey
>
> Warm Hugs
>
> Alayne
>
Thank you Alayne, you have helped calm down some fear I have been having.
I'm sorry you've been through so much. Thanks for sharing your story with
me. You are so very kind.......Warmly, Chris

> Thank you Alayne, you have helped calm down some fear I have been having.
> I'm sorry you've been through so much. Thanks for sharing your story with
> me. You are so very kind.......Warmly, Chris
>

Both my mother and father in law died of lung cancer and neither of them
were in pain. I think Socks was the exception not the rule.
Alex

"xela56" <noaccount@nw.nl> wrote in message
news:4_ednUBM-MZ8jXLbnZ2dnUVZ_t-gnZ2d@comcast.com...
>> Thank you Alayne, you have helped calm down some fear I have been having.
>> I'm sorry you've been through so much. Thanks for sharing your story
>> with me. You are so very kind.......Warmly, Chris
>>
>
> Both my mother and father in law died of lung cancer and neither of them
> were in pain. I think Socks was the exception not the rule.
> Alex
Oh goodness Alex, I'm so sorry. Thank you for giving me comfort. You're
the greatest my friend......Warmly, Chris

Christine wrote:

> I hope this will be as easy as can be for Robert. The thing that scares me
> is that
> he's been taking Percocet, Methadone, and Morphine pills for years now, due
> to a back injury. I'm scared that he has a tolerance and his pain won't be
> able to be controlled. I'm working on his room. He is sort of a pack rat,
> but I assured him everything would be in boxes in the basement. I just
> needed to get his room ready for Hospice. I've placed some African Violets
> in his room, which are my favorite plants. I've also hung some curtains,
> got him some new bedding, and hung some nice paintings on the wall. His dog
> Dougie will be there, and his Kitty. He's getting sicker as each day
> passes. I'm noticing his lips being a bluish color, also his fingernails.
> He can't lay down, so we had to get a hospital bed for him.

Might be sudden and/or imminent http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pulmonary_embolism

You also need to observe if he is peripherally cyanosed (bluish tinge to fingers
and toes) or centrally cyanosed (an additional blue tinge to the lips).

On the crossingthecreek.com, if I recall correctly, they were talking about the
hands and feet getting cold, then a blueish color starting. That's what happened
with my Dad (but not his lips, that I could see) when he was dying. He died a
few days later.
J

Figgertoes wrote:

> "Christine" <dontspamme@anon.net> wrote in
> news:qJmHi.45078$wN3.10489@bignews2.bellsouth.net:
>
>

> Socks did go peacefully, but I was not there. His aunt & doctor were
> but no one had anticipated his dying when he did. He was within days or
> a week or so, yes, but he exhibited none of the signs they look for to
> predict impending death.
>

>
> He had a great deal of pain hospice could not control, even with
> sedation. That is not typical, but I have been reading of other similar
> cases, involving younger men who had been on pain meds for several
> years.
>

> Socks was exceptionally easy to please. There were things he wanted to
> do & he pushed himself to be able to do them. He rarely complained. He
> had been forceful, almost strident at times before he became ill. Then
> he became increasingly sweet & thoughtful. He had always been loving,
> but it took on another quality. I did spend the last 4+ years after
> diagnosis primarily making his dreams come true as much as I could. He
> made that easy as he had specific dreams & enjoyed & appreciated all we
> were able to do. Since he was initially given a very short prognosis,
> we thought everything we did would probably be the last. I tried to get
> him out of the house & traveling as much as he could. We'd always keep
> one exciting thing on the horizon. We never had to cancel a single
> thing.
>
> Hope some of this helps you, Chris. You might find Final Gifts at the
> public library.
>
> Hugs,
> Fig

Socks was a tough guy. We went to chinese dinner in San Francisco a few
weeks before he died. he was obviously having difficulty but was not
going to let that interfere with his desire for chinese food. He had to
make a short hospital stay the next day.


--
***************************************
* This is the Spammish Inquisition *
* Not Lumber Cartel Unit 75 [TINLC] *
* I am not SPEWS.ORG *
***************************************

"J" <nexsw@nvalid,anon> wrote in message
news:46EF5661.A971080@execulink.com...
> Christine wrote:
>
>> I hope this will be as easy as can be for Robert. The thing that scares
>> me
>> is that
>> he's been taking Percocet, Methadone, and Morphine pills for years now,
>> due
>> to a back injury. I'm scared that he has a tolerance and his pain won't
>> be
>> able to be controlled. I'm working on his room. He is sort of a pack
>> rat,
>> but I assured him everything would be in boxes in the basement. I just
>> needed to get his room ready for Hospice. I've placed some African
>> Violets
>> in his room, which are my favorite plants. I've also hung some curtains,
>> got him some new bedding, and hung some nice paintings on the wall. His
>> dog
>> Dougie will be there, and his Kitty. He's getting sicker as each day
>> passes. I'm noticing his lips being a bluish color, also his
>> fingernails.
>> He can't lay down, so we had to get a hospital bed for him.
>
> Might be sudden and/or imminent
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pulmonary_embolism
>
> You also need to observe if he is peripherally cyanosed (bluish tinge to
> fingers
> and toes) or centrally cyanosed (an additional blue tinge to the lips).
>
> On the crossingthecreek.com, if I recall correctly, they were talking
> about the
> hands and feet getting cold, then a blueish color starting. That's what
> happened
> with my Dad (but not his lips, that I could see) when he was dying. He
> died a
> few days later.
> J
>
I am so sorry about the loss of your father. Here you are helping us, and
you've been through so much yourself. Robert came home today. Hospice is
setting up. I guess it's a matter of time now. Thanks J, for
everything.....Warmly, Chris

Christine wrote:

> "J" <nexsw@nvalid,anon> wrote in message
> news:46EF5661.A971080@execulink.com...
> > Christine wrote:
> >
> >> I hope this will be as easy as can be for Robert. The thing that scares
> >> me
> >> is that
> >> he's been taking Percocet, Methadone, and Morphine pills for years now,
> >> due
> >> to a back injury. I'm scared that he has a tolerance and his pain won't
> >> be
> >> able to be controlled. I'm working on his room. He is sort of a pack
> >> rat,
> >> but I assured him everything would be in boxes in the basement. I just
> >> needed to get his room ready for Hospice. I've placed some African
> >> Violets
> >> in his room, which are my favorite plants. I've also hung some curtains,
> >> got him some new bedding, and hung some nice paintings on the wall. His
> >> dog
> >> Dougie will be there, and his Kitty. He's getting sicker as each day
> >> passes. I'm noticing his lips being a bluish color, also his
> >> fingernails.
> >> He can't lay down, so we had to get a hospital bed for him.
> >
> > Might be sudden and/or imminent
> > http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pulmonary_embolism
> >
> > You also need to observe if he is peripherally cyanosed (bluish tinge to
> > fingers
> > and toes) or centrally cyanosed (an additional blue tinge to the lips).
> >
> > On the crossingthecreek.com, if I recall correctly, they were talking
> > about the
> > hands and feet getting cold, then a blueish color starting. That's what
> > happened
> > with my Dad (but not his lips, that I could see) when he was dying. He
> > died a
> > few days later.
> > J
> >
> I am so sorry about the loss of your father. Here you are helping us, and
> you've been through so much yourself. Robert came home today. Hospice is
> setting up. I guess it's a matter of time now. Thanks J, for
> everything.....Warmly, Chris

Thanks, Chris.
It's good to hear that everything's coming together for Robert's homecare.
My thoughts are with you all.
Hugs
J

On Sep 18, 1:50 pm, "Christine" <dontspa...@anon.net> wrote:
> "J" <nexsw@nvalid,anon> wrote in message
>
> news:46EF5661.A971080@execulink.com...
>
> > Christine wrote:
>
> >> I hope this will be as easy as can be for Robert. The thing that scares
> >> me
> >> is that
> >> he's been taking Percocet, Methadone, and Morphine pills for years now,
> >> due
> >> to a back injury. I'm scared that he has a tolerance and his pain won't
> >> be
> >> able to be controlled. I'm working on his room. He is sort of a pack
> >> rat,
> >> but I assured him everything would be in boxes in the basement. I just
> >> needed to get his room ready for Hospice. I've placed some African
> >> Violets
> >> in his room, which are my favorite plants. I've also hung some curtains,
> >> got him some new bedding, and hung some nice paintings on the wall. His
> >> dog
> >> Dougie will be there, and his Kitty. He's getting sicker as each day
> >> passes. I'm noticing his lips being a bluish color, also his
> >> fingernails.
> >> He can't lay down, so we had to get a hospital bed for him.
>
> > Might be sudden and/or imminent
> >http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pulmonary_embolism
>
> > You also need to observe if he is peripherally cyanosed (bluish tinge to
> > fingers
> > and toes) or centrally cyanosed (an additional blue tinge to the lips).
>
> > On the crossingthecreek.com, if I recall correctly, they were talking
> > about the
> > hands and feet getting cold, then a blueish color starting. That's what
> > happened
> > with my Dad (but not his lips, that I could see) when he was dying. He
> > died a
> > few days later.
> > J
>
> I am so sorry about the loss of your father. Here you are helping us, and
> you've been through so much yourself. Robert came home today. Hospice is
> setting up. I guess it's a matter of time now. Thanks J, for
> everything.....Warmly, Chris

Remember Hospice is available 24 hours a day. Glad he is home with the
dog. They should be able to manage his pain, his situation is not
unique.

Hospice nurses are trained to let you know when a patient is "actively
dying" there are many symptoms they look for. Sometimes a patient just
dies without any of those signs. My dad had a huge cerebral bleed and
other than being in a coma ( he looked like he was sleeping) his vital
signs remain stable...he had no impending signs of death just took a
breath and died. No pain.

Alex