Re: Lost in the Big Trade News

the second time it was different.
The smell of her hair, the taste of her mouth, the feeling of her skin
seemed to have got inside him, or into the air all round him. She had
become a physical necessity, something that he not only wanted but felt
that he had a right to. When she said that she could not come, he had the
feeling that she was cheating him. But just at this moment the crowd
pressed them together and their hands accidentally met. She gave the tips
of his fingers a quick squeeze that seemed to invite not desire but
affection. It struck him that when one lived with a woman this particular
disappointment must be a normal, recurring event; and a deep tenderness,
such as he had not felt for her before, suddenly took hold of him. He
wished that they were a married couple of ten years" standing. He wished
that he were walking through the streets with her just as they were doing
now but openly and without fear, talking of trivialities and buying odds
and ends for the household. He wished above all that they had some place
where they could be alone together without feeling the obligation to make
love every time they met. It was not actually at that moment, but at some
time on the following day, that the idea of renting Mr. Charrington's room
had occurred to him. When he suggested it to Julia she had agreed with
unexpected readiness. Both of them knew that it was lunacy. It was as
though they were intentionally stepping nearer to their graves. As he sat
waiting on the edge of the bed he thought again of the cellars of the
Ministry of Love. It was curious how that predestined horror moved in and
out of one's consciousness. There it lay, fixed in future times, preceding
death as surely as 99 precedes 100. One could not avoid it, but one could
perhaps postpon