of the Party! He drew a deep breath. An extraordinary medley of
feeling -- but it was not a medley, exactly; rather it was successive
layers of feeling, in which one could not say which layer was undermost --
struggled inside him.
The spasm passed. He put the white knight back in its place, but for
the moment he could not settle down to serious study of the chess problem.
His thoughts wandered again. Almost unconsciously he traced with his finger
in the dust on the table:
2 + 2 = 5
'They can't get inside you,' she had said. But they could get inside
you. 'What happens to you here is for ever,' O'Brien had said. That was a
true word. There were things, your own acts, from which you could never
recover. Something was killed in your breast: burnt out, cauterized out.
He had seen her; he had even spoken to her. There was no danger in it.
He knew as though instinctively that they now took almost no interest in
his doings. He could have arranged to meet her a second time if either of
them had wanted to. Actually it was by chance that they had met. It was in
the Park, on a vile, biting day in March, when the earth was like iron and
all the grass seemed dead and there was not a bud anywhere except a few
crocuses which had pushed themselves up to be dismembered by the wind. He
was hurrying along with frozen hands and watering eyes when he saw her not
ten metres away from him. It struck him at once that she had changed in
some ill-defined way. They almost passed one another without a sign, then
he turned and followed her, not very eagerly. He knew that there was no
danger, nobody would take any interest in him. She did not speak. She
walked obliquely away across the grass as though trying to get rid of him,
then seemed to resign herself to having him at her side. Presently they
were in among a clump of ragged leafless shrubs,