Update FIL

Bit of a fast forward then rewind moment over the week-end.

I did take the girls away for the week-end and we were all having a much
needed great time (despite playing dodge the thunder storms, but that's the
UK for you).

We were just headed back to the car at 5 pm when I get a call from the
hospital to say that FIL had taken a turn for the worse, was really poorly
and would be a good idea for me to attend.

Huge moral dilemma for me, do I go back or stay (I was going home in the
morning anyway). I had to weigh up my two daughters needs (they've both
been through quite major upsets the past fortnight and I've had more than my
fair share) or do I charge back (not quite charge it would have taken a good
few hours).

In the end I decided to stay and called a close mate (of mine and FIL).
Good move because FIL spoke of last wishes and funeral wishes (something he
hasn't broached with me).

I went straight to see him when I got back home yesterday to find him
sitting in bed eating a packet of sweets ;-)

Spoke to Dr and it sounds like he was very dehydrated on Saturday with low
blood pressure and she genuinely thought that was it.

I've also noticed that he now has a catheter and on talking with him I think
he's lost the "need to go" feeling. Whilst reasonably coherent there were a
couple of times that he was obviously confused (he said that my Nikki had
taken his medication and the patient opposite him was staff and had sex with
a visitor last night - both obviously not right).

He's been moved into a side room which is good but my hunch is that there
has been major progression of the cancer and sadly he won't be coming out.
He still doesn't want to see his remaining son, and I will respect that and
deal with the fall-out later.

I feel very sad for him that he only has me and I'm not really family
anymore and I have to juggle my time being a widow with two young daughters
and work. His brother from London has been out once and he doesn't want
contact with his remaining son, but what can you do...

On a slightly happier note, my mate involved in the motorbike accident is
now out of neuro critical care and just on neuro (although I'm not sure why
neuro because there is no brain involvement). I think they are going to
leave his neck break to see if it will heal itself as it has not moved
(thankfully), he has a few minor ops planned for the other breaks.

My daughters best buddy is acting kinda strange (she was knocked off bicycle
by a car couple of weeks back and had a brain bleed), she came to visit
yesterday and cried hysterically. I think it's caught up with her, bit of a
predicament cos she doesn't get on well with her mum so my daughter and
myself are going to take her discreetly to Dr to see what's happening. It's
good that she can talk to us but I kinda feel for her mom.

Sheesh, still smiling though despite the many hats ;-)

Sorry for long post.

Hugs

Alayne

"Alayne" <totallyfake@email.com> wrote in message
news:fEqdi.487$KE1.340@newsfe1-win.ntli.net...
> Bit of a fast forward then rewind moment over the week-end.
>
> I did take the girls away for the week-end and we were all having a much
> needed great time (despite playing dodge the thunder storms, but that's
> the UK for you).
>
> We were just headed back to the car at 5 pm when I get a call from the
> hospital to say that FIL had taken a turn for the worse, was really poorly
> and would be a good idea for me to attend.
>
> Huge moral dilemma for me, do I go back or stay (I was going home in the
> morning anyway). I had to weigh up my two daughters needs (they've both
> been through quite major upsets the past fortnight and I've had more than
> my fair share) or do I charge back (not quite charge it would have taken a
> good few hours).
>
> In the end I decided to stay and called a close mate (of mine and FIL).
> Good move because FIL spoke of last wishes and funeral wishes (something
> he hasn't broached with me).
>
> I went straight to see him when I got back home yesterday to find him
> sitting in bed eating a packet of sweets ;-)
>
> Spoke to Dr and it sounds like he was very dehydrated on Saturday with low
> blood pressure and she genuinely thought that was it.
>
> I've also noticed that he now has a catheter and on talking with him I
> think he's lost the "need to go" feeling. Whilst reasonably coherent
> there were a couple of times that he was obviously confused (he said that
> my Nikki had taken his medication and the patient opposite him was staff
> and had sex with a visitor last night - both obviously not right).
>
> He's been moved into a side room which is good but my hunch is that there
> has been major progression of the cancer and sadly he won't be coming out.
> He still doesn't want to see his remaining son, and I will respect that
> and deal with the fall-out later.
>
> I feel very sad for him that he only has me and I'm not really family
> anymore and I have to juggle my time being a widow with two young
> daughters and work. His brother from London has been out once and he
> doesn't want contact with his remaining son, but what can you do...
>
> On a slightly happier note, my mate involved in the motorbike accident is
> now out of neuro critical care and just on neuro (although I'm not sure
> why neuro because there is no brain involvement). I think they are going
> to leave his neck break to see if it will heal itself as it has not moved
> (thankfully), he has a few minor ops planned for the other breaks.
>
> My daughters best buddy is acting kinda strange (she was knocked off
> bicycle by a car couple of weeks back and had a brain bleed), she came to
> visit yesterday and cried hysterically. I think it's caught up with her,
> bit of a predicament cos she doesn't get on well with her mum so my
> daughter and myself are going to take her discreetly to Dr to see what's
> happening. It's good that she can talk to us but I kinda feel for her
> mom.
>
> Sheesh, still smiling though despite the many hats ;-)
>
> Sorry for long post.
>
> Hugs
>
> Alayne
Hi Alayne,
It sounds like you've had a topsy turvey time. I'm not familiar with
everything, but I think you went with your innermost feelings about your
decision (whether to go or stay) and I know this might sound crazy to any
nonbelievers, but when I have decisions like that, I pray, and whatever I
have total peace about is what I do.

Obviously, you did have peace about staying with your daughters, and it
turned out fine. You sound like such a great mom and loyal daughter-in-law
or former daughter-in-law. Like I said, I don't know the back story.

The one thing of concern, if you want an honest opinion, is that if your
daughter's friend is a minor, there could be a legal hassle if you take her
to a dr. without a parent's permission. Here in the US that is a problem
unless you have legal custody of her, which you can do through the courts.

It seems that her mom would want to have her examined, but I don't know her,
so who knows. You're a kind person who seems to have a lot of love in your
heart for others. Bless your little heart. I pray your friend is doing much
better from the motorbike accident and will keep him in my prayers.

I'm sure neurro is involved becasue of the neck break. Sounds lke a smart
choice and that they are covering all bases with him.

Peace Out,
Giuditta

"Giuditta" <jmarrs@myspeedworks.com> wrote in message
news:MFsdi.83$oj2.314@eagle.america.net...
>
> "Alayne" <totallyfake@email.com> wrote in message
> news:fEqdi.487$KE1.340@newsfe1-win.ntli.net...
>> Bit of a fast forward then rewind moment over the week-end.
>>
>> I did take the girls away for the week-end and we were all having a much
>> needed great time (despite playing dodge the thunder storms, but that's
>> the UK for you).
>>
>> We were just headed back to the car at 5 pm when I get a call from the
>> hospital to say that FIL had taken a turn for the worse, was really
>> poorly and would be a good idea for me to attend.
>>
>> Huge moral dilemma for me, do I go back or stay (I was going home in the
>> morning anyway). I had to weigh up my two daughters needs (they've both
>> been through quite major upsets the past fortnight and I've had more than
>> my fair share) or do I charge back (not quite charge it would have taken
>> a good few hours).
>>
>> In the end I decided to stay and called a close mate (of mine and FIL).
>> Good move because FIL spoke of last wishes and funeral wishes (something
>> he hasn't broached with me).
>>
>> I went straight to see him when I got back home yesterday to find him
>> sitting in bed eating a packet of sweets ;-)
>>
>> Spoke to Dr and it sounds like he was very dehydrated on Saturday with
>> low blood pressure and she genuinely thought that was it.
>>
>> I've also noticed that he now has a catheter and on talking with him I
>> think he's lost the "need to go" feeling. Whilst reasonably coherent
>> there were a couple of times that he was obviously confused (he said that
>> my Nikki had taken his medication and the patient opposite him was staff
>> and had sex with a visitor last night - both obviously not right).
>>
>> He's been moved into a side room which is good but my hunch is that there
>> has been major progression of the cancer and sadly he won't be coming
>> out. He still doesn't want to see his remaining son, and I will respect
>> that and deal with the fall-out later.
>>
>> I feel very sad for him that he only has me and I'm not really family
>> anymore and I have to juggle my time being a widow with two young
>> daughters and work. His brother from London has been out once and he
>> doesn't want contact with his remaining son, but what can you do...
>>
>> On a slightly happier note, my mate involved in the motorbike accident is
>> now out of neuro critical care and just on neuro (although I'm not sure
>> why neuro because there is no brain involvement). I think they are going
>> to leave his neck break to see if it will heal itself as it has not moved
>> (thankfully), he has a few minor ops planned for the other breaks.
>>
>> My daughters best buddy is acting kinda strange (she was knocked off
>> bicycle by a car couple of weeks back and had a brain bleed), she came to
>> visit yesterday and cried hysterically. I think it's caught up with her,
>> bit of a predicament cos she doesn't get on well with her mum so my
>> daughter and myself are going to take her discreetly to Dr to see what's
>> happening. It's good that she can talk to us but I kinda feel for her
>> mom.
>>
>> Sheesh, still smiling though despite the many hats ;-)
>>
>> Sorry for long post.
>>
>> Hugs
>>
>> Alayne
> Hi Alayne,
> It sounds like you've had a topsy turvey time. I'm not familiar with
> everything, but I think you went with your innermost feelings about your
> decision (whether to go or stay) and I know this might sound crazy to any
> nonbelievers, but when I have decisions like that, I pray, and whatever I
> have total peace about is what I do.
>
> Obviously, you did have peace about staying with your daughters, and it
> turned out fine. You sound like such a great mom and loyal daughter-in-law
> or former daughter-in-law. Like I said, I don't know the back story.
>
> The one thing of concern, if you want an honest opinion, is that if your
> daughter's friend is a minor, there could be a legal hassle if you take
> her to a dr. without a parent's permission. Here in the US that is a
> problem unless you have legal custody of her, which you can do through the
> courts.
>
> It seems that her mom would want to have her examined, but I don't know
> her, so who knows. You're a kind person who seems to have a lot of love in
> your heart for others. Bless your little heart. I pray your friend is
> doing much better from the motorbike accident and will keep him in my
> prayers.
>
> I'm sure neurro is involved becasue of the neck break. Sounds lke a smart
> choice and that they are covering all bases with him.
>
> Peace Out,
> Giuditta
>
Thanks Giuditta. My "back story" is that I was married to his son for 17
yrs (together for 20) and his son, Tony, died of a GBM brain tumour in Augu
03 aged 40. So I've been down this road before and this is certainly a
smaller rollercoaster ride.

I get your point about taking a minor to the Drs but she made the
appointment (and she's 15) and I am only ferrying her there because she
still gets dizzy spells from her recent accident. We've devised a "plan"
that means I'm not involved to all intents and purposes. She's going
because we think she is suffering from depression (she is also a major
self-harmer which her mum knows about). I think it's a smart move and I
would rather face any consequences than she doesn't go at all.

Life can be full of grey clouds sometimes but as long as the sun shines
through occasionally, it's cool ;-)

Hugs

Alayne

Alayne wrote:

> Bit of a fast forward then rewind moment over the week-end.
>
> I did take the girls away for the week-end and we were all having a much
> needed great time (despite playing dodge the thunder storms, but that's the
> UK for you).
>
> We were just headed back to the car at 5 pm when I get a call from the
> hospital to say that FIL had taken a turn for the worse, was really poorly
> and would be a good idea for me to attend.
>
> Huge moral dilemma for me, do I go back or stay (I was going home in the
> morning anyway). I had to weigh up my two daughters needs (they've both
> been through quite major upsets the past fortnight and I've had more than my
> fair share) or do I charge back (not quite charge it would have taken a good
> few hours).
>
> In the end I decided to stay and called a close mate (of mine and FIL).
> Good move because FIL spoke of last wishes and funeral wishes (something he
> hasn't broached with me).
>
> I went straight to see him when I got back home yesterday to find him
> sitting in bed eating a packet of sweets ;-)
>
> Spoke to Dr and it sounds like he was very dehydrated on Saturday with low
> blood pressure and she genuinely thought that was it.
>
> I've also noticed that he now has a catheter and on talking with him I think
> he's lost the "need to go" feeling. Whilst reasonably coherent there were a
> couple of times that he was obviously confused (he said that my Nikki had
> taken his medication and the patient opposite him was staff and had sex with
> a visitor last night - both obviously not right).
>
> He's been moved into a side room which is good but my hunch is that there
> has been major progression of the cancer and sadly he won't be coming out.
> He still doesn't want to see his remaining son, and I will respect that and
> deal with the fall-out later.
>
> I feel very sad for him that he only has me and I'm not really family
> anymore and I have to juggle my time being a widow with two young daughters
> and work. His brother from London has been out once and he doesn't want
> contact with his remaining son, but what can you do...
>
> On a slightly happier note, my mate involved in the motorbike accident is
> now out of neuro critical care and just on neuro (although I'm not sure why
> neuro because there is no brain involvement). I think they are going to
> leave his neck break to see if it will heal itself as it has not moved
> (thankfully), he has a few minor ops planned for the other breaks.
>
> My daughters best buddy is acting kinda strange (she was knocked off bicycle
> by a car couple of weeks back and had a brain bleed), she came to visit
> yesterday and cried hysterically. I think it's caught up with her, bit of a
> predicament cos she doesn't get on well with her mum so my daughter and
> myself are going to take her discreetly to Dr to see what's happening. It's
> good that she can talk to us but I kinda feel for her mom.
>
> Sheesh, still smiling though despite the many hats ;-)

Good thinking, Alayne, calling in the mate for FIL.
I'm so glad to hear that you got your weekend getaway.

Brain bleed ! You only mentioned swelling.
Good thing she's going to the doctor.

Props to you for keeping abreast of everything.

If you get a chance say "hi" to Nigel (thread "advice on brain cancer please")
His father has lung cancer spread to the brain. He's in UK and has had RT and
he's concerned about his father's symptoms (and/or recovery from RT). Slight
diversion from that, since there's a leak from the tank on 3rd floor in their
home, that he's probably attending to at this time, but could be watching for
your input, since I mentioned your name to him.

Hugs to you, Alayne,

J

"Alayne" <totallyfake@email.com> wrote in message
news:Uvwdi.2498$ri2.1766@newsfe5-win.ntli.net...
>
> "Giuditta" <jmarrs@myspeedworks.com> wrote in message
> news:MFsdi.83$oj2.314@eagle.america.net...
>>
>> "Alayne" <totallyfake@email.com> wrote in message
>> news:fEqdi.487$KE1.340@newsfe1-win.ntli.net...
>>> Bit of a fast forward then rewind moment over the week-end.
>>>
>>> I did take the girls away for the week-end and we were all having a much
>>> needed great time (despite playing dodge the thunder storms, but that's
>>> the UK for you).
>>>
>>> We were just headed back to the car at 5 pm when I get a call from the
>>> hospital to say that FIL had taken a turn for the worse, was really
>>> poorly and would be a good idea for me to attend.
>>>
>>> Huge moral dilemma for me, do I go back or stay (I was going home in the
>>> morning anyway). I had to weigh up my two daughters needs (they've both
>>> been through quite major upsets the past fortnight and I've had more
>>> than my fair share) or do I charge back (not quite charge it would have
>>> taken a good few hours).
>>>
>>> In the end I decided to stay and called a close mate (of mine and FIL).
>>> Good move because FIL spoke of last wishes and funeral wishes (something
>>> he hasn't broached with me).
>>>
>>> I went straight to see him when I got back home yesterday to find him
>>> sitting in bed eating a packet of sweets ;-)
>>>
>>> Spoke to Dr and it sounds like he was very dehydrated on Saturday with
>>> low blood pressure and she genuinely thought that was it.
>>>
>>> I've also noticed that he now has a catheter and on talking with him I
>>> think he's lost the "need to go" feeling. Whilst reasonably coherent
>>> there were a couple of times that he was obviously confused (he said
>>> that my Nikki had taken his medication and the patient opposite him was
>>> staff and had sex with a visitor last night - both obviously not right).
>>>
>>> He's been moved into a side room which is good but my hunch is that
>>> there has been major progression of the cancer and sadly he won't be
>>> coming out. He still doesn't want to see his remaining son, and I will
>>> respect that and deal with the fall-out later.
>>>
>>> I feel very sad for him that he only has me and I'm not really family
>>> anymore and I have to juggle my time being a widow with two young
>>> daughters and work. His brother from London has been out once and he
>>> doesn't want contact with his remaining son, but what can you do...
>>>
>>> On a slightly happier note, my mate involved in the motorbike accident
>>> is now out of neuro critical care and just on neuro (although I'm not
>>> sure why neuro because there is no brain involvement). I think they are
>>> going to leave his neck break to see if it will heal itself as it has
>>> not moved (thankfully), he has a few minor ops planned for the other
>>> breaks.
>>>
>>> My daughters best buddy is acting kinda strange (she was knocked off
>>> bicycle by a car couple of weeks back and had a brain bleed), she came
>>> to visit yesterday and cried hysterically. I think it's caught up with
>>> her, bit of a predicament cos she doesn't get on well with her mum so my
>>> daughter and myself are going to take her discreetly to Dr to see what's
>>> happening. It's good that she can talk to us but I kinda feel for her
>>> mom.
>>>
>>> Sheesh, still smiling though despite the many hats ;-)
>>>
>>> Sorry for long post.
>>>
>>> Hugs
>>>
>>> Alayne
>> Hi Alayne,
>> It sounds like you've had a topsy turvey time. I'm not familiar with
>> everything, but I think you went with your innermost feelings about your
>> decision (whether to go or stay) and I know this might sound crazy to any
>> nonbelievers, but when I have decisions like that, I pray, and whatever I
>> have total peace about is what I do.
>>
>> Obviously, you did have peace about staying with your daughters, and it
>> turned out fine. You sound like such a great mom and loyal
>> daughter-in-law or former daughter-in-law. Like I said, I don't know the
>> back story.
>>
>> The one thing of concern, if you want an honest opinion, is that if your
>> daughter's friend is a minor, there could be a legal hassle if you take
>> her to a dr. without a parent's permission. Here in the US that is a
>> problem unless you have legal custody of her, which you can do through
>> the courts.
>>
>> It seems that her mom would want to have her examined, but I don't know
>> her, so who knows. You're a kind person who seems to have a lot of love
>> in your heart for others. Bless your little heart. I pray your friend is
>> doing much better from the motorbike accident and will keep him in my
>> prayers.
>>
>> I'm sure neurro is involved becasue of the neck break. Sounds lke a smart
>> choice and that they are covering all bases with him.
>>
>> Peace Out,
>> Giuditta
>>
> Thanks Giuditta. My "back story" is that I was married to his son for 17
> yrs (together for 20) and his son, Tony, died of a GBM brain tumour in
> Augu 03 aged 40. So I've been down this road before and this is certainly
> a smaller rollercoaster ride.
>
> I get your point about taking a minor to the Drs but she made the
> appointment (and she's 15) and I am only ferrying her there because she
> still gets dizzy spells from her recent accident. We've devised a "plan"
> that means I'm not involved to all intents and purposes. She's going
> because we think she is suffering from depression (she is also a major
> self-harmer which her mum knows about). I think it's a smart move and I
> would rather face any consequences than she doesn't go at all.
>
> Life can be full of grey clouds sometimes but as long as the sun shines
> through occasionally, it's cool ;-)
>
> Hugs
>
> Alayne
I'm so sorry about your husband. It's great you've stayed close to your FIL.
He probably feels as though you're his daughter, right.

What can be better than helping a child? Kudos to you for putting her before
any type jeopardy. At the school where I teach, we have students that harm
themselves, and it's usually because they are hurting inside for some
reason, so they cut themselves so that pain will take the place of the
other. She could very well be depressed. Have she and her mom ever had any
type counseling?

If she could get to the root of her pain, she might not even need
medication.

It was cute the way you said your FIL was up, eating sweets...I'm not sure
if you live in the US or not, but we call it candy...My hubby was from
Oregon and lived several years in Canada and that's the way he talked...and
calling coke "pop".

I loved his accent. He never lost it even after living down south so long,
but when one of his buddies called, he would try to talk all southern...the
kids and I would laugh so hard at him, trying to have that drawl...I don't
know why he did that...maybe to fit in?

Have a good evening.

Giuditta

http://www.treat-cancer.nl

"J" <nexsw@nvalid,anon> wrote in message
news:46768BE8.AD62C4BC@execulink.com...
> Alayne wrote:

> Good thinking, Alayne, calling in the mate for FIL.
> I'm so glad to hear that you got your weekend getaway.
>
> Brain bleed ! You only mentioned swelling.
> Good thing she's going to the doctor.
>
> Props to you for keeping abreast of everything.
>
> If you get a chance say "hi" to Nigel (thread "advice on brain cancer
> please")
> His father has lung cancer spread to the brain. He's in UK and has had RT
> and
> he's concerned about his father's symptoms (and/or recovery from RT).
> Slight
> diversion from that, since there's a leak from the tank on 3rd floor in
> their
> home, that he's probably attending to at this time, but could be watching
> for
> your input, since I mentioned your name to him.
>
> Hugs to you, Alayne,
>
> J
>
Kelly's mate went to the Dr yesterday and is probably suffering post
traumatic depression, no tablets given but to go back in a month. I had a
bit of a chat with her in the car but whether 15 yr olds listen is another
story ;-) At least she knows I'm there to listen and offer any assistance.
Kelly's happier anyhow. Her friend already has counselling for other issues
but doesn't think much to it.

FIL still stable, still wanders off the planet from time to time but talking
about going home and having hospital bed/commode at home.

Will try and stop by to say hi to Nigel after work today.

Hugs

Alayne

Alayne wrote:

> Kelly's mate went to the Dr yesterday and is probably suffering post
> traumatic depression, no tablets given but to go back in a month. I had a
> bit of a chat with her in the car but whether 15 yr olds listen is another
> story ;-) At least she knows I'm there to listen and offer any assistance.
> Kelly's happier anyhow. Her friend already has counselling for other issues
> but doesn't think much to it.
>
> FIL still stable, still wanders off the planet from time to time but talking
> about going home and having hospital bed/commode at home.
>
> Will try and stop by to say hi to Nigel after work today.

Okay thanks Alayne - I just saw your post to Nigel.
..
I just realized it's the weekend again.
It's good to read that FIL is still stable.
Hopefully it'll stay that way for a while.

Kelly's friend is lucky to have you.
Thanks for caring, luv.
Hugs
J