What i am learning about cancer, my Mom and friends....

Whether i want to or not, i am learning lots of things about cancer, my
Mom, friends and just every day happenings while i'm taking care of
her. Many of these insights i'm sure many of you here have already
figured out....but still, it has been a huge learning experience for
me. So far, here is what i've learned:

1. Hospice folks are angels in everyday clothes. My Mom's nurse,
Hazel, has not only been there for her, but also for me. She has
become a friend, a shoulder and an ear...and always knows when i need
hugs.

2. Friends slowly stop coming to visit. I know that it is so very
difficult to see my Mom this way, trust me. But it is even more
difficult to see that you stop visiting. I know that she can't
communicate, but i do believe that she can hear us and would love to
hear you say hello even if you think she can't hear you. I won't even
go into the fact that it warms my heart to see you visit her.

3. Spouses do stupid things when cancer affects their lives. It has
come to my sister's and my attention that my dad has gambled away
nearly $80,000 in the past 6 to 8 months. We have him on a financial
plan and are trying our best to salvage what little savings is left for
him. I now understand why it is so important to talk to your parents
about their financial situation.....although, i'm sure that he would
have lied to us, at least the dialog was open for talk.

4. While not able to communicate, i've learned that eyes can say many
things from "i love you" to "my god, that soup you've made me is
horrible". Touching is very, very important....you can never do this
enough. My Mom was never a touchy-feely kinda woman....but i think she
likes it now when i hold her hand.

5. Saying good bye, i think, is highly over-rated. Sure, there are
always things left to say, but to watch my Mom slowly, slowly slip
away, day by day is almost more than i can stand. I can look in her
eyes and know that she wishes this to be over. I hope that in the end,
the memories that stick the most with my sister and i are of happy
times and not memories of how very, very sick she had gotten.

6. Adult diapers are not made to go on backwards.....you'll never get
them off if you put one on that way and your Hospice nurse will chuckle
at you.

7. Child plates and forks are fantastic for feeding someone who is
bedridden. They are light and it lends well to helping someone feed
themselves.

8. Never underestimate the kindness of strangers. I was in a store
picking up some things and for no reason, started to cry. A very nice
woman behind the counter, came around to me, hugged me and just let me
cry. I managed to get out something about my Mom....and she just
hugged me, got someone to ring up my purchases and walked me to my car.
I will never forget her kindness.

9. Cards in the mail for my Mom cheer me up, too. So do the daily
calls from some of her friends who want to check on her....and me, too.

10. Cancer truly sucks.


I'm on my way home to Nashville for a few days while my sister comes
up.....i miss my husband and i miss my fish.

Take care, everyone....

isabel

Funny about cancer people you think will be your support go away..... while
other people appear. Glad to hear that your hospice experience is a positive
one.

Alex
<isabelaorosz@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1166046864.293058.162850@73g2000cwn.googlegro ups.com...
> Whether i want to or not, i am learning lots of things about cancer, my
> Mom, friends and just every day happenings while i'm taking care of
> her. Many of these insights i'm sure many of you here have already
> figured out....but still, it has been a huge learning experience for
> me. So far, here is what i've learned:
>
> 1. Hospice folks are angels in everyday clothes. My Mom's nurse,
> Hazel, has not only been there for her, but also for me. She has
> become a friend, a shoulder and an ear...and always knows when i need
> hugs.
>
> 2. Friends slowly stop coming to visit. I know that it is so very
> difficult to see my Mom this way, trust me. But it is even more
> difficult to see that you stop visiting. I know that she can't
> communicate, but i do believe that she can hear us and would love to
> hear you say hello even if you think she can't hear you. I won't even
> go into the fact that it warms my heart to see you visit her.
>
> 3. Spouses do stupid things when cancer affects their lives. It has
> come to my sister's and my attention that my dad has gambled away
> nearly $80,000 in the past 6 to 8 months. We have him on a financial
> plan and are trying our best to salvage what little savings is left for
> him. I now understand why it is so important to talk to your parents
> about their financial situation.....although, i'm sure that he would
> have lied to us, at least the dialog was open for talk.
>
> 4. While not able to communicate, i've learned that eyes can say many
> things from "i love you" to "my god, that soup you've made me is
> horrible". Touching is very, very important....you can never do this
> enough. My Mom was never a touchy-feely kinda woman....but i think she
> likes it now when i hold her hand.
>
> 5. Saying good bye, i think, is highly over-rated. Sure, there are
> always things left to say, but to watch my Mom slowly, slowly slip
> away, day by day is almost more than i can stand. I can look in her
> eyes and know that she wishes this to be over. I hope that in the end,
> the memories that stick the most with my sister and i are of happy
> times and not memories of how very, very sick she had gotten.
>
> 6. Adult diapers are not made to go on backwards.....you'll never get
> them off if you put one on that way and your Hospice nurse will chuckle
> at you.
>
> 7. Child plates and forks are fantastic for feeding someone who is
> bedridden. They are light and it lends well to helping someone feed
> themselves.
>
> 8. Never underestimate the kindness of strangers. I was in a store
> picking up some things and for no reason, started to cry. A very nice
> woman behind the counter, came around to me, hugged me and just let me
> cry. I managed to get out something about my Mom....and she just
> hugged me, got someone to ring up my purchases and walked me to my car.
> I will never forget her kindness.
>
> 9. Cards in the mail for my Mom cheer me up, too. So do the daily
> calls from some of her friends who want to check on her....and me, too.
>
> 10. Cancer truly sucks.
>
>
> I'm on my way home to Nashville for a few days while my sister comes
> up.....i miss my husband and i miss my fish.
>
> Take care, everyone....
>
> isabel
>

<isabelaorosz@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1166046864.293058.162850@73g2000cwn.googlegro ups.com...
> Whether i want to or not, i am learning lots of things about cancer, my
> Mom, friends and just every day happenings while i'm taking care of
> her. Many of these insights i'm sure many of you here have already
> figured out....but still, it has been a huge learning experience for
> me. So far, here is what i've learned:
>
> 1. Hospice folks are angels in everyday clothes. My Mom's nurse,
> Hazel, has not only been there for her, but also for me. She has
> become a friend, a shoulder and an ear...and always knows when i need
> hugs.
>
> 2. Friends slowly stop coming to visit. I know that it is so very
> difficult to see my Mom this way, trust me. But it is even more
> difficult to see that you stop visiting. I know that she can't
> communicate, but i do believe that she can hear us and would love to
> hear you say hello even if you think she can't hear you. I won't even
> go into the fact that it warms my heart to see you visit her.
>
> 3. Spouses do stupid things when cancer affects their lives. It has
> come to my sister's and my attention that my dad has gambled away
> nearly $80,000 in the past 6 to 8 months. We have him on a financial
> plan and are trying our best to salvage what little savings is left for
> him. I now understand why it is so important to talk to your parents
> about their financial situation.....although, i'm sure that he would
> have lied to us, at least the dialog was open for talk.
>
> 4. While not able to communicate, i've learned that eyes can say many
> things from "i love you" to "my god, that soup you've made me is
> horrible". Touching is very, very important....you can never do this
> enough. My Mom was never a touchy-feely kinda woman....but i think she
> likes it now when i hold her hand.
>
> 5. Saying good bye, i think, is highly over-rated. Sure, there are
> always things left to say, but to watch my Mom slowly, slowly slip
> away, day by day is almost more than i can stand. I can look in her
> eyes and know that she wishes this to be over. I hope that in the end,
> the memories that stick the most with my sister and i are of happy
> times and not memories of how very, very sick she had gotten.
>
> 6. Adult diapers are not made to go on backwards.....you'll never get
> them off if you put one on that way and your Hospice nurse will chuckle
> at you.
>
> 7. Child plates and forks are fantastic for feeding someone who is
> bedridden. They are light and it lends well to helping someone feed
> themselves.
>
> 8. Never underestimate the kindness of strangers. I was in a store
> picking up some things and for no reason, started to cry. A very nice
> woman behind the counter, came around to me, hugged me and just let me
> cry. I managed to get out something about my Mom....and she just
> hugged me, got someone to ring up my purchases and walked me to my car.
> I will never forget her kindness.
>
> 9. Cards in the mail for my Mom cheer me up, too. So do the daily
> calls from some of her friends who want to check on her....and me, too.
>
> 10. Cancer truly sucks.
>
>
> I'm on my way home to Nashville for a few days while my sister comes
> up.....i miss my husband and i miss my fish.
>
> Take care, everyone....
>
> isabel

{{{{Isabel!!}}}}

I could've written this myself. Altho' I'm not there full time, I
understand EVERYTHING you wrote. And yes, Hospice is a gift from heaven.

I went into Macy's the other day to buy a black suit for the funeral. I
cried and had the same thing. A hug from the cashier. I have found that
most people are so very caring when you say "my mom is dying".

Don't forget to take care of you. A hot bath, read a book once your mom is
down for the night. Anything that will make you relax and "get away" for a
bit.

Blessings and prayers to you and your mom. (And yes, cancer sucks!)

--

·.·´¨ ¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
Laurie
((¸¸.·´ ..·´
-:¦:- ((¸¸ ·.·

*~*LiveLoveLaugh, and hangin' in there!*~*

Paddle together, bail, paddle; paddle, bail; paddle towards the land.
~Hawaiian proverb

isabelaorosz@hotmail.com wrote:

> Whether i want to or not, i am learning lots of things about cancer, my
> Mom, friends and just every day happenings while i'm taking care of
> her. Many of these insights i'm sure many of you here have already
> figured out....but still, it has been a huge learning experience for
> me. So far, here is what i've learned:
>
> 1. Hospice folks are angels in everyday clothes. My Mom's nurse,
> Hazel, has not only been there for her, but also for me. She has
> become a friend, a shoulder and an ear...and always knows when i need
> hugs.
>
> <gentle snip>
>
> 8. Never underestimate the kindness of strangers. I was in a store
> picking up some things and for no reason, started to cry. A very nice
> woman behind the counter, came around to me, hugged me and just let me
> cry. I managed to get out something about my Mom....and she just
> hugged me, got someone to ring up my purchases and walked me to my car.
> I will never forget her kindness.
>
> 9. Cards in the mail for my Mom cheer me up, too. So do the daily
> calls from some of her friends who want to check on her....and me, too.
>
> 10. Cancer truly sucks.
>
> I'm on my way home to Nashville for a few days while my sister comes
> up.....i miss my husband and i miss my fish.

We're here Isabel, listening and caring.
Hugs
J

Alex, i can't say enough good about the Hospice folks. Her nurse came
by yesterday and sat with me for almost an hour....and spent almost
another hour with my Mom. She explained to me about the catheter (sp?)
and what was happening with that and for me not to be upset when she
chooses not to eat for me or doesn't respond. While i know a lot of
this from reading, to have her spend time with me was comforting. I
could hear her with my Mom.....greeting her, speaking to her, fluffing
pillows, taking blood pressure and just checking on her. This woman
has become a lifeline for me when i am upset or can't understand what
is going on....

Many of her friends don't come by any longer, telling me that they
can't stand to see her that way. You're right, though, while they have
gone away, other folks have taken their place. Like the little older
lady a few doors down who brings soup or stops to chat or the coworker
who thought so much of my Mom but didn't know her that well. I guess
things have a way of working themselves out....

Thank you for your reply.......and Merry Christmas.

isabel



alex wrote:
> Funny about cancer people you think will be your support go away..... while
> other people appear. Glad to hear that your hospice experience is a positive
> one.
>
> Alex
> <isabelaorosz@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> news:1166046864.293058.162850@73g2000cwn.googlegro ups.com...
> > Whether i want to or not, i am learning lots of things about cancer, my
> > Mom, friends and just every day happenings while i'm taking care of
> > her. Many of these insights i'm sure many of you here have already
> > figured out....but still, it has been a huge learning experience for
> > me. So far, here is what i've learned:
> >
> > 1. Hospice folks are angels in everyday clothes. My Mom's nurse,
> > Hazel, has not only been there for her, but also for me. She has
> > become a friend, a shoulder and an ear...and always knows when i need
> > hugs.
> >
> > 2. Friends slowly stop coming to visit. I know that it is so very
> > difficult to see my Mom this way, trust me. But it is even more
> > difficult to see that you stop visiting. I know that she can't
> > communicate, but i do believe that she can hear us and would love to
> > hear you say hello even if you think she can't hear you. I won't even
> > go into the fact that it warms my heart to see you visit her.
> >
> > 3. Spouses do stupid things when cancer affects their lives. It has
> > come to my sister's and my attention that my dad has gambled away
> > nearly $80,000 in the past 6 to 8 months. We have him on a financial
> > plan and are trying our best to salvage what little savings is left for
> > him. I now understand why it is so important to talk to your parents
> > about their financial situation.....although, i'm sure that he would
> > have lied to us, at least the dialog was open for talk.
> >
> > 4. While not able to communicate, i've learned that eyes can say many
> > things from "i love you" to "my god, that soup you've made me is
> > horrible". Touching is very, very important....you can never do this
> > enough. My Mom was never a touchy-feely kinda woman....but i think she
> > likes it now when i hold her hand.
> >
> > 5. Saying good bye, i think, is highly over-rated. Sure, there are
> > always things left to say, but to watch my Mom slowly, slowly slip
> > away, day by day is almost more than i can stand. I can look in her
> > eyes and know that she wishes this to be over. I hope that in the end,
> > the memories that stick the most with my sister and i are of happy
> > times and not memories of how very, very sick she had gotten.
> >
> > 6. Adult diapers are not made to go on backwards.....you'll never get
> > them off if you put one on that way and your Hospice nurse will chuckle
> > at you.
> >
> > 7. Child plates and forks are fantastic for feeding someone who is
> > bedridden. They are light and it lends well to helping someone feed
> > themselves.
> >
> > 8. Never underestimate the kindness of strangers. I was in a store
> > picking up some things and for no reason, started to cry. A very nice
> > woman behind the counter, came around to me, hugged me and just let me
> > cry. I managed to get out something about my Mom....and she just
> > hugged me, got someone to ring up my purchases and walked me to my car.
> > I will never forget her kindness.
> >
> > 9. Cards in the mail for my Mom cheer me up, too. So do the daily
> > calls from some of her friends who want to check on her....and me, too.
> >
> > 10. Cancer truly sucks.
> >
> >
> > I'm on my way home to Nashville for a few days while my sister comes
> > up.....i miss my husband and i miss my fish.
> >
> > Take care, everyone....
> >
> > isabel
> >

Thanks, Laurie, for the hugs....i needed them this morning. Although
bedridden, this morning, my Mother wanted us to get ready to catch a
plane to Spain. (She is from Madrid orginally...) I finally figured
out that it's best to go along when things like this happen, asking her
questions like "What will we do when we get there" to calm her down a
bit. It has been a rough few days....

I think of you and your Mom often......and i'm glad you are going home
for Christmas. I have made it a point to decorate my parent's house
and bake as we use to do....it's comforting having those kinds of
traditions. I'm proud of myself....i haven't burnt anything yet and
the sugar pecans my Mom always makes turned out well considering i did
them.

Merry Christmas, Laurie, to you and your Mom.....

isabel



~*LiveLoveLaugh*~ wrote:
> {{{{Isabel!!}}}}
>
> I could've written this myself. Altho' I'm not there full time, I
> understand EVERYTHING you wrote. And yes, Hospice is a gift from heaven.
>
> I went into Macy's the other day to buy a black suit for the funeral. I
> cried and had the same thing. A hug from the cashier. I have found that
> most people are so very caring when you say "my mom is dying".
>
> Don't forget to take care of you. A hot bath, read a book once your mom is
> down for the night. Anything that will make you relax and "get away" fora
> bit.
>
> Blessings and prayers to you and your mom. (And yes, cancer sucks!)
>
> --
>
> ·.·´¨ ¨)) -:¦:-
> ¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
> Laurie
> ((¸¸.·´ ..·´
> -:¦:- ((¸¸ ·.·
>
> *~*LiveLoveLaugh, and hangin' in there!*~*
>
> Paddle together, bail, paddle; paddle, bail; paddle towards the land.
> ~Hawaiian proverb

Thank you, J.....it's comforting to know. I do have to say, that i
sometimes feel like a rotten daughter. I don't want to be here, yet i
don't want to be anywhere else. I spend quite a few afternoons at my
Mom's bedside....and leave the room in tears. I want to be strong, yet
i want to crawl in bed with her and have her tell me that everything is
okay. Such a strong, wide range of emotions.....

Thanks again for the hugs, J....

isabel



J wrote:

> We're here Isabel, listening and caring.
> Hugs
> J

isabelaorosz@hotmail.com wrote:

> Thank you, J.....it's comforting to know. I do have to say, that i
> sometimes feel like a rotten daughter. I don't want to be here, yet i
> don't want to be anywhere else. I spend quite a few afternoons at my
> Mom's bedside....and leave the room in tears. I want to be strong, yet
> i want to crawl in bed with her and have her tell me that everything is
> okay. Such a strong, wide range of emotions.....

Hello Isabel,
You're doing the right thing under the circumstances.
And if you feel like it and the bed's big enough and it won't cause your
mother discomfort, then by all means, crawl in bed with her. She'll feel
your warmth and hear your comforting voice.
Any day could be the last opportunity, so do it as often as you wish
(leaving time for other family members).
Tell her "everything will be okay" and "we'll be okay".
I don't think you'll regret it.
Hugs
J