bad night

the day started out ok, began going downhill after lunch. i was
pulled out of my last group at partial for one on one time with
a staff member. they were worried about my safety. me, too.

tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe tomorrow will be
a better day. in the meantime, i just have to hang on tight.

-lisa

lisa <mccats@rcn.com> typed
> the day started out ok, began going downhill after lunch. i was
> pulled out of my last group at partial for one on one time with
> a staff member. they were worried about my safety. me, too.
>
> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe tomorrow will be
> a better day. in the meantime, i just have to hang on tight.

I'm not having a good day and night either Lisa. I hope tomorrow is a
better day for the both of us.

--
-slunky

slunky wrote...

> lisa <mccats@rcn.com> typed
>> the day started out ok, began going downhill after lunch.
>> i was pulled out of my last group at partial for one on
>> one time with a staff member. they were worried about my
>> safety. me, too.
>>
>> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe tomorrow
>> will be a better day. in the meantime, i just have to hang
>> on tight.
>
> I'm not having a good day and night either Lisa. I hope
> tomorrow is a better day for the both of us.

sorry to hear it, slunky.

"lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
news:Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> the day started out ok, began going downhill after lunch. i was
> pulled out of my last group at partial for one on one time with
> a staff member. they were worried about my safety. me, too.
>
> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe tomorrow will be
> a better day. in the meantime, i just have to hang on tight.
>
> -lisa


go to the hospital

"lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
news:Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> the day started out ok, began going downhill after lunch. i was
> pulled out of my last group at partial for one on one time with
> a staff member. they were worried about my safety. me, too.
>
> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe tomorrow will be
> a better day. in the meantime, i just have to hang on tight.
>

((((lisa))))

In message <Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4>, lisa in mass.
<mccats@rcn.com> writes
>the day started out ok, began going downhill after lunch. i was
>pulled out of my last group at partial for one on one time with
>a staff member. they were worried about my safety. me, too.
>
>tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe tomorrow will be
>a better day. in the meantime, i just have to hang on tight.

You have my number.

--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?

% wrote...

>
> "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> news:Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
>> the day started out ok, began going downhill after lunch.
>> i was pulled out of my last group at partial for one on
>> one time with a staff member. they were worried about my
>> safety. me, too.
>>
>> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe tomorrow
>> will be a better day. in the meantime, i just have to hang
>> on tight.
>>
>> -lisa
>
>
> go to the hospital

the hospital's for when i'm in serious danger. this wasn't a
forgetting to breathe major crisis, just a trying to hang on
and not cut night. i knew i wasn't going to get carried away
and do major damage, like i knew i would have when i went into
the hospital.

thanks for the concern, though.

-lisa

Alan Harding wrote...

> In message <Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4>,
> lisa in mass. <mccats@rcn.com> writes
>>the day started out ok, began going downhill after lunch. i
>>was pulled out of my last group at partial for one on one
>>time with a staff member. they were worried about my
>>safety. me, too.
>>
>>tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe tomorrow
>>will be a better day. in the meantime, i just have to hang
>>on tight.
>
> You have my number.

yes, i do. thank you alan.

-lisa

"lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
news:Xns986D65DD3894Emccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> % wrote...
>
> >
> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> > news:Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> >> the day started out ok, began going downhill after lunch.
> >> i was pulled out of my last group at partial for one on
> >> one time with a staff member. they were worried about my
> >> safety. me, too.
> >>
> >> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe tomorrow
> >> will be a better day. in the meantime, i just have to hang
> >> on tight.
> >>
> >> -lisa
> >
> >
> > go to the hospital
>
> the hospital's for when i'm in serious danger. this wasn't a
> forgetting to breathe major crisis, just a trying to hang on
> and not cut night. i knew i wasn't going to get carried away
> and do major damage, like i knew i would have when i went into
> the hospital.
>
> thanks for the concern, though.
>
> -lisa


sitting and suffering will never make sense to me

÷ wrote...

>
> "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> news:Xns986D65DD3894Emccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
>> % wrote...
>>
>> >
>> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
>> > news:Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
>> >> the day started out ok, began going downhill after
>> >> lunch. i was pulled out of my last group at partial for
>> >> one on one time with a staff member. they were worried
>> >> about my safety. me, too.
>> >>
>> >> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe
>> >> tomorrow will be a better day. in the meantime, i just
>> >> have to hang on tight.
>> >>
>> >> -lisa
>> >
>> >
>> > go to the hospital
>>
>> the hospital's for when i'm in serious danger. this wasn't
>> a forgetting to breathe major crisis, just a trying to
>> hang on and not cut night. i knew i wasn't going to get
>> carried away and do major damage, like i knew i would have
>> when i went into the hospital.
>>
>> thanks for the concern, though.
>>
>> -lisa
>
>
> sitting and suffering will never make sense to me

i would have sat and suffered at the hospital, too. i had
trouble at partial because they have plastic knives there, and
they have the same ones on the in-patient unit. it wouldn't
have made a difference, except that now i'm not locked up for
a week.

-lisa

"lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
news:Xns986D68A04CE95mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> ÷ wrote...
>
> >
> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> > news:Xns986D65DD3894Emccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> >> % wrote...
> >>
> >> >
> >> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> >> > news:Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> >> >> the day started out ok, began going downhill after
> >> >> lunch. i was pulled out of my last group at partial for
> >> >> one on one time with a staff member. they were worried
> >> >> about my safety. me, too.
> >> >>
> >> >> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe
> >> >> tomorrow will be a better day. in the meantime, i just
> >> >> have to hang on tight.
> >> >>
> >> >> -lisa
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > go to the hospital
> >>
> >> the hospital's for when i'm in serious danger. this wasn't
> >> a forgetting to breathe major crisis, just a trying to
> >> hang on and not cut night. i knew i wasn't going to get
> >> carried away and do major damage, like i knew i would have
> >> when i went into the hospital.
> >>
> >> thanks for the concern, though.
> >>
> >> -lisa
> >
> >
> > sitting and suffering will never make sense to me
>
> i would have sat and suffered at the hospital, too. i had
> trouble at partial because they have plastic knives there, and
> they have the same ones on the in-patient unit. it wouldn't
> have made a difference, except that now i'm not locked up for
> a week.
>
> -lisa



why didn't you just stay in the hospital last time ,
until you got all this dealt with

÷ wrote...

>
> "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> news:Xns986D68A04CE95mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
>> ÷ wrote...
>>
>> >
>> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
>> > news:Xns986D65DD3894Emccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
>> >> % wrote...
>> >>
>> >> >
>> >> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
>> >> > news:Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
>> >> >> the day started out ok, began going downhill after
>> >> >> lunch. i was pulled out of my last group at partial
>> >> >> for one on one time with a staff member. they were
>> >> >> worried about my safety. me, too.
>> >> >>
>> >> >> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe
>> >> >> tomorrow will be a better day. in the meantime, i
>> >> >> just have to hang on tight.
>> >> >>
>> >> >> -lisa
>> >> >
>> >> >
>> >> > go to the hospital
>> >>
>> >> the hospital's for when i'm in serious danger. this
>> >> wasn't a forgetting to breathe major crisis, just a
>> >> trying to hang on and not cut night. i knew i wasn't
>> >> going to get carried away and do major damage, like i
>> >> knew i would have when i went into the hospital.
>> >>
>> >> thanks for the concern, though.
>> >>
>> >> -lisa
>> >
>> >
>> > sitting and suffering will never make sense to me
>>
>> i would have sat and suffered at the hospital, too. i had
>> trouble at partial because they have plastic knives there,
>> and they have the same ones on the in-patient unit. it
>> wouldn't have made a difference, except that now i'm not
>> locked up for a week.
>>
>> -lisa
>
>
>
> why didn't you just stay in the hospital last time ,
> until you got all this dealt with

because the hospital had become a violent, toxic environment.
telephones smashed, chairs thrown, people shoved to the floor.
everybody was walking on tiptoes around a couple of other
patients. the doctor and i both thought that it would be
better to finish healing in the relative quiet of home and
partial. i was no longer suicidal and didn't really need to be
locked up there.

"lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
news:Xns986D69D781AFCmccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> ÷ wrote...
>
> >
> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> > news:Xns986D68A04CE95mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> >> ÷ wrote...
> >>
> >> >
> >> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> >> > news:Xns986D65DD3894Emccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> >> >> % wrote...
> >> >>
> >> >> >
> >> >> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> >> >> > news:Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> >> >> >> the day started out ok, began going downhill after
> >> >> >> lunch. i was pulled out of my last group at partial
> >> >> >> for one on one time with a staff member. they were
> >> >> >> worried about my safety. me, too.
> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe
> >> >> >> tomorrow will be a better day. in the meantime, i
> >> >> >> just have to hang on tight.
> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> -lisa
> >> >> >
> >> >> >
> >> >> > go to the hospital
> >> >>
> >> >> the hospital's for when i'm in serious danger. this
> >> >> wasn't a forgetting to breathe major crisis, just a
> >> >> trying to hang on and not cut night. i knew i wasn't
> >> >> going to get carried away and do major damage, like i
> >> >> knew i would have when i went into the hospital.
> >> >>
> >> >> thanks for the concern, though.
> >> >>
> >> >> -lisa
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > sitting and suffering will never make sense to me
> >>
> >> i would have sat and suffered at the hospital, too. i had
> >> trouble at partial because they have plastic knives there,
> >> and they have the same ones on the in-patient unit. it
> >> wouldn't have made a difference, except that now i'm not
> >> locked up for a week.
> >>
> >> -lisa
> >
> >
> >
> > why didn't you just stay in the hospital last time ,
> > until you got all this dealt with
>
> because the hospital had become a violent, toxic environment.
> telephones smashed, chairs thrown, people shoved to the floor.
> everybody was walking on tiptoes around a couple of other
> patients. the doctor and i both thought that it would be
> better to finish healing in the relative quiet of home and
> partial. i was no longer suicidal and didn't really need to be
> locked up there.


oh , ok , well i'm glad you finally got all the issues resolved

÷ wrote...

>
> "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> news:Xns986D69D781AFCmccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
>> ÷ wrote...
>>
>> >
>> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
>> > news:Xns986D68A04CE95mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
>> >> ÷ wrote...
>> >>
>> >> >
>> >> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
>> >> > news:Xns986D65DD3894Emccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
>> >> >> % wrote...
>> >> >>
>> >> >> >
>> >> >> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
>> >> >> > news:Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. .
>> >> >> > .
>> >> >> >> the day started out ok, began going downhill
>> >> >> >> after lunch. i was pulled out of my last group at
>> >> >> >> partial for one on one time with a staff member.
>> >> >> >> they were worried about my safety. me, too.
>> >> >> >>
>> >> >> >> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe
>> >> >> >> tomorrow will be a better day. in the meantime, i
>> >> >> >> just have to hang on tight.
>> >> >> >>
>> >> >> >> -lisa
>> >> >> >
>> >> >> >
>> >> >> > go to the hospital
>> >> >>
>> >> >> the hospital's for when i'm in serious danger. this
>> >> >> wasn't a forgetting to breathe major crisis, just a
>> >> >> trying to hang on and not cut night. i knew i wasn't
>> >> >> going to get carried away and do major damage, like
>> >> >> i knew i would have when i went into the hospital.
>> >> >>
>> >> >> thanks for the concern, though.
>> >> >>
>> >> >> -lisa
>> >> >
>> >> >
>> >> > sitting and suffering will never make sense to me
>> >>
>> >> i would have sat and suffered at the hospital, too. i
>> >> had trouble at partial because they have plastic knives
>> >> there, and they have the same ones on the in-patient
>> >> unit. it wouldn't have made a difference, except that
>> >> now i'm not locked up for a week.
>> >>
>> >> -lisa
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > why didn't you just stay in the hospital last time ,
>> > until you got all this dealt with
>>
>> because the hospital had become a violent, toxic
>> environment. telephones smashed, chairs thrown, people
>> shoved to the floor. everybody was walking on tiptoes
>> around a couple of other patients. the doctor and i both
>> thought that it would be better to finish healing in the
>> relative quiet of home and partial. i was no longer
>> suicidal and didn't really need to be locked up there.
>
>
> oh , ok , well i'm glad you finally got all the issues
> resolved

they obviously weren't, but i don't know whether they'll ever
be, in the same way that an alcoholic's not "cured" by detox.
my biggest problem's an out-of-control chemistry that was
thrown off by a particulary nasty medication. the docs say
that i might never heal. the best i can do is to use the tools
available to me as best possible to tolerate the distress.
that's what i'm working on in out-patient therapy, and which
was never addressed in-patient.

"lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
news:Xns986D6D2FACD7Cmccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> ÷ wrote...
>
> >
> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> > news:Xns986D69D781AFCmccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> >> ÷ wrote...
> >>
> >> >
> >> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> >> > news:Xns986D68A04CE95mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> >> >> ÷ wrote...
> >> >>
> >> >> >
> >> >> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> >> >> > news:Xns986D65DD3894Emccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> >> >> >> % wrote...
> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> >
> >> >> >> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> >> >> >> > news:Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. .
> >> >> >> > .
> >> >> >> >> the day started out ok, began going downhill
> >> >> >> >> after lunch. i was pulled out of my last group at
> >> >> >> >> partial for one on one time with a staff member.
> >> >> >> >> they were worried about my safety. me, too.
> >> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> >> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe
> >> >> >> >> tomorrow will be a better day. in the meantime, i
> >> >> >> >> just have to hang on tight.
> >> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> >> -lisa
> >> >> >> >
> >> >> >> >
> >> >> >> > go to the hospital
> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> the hospital's for when i'm in serious danger. this
> >> >> >> wasn't a forgetting to breathe major crisis, just a
> >> >> >> trying to hang on and not cut night. i knew i wasn't
> >> >> >> going to get carried away and do major damage, like
> >> >> >> i knew i would have when i went into the hospital.
> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> thanks for the concern, though.
> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> -lisa
> >> >> >
> >> >> >
> >> >> > sitting and suffering will never make sense to me
> >> >>
> >> >> i would have sat and suffered at the hospital, too. i
> >> >> had trouble at partial because they have plastic knives
> >> >> there, and they have the same ones on the in-patient
> >> >> unit. it wouldn't have made a difference, except that
> >> >> now i'm not locked up for a week.
> >> >>
> >> >> -lisa
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > why didn't you just stay in the hospital last time ,
> >> > until you got all this dealt with
> >>
> >> because the hospital had become a violent, toxic
> >> environment. telephones smashed, chairs thrown, people
> >> shoved to the floor. everybody was walking on tiptoes
> >> around a couple of other patients. the doctor and i both
> >> thought that it would be better to finish healing in the
> >> relative quiet of home and partial. i was no longer
> >> suicidal and didn't really need to be locked up there.
> >
> >
> > oh , ok , well i'm glad you finally got all the issues
> > resolved
>
> they obviously weren't, but i don't know whether they'll ever
> be, in the same way that an alcoholic's not "cured" by detox.
> my biggest problem's an out-of-control chemistry that was
> thrown off by a particulary nasty medication. the docs say
> that i might never heal. the best i can do is to use the tools
> available to me as best possible to tolerate the distress.
> that's what i'm working on in out-patient therapy, and which
> was never addressed in-patient.


oh , i see , and how's that working so far

÷ wrote...

>
> "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> news:Xns986D6D2FACD7Cmccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
>> ÷ wrote...
>>
>> >
>> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
>> > news:Xns986D69D781AFCmccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
>> >> ÷ wrote...
>> >>
>> >> >
>> >> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
>> >> > news:Xns986D68A04CE95mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
>> >> >> ÷ wrote...
>> >> >>
>> >> >> >
>> >> >> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
>> >> >> > news:Xns986D65DD3894Emccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. .
>> >> >> > .
>> >> >> >> % wrote...
>> >> >> >>
>> >> >> >> >
>> >> >> >> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in
>> >> >> >> > message
>> >> >> >> > news:Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.
>> >> >> >> > 4.. .
>> >> >> >> >> the day started out ok, began going downhill
>> >> >> >> >> after lunch. i was pulled out of my last group
>> >> >> >> >> at partial for one on one time with a staff
>> >> >> >> >> member. they were worried about my safety. me,
>> >> >> >> >> too.
>> >> >> >> >>
>> >> >> >> >> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp.
>> >> >> >> >> maybe tomorrow will be a better day. in the
>> >> >> >> >> meantime, i just have to hang on tight.
>> >> >> >> >>
>> >> >> >> >> -lisa
>> >> >> >> >
>> >> >> >> >
>> >> >> >> > go to the hospital
>> >> >> >>
>> >> >> >> the hospital's for when i'm in serious danger.
>> >> >> >> this wasn't a forgetting to breathe major crisis,
>> >> >> >> just a trying to hang on and not cut night. i
>> >> >> >> knew i wasn't going to get carried away and do
>> >> >> >> major damage, like i knew i would have when i
>> >> >> >> went into the hospital.
>> >> >> >>
>> >> >> >> thanks for the concern, though.
>> >> >> >>
>> >> >> >> -lisa
>> >> >> >
>> >> >> >
>> >> >> > sitting and suffering will never make sense to me
>> >> >>
>> >> >> i would have sat and suffered at the hospital, too.
>> >> >> i had trouble at partial because they have plastic
>> >> >> knives there, and they have the same ones on the
>> >> >> in-patient unit. it wouldn't have made a difference,
>> >> >> except that now i'm not locked up for a week.
>> >> >>
>> >> >> -lisa
>> >> >
>> >> >
>> >> >
>> >> > why didn't you just stay in the hospital last time ,
>> >> > until you got all this dealt with
>> >>
>> >> because the hospital had become a violent, toxic
>> >> environment. telephones smashed, chairs thrown, people
>> >> shoved to the floor. everybody was walking on tiptoes
>> >> around a couple of other patients. the doctor and i
>> >> both thought that it would be better to finish healing
>> >> in the relative quiet of home and partial. i was no
>> >> longer suicidal and didn't really need to be locked up
>> >> there.
>> >
>> >
>> > oh , ok , well i'm glad you finally got all the issues
>> > resolved
>>
>> they obviously weren't, but i don't know whether they'll
>> ever be, in the same way that an alcoholic's not "cured"
>> by detox. my biggest problem's an out-of-control chemistry
>> that was thrown off by a particulary nasty medication. the
>> docs say that i might never heal. the best i can do is to
>> use the tools available to me as best possible to tolerate
>> the distress. that's what i'm working on in out-patient
>> therapy, and which was never addressed in-patient.
>
>
> oh , i see , and how's that working so far

sometimes pretty well, other times not much at all. it's my
response to the stressors that needs work. i'm doing all that
i can chemically. now i just have to ride it out when things
get bad. i've had daily suicidal ideation and urges to self-
injure that i just can't shake for nine years solid. they're
probably not going to go away. i just have to do the best i
can to go with the flow and manage the stress as it comes.

"lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
news:Xns986D6F6FBF33Bmccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> ÷ wrote...
>
> >
> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> > news:Xns986D6D2FACD7Cmccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> >> ÷ wrote...
> >>
> >> >
> >> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> >> > news:Xns986D69D781AFCmccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> >> >> ÷ wrote...
> >> >>
> >> >> >
> >> >> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> >> >> > news:Xns986D68A04CE95mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> >> >> >> ÷ wrote...
> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> >
> >> >> >> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> >> >> >> > news:Xns986D65DD3894Emccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. .
> >> >> >> > .
> >> >> >> >> % wrote...
> >> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> >> >
> >> >> >> >> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in
> >> >> >> >> > message
> >> >> >> >> > news:Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.
> >> >> >> >> > 4.. .
> >> >> >> >> >> the day started out ok, began going downhill
> >> >> >> >> >> after lunch. i was pulled out of my last group
> >> >> >> >> >> at partial for one on one time with a staff
> >> >> >> >> >> member. they were worried about my safety. me,
> >> >> >> >> >> too.
> >> >> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> >> >> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp.
> >> >> >> >> >> maybe tomorrow will be a better day. in the
> >> >> >> >> >> meantime, i just have to hang on tight.
> >> >> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> >> >> -lisa
> >> >> >> >> >
> >> >> >> >> >
> >> >> >> >> > go to the hospital
> >> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> >> the hospital's for when i'm in serious danger.
> >> >> >> >> this wasn't a forgetting to breathe major crisis,
> >> >> >> >> just a trying to hang on and not cut night. i
> >> >> >> >> knew i wasn't going to get carried away and do
> >> >> >> >> major damage, like i knew i would have when i
> >> >> >> >> went into the hospital.
> >> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> >> thanks for the concern, though.
> >> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> >> -lisa
> >> >> >> >
> >> >> >> >
> >> >> >> > sitting and suffering will never make sense to me
> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> i would have sat and suffered at the hospital, too.
> >> >> >> i had trouble at partial because they have plastic
> >> >> >> knives there, and they have the same ones on the
> >> >> >> in-patient unit. it wouldn't have made a difference,
> >> >> >> except that now i'm not locked up for a week.
> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> -lisa
> >> >> >
> >> >> >
> >> >> >
> >> >> > why didn't you just stay in the hospital last time ,
> >> >> > until you got all this dealt with
> >> >>
> >> >> because the hospital had become a violent, toxic
> >> >> environment. telephones smashed, chairs thrown, people
> >> >> shoved to the floor. everybody was walking on tiptoes
> >> >> around a couple of other patients. the doctor and i
> >> >> both thought that it would be better to finish healing
> >> >> in the relative quiet of home and partial. i was no
> >> >> longer suicidal and didn't really need to be locked up
> >> >> there.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > oh , ok , well i'm glad you finally got all the issues
> >> > resolved
> >>
> >> they obviously weren't, but i don't know whether they'll
> >> ever be, in the same way that an alcoholic's not "cured"
> >> by detox. my biggest problem's an out-of-control chemistry
> >> that was thrown off by a particulary nasty medication. the
> >> docs say that i might never heal. the best i can do is to
> >> use the tools available to me as best possible to tolerate
> >> the distress. that's what i'm working on in out-patient
> >> therapy, and which was never addressed in-patient.
> >
> >
> > oh , i see , and how's that working so far
>
> sometimes pretty well, other times not much at all. it's my
> response to the stressors that needs work. i'm doing all that
> i can chemically. now i just have to ride it out when things
> get bad. i've had daily suicidal ideation and urges to self-
> injure that i just can't shake for nine years solid. they're
> probably not going to go away. i just have to do the best i
> can to go with the flow and manage the stress as it comes.


nevermind , i'm not being understood here at all

÷ wrote...

> nevermind , i'm not being understood here at all
>

yes you are. i know it's broken. i'm just saying that i don't
think it really can be fixed.

"lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
news:Xns986D7537DDCF7mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> ÷ wrote...
>
> > nevermind , i'm not being understood here at all
> >
>
> yes you are. i know it's broken. i'm just saying that i don't
> think it really can be fixed.


no , i'm not , and i know what you're saying

"lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
news:Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> the day started out ok, began going downhill after lunch. i was
> pulled out of my last group at partial for one on one time with
> a staff member. they were worried about my safety. me, too.
>
> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe tomorrow will be
> a better day. in the meantime, i just have to hang on tight.
>
> -lisa

I hope your day was better Lisa!

Jane

Jane wrote...

>
> "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> news:Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
>> the day started out ok, began going downhill after lunch.
>> i was pulled out of my last group at partial for one on
>> one time with a staff member. they were worried about my
>> safety. me, too.
>>
>> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe tomorrow
>> will be a better day. in the meantime, i just have to hang
>> on tight.
>>
>> -lisa
>
> I hope your day was better Lisa!
>
> Jane

thanks jane, it was.

-lisa

"lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
news:Xns986DDFE4A7C74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> Jane wrote...
>
> >
> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> > news:Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> >> the day started out ok, began going downhill after lunch.
> >> i was pulled out of my last group at partial for one on
> >> one time with a staff member. they were worried about my
> >> safety. me, too.
> >>
> >> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe tomorrow
> >> will be a better day. in the meantime, i just have to hang
> >> on tight.
> >>
> >> -lisa
> >
> > I hope your day was better Lisa!
> >
> > Jane
>
> thanks jane, it was.
>
> -lisa

in what way

% wrote...

>
> "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> news:Xns986DDFE4A7C74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
>> Jane wrote...
>>
>> >
>> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
>> > news:Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
>> >> the day started out ok, began going downhill after
>> >> lunch. i was pulled out of my last group at partial for
>> >> one on one time with a staff member. they were worried
>> >> about my safety. me, too.
>> >>
>> >> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe
>> >> tomorrow will be a better day. in the meantime, i just
>> >> have to hang on tight.
>> >>
>> >> -lisa
>> >
>> > I hope your day was better Lisa!
>> >
>> > Jane
>>
>> thanks jane, it was.
>>
>> -lisa
>
> in what way

in two ways. i wasn't fighting the urge to rip myself up all
day, and i got a new script from the pdoc that might help.

"lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
news:Xns986DE0BF49677mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> % wrote...
>
> >
> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> > news:Xns986DDFE4A7C74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> >> Jane wrote...
> >>
> >> >
> >> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> >> > news:Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> >> >> the day started out ok, began going downhill after
> >> >> lunch. i was pulled out of my last group at partial for
> >> >> one on one time with a staff member. they were worried
> >> >> about my safety. me, too.
> >> >>
> >> >> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe
> >> >> tomorrow will be a better day. in the meantime, i just
> >> >> have to hang on tight.
> >> >>
> >> >> -lisa
> >> >
> >> > I hope your day was better Lisa!
> >> >
> >> > Jane
> >>
> >> thanks jane, it was.
> >>
> >> -lisa
> >
> > in what way
>
> in two ways. i wasn't fighting the urge to rip myself up all
> day, and i got a new script from the pdoc that might help.


well do that all the time and you'll be fine

In message <Xns986D68A04CE95mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4>, lisa in mass.
<mccats@rcn.com> writes
>÷ wrote...
>> "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
>> news:Xns986D65DD3894Emccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
>>> % wrote...
>>> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
>>> > news:Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
>>> >> the day started out ok, began going downhill after
>>> >> lunch. i was pulled out of my last group at partial for
>>> >> one on one time with a staff member. they were worried
>>> >> about my safety. me, too.
>>> >>
>>> >> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe
>>> >> tomorrow will be a better day. in the meantime, i just
>>> >> have to hang on tight.
>>> >
>>> > go to the hospital
>>>
>>> the hospital's for when i'm in serious danger. this wasn't
>>> a forgetting to breathe major crisis, just a trying to
>>> hang on and not cut night. i knew i wasn't going to get
>>> carried away and do major damage, like i knew i would have
>>> when i went into the hospital.
>>>
>>> thanks for the concern, though.
>>
>> sitting and suffering will never make sense to me
>
>i would have sat and suffered at the hospital, too. i had
>trouble at partial because they have plastic knives there, and
>they have the same ones on the in-patient unit. it wouldn't
>have made a difference, except that now i'm not locked up for
>a week.

They lock up voluntary patients in the USA?

--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?

Alan <Alan@harding.demon.co.uk> typed
> They lock up voluntary patients in the USA?

They can, if they think you're a threat to yourself or others.

--
-slunky

"Alan Harding" <Alan@harding.demon.co.uk> wrote in message
news:fym+HTEtJISFFwf1@harding.demon.co.uk...
> In message <Xns986D68A04CE95mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4>, lisa in mass.
> <mccats@rcn.com> writes
> >÷ wrote...
> >> "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> >> news:Xns986D65DD3894Emccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> >>> % wrote...
> >>> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> >>> > news:Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> >>> >> the day started out ok, began going downhill after
> >>> >> lunch. i was pulled out of my last group at partial for
> >>> >> one on one time with a staff member. they were worried
> >>> >> about my safety. me, too.
> >>> >>
> >>> >> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe
> >>> >> tomorrow will be a better day. in the meantime, i just
> >>> >> have to hang on tight.
> >>> >
> >>> > go to the hospital
> >>>
> >>> the hospital's for when i'm in serious danger. this wasn't
> >>> a forgetting to breathe major crisis, just a trying to
> >>> hang on and not cut night. i knew i wasn't going to get
> >>> carried away and do major damage, like i knew i would have
> >>> when i went into the hospital.
> >>>
> >>> thanks for the concern, though.
> >>
> >> sitting and suffering will never make sense to me
> >
> >i would have sat and suffered at the hospital, too. i had
> >trouble at partial because they have plastic knives there, and
> >they have the same ones on the in-patient unit. it wouldn't
> >have made a difference, except that now i'm not locked up for
> >a week.
>
> They lock up voluntary patients in the USA?
>
> --
> The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
> just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?


if you ask nicely the do

Alan Harding wrote...

> In message <Xns986D68A04CE95mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4>,
> lisa in mass. <mccats@rcn.com> writes
>>÷ wrote...
>>> "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
>>> news:Xns986D65DD3894Emccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
>>>> % wrote...
>>>> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
>>>> > news:Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
>>>> >> the day started out ok, began going downhill after
>>>> >> lunch. i was pulled out of my last group at partial
>>>> >> for one on one time with a staff member. they were
>>>> >> worried about my safety. me, too.
>>>> >>
>>>> >> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe
>>>> >> tomorrow will be a better day. in the meantime, i
>>>> >> just have to hang on tight.
>>>> >
>>>> > go to the hospital
>>>>
>>>> the hospital's for when i'm in serious danger. this
>>>> wasn't a forgetting to breathe major crisis, just a
>>>> trying to hang on and not cut night. i knew i wasn't
>>>> going to get carried away and do major damage, like i
>>>> knew i would have when i went into the hospital.
>>>>
>>>> thanks for the concern, though.
>>>
>>> sitting and suffering will never make sense to me
>>
>>i would have sat and suffered at the hospital, too. i had
>>trouble at partial because they have plastic knives there,
>>and they have the same ones on the in-patient unit. it
>>wouldn't have made a difference, except that now i'm not
>>locked up for a week.
>
> They lock up voluntary patients in the USA?

yeah, the unit i was on is a locked unit. not everyone there
is voluntary, though almost everyone was.

-lisa

"lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
news:Xns986EAC94A88DDmccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> Alan Harding wrote...
>
> > In message <Xns986D68A04CE95mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4>,
> > lisa in mass. <mccats@rcn.com> writes
> >>÷ wrote...
> >>> "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> >>> news:Xns986D65DD3894Emccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> >>>> % wrote...
> >>>> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> >>>> > news:Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
> >>>> >> the day started out ok, began going downhill after
> >>>> >> lunch. i was pulled out of my last group at partial
> >>>> >> for one on one time with a staff member. they were
> >>>> >> worried about my safety. me, too.
> >>>> >>
> >>>> >> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe
> >>>> >> tomorrow will be a better day. in the meantime, i
> >>>> >> just have to hang on tight.
> >>>> >
> >>>> > go to the hospital
> >>>>
> >>>> the hospital's for when i'm in serious danger. this
> >>>> wasn't a forgetting to breathe major crisis, just a
> >>>> trying to hang on and not cut night. i knew i wasn't
> >>>> going to get carried away and do major damage, like i
> >>>> knew i would have when i went into the hospital.
> >>>>
> >>>> thanks for the concern, though.
> >>>
> >>> sitting and suffering will never make sense to me
> >>
> >>i would have sat and suffered at the hospital, too. i had
> >>trouble at partial because they have plastic knives there,
> >>and they have the same ones on the in-patient unit. it
> >>wouldn't have made a difference, except that now i'm not
> >>locked up for a week.
> >
> > They lock up voluntary patients in the USA?
>
> yeah, the unit i was on is a locked unit. not everyone there
> is voluntary, though almost everyone was.
>
> -lisa


but now you're cured , yay

% wrote...

>
> "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
> news:Xns986EAC94A88DDmccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
>> Alan Harding wrote...
>>
>> > In message
>> > <Xns986D68A04CE95mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4>, lisa in
>> > mass. <mccats@rcn.com> writes
>> >>÷ wrote...
>> >>> "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
>> >>> news:Xns986D65DD3894Emccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
>> >>>> % wrote...
>> >>>> > "lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
>> >>>> > news:Xns986CE400AEB74mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4. ..
>> >>>> >> the day started out ok, began going downhill after
>> >>>> >> lunch. i was pulled out of my last group at
>> >>>> >> partial for one on one time with a staff member.
>> >>>> >> they were worried about my safety. me, too.
>> >>>> >>
>> >>>> >> tomorrow i see both my pdoc and my therp. maybe
>> >>>> >> tomorrow will be a better day. in the meantime, i
>> >>>> >> just have to hang on tight.
>> >>>> >
>> >>>> > go to the hospital
>> >>>>
>> >>>> the hospital's for when i'm in serious danger. this
>> >>>> wasn't a forgetting to breathe major crisis, just a
>> >>>> trying to hang on and not cut night. i knew i wasn't
>> >>>> going to get carried away and do major damage, like i
>> >>>> knew i would have when i went into the hospital.
>> >>>>
>> >>>> thanks for the concern, though.
>> >>>
>> >>> sitting and suffering will never make sense to me
>> >>
>> >>i would have sat and suffered at the hospital, too. i
>> >>had trouble at partial because they have plastic knives
>> >>there, and they have the same ones on the in-patient
>> >>unit. it wouldn't have made a difference, except that
>> >>now i'm not locked up for a week.
>> >
>> > They lock up voluntary patients in the USA?
>>
>> yeah, the unit i was on is a locked unit. not everyone
>> there is voluntary, though almost everyone was.
>>
>> -lisa
>
>
> but now you're cured , yay

enough already.
they wouldn't even change my meds there, though they told my
outpatient pdoc that they would. they weren't doing a damned
thing except to keep me locked up. i can get more than that out
of partial.