Next door neighbor (dumb social stuff, future ammo for the haters)

x-no-archive: yes

She's super duper nice. She's from Romania, 50 something with a grown
son living at home and I think a daughter who brings over the grandkids
occasionally, because we hear them whooping it up sometimes.

I talk to her maybe every other month or so. It wasn't until last year
that we actually talked, wombn & I are so anti-social and shy. So I
told her about the stroke after it happened, and out of the blue she
came to our house and brought over a bunch of food. She did this twice,
then we didn't hear from her in a while. Last week she surprised me
again and brought over some homemade food.

Are you supposed to return the containers? It was that plastic kind
that you buy in bulk that isn't quite tupperware, but it's durable
enough to be washed and reused.

What do I do? Just keep waving every now and then when I see her in her
yard? I feel like I should do something in return, but I have no clue.
I did ask if I could put her name on the "Help I've fallen & I can't
get up" service we got for wombn. If wombn pushes the button, they have
a list of people to call first before they call emergency services. She
was more than happy to do this.

It's not like I'm going to be buddy buddy with this woman and her
husband (who I almost never see, and is as gruff and unsocial as me.)
The only thing I can think of is to maybe bring her some traditional
Swedish food around Christmas time, as a way to say thanks, but that
seems lame.

I guess I just feel like she's extended the hand of friendship on some
level, but I'm not doing anything with it. wombn is mortified when she
comes over, so that's another factor, but I'm prepared to give wombn a
kick in the tush on certain things, and this is one of them. Since the
stroke, I have learned the value of having a social support network. Or
more simply put, it's nice to have people who care about you. And this
lady is just a sweetheart, so I'd like to continue the relationship and
buffer it a little.

My other neighbor, we have a quasi-relationship based on our mutual
mistrust of the neighborhood and a desire to keep our houses safe. So
we talk about that, maybe some yard stuff, and an occasional wave. But
there's nothing beyond that. He's my age, but we're nothing alike,
there's no potential friendship there, just good neighborship on
whatever level.

x-no-archive: yes

"Janithor" <Janithor@comcast.net> wrote in message
news:453CAE8A.7050405@comcast.net...
> x-no-archive: yes
>
> She's super duper nice. She's from Romania, 50 something with a grown son
> living at home and I think a daughter who brings over the grandkids
> occasionally, because we hear them whooping it up sometimes.
>
> I talk to her maybe every other month or so. It wasn't until last year
> that we actually talked, wombn & I are so anti-social and shy. So I told
> her about the stroke after it happened, and out of the blue she came to
> our house and brought over a bunch of food. She did this twice, then we
> didn't hear from her in a while. Last week she surprised me again and
> brought over some homemade food.
>
> Are you supposed to return the containers? It was that plastic kind that
> you buy in bulk that isn't quite tupperware, but it's durable enough to be
> washed and reused.
>
> What do I do? Just keep waving every now and then when I see her in her
> yard? I feel like I should do something in return, but I have no clue. I
> did ask if I could put her name on the "Help I've fallen & I can't get up"
> service we got for wombn. If wombn pushes the button, they have a list of
> people to call first before they call emergency services. She was more
> than happy to do this.
>
> It's not like I'm going to be buddy buddy with this woman and her husband
> (who I almost never see, and is as gruff and unsocial as me.) The only
> thing I can think of is to maybe bring her some traditional Swedish food
> around Christmas time, as a way to say thanks, but that seems lame.
>
> I guess I just feel like she's extended the hand of friendship on some
> level, but I'm not doing anything with it. wombn is mortified when she
> comes over, so that's another factor, but I'm prepared to give wombn a
> kick in the tush on certain things, and this is one of them. Since the
> stroke, I have learned the value of having a social support network. Or
> more simply put, it's nice to have people who care about you. And this
> lady is just a sweetheart, so I'd like to continue the relationship and
> buffer it a little.
>
> My other neighbor, we have a quasi-relationship based on our mutual
> mistrust of the neighborhood and a desire to keep our houses safe. So we
> talk about that, maybe some yard stuff, and an occasional wave. But
> there's nothing beyond that. He's my age, but we're nothing alike,
> there's no potential friendship there, just good neighborship on whatever
> level.


I'm terrible at getting to know my neighbours, I usually don't even learn
their names.

I think bringing her some food at Christmas (is Christmas or Thanksgiving
the bigger holiday in the US in terms of having a big meal with family?) or
something is a great idea.

Another option would be to have some flowers with a nice card delivered.
That would be something to break the ice without you actually having to do
it in person, which I know would be easier for me.

Anyway, if you do decide to do something for her I hope you're able to find
something you and Wombn are comfortable with.



Kylie

"Janithor" <Janithor@comcast.net> wrote in message
news:453CAE8A.7050405@comcast.net...
> x-no-archive: yes
>
> She's super duper nice. She's from Romania, 50 something with a grown
> son living at home and I think a daughter who brings over the grandkids
> occasionally, because we hear them whooping it up sometimes.
>
> I talk to her maybe every other month or so. It wasn't until last year
> that we actually talked, wombn & I are so anti-social and shy. So I
> told her about the stroke after it happened, and out of the blue she
> came to our house and brought over a bunch of food. She did this twice,
> then we didn't hear from her in a while. Last week she surprised me
> again and brought over some homemade food.
>
> Are you supposed to return the containers? It was that plastic kind
> that you buy in bulk that isn't quite tupperware, but it's durable
> enough to be washed and reused.
>
> What do I do? Just keep waving every now and then when I see her in her
> yard? I feel like I should do something in return, but I have no clue.
> I did ask if I could put her name on the "Help I've fallen & I can't
> get up" service we got for wombn. If wombn pushes the button, they have
> a list of people to call first before they call emergency services. She
> was more than happy to do this.
>
> It's not like I'm going to be buddy buddy with this woman and her
> husband (who I almost never see, and is as gruff and unsocial as me.)
> The only thing I can think of is to maybe bring her some traditional
> Swedish food around Christmas time, as a way to say thanks, but that
> seems lame.
>
> I guess I just feel like she's extended the hand of friendship on some
> level, but I'm not doing anything with it. wombn is mortified when she
> comes over, so that's another factor, but I'm prepared to give wombn a
> kick in the tush on certain things, and this is one of them. Since the
> stroke, I have learned the value of having a social support network. Or

> more simply put, it's nice to have people who care about you. And this
> lady is just a sweetheart, so I'd like to continue the relationship and
> buffer it a little.
>
> My other neighbor, we have a quasi-relationship based on our mutual
> mistrust of the neighborhood and a desire to keep our houses safe. So
> we talk about that, maybe some yard stuff, and an occasional wave. But
> there's nothing beyond that. He's my age, but we're nothing alike,
> there's no potential friendship there, just good neighborship on
> whatever level.
>


next time you mow the lawn ,
do hers too

x-no-archive: yes

> Are you supposed to return the containers? It was that plastic kind
> that you buy in bulk that isn't quite tupperware, but it's durable
> enough to be washed and reused.

I'd bring 'em back.

> What do I do? Just keep waving every now and then when I see her in her
> yard? I feel like I should do something in return, but I have no clue.

It doesn't sound like she's conducting a
transaction to get something back, so
there's no "should do something" in the
equation. imo. Your heartfelt thanks are
quite sufficient. Maybe yer feeling that
you *want* to do something because her
gesture is so meaningful to you. That's
an impulse worth pursuing, imo. Giving
is good.

The traditional Swedish food at
Christmas sounds like a really
thoughtful gesture. Maybe it seems
"lame" to you because it's not a muscle
yer used to exercising?

If you left a supermarket bouquet of
flowers at her front door, that would
touch her heart. If you left a box of
crayons with her "for when the kids come
over", she might go into orbit at your
thoughtfulness. A "thank you" card in
her mailbox, or in the bag when you
return the containers is also very
thoughtful.

It is the thought that counts and you
are thinking warmly of her. Any simple
gesture would let her know that. Plus
you'd be affirming for yourself the kind
of social network you're beginning to
appreciate.

She sounds like a treasure.

Gayle

% wrote:

> next time you mow the lawn ,
> do hers too

Perfect.

x-no-archive: yes

Gayle wrote:
> x-no-archive: yes
>
>> Are you supposed to return the containers? It was that plastic kind
>> that you buy in bulk that isn't quite tupperware, but it's durable
>> enough to be washed and reused.
>
>
> I'd bring 'em back.

Wah, it's been a couple months now, I have no idea which is which.

>> What do I do? Just keep waving every now and then when I see her in
>> her yard? I feel like I should do something in return, but I have no
>> clue.
>
>
> It doesn't sound like she's conducting a transaction to get something
> back, so there's no "should do something" in the equation. imo. Your
> heartfelt thanks are quite sufficient. Maybe yer feeling that you *want*
> to do something because her gesture is so meaningful to you. That's an
> impulse worth pursuing, imo. Giving is good.

Yeah, I like her. And I want connections with my neighbors for
practical reasons:

http://www.gipgipgip.com/wiki-upload...ruckwindow.JPG

> The traditional Swedish food at Christmas sounds like a really
> thoughtful gesture. Maybe it seems "lame" to you because it's not a
> muscle yer used to exercising?

When I first moved to Texas, I couldn't find any korv for Christmas, I
was despondent. So I looked in the yellow pages for Lutheran churches
(even though I was raised Methodist, a quirk in the family history I
don't get), and ended up talking for about 1/2 hr with a minister's wife
who was super friendly, offered to give me some korv. I don't recall
exactly what was said, but she was open and inviting and thrilled that
some random stranger was calling and looking for some korv for
Christmas. I never followed through on it though. Still, it was kind
of cool how I could instantly connect with a complete stranger like
that, just because we both liked Swedish potato sausage.

> If you left a supermarket bouquet of flowers at her front door, that
> would touch her heart. If you left a box of crayons with her "for when
> the kids come over", she might go into orbit at your thoughtfulness. A
> "thank you" card in her mailbox, or in the bag when you return the
> containers is also very thoughtful.
>
> It is the thought that counts and you are thinking warmly of her. Any
> simple gesture would let her know that. Plus you'd be affirming for
> yourself the kind of social network you're beginning to appreciate.
>
> She sounds like a treasure.
>
> Gayle

Yes, she is a very sweet. OK Gayle, you're right, I should do
something. I was almost thinking of inviting them over for dinner. But
that's a crazy thought.

There was a neighbor at our old place, I regret now not following up
with him. He served directly under MacArthur during the occupation of
Japan, and he was in Saigon during Tet, I think he went to help with the
attack on the embassy. I wanted so badly to be invited to his house and
rifle through whatever memorabilia & stories he had. But I kept it to
waving hi and the occasional chat about palm fronds in the yard, etc...

"Janithor" <Janithor@comcast.net> wrote in message
news:453CC090.7040207@comcast.net...
> x-no-archive: yes
>
> Gayle wrote:
>> x-no-archive: yes
>>
>>> Are you supposed to return the containers? It was that plastic kind
>>> that you buy in bulk that isn't quite tupperware, but it's durable
>>> enough to be washed and reused.
>>
>>
>> I'd bring 'em back.
>
> Wah, it's been a couple months now, I have no idea which is which.
>
>>> What do I do? Just keep waving every now and then when I see her in her
>>> yard? I feel like I should do something in return, but I have no clue.
>>
>>
>> It doesn't sound like she's conducting a transaction to get something
>> back, so there's no "should do something" in the equation. imo. Your
>> heartfelt thanks are quite sufficient. Maybe yer feeling that you *want*
>> to do something because her gesture is so meaningful to you. That's an
>> impulse worth pursuing, imo. Giving is good.
>
> Yeah, I like her. And I want connections with my neighbors for practical
> reasons:
>
> http://www.gipgipgip.com/wiki-upload...ruckwindow.JPG
>
>> The traditional Swedish food at Christmas sounds like a really thoughtful
>> gesture. Maybe it seems "lame" to you because it's not a muscle yer used
>> to exercising?
>
> When I first moved to Texas, I couldn't find any korv for Christmas, I was
> despondent. So I looked in the yellow pages for Lutheran churches (even
> though I was raised Methodist, a quirk in the family history I don't get),
> and ended up talking for about 1/2 hr with a minister's wife who was super
> friendly, offered to give me some korv. I don't recall exactly what was
> said, but she was open and inviting and thrilled that some random stranger
> was calling and looking for some korv for Christmas. I never followed
> through on it though. Still, it was kind of cool how I could instantly
> connect with a complete stranger like that, just because we both liked
> Swedish potato sausage.
>
>> If you left a supermarket bouquet of flowers at her front door, that
>> would touch her heart. If you left a box of crayons with her "for when
>> the kids come over", she might go into orbit at your thoughtfulness. A
>> "thank you" card in her mailbox, or in the bag when you return the
>> containers is also very thoughtful.
>>
>> It is the thought that counts and you are thinking warmly of her. Any
>> simple gesture would let her know that. Plus you'd be affirming for
>> yourself the kind of social network you're beginning to appreciate.
>>
>> She sounds like a treasure.
>>
>> Gayle
>
> Yes, she is a very sweet. OK Gayle, you're right, I should do something.
> I was almost thinking of inviting them over for dinner. But that's a
> crazy thought.
>
> There was a neighbor at our old place, I regret now not following up with
> him. He served directly under MacArthur during the occupation of Japan,
> and he was in Saigon during Tet, I think he went to help with the attack
> on the embassy. I wanted so badly to be invited to his house and rifle
> through whatever memorabilia & stories he had. But I kept it to waving hi
> and the occasional chat about palm fronds in the yard, etc...
>

oh, those are great stories, thor.

On Mon, 23 Oct 2006 11:57:17 GMT, Janithor <Janithor@comcast.net> wrote:


>What do I do? Just keep waving every now and then when I see her in her
>yard? I feel like I should do something in return, but I have no clue.

Buy her a large bunch of flowers.

Janithor wrote:

> Are you supposed to return the containers? It was that plastic kind
> that you buy in bulk that isn't quite tupperware, but it's durable
> enough to be washed and reused.


I've been through this myself recently, with friends and neighbors
bringing over food when Mom was sick. My policy was always to return the
containers. If they're reusable, I figure they should be returned, along
with thanks for the owner's generosity and concern. It doesn't matter
how long it's been. If she tells you no, that's okay, keep 'em, thank
her very much and say see ya later.

>
> What do I do? Just keep waving every now and then when I see her in
> her yard? I feel like I should do something in return, but I have no
> clue. I did ask if I could put her name on the "Help I've fallen & I
> can't get up" service we got for wombn. If wombn pushes the button,
> they have a list of people to call first before they call emergency
> services. She was more than happy to do this.

A wave hello is always welcome and appropriate. Maybe even ask her how
she's been.

> It's not like I'm going to be buddy buddy with this woman and her
> husband (who I almost never see, and is as gruff and unsocial as me.)
> The only thing I can think of is to maybe bring her some traditional
> Swedish food around Christmas time, as a way to say thanks, but that
> seems lame.

Sweets, breads and fruit around Yuletide are always good. Dunno how she
and her husband would feel about entree-type stuff, though. But
Romanians have always been heavily into Christmas, even during the years
when atheism was the state religion and the government was razing
churches throughout the country. It's a good guess your neighbors are
either Romanian Orthodox or Eastern-rite Catholic. So she'd probably be
most happy to receive such a gift at Christmastide. (N.B.: Some
Romanians are Old Calendarists--they celebrate the Nativity on January
7. If your neighbors do, wait till then to do your gift-giving to them.
They'll probably be very pleased at your considerateness toward their
religious tradition.)

> I guess I just feel like she's extended the hand of friendship on some
> level, but I'm not doing anything with it. wombn is mortified when
> she comes over, so that's another factor, but I'm prepared to give
> wombn a kick in the tush on certain things, and this is one of them.
> Since the stroke, I have learned the value of having a social support
> network. Or more simply put, it's nice to have people who care about
> you. And this lady is just a sweetheart, so I'd like to continue the
> relationship and buffer it a little.

Being the less than outgoing sort that you are, you can't push yourself
any faster than the pace you're naturally comfortable with. Heck, I have
very close friends I've known for 20 years, and for me months can go by
without contacting them. I doubt your neighbor begrudges you your
reticence. She also realizes you have an invalid spouse to tend to. If
it's on your mind seriously enough to post here about it, ISTM you
really want to reach out just a bit more. Start by returning the
containers. A small thing, but it's a start.