not quite sure how I feel

Sometimes lately I think I'm feeling good again. Other times the anxiety
kicks in or the distrations run out and I start to wonder if I really am
feeling ok. I don't know if I even know what good feels like. When I do
have a really good day I get scared and wonder if I'm actually manic,
because feeling happy and good for several days in a row is so foreign to
me.

I think I'm neutral. I'm not desperate and upset, I'm productive at work,
I've been out socially with friends twice in the past couple of weeks, which
is more often than I've been out in the previous few months.

But sometimes when I look deep inside I just feel empty. Other
times....well, I don't even recognise normal, so I don't know what I feel.

Right now I'm just settling for an absence of desperation. And I'm not
desperate. I'm not exactly calm, but I'm ok. I can live with that I guess.

x-no-archive: yes

mighty mouse wrote:
> Sometimes lately I think I'm feeling good again. Other times the anxiety
> kicks in or the distrations run out and I start to wonder if I really am
> feeling ok. I don't know if I even know what good feels like. When I do
> have a really good day I get scared and wonder if I'm actually manic,
> because feeling happy and good for several days in a row is so foreign to
> me.
>
> I think I'm neutral. I'm not desperate and upset, I'm productive at work,
> I've been out socially with friends twice in the past couple of weeks, which
> is more often than I've been out in the previous few months.
>
> But sometimes when I look deep inside I just feel empty. Other
> times....well, I don't even recognise normal, so I don't know what I feel.
>
> Right now I'm just settling for an absence of desperation. And I'm not
> desperate. I'm not exactly calm, but I'm ok. I can live with that I guess.


Sounds wise to me.

mighty mouse <kye_99@nospamyahoo.com> wrote:

> Sometimes lately I think I'm feeling good again. Other times the anxiety
> kicks in or the distrations run out and I start to wonder if I really am
> feeling ok. I don't know if I even know what good feels like. When I do
> have a really good day I get scared and wonder if I'm actually manic,
> because feeling happy and good for several days in a row is so foreign to
> me.

> Right now I'm just settling for an absence of desperation. And I'm not
> desperate. I'm not exactly calm, but I'm ok. I can live with that I guess.


I can imagine lots worse. Good to hear about the successes also.