please don't take a picture

There's no reason to get up, certainly no reason to leave the house.
But there's no reason to stay in bed all day, either. Just existing
seems to be too hard...doesn't matter much where I do it.

Yesterday, my car hit the second time in a month. Just back from the
body shop. More to deal with. Got hit on the same damn street. Again.

REM..."It's been a bad day...please don't take a picture."

Not gonna do anthing about it, but I just wanna turn this movie off.

Cabo before Xmas. Now I really need to go.

p
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"ponette" <ponette0000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:fn4nj2le8q3bqch7meoapitk63cfj0i6po@4ax.com...
> There's no reason to get up, certainly no reason to leave the house.
> But there's no reason to stay in bed all day, either. Just existing
> seems to be too hard...doesn't matter much where I do it.

i know it's the same ole thing you've heard before, but get out and take a
short walk if you can. or a long one even. anything to distract yourself
from doing *nothing* and feeling *everything.*

> Yesterday, my car hit the second time in a month. Just back from the
> body shop. More to deal with. Got hit on the same damn street. Again.

geez, that sux. i hope the other person has insurance.

> REM..."It's been a bad day...please don't take a picture."

i luv REM.

> Not gonna do anthing about it, but I just wanna turn this movie off.

or fast forward thru the crappy parts? i understand that.

> Cabo before Xmas. Now I really need to go.

what is cabo?

hang in there, hunny.

((((ponette))))

~u2b

> x-no-archive: yes is in headers

On Sun, 22 Oct 2006 16:10:21 GMT, "used2be" <used2be@nowhere.com>
wrote:

Thanks so much for writing back and so fast. It means a lot to me
right now.

>
>"ponette" <ponette0000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
>news:fn4nj2le8q3bqch7meoapitk63cfj0i6po@4ax.com.. .
>> There's no reason to get up, certainly no reason to leave the house.
>> But there's no reason to stay in bed all day, either. Just existing
>> seems to be too hard...doesn't matter much where I do it.
>
>i know it's the same ole thing you've heard before, but get out and take a
>short walk if you can. or a long one even. anything to distract yourself
>from doing *nothing* and feeling *everything.*

This is stupid, but I'm almost afraid to leave the house. Bad things
keep happening the moment I think I have it all together.

Then again, since I don't have it all together, I should be fine, eh?
It's about two weeks down the road I should be scared of.

I'm sitting in front of the computer., mostly just staring. And
crying. And listening to REM.
>
>> Yesterday, my car hit the second time in a month. Just back from the
>> body shop. More to deal with. Got hit on the same damn street. Again.
>
>geez, that sux. i hope the other person has insurance.

Nope, this one I'll (well, my insurance) will have to pay for. I
thought someone was being polite and letting me into traffic cause
that's what I would have done in the same situation...his car slowed,
it was a red light and he wasn't going anywhere anyway. Last one
wasn't my fault, but it was a hit and run so I got stuck paying my
deductible. The irony is that I've (in theory) been trying to save
money this month...can' t seem to get a break.

>> REM..."It's been a bad day...please don't take a picture."
>
>i luv REM.

Me, too.
>
>> Not gonna do anthing about it, but I just wanna turn this movie off.
>
>or fast forward thru the crappy parts? i understand that.

I never saw the movie about the guy who did that but I heard it was
pretty bad. The movie, that is.
>
>> Cabo before Xmas. Now I really need to go.
>
>what is cabo?

Cabo San Lucus, Baja, Mexico. My husband had a companion fare so we
got one ticket at $50...and it's the week *before* Dhristmas so it's
wasn't that expensive to fly and we got a great pre-Christmas deal on
the hotel. Haven't been down there since before we were married. It
will be a whole different tirp, town's got much bigger and more
developed, and we have a kid in tow this time. Anyway.

This is stupid, but now I'm afraid something's going to go big wrong
on the trip. And I don't wanna type that cause I feel like I'm going
to jinx it. And I'm not even superstitious.

And I don't know how I'm gonna hang in till then. Know I will cause I
don't have (a decent) alternative.

God, I'm a whiner. I don't even like myself right now. I got a trip to
Cabo coming up eventually, and I'm whining about the interim.

I just don't know quite how I'm gonna get from here to there. I'm not
quite sure how I'm gonna get through the day. Only that I will.

>
>hang in there, hunny.
>
>((((ponette))))
>
>~u2b

Thanks so much, sweetie.

p

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> God, I'm a whiner. I don't even like myself right now. I got a trip to
> Cabo coming up eventually, and I'm whining about the interim.

You are not a whiner. You've had 2
accidents recently and there's all
kindsa psychological crap that gets
rattled about. I really get the "what
next?" fears. It's a human reaction, no?

Just because you have something to look
forward to, it doesn't mean you have to
ignore the bad stuff. You deserve to
feel badly. Erm, that doesn't quite
sound the way I mean it.

I'm just sayin' that maybe you'll put
your reaction to the bad stuff that's
happened behind you more easily if you
give it some room to exist first. Will
you see the doctor again, just in case
you've got another whiff of whiplash?

Sorry to hear about the accident and how
crummy you feel, Ponette. Bad run of
luck and you are not a whiner.

Gayle

On Sun, 22 Oct 2006 12:47:34 -0400, Gayle <gayleco@rcn.com> wrote:

>> God, I'm a whiner. I don't even like myself right now. I got a trip to
>> Cabo coming up eventually, and I'm whining about the interim.
>
>You are not a whiner. You've had 2
>accidents recently and there's all
>kindsa psychological crap that gets
>rattled about. I really get the "what
>next?" fears. It's a human reaction, no?

Um. Yes. I guess.

>
>Just because you have something to look
>forward to, it doesn't mean you have to
>ignore the bad stuff. You deserve to
>feel badly. Erm, that doesn't quite
>sound the way I mean it.

Yeah, I know what you mean. But STILL...
>
>I'm just sayin' that maybe you'll put
>your reaction to the bad stuff that's
>happened behind you more easily if you
>give it some room to exist first. Will
>you see the doctor again, just in case
>you've got another whiff of whiplash?
>
>Sorry to hear about the accident and how
>crummy you feel, Ponette. Bad run of
>luck and you are not a whiner.
>
>Gayle

Thanks, Gayle. That got me crying all over again, but I mean that in
the very best possible way.

It's hard to give myself permission to feel bad...in part because I'm
so sick of feeling bad. I don't know if that makes any sense.

It's been going on so long like this. I just want to pick myself up
and walk away from it all. Instead, tomorrow I take my car in for an
estimate because that's what I gotta do.

All I had to to prevent the accident was to have lower expectations of
the driver. He saw me trying to pull out, he was slowing his car --i t
didn't cross my mind that he'd hit me; I thought he was letting me
out. How dumb is that?

I'm scared to drive. I'm scared to live. Feels like I got a target in
the middle of my forehead....not to mention on my car.

No, I' m not going back to the doctor...it was a very slow-moving
accident and while I'm a little stiff and sore, I think it's from all
the stress. One thing I am glad I did, doctorwise, was have my pdoc
up my ADs last visit. I started the new dosage yesterday. I think I'm
going to need it.

Thanks for writing. I needed to read that stuff bad. I'll try to go
easier on myself. I'm just so mentally and emotionally exhausted that
it's hard right now.

p
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"ponette" <ponette0000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:t86nj2tj2m6mna7d709jjv93jrb9vuu5c0@4ax.com...
>
> Thanks so much for writing back and so fast. It means a lot to me
> right now.

awww, no problem hun. i'm glad i was here when i was then...if it helped
you at all.

> This is stupid, but I'm almost afraid to leave the house. Bad things
> keep happening the moment I think I have it all together.

but that's the depression talking....not the truth. bad thing happen
randomly. and not because you don't have it together.

> Then again, since I don't have it all together, I should be fine, eh?
> It's about two weeks down the road I should be scared of.

what happens then?

> I'm sitting in front of the computer., mostly just staring. And
> crying. And listening to REM.

maybe you should find some more upbeat music? <g>

> Nope, this one I'll (well, my insurance) will have to pay for. I
> thought someone was being polite and letting me into traffic cause
> that's what I would have done in the same situation...his car slowed,
> it was a red light and he wasn't going anywhere anyway. Last one
> wasn't my fault, but it was a hit and run so I got stuck paying my
> deductible. The irony is that I've (in theory) been trying to save
> money this month...can' t seem to get a break.

accidents do seem to occur in short order for some reason. i hope this one
doesn't cost you an arm and a leg! :/

> Cabo San Lucus, Baja, Mexico. My husband had a companion fare so we
> got one ticket at $50...and it's the week *before* Dhristmas so it's
> wasn't that expensive to fly and we got a great pre-Christmas deal on
> the hotel. Haven't been down there since before we were married. It
> will be a whole different tirp, town's got much bigger and more
> developed, and we have a kid in tow this time. Anyway.

oh, that sounds fun!!!! something to look forward to, right?

> This is stupid, but now I'm afraid something's going to go big wrong
> on the trip. And I don't wanna type that cause I feel like I'm going
> to jinx it. And I'm not even superstitious.

again, it's just the depression talking, hun. don't believe it!

> And I don't know how I'm gonna hang in till then. Know I will cause I
> don't have (a decent) alternative.
>
> God, I'm a whiner. I don't even like myself right now. I got a trip to
> Cabo coming up eventually, and I'm whining about the interim.
>
> I just don't know quite how I'm gonna get from here to there. I'm not
> quite sure how I'm gonna get through the day. Only that I will.

you just gotta do what ya gotta do. one day at a time.

*hugs*

~cindy

> x-no-archive: yes is in headers

"ponette" <ponette0000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:fn4nj2le8q3bqch7meoapitk63cfj0i6po@4ax.com...
> There's no reason to get up, certainly no reason to leave the house.
> But there's no reason to stay in bed all day, either. Just existing
> seems to be too hard...doesn't matter much where I do it.
>
> Yesterday, my car hit the second time in a month. Just back from the
> body shop. More to deal with. Got hit on the same damn street. Again.
>
> REM..."It's been a bad day...please don't take a picture."
>
> Not gonna do anthing about it, but I just wanna turn this movie off.
>
> Cabo before Xmas. Now I really need to go.
>
> p
> --
> x-no-archive: yes is in headers

Awww...P I'm so sorry to hear this. Man, have you had a rough time of it.
I would try not to put too much stock in bad luck or jinxes. I don't really
believe in it, though at times life seems to conspire against us in that
way. Just look forward to your trip and have a great time. Gawd knows you
deserve it.

--
Rhi

On Sun, 22 Oct 2006 21:48:29 GMT, "used2be" <used2be@nowhere.com>
wrote:

>> Then again, since I don't have it all together, I should be fine, eh?
>> It's about two weeks down the road I should be scared of.
>
>what happens then?

For the last several months, something bad has happened about every
two to four weeks...which has been how long it's taken me to put the
previous bad thing behind me enough for my mood to raise a little.
It's like things are looking a little better...then *BANG*!

Hey, I know it's random. But...

Thanks for writing and for cyberhugs. This is a *great* day for
getting cyberhugs...I gotta say they really help.

p

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On Sun, 22 Oct 2006 18:13:05 -0400, "Rhiannon" <rhianon@sympatico.ca>
wrote:

>
>Awww...P I'm so sorry to hear this. Man, have you had a rough time of it.
>I would try not to put too much stock in bad luck or jinxes. I don't really
>believe in it, though at times life seems to conspire against us in that
>way. Just look forward to your trip and have a great time. Gawd knows you
>deserve it.


Thanks, sweetie. I don't really believe in bad luck or jinxes, myself,
either. I do know, though, that some amazingly sucky things have
happened to me that seem pretty...um...well damned unlikely. My
"favorite" example is when I broke my ankle going down the stairs on
the way out the door to the airport to go on a vacation in Puerto
Vallarta. Like, what's the chance of that? Why then? (And then the
ever so self-pitying "WHY ME!?") I did go, by the way, but there was
no beach time on that trip.

My husband says of himself (and really, of me, too, by extention), "I
attract statistically improbably events." And he does and I do and
it's sometimes hard to stomach that it's just the luck of the draw.
And sometimes it's even hard to look to the next day or the next week
without a vague sense of paranoia....

I read an article in the Sunday paper about an Iranian 3 YO boy who is
over here for reconstructive surgery...well....my life is a pleasure
trip by comparison. I don't like to compare. But yeah, I'll get by.
Just right now I feel bad.

The trip should be great....

Thanks for writing. I really appreciate your kindness and support.

p
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In message <0uvnj2d8odqtk460urtf0m141gm5cl395s@4ax.com>, ponette
<ponette0000@yahoo.com> writes
>On Sun, 22 Oct 2006 21:48:29 GMT, "used2be" <used2be@nowhere.com>
>wrote:
>
>>> Then again, since I don't have it all together, I should be fine, eh?
>>> It's about two weeks down the road I should be scared of.
>>
>>what happens then?
>
>For the last several months, something bad has happened about every
>two to four weeks...which has been how long it's taken me to put the
>previous bad thing behind me enough for my mood to raise a little.
>It's like things are looking a little better...then *BANG*!
>
>Hey, I know it's random. But...
>
>Thanks for writing and for cyberhugs. This is a *great* day for
>getting cyberhugs...I gotta say they really help.

The random good things will happen too. Recognising them can be
difficult.

--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?

x-no-archive: yes

"ponette" <ponette0000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:fn4nj2le8q3bqch7meoapitk63cfj0i6po@4ax.com...
> There's no reason to get up, certainly no reason to leave the house.
> But there's no reason to stay in bed all day, either. Just existing
> seems to be too hard...doesn't matter much where I do it.
>
> Yesterday, my car hit the second time in a month. Just back from the
> body shop. More to deal with. Got hit on the same damn street. Again.
>
> REM..."It's been a bad day...please don't take a picture."
>
> Not gonna do anthing about it, but I just wanna turn this movie off.
>
> Cabo before Xmas. Now I really need to go.
>
> p
> --
> x-no-archive: yes is in headers


I know I'm a lot late, but I'm sorry things have been rough for you Ponette.

I truly believe that something good will happen, because I know how much you
deserve it. I'll certainly be wishing for it to happen soon, so some of the
weight lifts from your shoulders.



Kylie

"ponette" <ponette0000@yahoo.com> wrote

> Thanks for writing and for cyberhugs. This is a *great* day for
> getting cyberhugs...I gotta say they really help.

anytime, my dear...

> --
> x-no-archive: yes is in headers

On Mon, 23 Oct 2006 07:50:46 +0100, Alan Harding
<Alan@harding.demon.co.uk> wrote:

>In message <0uvnj2d8odqtk460urtf0m141gm5cl395s@4ax.com>, ponette
><ponette0000@yahoo.com> writes
>>On Sun, 22 Oct 2006 21:48:29 GMT, "used2be" <used2be@nowhere.com>
>>wrote:
>>
>>>> Then again, since I don't have it all together, I should be fine, eh?
>>>> It's about two weeks down the road I should be scared of.
>>>
>>>what happens then?
>>
>>For the last several months, something bad has happened about every
>>two to four weeks...which has been how long it's taken me to put the
>>previous bad thing behind me enough for my mood to raise a little.
>>It's like things are looking a little better...then *BANG*!
>>
>>Hey, I know it's random. But...
>>
>>Thanks for writing and for cyberhugs. This is a *great* day for
>>getting cyberhugs...I gotta say they really help.
>
>The random good things will happen too. Recognising them can be
>difficult.


Thanks, Alan,

That is comforting. And guess what? One already did.

On Friday, I got my work laptop set up so that I could access the work
network at home. I plugged in to try it out, and through my email I
learned that someone had given me a (small, but nice) recognition
award for a job I'd done a little while back -- someone who I'd
worked with for a long time without getting anything in the way of
kudos from him. It was really nice, if a little strange after all
these years, and yes, timingwise especially -- it was random.

So, they are out there. I just gotta learn to look the right direction
(and don't get hit by any more cars).

p
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On Mon, 23 Oct 2006 19:56:33 +1000, "mighty mouse"
<kye_99@NOSPAMyahoo.com> wrote:

>I know I'm a lot late, but I'm sorry things have been rough for you Ponette.
>
>I truly believe that something good will happen, because I know how much you
>deserve it. I'll certainly be wishing for it to happen soon, so some of the
>weight lifts from your shoulders.

There's no such thing as being "late" for well wishes -- and actually,
it was really nice to wake up to kind words today, as I try to steel
myself to get into my (denteed) car to go to work. Today, I'll have to
replay the whole "get the car to the body shop for an estimate"
scenario and will have to be on the phone trying to explain to
insurance people why I what I did didn't seem quite as stupid at the
moment I did it. The day's a little better after reading kind posts
like yours.

p
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