spoiler: si (thoughts not actions)

damnit, I had these thoughts a week or two ago, and I thought I'd beaten
them.

I just keep biting and biting at the inside of my mouth. I can't make it
bleed properly though. So then the thought comes to just cut the inside of
my mouth where I've already bitten and roughed it up.....

I'm not going to do it. I'm not. Before these past few weeks I haven't had
SI urges for years. I'm not going to give in, but every time I find myself
biting without even realising it, and I can taste just a little bit of
blood....the thought is there just to do that little bit more damage, how it
would be that bit more satisfying.

Not long before it's late enough to go to bed, take my last remaining
sleeping tablet and get through the rest of the night.

Hopefully tomorrow will be easier.

mighty mouse wrote:
> damnit, I had these thoughts a week or two ago, and I thought I'd beaten
> them.
>
> I just keep biting and biting at the inside of my mouth. I can't make it
> bleed properly though. So then the thought comes to just cut the inside of
> my mouth where I've already bitten and roughed it up.....
>
> I'm not going to do it. I'm not. Before these past few weeks I haven't had
> SI urges for years. I'm not going to give in, but every time I find myself
> biting without even realising it, and I can taste just a little bit of
> blood....the thought is there just to do that little bit more damage, how it
> would be that bit more satisfying.
>
> Not long before it's late enough to go to bed, take my last remaining
> sleeping tablet and get through the rest of the night.
>
> Hopefully tomorrow will be easier.

I have serious si problems. I'm in a Yahoo support group, its pretty
good, but we're pretty hopeless too. Carol

"Boo!shka" <carollombard@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1161001650.131193.314070@e3g2000cwe.googlegro ups.com...
>
> mighty mouse wrote:
>>
>> Hopefully tomorrow will be easier.
>
> I have serious si problems. I'm in a Yahoo support group, its pretty
> good, but we're pretty hopeless too. Carol

Thanks Carol. I've never really given into these thoughts, and I haven't
had them in a long time, so I wouldn't say I have a major problem.

Sometimes it's just rougher than others, y'know? I need to let the thoughts
out, and hopefully if I do that they'll have less power.

I'm going to go try to get some sleep. It's either that or throw up from
anxiety, and I figure sleeping is a better option.


Kylie

mighty mouse wrote:
> "Boo!shka" <carollombard@gmail.com> wrote in message
> news:1161001650.131193.314070@e3g2000cwe.googlegro ups.com...
> >
> > mighty mouse wrote:
> >>
> >> Hopefully tomorrow will be easier.
> >
> > I have serious si problems. I'm in a Yahoo support group, its pretty
> > good, but we're pretty hopeless too. Carol
>
> Thanks Carol. I've never really given into these thoughts, and I haven't
> had them in a long time, so I wouldn't say I have a major problem.
>
> Sometimes it's just rougher than others, y'know? I need to let the thoughts
> out, and hopefully if I do that they'll have less power.
>
> I'm going to go try to get some sleep. It's either that or throw up from
> anxiety, and I figure sleeping is a better option.

I agree. Sweet dreams!
>
>
> Kylie

mighty mouse wrote:
> "Boo!shka" <carollombard@gmail.com> wrote in message
> news:1161001650.131193.314070@e3g2000cwe.googlegro ups.com...
> >
> > mighty mouse wrote:
> >>
> >> Hopefully tomorrow will be easier.
> >
> > I have serious si problems. I'm in a Yahoo support group, its pretty
> > good, but we're pretty hopeless too. Carol
>
> Thanks Carol. I've never really given into these thoughts, and I haven't
> had them in a long time, so I wouldn't say I have a major problem.
>
> Sometimes it's just rougher than others, y'know? I need to let the thoughts
> out, and hopefully if I do that they'll have less power.
>
> I'm going to go try to get some sleep. It's either that or throw up from
> anxiety, and I figure sleeping is a better option.
>
>
> Kylie
Hey Kylie hi,
Thats what I mean about letting somebody at work in on your anxious
attacks. If you say it out loud it has less power. Secrets are a bad
thing. I Think it would take some of the pressure off. I think
it will not seem so big . I want you to do what you think is best.
I could be totally off on this. I know for me it helped. I was so
worried about what people would think. Finally it just sort of bled
out of me and they were like " so you got panic , so what". It was
not the big deal I thought it was. I wish you happier times, You
deserve them!! jill

mighty mouse wrote...

> damnit, I had these thoughts a week or two ago, and I
> thought I'd beaten them.
>
> I just keep biting and biting at the inside of my mouth. I
> can't make it bleed properly though. So then the thought
> comes to just cut the inside of my mouth where I've already
> bitten and roughed it up.....
>
> I'm not going to do it. I'm not. Before these past few
> weeks I haven't had SI urges for years. I'm not going to
> give in, but every time I find myself biting without even
> realising it, and I can taste just a little bit of
> blood....the thought is there just to do that little bit
> more damage, how it would be that bit more satisfying.
>
> Not long before it's late enough to go to bed, take my last
> remaining sleeping tablet and get through the rest of the
> night.
>
> Hopefully tomorrow will be easier.

i hope you have a better day, too. i don't think si thoughts
ever completely go away. they seem to come back at times of
great stress. i'd quit for nearly 20 years when my depression
came roaring back, and with it came the old urges. i hope that
they pass soon for you.

-lisa