weight creeping up

last year this time I had no appetite and had to force myself to eat a
protein bar or 2 and maybe drink a bottle of water a day. I'm
gradually getting back up to the size I was and am so disgusted. My
lack of self control is horrible and everyday, several times during the
day I swear to myself that I'm going to start eating right, cutting
back and exercising so I don't get back to that weight. then I fuck up
and do it again, feel like shit about myself and the cycle continues.
I know not eating isn't healthy and for about 6 months things were
fairly balanced with appetite, eating enough but not too much. Also
seems like since things have declined rapidly in the intimacy area in
my relationship that my weight is suddenly going up. Now I almost
dread intimacy because of my added 15 pounds. Yet the lack of it has
been difficult to deal with as well.

I guess I won't ever be *normal* and sane. I thought maybe I was
finally getting somewhere though. Holding my weight to where it was
for quite some time had been a big boost to feeling progress in my life
and feeling better about myself in many ways. I don't get it because I
don't feel like I"m wanting to be self destructive, which is what the
eating disorder is. In the past it was very purposeful. Now, I'm not
wanting to be this way, I'm wanting to take care of myself, be healthy,
yet I'm not doing it. The depression is there, but not like it had
been.

dunno, need to sleep, it's been 24 hours now. (working nights and
haven't gone to bed yet)

justpackrat wrote:
> last year this time I had no appetite and had to force myself to eat a
> protein bar or 2 and maybe drink a bottle of water a day. I'm
> gradually getting back up to the size I was and am so disgusted. My
> lack of self control is horrible and everyday, several times during the
> day I swear to myself that I'm going to start eating right, cutting
> back and exercising so I don't get back to that weight. then I fuck up
> and do it again, feel like shit about myself and the cycle continues.
> I know not eating isn't healthy and for about 6 months things were
> fairly balanced with appetite, eating enough but not too much. Also
> seems like since things have declined rapidly in the intimacy area in
> my relationship that my weight is suddenly going up. Now I almost
> dread intimacy because of my added 15 pounds. Yet the lack of it has
> been difficult to deal with as well.
>
> I guess I won't ever be *normal* and sane. I thought maybe I was
> finally getting somewhere though. Holding my weight to where it was
> for quite some time had been a big boost to feeling progress in my life
> and feeling better about myself in many ways. I don't get it because I
> don't feel like I"m wanting to be self destructive, which is what the
> eating disorder is. In the past it was very purposeful. Now, I'm not
> wanting to be this way, I'm wanting to take care of myself, be healthy,
> yet I'm not doing it. The depression is there, but not like it had
> been.
>
> dunno, need to sleep, it's been 24 hours now. (working nights and
> haven't gone to bed yet)

I don't think the disorder is about wanting to be self-destructive.
But sometimes when we try to get rid of things about ourselves that we
consider defects, it can be destructive to the body. Like cancer
treatments, that damage the body in order to stop the disease.

x-no-archive: yes

On 12 Oct 2006 11:42:41 -0700, "justpackrat" <maddie_75@yahoo.com>
wrote:

>last year this time I had no appetite and had to force myself to eat a
>protein bar or 2 and maybe drink a bottle of water a day. I'm
>gradually getting back up to the size I was and am so disgusted. My
>lack of self control is horrible and everyday, several times during the
>day I swear to myself that I'm going to start eating right, cutting
>back and exercising so I don't get back to that weight. then I fuck up
>and do it again, feel like shit about myself and the cycle continues.
>I know not eating isn't healthy and for about 6 months things were
>fairly balanced with appetite, eating enough but not too much. Also
>seems like since things have declined rapidly in the intimacy area in
>my relationship that my weight is suddenly going up. Now I almost
>dread intimacy because of my added 15 pounds. Yet the lack of it has
>been difficult to deal with as well.
>
>I guess I won't ever be *normal* and sane. I thought maybe I was
>finally getting somewhere though. Holding my weight to where it was
>for quite some time had been a big boost to feeling progress in my life
>and feeling better about myself in many ways. I don't get it because I
>don't feel like I"m wanting to be self destructive, which is what the
>eating disorder is. In the past it was very purposeful. Now, I'm not
>wanting to be this way, I'm wanting to take care of myself, be healthy,
>yet I'm not doing it. The depression is there, but not like it had
>been.
>
>dunno, need to sleep, it's been 24 hours now. (working nights and
>haven't gone to bed yet)

Have a look at this site - http://www.overcomingovereating.com/

Diets are shit. They just don't work.

See what you think and best of luck.

G
--
yuluwirri
~~~~~~~
Fish know.
~~~~~~~

yuluwirri@hotmail.com

yuluwirri wrote:
> x-no-archive: yes
>
> On 12 Oct 2006 11:42:41 -0700, "justpackrat" <maddie_75@yahoo.com>
> wrote:
>
> >last year this time I had no appetite and had to force myself to eat a
> >protein bar or 2 and maybe drink a bottle of water a day. I'm
> >gradually getting back up to the size I was and am so disgusted. My
> >lack of self control is horrible and everyday, several times during the
> >day I swear to myself that I'm going to start eating right, cutting
> >back and exercising so I don't get back to that weight. then I fuck up
> >and do it again, feel like shit about myself and the cycle continues.
> >I know not eating isn't healthy and for about 6 months things were
> >fairly balanced with appetite, eating enough but not too much. Also
> >seems like since things have declined rapidly in the intimacy area in
> >my relationship that my weight is suddenly going up. Now I almost
> >dread intimacy because of my added 15 pounds. Yet the lack of it has
> >been difficult to deal with as well.
> >
> >I guess I won't ever be *normal* and sane. I thought maybe I was
> >finally getting somewhere though. Holding my weight to where it was
> >for quite some time had been a big boost to feeling progress in my life
> >and feeling better about myself in many ways. I don't get it because I
> >don't feel like I"m wanting to be self destructive, which is what the
> >eating disorder is. In the past it was very purposeful. Now, I'm not
> >wanting to be this way, I'm wanting to take care of myself, be healthy,
> >yet I'm not doing it. The depression is there, but not like it had
> >been.
> >
> >dunno, need to sleep, it's been 24 hours now. (working nights and
> >haven't gone to bed yet)
>
> Have a look at this site - http://www.overcomingovereating.com/
>
> Diets are shit. They just don't work.
>
> See what you think and best of luck.
>
> G
> --
> yuluwirri
> ~~~~~~~
> Fish know.
> ~~~~~~~
>
> yuluwirri@hotmail.com

I don't know if you are really overweight, or if you just think you
are; but if you are obese, diets truly aren't much help; the statistics
for those who diet successfully is that only 4% of them keep the weight
off permanently. Don't mean to seem discouraging, but I think it helps
to know what you are up against so you can devise strategies to be in
that 4%.

I was obsese a few years ago, but after my divorce I lost quite a bit
of weight. I'm heavy but not morbidly obsese as I once was. It was
nice last year losing a bit more weight finally fitting into normal
clothes, even medium size clothes and large, finally out of the x-large
and plus size. I'm creeping back into the x-large catagory but not
quite up to the plus size.

You are both right, diets don't work and I actually don't really diet,
but finally had gotten to where I listened to my body. When I was full
I stopped, when not hungry I didn't eat, etc and it held me steady for
quite a while. Now the urges to overeat and eat all the time are
taking over and so is the weight.

Thanks for the site Grace, I'll check into it more.

I know ASD isn't about eating disorders so much but my eating disorders
seem to be signal often times on how well I'm doing with my depression.

Boo!shka wrote:
> yuluwirri wrote:
> > x-no-archive: yes
> >
> > On 12 Oct 2006 11:42:41 -0700, "justpackrat" <maddie_75@yahoo.com>
> > wrote:
> >
> > >last year this time I had no appetite and had to force myself to eat a
> > >protein bar or 2 and maybe drink a bottle of water a day. I'm
> > >gradually getting back up to the size I was and am so disgusted. My
> > >lack of self control is horrible and everyday, several times during the
> > >day I swear to myself that I'm going to start eating right, cutting
> > >back and exercising so I don't get back to that weight. then I fuck up
> > >and do it again, feel like shit about myself and the cycle continues.
> > >I know not eating isn't healthy and for about 6 months things were
> > >fairly balanced with appetite, eating enough but not too much. Also
> > >seems like since things have declined rapidly in the intimacy area in
> > >my relationship that my weight is suddenly going up. Now I almost
> > >dread intimacy because of my added 15 pounds. Yet the lack of it has
> > >been difficult to deal with as well.
> > >
> > >I guess I won't ever be *normal* and sane. I thought maybe I was
> > >finally getting somewhere though. Holding my weight to where it was
> > >for quite some time had been a big boost to feeling progress in my life
> > >and feeling better about myself in many ways. I don't get it because I
> > >don't feel like I"m wanting to be self destructive, which is what the
> > >eating disorder is. In the past it was very purposeful. Now, I'm not
> > >wanting to be this way, I'm wanting to take care of myself, be healthy,
> > >yet I'm not doing it. The depression is there, but not like it had
> > >been.
> > >
> > >dunno, need to sleep, it's been 24 hours now. (working nights and
> > >haven't gone to bed yet)
> >
> > Have a look at this site - http://www.overcomingovereating.com/
> >
> > Diets are shit. They just don't work.
> >
> > See what you think and best of luck.
> >
> > G
> > --
> > yuluwirri
> > ~~~~~~~
> > Fish know.
> > ~~~~~~~
> >
> > yuluwirri@hotmail.com
>
> I don't know if you are really overweight, or if you just think you
> are; but if you are obese, diets truly aren't much help; the statistics
> for those who diet successfully is that only 4% of them keep the weight
> off permanently. Don't mean to seem discouraging, but I think it helps
> to know what you are up against so you can devise strategies to be in
> that 4%.