my take on anorexia.
some people see it as women who simply wanna lose more and more
weight.
but, i believe it's not really about wanting to burn away fat as
ugliness. the reason why the woman keeps dieting is not to burn fat
perse but ugliness.
it's rooted in her psyche that what remains unappealing about her is
tied to weight. so, even when she has lost alot of weight, she sees
ugliness and tries to burn that away. so, she starves more. it's a
kind of self-defeating process because losing weight makes one uglier.
but, it's been rooted in her head that nothing good can come of
gaining weight. she associates weight gain with fattiness. so, she
thinks the solution to her increasing ugliness is more weight loss.
so, she diets more and more. of course, her ugliness is still there--
and even growing worse and more gross--so more dieting does her no
good. so, she diets even more cuz it's been seared into her skull that
the only way to look less ugly is by losing more weight.
it's like someone who's told that being smart is good. so he studies
and studies. but, he studies too much and his head begins to get
overworked and his brain gets wearier and worse. but, he thinks that
only studying more and more will make him smarter so he studies more
even when his brain is dead-tired and needs some rest/fun. he doesn't
realize that it's the too-much-studying that is making him stupid.
that TOO-MUCH-studying is actually counter-productive to being smart.
anorextic person has a strong sense of ideal. if she fails to match
that ideal, she gets all anxious. it's not about fat but ugliness. to
gain that ideal, she tries to lose weight, thinking that losing more
fat will rub out more of that ugliness. but, of course, that is not
true. ugliness is still there. so she diets more and more. ugliness
is still there and so on and so on.
it's like someone who thinks his hand is dirty so washes it and washes
it. washes it until he's rubbed all the skin off. but, then he finds
flesh and he wants to wash that off to.
in a way, it's like buddhism where you try to erase all illusions from
consciousness. anorexia is like a purification of the self of
ugliness.
in a way, it's a realization that the problem isn't just the fat but
muscle. it's said beauty is skin deep but it's really muscle deep.
so, an ugly person equates one's muscles with ugliness and wants that
gone too.
with guys, it's the opposite. among guys, handsomity is equated with
muscle. so, guys who are obsessive about looks go into to gym and pump
iron more and more. now, this isn't as bad as dieting like a lunatic
but there are major risks with guys too. there's alot of exercise
related injury from too much exercise. there are too many cases of
steroid use and other abuse.
and just as women who are anorextic look grotesquely boney, guys who
are anabolic look grotesquely brawny. they look like caricatures of
manhood. again, being anabolic at least won't kill you. but, the
mentality behind both anorexia and anabolia is the obsession of
attaining some perfection based on some ideal. girl thinks her
ugliness can be erased by losing more fat and even muscle. guy thinks
his ugliness can be overcome or buried under mounds of muscle. in
both cases, the main theme is ugliness. ugly is ugly, whether fat or
wimpy. now, being less fat makes a naturally ugly person more
attractive but not really attractive. but, there is this idea among
anorexic girls that losing fat is akin to losing ugliness.
oftentimes, you have an ugly girl who's overweight. she feels fat and
ugly. suppose she loses some weight. by golly, she looks better.
ugly and slim is, after all, better than ugly and fat. but, she gets
to thinking that losing fat = better looks. so, she keeps losing
weight thinking that losing more weight means she will get prettier.
but, ugly is ugly. you can lose all the fat, flesh, and muscle you
want. if you is ugly, you is ugly. much of it has to do with bone
structure. you might as well get rid of your own bones.
it's not only or really about weight but about ugliness. of course,
weight itself is a major factor in determining one's sense of beauty.
but, it's only a factor. when a skinny girl keeps wanting to lose
weight, it's not really about losing fat. it's about losing ugliness.
now, she won't confess that this is so because no girl wants to say
'i'm ugly and wanna lose my ugliness'. they say 'i'm fat and wanna
lose more fat', as if losing more fat will improve her looks. but,
when there is no more fat but only muscle and bones left and she still
insists on losing weight, it's about losing ugliness. she's trying to
purge the very structure of her face and body made of skin, muscles,
and bones.
she's desperate in hoping that if she makes it thru another regimen of
weight loss, she'll come closer to the ideal. the problem is ugliness
is ugliness and cannot be erased by loss of muscle. obvious fatness
is ugly, but obvious ugliness is not fat. lots of skinny girls are
ugly and there's no way they can be made to look good by losing
weight.
but, our society has told girls you can look better by losing weight,
as if burning fat is same as burning ugliness.
anorexia nervosa and anabolia nervosa. is it about ugliness? 
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