A Curious Contraception

It was only the other day that I learnt that the first recorded use of
contraception was in 2000BC by the Egyptians. I can't say why I
learned the fact, just as I can't fathom out why I still know the
words to "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" twenty years or so after its
release. These things seep into the brain and stick like chewing gum
to a sock there to annoy one for all time. But try to remember to take
the cake out of the oven or to pick up your sunglasses off the
chemist's counter... not a hope in hell.

It was not the fact that the Egyptians used contraceptives that turned
my head, clever people to a man those Egyptians. No, it was what they
used that made the fact stick.

Crocodile dung.

At this point on the learning curve the mind goes into overdrive. Who
first discovered that crocodile dung made a good contraceptive. And
how did they use it?

"Hey Cleo, that blasted crocodile has crapped in our bed again. Hmmm I
wonder....".

The importance of dung as a contraceptive was not lost on the Aztecs
either. It is a little known fact that Aztec emperor Montezuma had a
nephew, Cuitlahac, whose name meant

"Plenty of excrement." Naming the poor, hapless lad in this way
obviously served as a handy reminder for Cuitlahac's father to lard on
the crocodile dung in future encounters.

The gathering of crocodile dung must have been quite an adventure.
There is a fair chance that crocodile dung was not available over the
counter at Boots in tablet form, nor was it a question of nipping into
the pub toilets and buying it in packets of three from a machine.

"Did you get them Tut?"

"Yer."

"Hope you got the flavoured ones. What flavour did you get?"

"Crocodile."

Images of rampant young Egyptian men swim through the mind, feverishly
searching the banks of the Nile their loincloths outrageously tented
by their ardour. "Here crockie, crockie

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