full (in)sanity check disclosure

ok, all of you have given me great feedback on the solo trip to the
canadian rockies. i'm probably going to decide this week & already
have the travel info details.

but i feel compelled to share the impetus behind the whole thing.
because i don't know if it changes anything.

my husband & i have struggled with many issues over the years,
communication being a key component. i have always planned &
organized our vacations with no input from him because i can never get
him to sit down & plan with me. he likes to just get on a plane & end
up somewhere & then figure it out.

we each have our separate outings as well, but go away for at least
one week/year. about a month ago or more, it came out in casual
conversation with someone that he & a friend were thinking of going to
alaska. 1st i'd heard of it. no discussion yet about our own trip.
&, actually, this probably precluded a longer trip together.

& this has already been a pretty rotten year for me.

no gruesome details needed. hurt, angry, frustrated, confused,
dismissed, whatever. i was already steadily inching along in the "i
want to be alone" process. this seemed to push me to that precipice.

i've had a great many trip offers this summer & i've turned them all
down, partly out of concern that i would kill my traveling companion
or vice-versa in the process. my husband was really the only one that
i could consider traveling with this year - there is comfort in
predictability & shared historical (if not always effective)
management of temperament in its various manifestations. &i always
look to that time with him as something important for the relationship
(like how to handle an argument about whether to continue hiking or
not when a mother bear & her cubs are directly in front of you).

he would skip his trip to go somewhere with me, but the truth is i'm
just not feeling too excited about that prospect. maybe the only
thing i'm sure of is my need to get into the mountains & just exist
there for a short time.

does any of this make sense? does it change anything knowing the
precipitating factors behind it?

thanks for listening,
ellen

ellen <epdpster@gmail.com> wrote in news:1183906435.544260.205270
@w3g2000hsg.googlegroups.com:

> & this has already been a pretty rotten year for me.
>
> no gruesome details needed. hurt, angry, frustrated, confused,
> dismissed, whatever. i was already steadily inching along in the "i
> want to be alone" process. this seemed to push me to that precipice.

Heard and understood - this is a time in life when we are not
particularly inclined to make nice much.

> he would skip his trip to go somewhere with me, but the truth is i'm
> just not feeling too excited about that prospect. maybe the only
> thing i'm sure of is my need to get into the mountains & just exist
> there for a short time.

Sounds good to me.

> does any of this make sense? does it change anything knowing the
> precipitating factors behind it?

Yes it makes sense, and no it doesn't change anything. I figured you
really needed this getaway or you wouldn't have worried so much about it.
So go! Do! Be!


Chak



--
It is a paradoxical but profoundly true and important principle of life
that the most likely way to reach a goal is to be aiming not at that goal
itself but at some more ambitious goal beyond it.
--Arnold Toynbee

On Jul 8, 12:04 pm, Chakolate <chakolateDeathToSpamm...@gmail.com>
wrote:
> ellen <epdps...@gmail.com> wrote in news:1183906435.544260.205270
> @w3g2000hsg.googlegroups.com:
>
> > & this has already been a pretty rotten year for me.
>
> > no gruesome details needed. hurt, angry, frustrated, confused,
> > dismissed, whatever. i was already steadily inching along in the "i
> > want to be alone" process. this seemed to push me to that precipice.
>
> Heard and understood - this is a time in life when we are not
> particularly inclined to make nice much.
>
> > he would skip his trip to go somewhere with me, but the truth is i'm
> > just not feeling too excited about that prospect. maybe the only
> > thing i'm sure of is my need to get into the mountains & just exist
> > there for a short time.
>
> Sounds good to me.
>
> > does any of this make sense? does it change anything knowing the
> > precipitating factors behind it?
>
> Yes it makes sense, and no it doesn't change anything. I figured you
> really needed this getaway or you wouldn't have worried so much about it.
> So go! Do! Be!
>
> Chak
>
> --
> It is a paradoxical but profoundly true and important principle of life
> that the most likely way to reach a goal is to be aiming not at that goal
> itself but at some more ambitious goal beyond it.
> --Arnold Toynbee



thanks, chak.
you are absolutely correct, just my pre-period anxiety/obsessive-
compulsive stuff. makes it hard to sort out reality at times.

ellen

On Sun, 08 Jul 2007 07:53:55 -0700, ellen <epdpster@gmail.com> wrote:

>does any of this make sense? does it change anything knowing the
>precipitating factors behind it?

Yes.

No.

Go!!



Dana
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons,
for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

ellen wrote:

> does any of this make sense? does it change anything knowing the
> precipitating factors behind it?
>
> thanks for listening,
> ellen

Sounds like communing with nature for a week will be a great
mind-cleansing and spirit-lifting experience. From what you've
described, I don't see a downside.

One of my best vacations was a solo trip to Yosemite, which I
piggybacked onto a business trip to California. I slept in a
platform tent, hiked, biked, photographed and communed with
nature for 3 days, and my only regret was that I hadn't planned
for a longer stay.

FurPaw
--
It will be a great day when our schools get all the money they
need and the Army has to hold a bake sale to buy a tank.

To reply, unleash the dog.

On Sun, 08 Jul 2007 07:53:55 -0700, ellen <epdpster@gmail.com> wrote:

>does any of this make sense?

All of makes sense. You're stressed, hubby isn't making it better, you
feel like you need to get away by yourself.

> does it change anything knowing the
>precipitating factors behind it?

Only in that it just magnifies (for me) that you need to go, alone, to
the mountains to think. And hike where and when you want to, as far as
you want to or don't want to, and have popcorn or a bottle of wine for
dinner, or not.

Oh, and by the way, I work with bears. Tell hubby I said DO NOT hike
anywhere near mommy bears. Or any bears. Very, very bad idea. Possibly
fatal idea.

D.