[OT] Men's Rules

Forwarded by a friend (who said he did have to sleep on the
couch.) I thought some were pretty insightful (though
occasionally too close to the mark for comfort) others...well,
just about what you'd expect from a man <G>.

FurPaw
--------------------------------------------------------------

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
rules from the male side.
These are our rules:
• Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try
to change that

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up,
put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
the tides. Let it be

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think
of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
- Subtle hints do not work!
- Strong hints do not work!
- Obvious hints do not work!
- JUST SAY IT!

1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost
every question

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want
it done
- Not both
- If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
- Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. - - Pumpkin is
also a fruit.
- We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act
like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not
worth the hassle

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine, Really

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as:
– Sex,
– Sport, or
– Cars

1. You have enough clothes

1. You have too many shoes

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's
like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education


--
Better dead than Red.

To reply, unleash the dog.

"FurPaw" <furrealpawdog@gmail.com> wrote
>1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we



And just like him, you are lost :-) - he thought he'd reached India!


--
Jette Goldie
jette@blueyonder.co.uk
http://www.jette.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/
http://wolfette.livejournal.com/
("reply to" is spamblocked - use the email addy in sig)

In article <LvydnS0Uj9NrQyXYnZ2dnUVZ_umlnZ2d@comcast.com>,
FurPaw <furrealpawdog@gmail.com> wrote:

> Forwarded by a friend (who said he did have to sleep on the
> couch.) I thought some were pretty insightful (though
> occasionally too close to the mark for comfort) others...well,
> just about what you'd expect from a man <G>.

I dunno. This doesn't ring true for many of the straight men I know,
let alone the gay men. And, yes, they are men too.

Priscilla

"FurPaw" <furrealpawdog@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:LvydnS0Uj9NrQyXYnZ2dnUVZ_umlnZ2d@comcast.com. ..
Forwarded by a friend (who said he did have to sleep on the
couch.) I thought some were pretty insightful (though
occasionally too close to the mark for comfort) others...well,
just about what you'd expect from a man <G>.

FurPaw
--------------------------------------------------------------

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
- Subtle hints do not work!
- Strong hints do not work!
- Obvious hints do not work!
- JUST SAY IT!

I've been hinting at hubby to occasionally surprise me with favorite flowers
(day lilies) for years.Do it once a year I'll be happy.Started with repeated
subtle hints - didn't work.His response, "If you like day lilies, go and
grow them". (we used to).Finally I asked outright, "I'd love to have you
surprise me with a bouquet of flowers, it would mean so much, just out of
the blue once a year, that'll be fine. I don't want the obligatory
Valentines flowers, just surprise me."

Meanwhile, a year and a half later- still no flowers in sight. So I bring it
up occasionally how I love Day Lilies, but that's okay, " My lover will
bring me flowers".


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us

5' 10", 100 lb anorexic women think they're fat.

I'm dressing for an evening out and I'm moaning about how I look in the
mirror.I whine that I feel fat, bloated & yucky. Hubby says," Don't worry,
everyone will understand, they know you're middle aged".


1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we

That's why hubby had to disassemble the IKEA bed frame he tried to put
together for our daughter. Her roomie had the same bed and I had a look at
the construction and mentioned that hers was put together a bit differently.
Did he read the directions? No - but he's fine, don't worry.Waste another 45
min,after he had to TWICE undo and redo things properly.

Married 29 yrs, too late to trade him in.

Roseanne

"FurPaw" <furrealpawdog@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:LvydnS0Uj9NrQyXYnZ2dnUVZ_umlnZ2d@comcast.com. ..
Forwarded by a friend (who said he did have to sleep on the
couch.) I thought some were pretty insightful (though
occasionally too close to the mark for comfort) others...well,
just about what you'd expect from a man <G>.

FurPaw
```````````````````````````````
Mars... ;-)

Cathy


--------------------------------------------------------------

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
rules from the male side.
These are our rules:
• Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try
to change that

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up,
put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
the tides. Let it be

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think
of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
- Subtle hints do not work!
- Strong hints do not work!
- Obvious hints do not work!
- JUST SAY IT!

1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost
every question

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want
it done
- Not both
- If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
- Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. - - Pumpkin is
also a fruit.
- We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act
like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not
worth the hassle

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine, Really

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as:
– Sex,
– Sport, or
– Cars

1. You have enough clothes

1. You have too many shoes

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's
like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education


--
Better dead than Red.

To reply, unleash the dog.

"foggydoggy" <foggydoggy@cogeco.ca> wrote in
news:1Wauh.2975$WL2.2931@read1.cgocable.net:

> I'm dressing for an evening out and I'm moaning about how I look in
> the mirror.I whine that I feel fat, bloated & yucky. Hubby says,"
> Don't worry, everyone will understand, they know you're middle aged".
>

Oh, I'm so sorry. When's the funeral?

Chak

--
If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.
--Tallulah Bankhead

Chakolate <chakolateDeathToSpammers@gmail.com> wrote:

> "foggydoggy" <foggydoggy@cogeco.ca> wrote in
> news:1Wauh.2975$WL2.2931@read1.cgocable.net:
>
> > I'm dressing for an evening out and I'm moaning about how I look in
> > the mirror.I whine that I feel fat, bloated & yucky. Hubby says,"
> > Don't worry, everyone will understand, they know you're middle aged".
> >
>
> Oh, I'm so sorry. When's the funeral?

Never mind the funeral. Where do we meet her with shovels to help her
hide the body?

--
Keera in Norway * Think big. Shrink to fit.
http://home.online.no/~kafox/

Priscilla H. Ballou <vze23t8n@verizon.net> wrote:

> In article <LvydnS0Uj9NrQyXYnZ2dnUVZ_umlnZ2d@comcast.com>,
> FurPaw <furrealpawdog@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > Forwarded by a friend (who said he did have to sleep on the
> > couch.) I thought some were pretty insightful (though
> > occasionally too close to the mark for comfort) others...well,
> > just about what you'd expect from a man <G>.
>
> I dunno. This doesn't ring true for many of the straight men I know,
> let alone the gay men. And, yes, they are men too.

It would ring true if the man was the abusive kind.

--
Keera in Norway * Think big. Shrink to fit.
http://home.online.no/~kafox/

I don't know I still think shopping is a sport..obviously this person has
never "power shopped"
Jacquie
"Cathy F." <clfr@adelphiadot.net> wrote in message
news:--CdnSUywcJhoCTYnZ2dnUVZ_qCmnZ2d@giganews.com...
>
> "FurPaw" <furrealpawdog@gmail.com> wrote in message
> news:LvydnS0Uj9NrQyXYnZ2dnUVZ_umlnZ2d@comcast.com. ..
> Forwarded by a friend (who said he did have to sleep on the
> couch.) I thought some were pretty insightful (though
> occasionally too close to the mark for comfort) others...well,
> just about what you'd expect from a man <G>.
>
> FurPaw
> ```````````````````````````````
> Mars... ;-)
>
> Cathy
>
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------
>
> We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
> rules from the male side.
> These are our rules:
> • Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
>
> 1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try
> to change that
>
> 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up,
> put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
> complaining about you leaving it down.
>
> 1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
> the tides. Let it be
>
> 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think
> of it that way.
>
> 1. Crying is blackmail.
>
> 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
> - Subtle hints do not work!
> - Strong hints do not work!
> - Obvious hints do not work!
> - JUST SAY IT!
>
> 1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost
> every question
>
> 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
> That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for
>
> 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor
>
> 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
> In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days
>
> 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us
>
> 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
> the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
>
> 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want
> it done
> - Not both
> - If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself
>
> 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
> commercials
>
> 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we
>
> 1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
> - Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. - - Pumpkin is
> also a fruit.
> - We have no idea what mauve is.
>
> 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
>
> 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act
> like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not
> worth the hassle
>
> 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
> answer you don't want to hear
>
> 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
> fine, Really
>
> 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared
> to discuss such topics as:
> – Sex,
> – Sport, or
> – Cars
>
> 1. You have enough clothes
>
> 1. You have too many shoes
>
> 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
>
> Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
> couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's
> like camping.
>
> Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
> Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education
>
>
> --
> Better dead than Red.
>
> To reply, unleash the dog.
>

"jacquie" <happikat@nospam.net> wrote in message
news:INhuh.19030$X72.17438@newsread3.news.pas.eart hlink.net...
>I don't know I still think shopping is a sport..obviously this person has
>never "power shopped"

yeah, 20 minutes carrying heavy bags is equal to a gym session!


--
Jette Goldie
jette@blueyonder.co.uk
http://www.jette.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/
http://wolfette.livejournal.com/
("reply to" is spamblocked - use the email addy in sig)

Keera Ann Fox wrote the following on 1/26/2007 1:42 AM:
> Chakolate <chakolateDeathToSpammers@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> "foggydoggy" <foggydoggy@cogeco.ca> wrote in
>> news:1Wauh.2975$WL2.2931@read1.cgocable.net:
>>
>>> I'm dressing for an evening out and I'm moaning about how I look in
>>> the mirror.I whine that I feel fat, bloated & yucky. Hubby says,"
>>> Don't worry, everyone will understand, they know you're middle aged".
>>>
>> Oh, I'm so sorry. When's the funeral?
>
> Never mind the funeral. Where do we meet her with shovels to help her
> hide the body?

Okay, both of you (Chak and Keera) should have realized that required a
beverage warning. Roseanne, my sympathies, and I fully agree with the
above sentiments -- as soon as I clean the tea off of my monitor.

Karen R.

Karen R. <krez56@gmail.com> wrote:

> Keera Ann Fox wrote the following on 1/26/2007 1:42 AM:
> > Chakolate <chakolateDeathToSpammers@gmail.com> wrote:
> >
> >> "foggydoggy" <foggydoggy@cogeco.ca> wrote in
> >> news:1Wauh.2975$WL2.2931@read1.cgocable.net:
> >>
> >>> I'm dressing for an evening out and I'm moaning about how I look in
> >>> the mirror.I whine that I feel fat, bloated & yucky. Hubby says,"
> >>> Don't worry, everyone will understand, they know you're middle aged".
> >>>
> >> Oh, I'm so sorry. When's the funeral?
> >
> > Never mind the funeral. Where do we meet her with shovels to help her
> > hide the body?
>
> Okay, both of you (Chak and Keera) should have realized that required a
> beverage warning. Roseanne, my sympathies, and I fully agree with the
> above sentiments -- as soon as I clean the tea off of my monitor.

Sorry. At least it wasn't wine. :-)

--
Keera in Norway * Think big. Shrink to fit.
http://home.online.no/~kafox/

thinkbig.shrinktofit@online.no (Keera Ann Fox) wrote in
news:1hsjepv.7b5xhculf16tN%thinkbig.shrinktofit@on line.no:

> Chakolate <chakolateDeathToSpammers@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> "foggydoggy" <foggydoggy@cogeco.ca> wrote in
>> news:1Wauh.2975$WL2.2931@read1.cgocable.net:
>>
>> > I'm dressing for an evening out and I'm moaning about how I look in
>> > the mirror.I whine that I feel fat, bloated & yucky. Hubby says,"
>> > Don't worry, everyone will understand, they know you're middle
>> > aged".
>> >
>>
>> Oh, I'm so sorry. When's the funeral?
>
> Never mind the funeral. Where do we meet her with shovels to help her
> hide the body?
>

You're right - first things first.

Chak

--
If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.
--Tallulah Bankhead

"Keera Ann Fox" <thinkbig.shrinktofit@online.no> wrote in message
news:1hsjepv.7b5xhculf16tN%thinkbig.shrinktofit@on line.no...
> Chakolate <chakolateDeathToSpammers@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> "foggydoggy" <foggydoggy@cogeco.ca> wrote in
>> news:1Wauh.2975$WL2.2931@read1.cgocable.net:
>>
>> > I'm dressing for an evening out and I'm moaning about how I look in
>> > the mirror.I whine that I feel fat, bloated & yucky. Hubby says,"
>> > Don't worry, everyone will understand, they know you're middle aged".
>> >
>>
>> Oh, I'm so sorry. When's the funeral?
>
> Never mind the funeral. Where do we meet her with shovels to help her
> hide the body?

<g>

Cathy


>
> --
> Keera in Norway * Think big. Shrink to fit.
> http://home.online.no/~kafox/

"Karen R." <krez56@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:_Ipuh.19143$X72.17397@newsread3.news.pas.eart hlink.net...
> Keera Ann Fox wrote the following on 1/26/2007 1:42 AM:
>> Chakolate <chakolateDeathToSpammers@gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>>> "foggydoggy" <foggydoggy@cogeco.ca> wrote in
>>> news:1Wauh.2975$WL2.2931@read1.cgocable.net:
>>>> I'm dressing for an evening out and I'm moaning about how I look in
>>>> the mirror.I whine that I feel fat, bloated & yucky. Hubby says,"
>>>> Don't worry, everyone will understand, they know you're middle aged".
>>>>
>>> Oh, I'm so sorry. When's the funeral?
>>
>> Never mind the funeral. Where do we meet her with shovels to help her
>> hide the body?
>
> Okay, both of you (Chak and Keera) should have realized that required a
> beverage warning. Roseanne, my sympathies, and I fully agree with the
> above sentiments -- as soon as I clean the tea off of my monitor.
>
> Karen R.

LOL !!!!!!!!! Ladies, your responses made my day!Thankyou so much. I had a
great big belly laugh. I really needed it.
I guess I should keep him, as I said earlier, too late to trade him in as
the product has been well used.

Should have asked for a warranty.

Roseanne

foggydoggy wrote:
> "Karen R." <krez56@gmail.com> wrote in message
> news:_Ipuh.19143$X72.17397@newsread3.news.pas.eart hlink.net...
>> Keera Ann Fox wrote the following on 1/26/2007 1:42 AM:
>>> Chakolate <chakolateDeathToSpammers@gmail.com> wrote:
>>>
>>>> "foggydoggy" <foggydoggy@cogeco.ca> wrote in
>>>> news:1Wauh.2975$WL2.2931@read1.cgocable.net:
>>>>> I'm dressing for an evening out and I'm moaning about how I look in
>>>>> the mirror.I whine that I feel fat, bloated & yucky. Hubby says,"
>>>>> Don't worry, everyone will understand, they know you're middle aged".
>>>>>
>>>> Oh, I'm so sorry. When's the funeral?
>>> Never mind the funeral. Where do we meet her with shovels to help her
>>> hide the body?
>> Okay, both of you (Chak and Keera) should have realized that required a
>> beverage warning. Roseanne, my sympathies, and I fully agree with the
>> above sentiments -- as soon as I clean the tea off of my monitor.
>>
>> Karen R.
>
> LOL !!!!!!!!! Ladies, your responses made my day!Thankyou so much. I had a
> great big belly laugh. I really needed it.
> I guess I should keep him, as I said earlier, too late to trade him in as
> the product has been well used.
>
> Should have asked for a warranty.

ROFL! (To all of the above.)

FurPaw

--
Better dead than Red.

To reply, unleash the dog.