pregnancy at 40

A freind who thought she was gouing through early menopause just found out
that she is instead nearly 4 months pregnant. This may not be the right
forum for this, but any ideas of newsgroups, web sites, etc. to refer her to
for more information? Any experiences you might share might be helpful.

"scrapppy" <mstaylor1009@verizon.net> wrote in message
news:N1UUh.8849$IG1.7491@trndny07...
>A freind who thought she was gouing through early menopause just found out
>that she is instead nearly 4 months pregnant. This may not be the right
>forum for this, but any ideas of newsgroups, web sites, etc. to refer her
>to for more information? Any experiences you might share might be helpful.
>

There's a NG for preggies, misc.kids.pregnancy, there may be some "late
life" pregancies there. Is this her first?

Roseanne

"scrapppy" <mstaylor1009@verizon.net> wrote in message
news:N1UUh.8849$IG1.7491@trndny07...
> A freind who thought she was gouing through early menopause just found out
> that she is instead nearly 4 months pregnant. This may not be the right
> forum for this, but any ideas of newsgroups, web sites, etc. to refer her
to
> for more information? Any experiences you might share might be helpful.
----------------
I had a baby one month before I turned 40. She's in college now.

The one thing I'd like to tell your friend is that she doesn't *have* to
have amniocentesis if she doesn't want to. I know one woman who tried for
years to have a baby, became pregnant at 42, had amniocentesis and
miscarried. I regret having done it myself. I wouldn't have had an
abortion anyhow, so I shouldn't have blindly done it just because the doctor
said I should.

Anyhow, I hope she's happy about the pregnancy and has a supportive partner.
There are lots of older moms now, but I don't know of any newsgroups with
that as the focus.

Eva

On Apr 16, 4:55 pm, "scrapppy" <mstaylor1...@verizon.net> wrote:
> A freind who thought she was gouing through early menopause just found out
> that she is instead nearly 4 months pregnant. This may not be the right
> forum for this, but any ideas of newsgroups, web sites, etc. to refer her to
> for more information? Any experiences you might share might be helpful.

I doubt that what I have to say is going to be terribly positive but
I'll say it anyway :-)

My first child was born when I was 3 weeks short of 25. Several
things were in my favor: youth, good health, an amicable divorce when
he was 4.5, I loved where I lived, had many friends and he was a very
EASY child.

My second child was born when I was almost 42. Yes, I had remarried,
but I had just relocated to state where I'm not very happy, I had just
gotten an advanced degree and got pregnant almost immediately after
that, due to relocation, I did not have a support system and/or
friends, and issues that start to hit us as we get older were hitting
me. My daughter was 11 when I was dx'd with thyroid cancer. Now as I
enter menopause, she is entering periods (not a good mix). Dealing
with a girl (for me) has been WAY, WAY harder. Sadly for her, I don't
think that I"m as patient as I was when I was younger. Sadly for her,
I need more quiet time than when I was younger.

Some women say that they're a lot smarter; I"m not so sure that being
smarter is helpful when you're a parent. I mean that in a kind way;
honestly! For me, the more I know, the more I worry. When my son was
in school...well, actually when I was in school, the worst we worried
about were kidnappings. Not things like Columbine and today's heinous
shooting.

Regarding the post about not having to have an amnio; that's a very
personal decision. I don't know about the laws about that or not, nor
do I think it's important that I disclose whether or not I would have
aborted had I had a down's syndrome baby. I will say that I have no
regrets about having an amnio. There are some known risks with most
advances in technology, looking at childhood immunizations for
instance.

I adore my daughter; truly I love her very much, but it really has
been harder being a mom at an older age for me. I'll also add that
she hates having an "old mom." Most of her friend's mothers are
around mid 30's, early 40's. That doesn't bother me at all, but it
bothers her. Frankly, I think that I look far better than many of
them!!!

I've always taken good care of my body (with the exception of too much
sun), but I've always exercised and eaten quite well. Despite that,
osteoarthritis snuck in as did cancer and I'm just not the old
energetic, spur of the moment, life of the party gal that I used to
be. I still make people laugh....I just don't go out that often
anymore.

So there's my spin on it :-)

"scrapppy" <mstaylor1009@verizon.net> wrote in message
news:N1UUh.8849$IG1.7491@trndny07...
>A freind who thought she was gouing through early menopause just found out
>that she is instead nearly 4 months pregnant. This may not be the right
>forum for this, but any ideas of newsgroups, web sites, etc. to refer her
>to for more information? Any experiences you might share might be helpful.

Does she want to be a new mother at this age?
At any rate, Google works great, and her OB-GYN would be the first source of
info.

On Mon, 16 Apr 2007 23:55:25 GMT, "scrapppy"
<mstaylor1009@verizon.net> wrote:

>Any experiences you might share might be helpful.


If she was looking forward to menopause.....my grandmother got
pregnant with my aunt at 40 and after giving birth she never had
another period. TADA....menopause.

Dana
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons,
for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

"scrapppy" <mstaylor1009@verizon.net> wrote in message
news:N1UUh.8849$IG1.7491@trndny07...
>A freind who thought she was gouing through early menopause just found out
>that she is instead nearly 4 months pregnant. This may not be the right
>forum for this, but any ideas of newsgroups, web sites, etc. to refer her
>to for more information? Any experiences you might share might be helpful.
>

My mother was 47 when my youngest sister was born - the
doctors were convinced it was menopause, but she knew she
was pregnant. It just took about 5 months to convince the
doctor of that.


--
Jette Goldie
jette@blueyonder.co.uk
http://www.jette.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/
http://wolfette.livejournal.com/
("reply to" is spamblocked - use the email addy in sig)

Thank you all for your responses. I will print and share with my friend,
she doesn't have internet access. This is her 4th child, the oldest is 13
and the youngest just turned 3. She has very mixed emotions about the whole
thing. She has talked about ending the pregnancy, but I really don't think
she will. And at almost 4 months, it may be too late. She had amnio with
the last one, and probably will with this one, too.

So far the father has not been supportive and thinks that terminating would
be the best thing all around. He has never been interested in a commitment
and I don't think this is going to bring him around. He is not the father
of the other children and has a 5 year old by another woman. He sees his
child every couple of weeks and pays child support. There's a slim chance
that he may stick around if she decides not to have the baby, but if not I
imagine he will be gone long before the baby arrives. She has been seeing
him for almost a year and a half and recently found out he doesn't even know
her last name....

Anyway, I have tried to be supportive and let her talk about it when she
needs to. She is already strapped financially and this will not make things
any easier. And she worries that if this guy splits he will never find a
man who will want an older mom with 4 kids. I try not to give advice, just
help her see what her options are and be realistic about what she can expect
(no pun intended). She is pretty healthy, and I think at this far along
there is a good chance she will carry the baby to term. So, thanks again
for all of your letters, and please keep her in your prayers.

Scrapppy


"scrapppy" <mstaylor1009@verizon.net> wrote in message
news:N1UUh.8849$IG1.7491@trndny07...
>A freind who thought she was gouing through early menopause just found out
>that she is instead nearly 4 months pregnant. This may not be the right
>forum for this, but any ideas of newsgroups, web sites, etc. to refer her
>to for more information? Any experiences you might share might be helpful.
>

"scrapppy" <mstaylor1009@verizon.net> wrote in message
news:FGdVh.1247$Qp.961@trnddc07...
> Thank you all for your responses. I will print and share with my friend,
> she doesn't have internet access. This is her 4th child, the oldest is 13
> and the youngest just turned 3. She has very mixed emotions about the
> whole thing. She has talked about ending the pregnancy, but I really
> don't think she will. And at almost 4 months, it may be too late. She
> had amnio with the last one, and probably will with this one, too.
>
> So far the father has not been supportive and thinks that terminating
> would be the best thing all around. He has never been interested in a
> commitment and I don't think this is going to bring him around. He is not
> the father of the other children and has a 5 year old by another woman.
> He sees his child every couple of weeks and pays child support. There's a
> slim chance that he may stick around if she decides not to have the baby,
> but if not I imagine he will be gone long before the baby arrives. She
> has been seeing him for almost a year and a half and recently found out he
> doesn't even know her last name....
>
> Anyway, I have tried to be supportive and let her talk about it when she
> needs to. She is already strapped financially and this will not make
> things any easier. And she worries that if this guy splits he will never
> find a man who will want an older mom with 4 kids. I try not to give
> advice, just help her see what her options are and be realistic about what
> she can expect (no pun intended). She is pretty healthy, and I think at
> this far along there is a good chance she will carry the baby to term.
> So, thanks again for all of your letters, and please keep her in your
> prayers.
>
> Scrapppy

At the risk of sounding judgemental and someone will probably ream me out, I
just don't understand how a 40 yr old mature woman allows herself to get
into situations like this? Come on now, single mom, 3 kids by first man, and
now another by a man who doesn't even know her last name - and they've been
together for 1 1/2 yrs?

And she's worrying about how she'll get another man with four kids in tow.
Sad thing, this is not unusual.And if I were a man, no I definitely would
not want to end up supporting her children. What happened to contraception
and brains to realize that the priority is to take care of the ones you have
without adding another poor child to the brood? Get your life in order. Do
your best to make a home and stability for the kids, enlist the help of
friends & family but stop looking towards a man to make your life
whole.There's definitely self esteem issues here and won't improve if she
keeps repeating mistakes.

Roseanne

"foggydoggy" <foggydoggy@cogeco.ca> wrote in
news:PYgVh.111$fB.2@read1.cgocable.net:

> At the risk of sounding judgemental and someone will probably ream me
> out, I just don't understand how a 40 yr old mature woman allows
> herself to get into situations like this?

Don't hold back, Roseanne. Tell us how you *really* feel.

I agree with everything you said, but I *might* quibble with actually
saying it. IME, it does no good.

Chak



--
Buy a pup and your money will buy
Love unflinching that cannot lie
--Rudyard Kipling

"Chakolate" <chakolateDeathToSpammers@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:Xns9915F0BBA3C30chakolatehotmailcom@207.115.3 3.102...
> "foggydoggy" <foggydoggy@cogeco.ca> wrote in
> news:PYgVh.111$fB.2@read1.cgocable.net:
>
>> At the risk of sounding judgemental and someone will probably ream me
>> out, I just don't understand how a 40 yr old mature woman allows
>> herself to get into situations like this?
>
> Don't hold back, Roseanne. Tell us how you *really* feel.
>
> I agree with everything you said, but I *might* quibble with actually
> saying it. IME, it does no good.
>
> Chak
>

Sorry Chak, it's late and my brain's befuddled at the moment. What do you
mean by the above? I've said my 0.02 worth and that's how I really feel. I
see situations like this and just shake my head.

Roseanne

"foggydoggy" <foggydoggy@cogeco.ca> wrote in
news:xshVh.112$fB.0@read1.cgocable.net:

>
> "Chakolate" <chakolateDeathToSpammers@gmail.com> wrote in message
> news:Xns9915F0BBA3C30chakolatehotmailcom@207.115.3 3.102...
>> "foggydoggy" <foggydoggy@cogeco.ca> wrote in
>> news:PYgVh.111$fB.2@read1.cgocable.net:
>>
>>> At the risk of sounding judgemental and someone will probably ream
>>> me out, I just don't understand how a 40 yr old mature woman allows
>>> herself to get into situations like this?
>>
>> Don't hold back, Roseanne. Tell us how you *really* feel.
>>
>> I agree with everything you said, but I *might* quibble with actually
>> saying it. IME, it does no good.
>>
>> Chak
>>
>
> Sorry Chak, it's late and my brain's befuddled at the moment. What do
> you mean by the above? I've said my 0.02 worth and that's how I really
> feel. I see situations like this and just shake my head.

I think I should have put a smiley after the first sentence. You were
honest and forthright and it was clear you were speaking from the heart.

Chak


--
Buy a pup and your money will buy
Love unflinching that cannot lie
--Rudyard Kipling

Chakolate <chakolateDeathToSpammers@gmail.com> wrote:

> "foggydoggy" <foggydoggy@cogeco.ca> wrote in
> news:PYgVh.111$fB.2@read1.cgocable.net:
>
> > At the risk of sounding judgemental and someone will probably ream me
> > out, I just don't understand how a 40 yr old mature woman allows
> > herself to get into situations like this?

Actually, by not being mature. Being 40 is no guarantee you know how to
take care of yourself. But I suspect something else is going on with
"our" 40 y.o. because she had her first three kids at an age where she
knew what she was doing (and could assume stability). I suspect that
ending up a single mom with the kids made her a bit desperate and
therefore not as cautious.

> Don't hold back, Roseanne. Tell us how you *really* feel.

:-)

> I agree with everything you said, but I *might* quibble with actually
> saying it. IME, it does no good.

Another good reason not to say too much (sometimes), even on Usenet.
Anyway, with her, as with someone half her age, the question now is how
to help because done is done.

--
Keera in Norway * Think big. Shrink to fit.
http://home.online.no/~kafox/

"Keera Ann Fox" <thinkbig.shrinktofit@online.no> wrote in message
news:1hwr7bu.1ybrqpkgq929iN%thinkbig.shrinktofit@o nline.no...
> Chakolate <chakolateDeathToSpammers@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> "foggydoggy" <foggydoggy@cogeco.ca> wrote in
>> news:PYgVh.111$fB.2@read1.cgocable.net:
>>
>> > At the risk of sounding judgemental and someone will probably ream me
>> > out, I just don't understand how a 40 yr old mature woman allows
>> > herself to get into situations like this?
>
> Actually, by not being mature. Being 40 is no guarantee you know how to
> take care of yourself. But I suspect something else is going on with
> "our" 40 y.o. because she had her first three kids at an age where she
> knew what she was doing (and could assume stability). I suspect that
> ending up a single mom with the kids made her a bit desperate and
> therefore not as cautious.
>
>> Don't hold back, Roseanne. Tell us how you *really* feel.
>
> :-)
>
>> I agree with everything you said, but I *might* quibble with actually
>> saying it. IME, it does no good.
>
> Another good reason not to say too much (sometimes), even on Usenet.
> Anyway, with her, as with someone half her age, the question now is how
> to help because done is done.

The originla question, as to what she should expect from this pregnancy, is
probably the same as her other ones, espcecially since her last child is
three years old.

As for what to do about it? Adoption. She should contact a social service
agency like Bethany. I wonder if she even has health insurance.

On Apr 17, 10:04 pm, thinkbig.shrinkto...@online.no (Keera Ann Fox)
wrote:
> Chakolate <chakolateDeathToSpamm...@gmail.com> wrote:
> > "foggydoggy" <foggydo...@cogeco.ca> wrote in
> >news:PYgVh.111$fB.2@read1.cgocable.net:
>
> > > At the risk of sounding judgemental and someone will probably ream me
> > > out, I just don't understand how a 40 yr old mature woman allows
> > > herself to get into situations like this?
>
> Actually, by not being mature. Being 40 is no guarantee you know how to
> take care of yourself. But I suspect something else is going on with
> "our" 40 y.o. because she had her first three kids at an age where she
> knew what she was doing (and could assume stability). I suspect that
> ending up a single mom with the kids made her a bit desperate and
> therefore not as cautious.
>
> > Don't hold back, Roseanne. Tell us how you *really* feel.
>
> :-)
>
> > I agree with everything you said, but I *might* quibble with actually
> > saying it. IME, it does no good.
>
> Another good reason not to say too much (sometimes), even on Usenet.
> Anyway, with her, as with someone half her age, the question now is how
> to help because done is done.
> --
> Keera in Norway * Think big. Shrink to fit.http://home.online.no/~kafox/

It sounds like adoption might be a wonderful option in this case.

whirrledpeas <judgedl@gmail.com> wrote:

> It sounds like adoption might be a wonderful option in this case.

I thought about that, but wondered how I would handle knowing I gave one
of my kids away, keeping a sibling from the other children. It may not
be an easy decision for her, but it is an option.

--
Keera in Norway * Think big. Shrink to fit.
http://home.online.no/~kafox/

Don't think I haven't been through that with her, and made her cry more than
once. And I don't know what else to do to help, which is why I put it to
the newsgroup to get some different viewpoints. She is a very sweet person,
hard worker, etc., but this isn't the first really stupid situation she has
gotten herself into. The stories I could tell...

I think you hit the nail on the head about the self-esteem and looking for a
man to make life whole. I remember years ago reading a book entitled
something like "Why do I think I am Nothing Without A Man?" that I wish I
could find to share with her. I've given her my copy of "He's Just Not That
Into You," but that was before the pregnancy.

Anyway, again thanks for your input. I really think the responses are
making me feel better, even if they don't help her. At least I am on the
right track with what I'm telling her, as are some of her other friends.
She's got girlfriends who care about her. And I love babies, especially the
ones I can baby-sit and then send home to mama.

Scrapppy


"foggydoggy" <foggydoggy@cogeco.ca> wrote in message
news:PYgVh.111$fB.2@read1.cgocable.net...
>
> "scrapppy" <mstaylor1009@verizon.net> wrote in message
> news:FGdVh.1247$Qp.961@trnddc07...
>> Thank you all for your responses. I will print and share with my friend,
>> she doesn't have internet access. This is her 4th child, the oldest is
>> 13 and the youngest just turned 3. She has very mixed emotions about the
>> whole thing. She has talked about ending the pregnancy, but I really
>> don't think she will. And at almost 4 months, it may be too late. She
>> had amnio with the last one, and probably will with this one, too.
>>
>> So far the father has not been supportive and thinks that terminating
>> would be the best thing all around. He has never been interested in a
>> commitment and I don't think this is going to bring him around. He is
>> not the father of the other children and has a 5 year old by another
>> woman. He sees his child every couple of weeks and pays child support.
>> There's a slim chance that he may stick around if she decides not to have
>> the baby, but if not I imagine he will be gone long before the baby
>> arrives. She has been seeing him for almost a year and a half and
>> recently found out he doesn't even know her last name....
>>
>> Anyway, I have tried to be supportive and let her talk about it when she
>> needs to. She is already strapped financially and this will not make
>> things any easier. And she worries that if this guy splits he will
>> never find a man who will want an older mom with 4 kids. I try not to
>> give advice, just help her see what her options are and be realistic
>> about what she can expect (no pun intended). She is pretty healthy, and
>> I think at this far along there is a good chance she will carry the baby
>> to term. So, thanks again for all of your letters, and please keep her in
>> your prayers.
>>
>> Scrapppy
>
> At the risk of sounding judgemental and someone will probably ream me out,
> I just don't understand how a 40 yr old mature woman allows herself to get
> into situations like this? Come on now, single mom, 3 kids by first man,
> and now another by a man who doesn't even know her last name - and they've
> been together for 1 1/2 yrs?
>
> And she's worrying about how she'll get another man with four kids in tow.
> Sad thing, this is not unusual.And if I were a man, no I definitely would
> not want to end up supporting her children. What happened to contraception
> and brains to realize that the priority is to take care of the ones you
> have without adding another poor child to the brood? Get your life in
> order. Do your best to make a home and stability for the kids, enlist the
> help of friends & family but stop looking towards a man to make your life
> whole.There's definitely self esteem issues here and won't improve if she
> keeps repeating mistakes.
>
> Roseanne
>
>

I've mentioned adoption but she doesn't think she could go through with
that, either. She's pretty much just resigned to having the child, raising
it herself, and hoping that eventually this guy (or some guy) falls in love
with her. We talk about her options, but I don't think she is seriously
considering any of them. I am so sad for her and her children, as I think
life will get even harder and more stressful for them all.

So again, thanks for listening, thanks for sharing, and hopefully things
will work out better than I anticipate for her.

Scrappy

Oh, and thanks for all of the other insights on life. I have been lurking
here for years.


"Keera Ann Fox" <thinkbig.shrinktofit@online.no> wrote in message
news:1hws0e7.df0u6a55bgqgN%thinkbig.shrinktofit@on line.no...
> whirrledpeas <judgedl@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> It sounds like adoption might be a wonderful option in this case.
>
> I thought about that, but wondered how I would handle knowing I gave one
> of my kids away, keeping a sibling from the other children. It may not
> be an easy decision for her, but it is an option.
>
> --
> Keera in Norway * Think big. Shrink to fit.
> http://home.online.no/~kafox/

"scrapppy" <mstaylor1009@verizon.net> wrote in message
news:shwVh.658$ji.606@trndny09...
> I've mentioned adoption but she doesn't think she could go through with
> that, either. She's pretty much just resigned to having the child,
> raising it herself, and hoping that eventually this guy (or some guy)
> falls in love with her. We talk about her options, but I don't think she
> is seriously considering any of them. I am so sad for her and her
> children, as I think life will get even harder and more stressful for them
> all.
>
> So again, thanks for listening, thanks for sharing, and hopefully things
> will work out better than I anticipate for her.
>
> Scrappy
>
> Oh, and thanks for all of the other insights on life. I have been lurking
> here for years.

Whoa - in that case, a very belated welcome. :-)

Cathy

>
>
> "Keera Ann Fox" <thinkbig.shrinktofit@online.no> wrote in message
> news:1hws0e7.df0u6a55bgqgN%thinkbig.shrinktofit@on line.no...
>> whirrledpeas <judgedl@gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>>> It sounds like adoption might be a wonderful option in this case.
>>
>> I thought about that, but wondered how I would handle knowing I gave one
>> of my kids away, keeping a sibling from the other children. It may not
>> be an easy decision for her, but it is an option.
>>
>> --
>> Keera in Norway * Think big. Shrink to fit.
>> http://home.online.no/~kafox/
>
>

"scrapppy" <mstaylor1009@verizon.net> wrote in message
news:GbwVh.16249$Ln5.2656@trndny06...
> Don't think I haven't been through that with her, and made her cry more
> than once. And I don't know what else to do to help, which is why I put
> it to the newsgroup to get some different viewpoints. She is a very sweet
> person, hard worker, etc., but this isn't the first really stupid
> situation she has gotten herself into. The stories I could tell...
>
> I think you hit the nail on the head about the self-esteem and looking for
> a man to make life whole. I remember years ago reading a book entitled
> something like "Why do I think I am Nothing Without A Man?" that I wish I
> could find to share with her. I've given her my copy of "He's Just Not
> That Into You," but that was before the pregnancy.

Have you checked on Amazon.com? There may be some used copies around.

> Anyway, again thanks for your input. I really think the responses are
> making me feel better, even if they don't help her. At least I am on the
> right track with what I'm telling her, as are some of her other friends.
> She's got girlfriends who care about her. And I love babies, especially
> the ones I can baby-sit and then send home to mama.
>
> Scrapppy

It's so nice she has girlfriends that care and that's what she needs now
just to have people around for support. I hope she has family members around
that she's close to, however, having said that, often these self esteem
issues resulting in adult destructive behaviors often start in childhood and
are part of dysfunctional family relationships.It sounds like everyone's
done the best they could and you've exhausted many avenues.It gets to the
point only she can help herself no matter what anyone tells her,sometimes
one has to hit rock bottom before starting to climb back up.The trouble is,
it's so much more difficult when children are involved and often it's the
kids who end up suffering.

Are there mental health/counselling services available for her to access
free of charge or for a nominal fee? Community centers with support groups?
YWCA? Psychotherapy clinics attached to a college? I'm just trying to think
of what's available in the US that wouldn't cost anything.

Best of luck to her and hope everything eventually works out.

Roseanne

On Apr 18, 2:42 pm, "scrapppy" <mstaylor1...@verizon.net> wrote:
> I've mentioned adoption but she doesn't think she could go through with
> that, either. She's pretty much just resigned to having the child, raising
> it herself, and hoping that eventually this guy (or some guy) falls in love
> with her. We talk about her options, but I don't think she is seriously
> considering any of them. I am so sad for her and her children, as I think
> life will get even harder and more stressful for them all.
>
> So again, thanks for listening, thanks for sharing, and hopefully things
> will work out better than I anticipate for her.
>
> Scrappy
>
> Oh, and thanks for all of the other insights on life. I have been lurking
> here for years.
>
> "Keera Ann Fox" <thinkbig.shrinkto...@online.no> wrote in messagenews:1hws0e7.df0u6a55bgqgN%thinkbig.shrinkt ofit@online.no...
>
>
>
> > whirrledpeas <judg...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> >> It sounds like adoption might be a wonderful option in this case.
>
> > I thought about that, but wondered how I would handle knowing I gave one
> > of my kids away, keeping a sibling from the other children. It may not
> > be an easy decision for her, but it is an option.

I'm pretty educated about this stuff if you catch my drift :-)

Yeah, it's tough to have a few children and then relinquish one, but
amazingly it is done more often than you think; and that's _with_ the
father in the picture. It's very costly to have kids...and some very
responsible adults ARE using birth control that fails. And some not
very responsible adults are not using birth control. How a person
gets pregnant is less important than what to do about it once they
find out that they are pregnant and it wasn't planned.

The very sad part about this child that is about to be brought into
the world is that mom is already having problems being a single parent
and has her own issues. Adding one more child to the mix not only
will stress her out more...but the kids are the ones that miss out.

My suggestion is to find a pregnancy counselor at an adoption agency.
A good counselor will not try and persuade the mom to go in either
direction. A good counselor will educate her about adoption and will
educate her about services that are available to help her if she
decides to parent. Adoptions range from A-Z as far as the level of
openness and this woman/friend might be rather surprised to see that
she can see and know this baby throughout his/her life if she
relinquishes and has an open adoption. In fact, she gets to choose
the level of openness.

To the OP: feel free to email me if you'd like info on the subject.