The Truth about Mid-Life [humor]

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our
legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time
to care for our newly acquired moustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms,
we have wing spans. We are no longer women
in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in
drag.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front
of a mirror and you can see your rear without
turning around.

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and
you realize that this is the only time someone
will ask you to appear topless.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm
young lovely in a tube top and scream, 'Listen
honey, even the Roman empire fell and those
will too.'

Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws
us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all,
beeper-wearing teenager and think: ' For this I
have stretch marks?'

In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact
the only thing we can retain is water.

Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now
includes Legs By Rand McNally -- more red and
blue lines than an accurately scaled map of
Wisconsin .

Mid-life means that you become more reflective
.. . You start pondering the 'big' questions.
What is life? Why am I here? How much
Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's
no longer a healthy choice?

But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation
for what is important. We realize that breasts
sag, hips expand and chins double, but our
loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would
any of you trade the knowledge that you have
now, for the body you had way back when?
Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold
all the wisdom and love we've acquired. That's
my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!