addicted to pain

anyone else out there have masochistic tendency. I used to cut, now I
use clothes pegs. The pain affects my delusions. I wonder what the
adverse affects are? Still having suicidal thoughts. I need to create
missions. I am still very sick and psycho. Gotta stay away from
alcohol. Maybe the three universe for creative work and the one
uiniverse for practical work. The two universe to soak things up. And
the zero universe to rest.

Stay away from the 4th demension though. Stay in 0 to rest the rest the
night. )

girl

"Lix Tetrax" <scopethelobe@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1191209051.332538.32240@50g2000hsm.googlegrou ps.com...
>
> anyone else out there have masochistic tendency. I used to cut, now I
> use clothes pegs. The pain affects my delusions. I wonder what the
> adverse affects are? Still having suicidal thoughts. I need to create
> missions. I am still very sick and psycho. Gotta stay away from
> alcohol. Maybe the three universe for creative work and the one
> uiniverse for practical work. The two universe to soak things up. And
> the zero universe to rest.
>

On Sun, 30 Sep 2007 20:24:11 -0700, Lix Tetrax wrote:

> anyone else out there have masochistic tendency. I used to cut, now I
> use clothes pegs. The pain affects my delusions. I wonder what the
> adverse affects are? Still having suicidal thoughts. I need to create
> missions. I am still very sick and psycho. Gotta stay away from
> alcohol. Maybe the three universe for creative work and the one
> uiniverse for practical work. The two universe to soak things up. And
> the zero universe to rest.

This is quite commen I belive, but you don't get many
people admitting to it outside alt.com.

I wonder if our illness is so feared because we're upfront with taboo
subjects. It is accepted in the "right" circles and the right context.

I wonder whether injections in the butt are the cause of this behavior,
I always feel my nurses are getting off on being a dominatrix, I don't
know how to react, so I become submissive. After the nurse has gone I'm
sexually disoriented, I think most nurses are weirder than the patients
when it comes to sex.

In the nuthouse there was this nurse that was intent on giving me a
bath. There was also a cleaner in the nuthouse that caught me
masturbating. I kept going after she left cause it turned me on. They
just burst right into your room in the nuthouse. Its enough to drive
you nuts.

Self inflicted pain, or things like cutting, are disturbing ideas to me.
However, if I restrict myself to rational things, I would suggest that any
pain would trigger endorphin release. I suspect that endorphins would help
reduce Sz like most depressants would.

With meds, I no longer perceive multiple universes. It has been some years,
so I'm forgetting what it was like.


"Lix Tetrax" <scopethelobe@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1191209051.332538.32240@50g2000hsm.googlegrou ps.com...
>
> anyone else out there have masochistic tendency. I used to cut, now I
> use clothes pegs. The pain affects my delusions. I wonder what the
> adverse affects are? Still having suicidal thoughts. I need to create
> missions. I am still very sick and psycho. Gotta stay away from
> alcohol. Maybe the three universe for creative work and the one
> uiniverse for practical work. The two universe to soak things up. And
> the zero universe to rest.
>