THE REALITY OF SCHIZOPHRENIA
RANDOM THOUGHTS -
ON FRIDAY - I was unloading some groceries and a girl yelled at me as
if I'm hot...for a coupla seconds I was happy but then I realized it was
just my voices...
SEPTEMBER 22 - couldn't sleep...I went bed at my regular time, 6:30 but
I just layed there for hours...a cigarette every now and then....
ADAMS AVENUE STREET FAIR - I saw a girl who, at the angle I was at,
looked like she didn't have an arm...that's a bitch because I had a
family member who was in a motorcycle accident and his left arm is
useless....
People were laughing at my thoughts (twice) at the street fair...
12pm, street fair - I had that "head exploding" feelings...I hate
that..i mean, sometimes it feels like my head i going to explode..
REMINDS ME - in 1985 I thought I was going to be a star (my voices
told me this) and I called a dealership asking for a car to be
delivered to my house and I really thought it was going to show
up..which it didn't of course!
In spirituality group they asked me why is spirituality important to
you and I said, "you lose the fear of death" which wasn't true in my
case because I'm worried my voices are going to keep my head alive and
torture me...
DAY TREATMENT - Sunday, September 24...I had "generalized anxiety
disorder" TO THE MAX...I even walked out of spirituality group which I
never do...and I walked out of all groups...this day had the highest
anxiety level in quite awhile....it started even before getting into the
van...because while waiting I was having anxiety and I lay spread eagled
on the floor because I've found that to help....
I smoked a few more cigarettes than usual, too...
This song came on and it was very succinct: "LATELY IT OCCURS TO ME,
WHAT A LONG STRANGE TRIP IT'S BEEN!"
Last couple of days I'm going through anxiety and I haven't been able
to stay in groups....
I was worrying about my daughter and realized, she' 26. I've heard
that paranoia kicks in during teenage years so I'm hoping this rings
true...then the radio station said "call her" which I'm going to do...
TALK RADIO - the DJ said "hurry up and die" What a bitch...
Well, while doing the steps, just when I reached the bottom (and had
to turn around) the radio was playing a song that said "turn around".
DJ said: "It's a scientific experiment gone bad!" THEN he said "you
never know what is gonna happen next"
LATELY I've begun to be jealous of cars (that I don't have one) and
rich people, stuff like that...people in their cars, boats...people in
restaurants..
WEB SITE!
http://schizophrenia-thetruestory-dannyk.blogspot.com/
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