I started my college education back in 1992 and was far into getting my
bachelors degree when I became Schizophrenic. I didn't receive medication
right away or any kind of treatment at all because I was delusional and my
family could not get me medical attention due to the fact that I wasn't a
danger to myself at any given time. I was very ill with delusions and indeed
my life was endangered at many times because of crazy behavior which could
have caused a fatal accident. Yet getting me help wasn't something that
seemed legally possible for my family.
My illness began with a deep depression and progressed into disorganized
thinking and then into full blown hallucinations and delusions. I was living
with my son (age 7) in a very nice town house apartment in Richardson,
Texas. Richardson is a suburb of Dallas and if you know anything about
Dallas you know that it's a big city with many suburbs that just run into
each other and overlap making a huge metropolitan area.
I had moved to Dallas in 1991 and after being promoted at a gift store to
sole management felt I should give college a try. Living in Dallas required
many adjustments from me because I grew up in (personal info0 which is
unincorporated even to this day. So it's a very small town and I moved to a
very big city. This adjustment seemed to be going well when I started
college at Brookhaven College in Farmers Branch, Texas. I began getting very
good grades right away and it really started to look like college would be
fairly easy for me. I studied hard and kept very good grades.
Another adjustment came when I transferred to University of Texas at Dallas
to complete my degree because Brookhaven was at that time a 2 year college
that prepared a individual to go on to finish there degree in a university.
Now I started my junior level classes and took part in many psychological
experiments as a psychology major. The experiments were required for a
degree. So I made another adjustment to a new school. I attended this
university for about a year before my personal life was in ruin and I was
going through my second divorce. I was trying to maintain my grades, filing
and doing my own divorce, and also raising my son.
For whatever reason be it total genetics or a combination of genetics and
environment I became very ill with Schizophrenia and as I mentioned earlier
it took over a year before I started any kind of medications or involvement
with a psychiatrist. During this time I fled the Dallas area out of the
fears I was harboring and came back to (personal info) to live with my
parents. After my family realized I was ill and I did some work at a factory
I deteriorated rapidly even further and my family did what they could.
Finally I was brought to the psychiatric ward by the police and was forced
to take medication. My journey for recovery took a long time. I was in and
out of the psychiatric ward and the psychiatrist experimented with different
drugs that may help me.
My son went to live with his father and this was a serious blow to my
recovery and over time I learned to deal with that. I moved into an
apartment complex for the chronic mentally ill and kept seeing a
psychiatrist almost monthly. I met some nice people where I lived and
learned to live a very sedentary life. Over time I developed learned
helplessness due to lack of accomplishments and this was a very big obstacle
for me to overcome.
I received further help and was appointed a social worker that came by my
apartment weekly. She was a great help and seemed to see something special
in me. She felt I had what it took to be more productive. This may have been
her job to make me feel like recovery was possible, but I truly believed she
believed it was possible for me. She worked with me for about three years
and her advice and friendly smile kept me on my journey to recovery.
When I first moved into the apartment complex I had met this man and over a
five year period of time we became close friends and we formed a strong bond
over time. I moved in with him back in 2003. When I moved into his home I
removed myself from the social worker routine and started relying more on
myself. The love that I received from my new partner in life helped me to
move forward in ways I never thought possible. I felt almost normal because
we were living a pretty normal life and I actually had a mate to share my
life with. He also has schizophrenia and together we have been there for
each other during the difficult times.
In 2004 I began working with Department of Workforce Development and my case
worker helped me apply for a job working as an Internal Revenue Service
Representative ordering publications and forms for taxpayers over the phone
and inputting orders into the computer. I worked this job for two years
bouncing back and forth with difficult times with my illness. I ended my
employment with the IRS contract back in February. Again I was going through
some life changes due to problems with my companion. I moved out of his
house, but we ended up working things out and I moved back after two months
of separation.
My relationship had deteriorated with my companion due to his mental health,
but together we got him well again with some new medication and life was on
the right track again.
I decided I needed to finish my degree and I would stop at nothing to do
this. I fought hard most of my life now trying to maintain my mental health
and I had to make steps forward to finish my degree. The learned
helplessness I had developed had almost disappeared after I was successful
with my employment with the IRS contract. So now I was eager to get my
degree.
Now I'm sitting here typing this and I can honestly say it's my whole entire
being my core self that wants to complete my degree. I have been on a long
journey and I am optimistic that this journey will amount to something very
positive by staying on medication and keeping up with my psychiatrist
appointments.
I see myself not as a disabled person, but a person who is much more. I am a
woman first of all, a mother, a companion, a daughter, a sister and most of
all I am now a student again. I want to complete my degree and start a
therapy model that will help others with mental illness strive and have
happy productive lives. I want to study hard in college and spend time going
over ideas that will help when it comes time for me to bring in a client to
my office and start them on a journey. I want to start many people on this
journey. I may spend time in public speaking to help others achieve
meaningful things in there lives despite being mentally ill. Many times when
someone with mental illness gets that label they deem themselves to be
worthless to actually be that label and have their lives lived entirely by
that label becoming far less then they could be. Mental illness doesn't have
to be the end of the road for any kind of meaning to anyone suffering.
I want to keep moving forward learning more and more everyday and help
others be more and more everyday. Due to the availability of new medication
the psychological community needs to come up with new models to apply to the
individuals that are doing better then they ever have thus far in history. I
have noticed flaws in the treatment of the mentally ill. I want to create a
model of treatment based on my theoretical ideas. This model will include
several new ways of treating mentally ill people from the time they first
enter a psychiatric ward all the way up to the fullest recovery possible for
each individual. This model would also continue on with maintained mental
health for these people. This new model will be a total new approach for the
psychological community and hopefully to society as well. I have a huge goal
here and my model will grow as I learn more and my hopes are it will not
only be applied in my therapeutic involvement but used by all mental health
professionals.
I've found that I have many good personality traits that are very beneficial
to the work I want to do in life. I am very caring and I don't stop even
when others give up on people. I have helped two people that were homeless.
Right now the first one I helped is working a job and is going to be moving
from a shelter to an apartment soon. The other person is currently living
with me and she is going to be moving into an apartment by the end of the
month. I go way beyond what the average person would do for people. I'm not
bragging about this and I feel really humble toward everyone and don't try
to put myself above others. Just because someone is not functioning at their
best doesn't by no means make anyone helping them or anyone in society in
general better then that person.
I am a leader and have lead people to make good choices for themselves. I am
currently helping my son with his start into college. I have used my
experience with college to give him suggestions and ideas to make sure he
makes the best choices for his college years. Being the humble person I am I
can come down to other people's level but still lead them in a good
direction. I make a person feel like I'm their advocate and they are working
toward there goal and they know I'll be there to guide them along the way.
These traits will help me finish my goal to get my degree.
I'm currently enrolled at (personal info). By not having to attend classes I
will build my confidence with good grades. I'll do this by proving to myself
once again I can maintain good grades. The program at Superior will help me
move forward to get in a masters program where I will physically attend
classes again. My plan is to get a masters degree and become a therapist.
girl
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