How does one manage? Mental illness, Family and Maintaining a Job?

I feel so low. I feel old, as Bilbo from The Lord of the Rings put it.
Stretched. I'm only 29 and I feel as though my life is over now. Not
in the way of taking my own life. Just that I have experienced all
that I can. I now berry my head in Books and Play Computer games.
Escapism with out drugs now.

When I look back on my life I find that is how I have always been. I
don't know how to get out of it, is it bad, is it?

Sometimes my attempts at escape through what ever means has a
detrimental effect on my life and it's responsibilities. I don't know
if I can take it. When will the suffering end. Yes the anti-
depressants and anti-psychotics certainly help me function. Underneath
though is a very depressed and sad, borderline psychotic person.

I have made it my quest in life to find a cure. The meds are not a
cure, they are a raft that's all and not a very well built one at
that. I'm still looking for that cure. I'm reading The Great and
Secret Show by Clive Barker. I feel like the Jaff searching for The
Art. And Fletcher trying to find the light in this dark and bleak
world.

Is anyone close to finding the cure. Has anyone ever really, ever,
recovered from mental illness! Or is it an affliction I need to deal
with for the rest of my life?

Where do I look, where to next? Psychiatrists? No they just fill the
prescription. CBT? Tried that, my mind is too stubborn. Religion don't
get me started, to much choice, to much crap. I have just taken my
beliefs from a little of every religion.

Alternative health? Diets? I'm currently trying to detox from
cigarettes. Is this causing my feelings of depression and despair?

Having an arsehole of a father-in-law doesn't help. Now my job is
getting me down.

All in all I feel like retreating back into my own head. Back to the
UK and my parents who after 15 years of denying my schizophrenia
illness have accepted it.

Here's the rub, I now have kids and my emotional attachment to them
keeps me where I am, but suffering. I feel they need a Dad. Although
another rub is I sometimes don't think I'm good enough.

Where oh where is the cure? There must be one. I shall find it one day
and share it with all. Although I think that perhaps we all require
our own individual cure. When I find it? Who knows.

Hmmmm.

Well, you indicate that you already use anti-depressants, so I won't go
there.

Cure for schizophrenia?

They do not yet understand how *normal* brains work. (Although some of the
more recent stuff I have read indicates there has been some progress.) If
they don't understand how normal brains work, they can't very well hope to
understand the various brain diseases that get lumped together under labels
like schizophrenia.

In my opinion we are about 20 or 30 years away from having computers that
may be more intelligent than humans. If so, there is hope for new
understanding and treatments for brain diseases. So, I think there is hope,
but it will take some time.

You have a wife, a job, and children. As lives with schizophenia go, you
are doing quite well.

QN

On May 16, 8:43*pm, "Quiet Neighbor" <priv...@spamless.net> wrote:

> You have a wife, a job, and children. *As lives with schizophenia go, you
> are doing quite well.
>
> QN

Oh yes you could look at it like that. But keeping it together is
tiring and tough. I don't know how long I can hold out. Till a full
blown psychotic episode takes place. When that goes nuclear, people
wanna be far away, very very far away.

On Fri, 16 May 2008 11:47:14 -0700 (PDT), ChrisC
<chrispche@googlemail.com> wrote:


>Oh yes you could look at it like that. But keeping it together is
>tiring and tough. I don't know how long I can hold out. Till a full
>blown psychotic episode takes place. When that goes nuclear, people
>wanna be far away, very very far away.

I know what you mean, my wife left me after my last psychotic/suicide
episode.

ChrisK

Do you get homicidal? Why would they want to be far away?

On May 16, 10:19 am, ChrisC <chrisp...@googlemail.com> wrote:
> I feel so low. I feel old, as Bilbo from The Lord of the Rings put it.
> Stretched. I'm only 29 and I feel as though my life is over now. Not
> in the way of taking my own life. Just that I have experienced all
> that I can. I now berry my head in Books and Play Computer games.
> Escapism with out drugs now.
>
> When I look back on my life I find that is how I have always been. I
> don't know how to get out of it, is it bad, is it?
>
> Sometimes my attempts at escape through what ever means has a
> detrimental effect on my life and it's responsibilities. I don't know
> if I can take it. When will the suffering end. Yes the anti-
> depressants and anti-psychotics certainly help me function. Underneath
> though is a very depressed and sad, borderline psychotic person.
>
> I have made it my quest in life to find a cure. The meds are not a
> cure, they are a raft that's all and not a very well built one at
> that. I'm still looking for that cure. I'm reading The Great and
> Secret Show by Clive Barker. I feel like the Jaff searching for The
> Art. And Fletcher trying to find the light in this dark and bleak
> world.
>
> Is anyone close to finding the cure. Has anyone ever really, ever,
> recovered from mental illness! Or is it an affliction I need to deal
> with for the rest of my life?
>
> Where do I look, where to next? Psychiatrists? No they just fill the
> prescription. CBT? Tried that, my mind is too stubborn. Religion don't
> get me started, to much choice, to much crap. I have just taken my
> beliefs from a little of every religion.
>
> Alternative health? Diets? I'm currently trying to detox from
> cigarettes. Is this causing my feelings of depression and despair?
>
> Having an arsehole of a father-in-law doesn't help. Now my job is
> getting me down.
>
> All in all I feel like retreating back into my own head. Back to the
> UK and my parents who after 15 years of denying my schizophrenia
> illness have accepted it.
>
> Here's the rub, I now have kids and my emotional attachment to them
> keeps me where I am, but suffering. I feel they need a Dad. Although
> another rub is I sometimes don't think I'm good enough.
>
> Where oh where is the cure? There must be one. I shall find it one day
> and share it with all. Although I think that perhaps we all require
> our own individual cure. When I find it? Who knows.

I have recovered completely. I think. I take my medication every
day. I only have missed it once -- when I was sick and threw it up.
I feel like I have lots of things to look forward to.

You should be able to get a disability compensation. In America,
the state will support a schizophrenic if he takes his medication, They
do blood tests to make sure he is taking his medication.
With the VA you have to coopreate with them for the first twenty
years. For those twenty years, you have to have whatever treatment they
want to give you, and you have to try to keep jobs, but, all that
failing after twenty years, by law, you have your disability
compensation for life.
That take's care of the job problem: free support for life.
Family, depends upon the characters of the family. Anyway, you are much
freer alone, to get in more trouble. "God places the solitary in
families". The radio preacher last week said, "God puts family first".
To me, the medication is worse than death. I wont take it! The
"mental illness", for us schizophrenics, is just having more brain
neurons awake, from having more links between the neurons, caused by our
schizophrenic gene DISC1.
Sociallly, DISC1 means that we are a genotype with all the human
rights of a race. It's good to get used to the stereotypical shunning of
the mentaly ill. But today, we have joined the "Monster Club". We don't
usually just get a contemptuous jeer any more.
"Schizophenic" flip outs with mass murders have put fear into the
public. Before I was a Christian I was a Goth, but I didn't need a
costume and make up. When I had hair I looked like Bela Lugosi, but when
I lost my widows' peak and went bald I started to look as harmless as
Frank Langella looks today. So, I enjoyed being thought of as a monster.
Today the public fears us. Some people say, "Fear is respect". In
the movie "Rumble Fish", Motorcycle Boy, played by Mickey Rourke, said,
"Even the most primitive tribes have an inate fear of the insane".
Mentally, we have more mind power to manifest our reality, that
is, we actually have more real magick power. But, sorcery, witchcraft
,and magick have always been sins because we are supposed to put all our
trust in God. And, I admit, personally I can't handle it. As soon as I
start "negative" thinking, I manifest that "negativity" into my life.
Can you control all your thoughts? I haven't been able to, yet.

On May 17, 2:04*am, Erik the Red <spock_smo...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> Do you get homicidal? *Why would they want to be far away?

No, it's just disturbing to the family.

I know psychosis ain't pretty, but they have to understand that shit
happens. They should be grateful that it's not happening to them.

Unrestricted access to radioactive metals and unprotected imagination
please!!!!!!!!!!!

Patrick Ashley Meuser"-Bianca"
Cyberneticist
http://www.usag-ac.info
"ChrisC" <chrispche@googlemail.com> wrote in message
news:87cafacd-ff71-4aa8-a654-af5487c2c5e4@34g2000hsh.googlegroups.com...
>I feel so low. I feel old, as Bilbo from The Lord of the Rings put it.
> Stretched. I'm only 29 and I feel as though my life is over now. Not
> in the way of taking my own life. Just that I have experienced all
> that I can. I now berry my head in Books and Play Computer games.
> Escapism with out drugs now.
>
> When I look back on my life I find that is how I have always been. I
> don't know how to get out of it, is it bad, is it?
>
> Sometimes my attempts at escape through what ever means has a
> detrimental effect on my life and it's responsibilities. I don't know
> if I can take it. When will the suffering end. Yes the anti-
> depressants and anti-psychotics certainly help me function. Underneath
> though is a very depressed and sad, borderline psychotic person.
>
> I have made it my quest in life to find a cure. The meds are not a
> cure, they are a raft that's all and not a very well built one at
> that. I'm still looking for that cure. I'm reading The Great and
> Secret Show by Clive Barker. I feel like the Jaff searching for The
> Art. And Fletcher trying to find the light in this dark and bleak
> world.
>
> Is anyone close to finding the cure. Has anyone ever really, ever,
> recovered from mental illness! Or is it an affliction I need to deal
> with for the rest of my life?
>
> Where do I look, where to next? Psychiatrists? No they just fill the
> prescription. CBT? Tried that, my mind is too stubborn. Religion don't
> get me started, to much choice, to much crap. I have just taken my
> beliefs from a little of every religion.
>
> Alternative health? Diets? I'm currently trying to detox from
> cigarettes. Is this causing my feelings of depression and despair?
>
> Having an arsehole of a father-in-law doesn't help. Now my job is
> getting me down.
>
> All in all I feel like retreating back into my own head. Back to the
> UK and my parents who after 15 years of denying my schizophrenia
> illness have accepted it.
>
> Here's the rub, I now have kids and my emotional attachment to them
> keeps me where I am, but suffering. I feel they need a Dad. Although
> another rub is I sometimes don't think I'm good enough.
>
> Where oh where is the cure? There must be one. I shall find it one day
> and share it with all. Although I think that perhaps we all require
> our own individual cure. When I find it? Who knows.