I'm becoming increasingly troubled

For the past 9 days or so I've had problems with apparently olfactory
hallucinations because I'm smelling a smell off and on that is
sometimes not there at all, sometimes barely there, and sometimes
there so strong I feel like I'm going to choke like it is ammonia and
my sinuses are burning from it. It's driving me crazy and has been
bothering me off and on for years. Sometimes it's there for a month or
two and sometimes it's gone for months. It seems to be totally at
random and occurs in all sorts of different places. I've had an MRI
and an EEG and they can't find anything wrong. It's a kind of smokey,
chemical-like, powdery smell. When it is very strong it seems to
correspond with my mood going down and I feel very bad but now my mood
is going up and down from minute to minute.

I've been off my major meds (abilify and effexor) for about 4 months
now which I went off cold turkey. And now I take risperdal
occasionally. I took 1/2 mg of that tonight and last night and it
makes me sleep 12 hours and I wake up okay. Internally I feel
increasingly very down, very pre-occupied, and having bouts of
hopelessness, I feel serious and conflicted over things and this has
been going on for about 4 or 5 days now. I keep thinking about death a
lot and getting scared then I think its okay I want to die, and this
keeps going around and around in my head.

I think that part of me doesn't want to be here anymore sometimes and
internally I keep fighting with it from taking over my thought
processes. I don't know what to do exactly, I can't detect any
patterns to it, I just feel like there is something within me that
wants to die and I wonder if I should go back on the meds in some
capacity. I don't like the meds so much. I am not sure if they help me
or not. I think it's unclear whether they help me or not. I am sorry I
keep going through these problems all my life. Maybe I should go back
on them, I don't know. Maybe it was just a vacation. Any feedback is
appreciated.

Phin, I'm sorry to hear this. I can relate.
I think there's something to be said for meditation and relaxation. I know
that's pretty puny, but I do think that we give too much power to our
thoughts. They're only thoughts.

Katie


"Phin" <someone@somewhere.net> a écrit dans le message de news:
gdfrr2lj9dhdlukk6b3iinua215ptct3aq@4ax.com...
> For the past 9 days or so I've had problems with apparently olfactory
> hallucinations because I'm smelling a smell off and on that is
> sometimes not there at all, sometimes barely there, and sometimes
> there so strong I feel like I'm going to choke like it is ammonia and
> my sinuses are burning from it. It's driving me crazy and has been
> bothering me off and on for years. Sometimes it's there for a month or
> two and sometimes it's gone for months. It seems to be totally at
> random and occurs in all sorts of different places. I've had an MRI
> and an EEG and they can't find anything wrong. It's a kind of smokey,
> chemical-like, powdery smell. When it is very strong it seems to
> correspond with my mood going down and I feel very bad but now my mood
> is going up and down from minute to minute.
>
> I've been off my major meds (abilify and effexor) for about 4 months
> now which I went off cold turkey. And now I take risperdal
> occasionally. I took 1/2 mg of that tonight and last night and it
> makes me sleep 12 hours and I wake up okay. Internally I feel
> increasingly very down, very pre-occupied, and having bouts of
> hopelessness, I feel serious and conflicted over things and this has
> been going on for about 4 or 5 days now. I keep thinking about death a
> lot and getting scared then I think its okay I want to die, and this
> keeps going around and around in my head.
>
> I think that part of me doesn't want to be here anymore sometimes and
> internally I keep fighting with it from taking over my thought
> processes. I don't know what to do exactly, I can't detect any
> patterns to it, I just feel like there is something within me that
> wants to die and I wonder if I should go back on the meds in some
> capacity. I don't like the meds so much. I am not sure if they help me
> or not. I think it's unclear whether they help me or not. I am sorry I
> keep going through these problems all my life. Maybe I should go back
> on them, I don't know. Maybe it was just a vacation. Any feedback is
> appreciated.

"Katie" <vfolle@yahoo.fr> schrieb im Newsbeitrag
news:45bde689$0$18823$5402220f@news.sunrise.ch...
> Phin, I'm sorry to hear this. I can relate.
> I think there's something to be said for meditation and relaxation. I know
> that's pretty puny, but I do think that we give too much power to our
> thoughts. They're only thoughts.
>
> Katie

Yes, i would recommend some meditation too or at least try to lay down in
your bed and relax a little bit.

>
>
> "Phin" <someone@somewhere.net> a écrit dans le message de news:
> gdfrr2lj9dhdlukk6b3iinua215ptct3aq@4ax.com...
>> For the past 9 days or so I've had problems with apparently olfactory
>> hallucinations because I'm smelling a smell off and on that is
>> sometimes not there at all, sometimes barely there, and sometimes
>> there so strong I feel like I'm going to choke like it is ammonia and
>> my sinuses are burning from it. It's driving me crazy and has been
>> bothering me off and on for years. Sometimes it's there for a month or
>> two and sometimes it's gone for months. It seems to be totally at
>> random and occurs in all sorts of different places. I've had an MRI
>> and an EEG and they can't find anything wrong. It's a kind of smokey,
>> chemical-like, powdery smell. When it is very strong it seems to
>> correspond with my mood going down and I feel very bad but now my mood
>> is going up and down from minute to minute.
>>

This could be related to some malevolent spirit (the odor and the bad
feelings). A friend of mine who is not schizophrenic but into meditation and
related stuff has reported this kind of things to me.

>> I've been off my major meds (abilify and effexor) for about 4 months
>> now which I went off cold turkey. And now I take risperdal
>> occasionally. I took 1/2 mg of that tonight and last night and it
>> makes me sleep 12 hours and I wake up okay. Internally I feel
>> increasingly very down, very pre-occupied, and having bouts of
>> hopelessness, I feel serious and conflicted over things and this has
>> been going on for about 4 or 5 days now. I keep thinking about death a
>> lot and getting scared then I think its okay I want to die, and this
>> keeps going around and around in my head.
>>

I can relate to this, i sometimes feel the same, then i do something that
gets me distracted from this or i just sit there and do nothing and try not
to think to much.

>> I think that part of me doesn't want to be here anymore sometimes and
>> internally I keep fighting with it from taking over my thought
>> processes. I don't know what to do exactly, I can't detect any
>> patterns to it, I just feel like there is something within me that
>> wants to die and I wonder if I should go back on the meds in some
>> capacity. I don't like the meds so much. I am not sure if they help me
>> or not. I think it's unclear whether they help me or not. I am sorry I
>> keep going through these problems all my life. Maybe I should go back
>> on them, I don't know. Maybe it was just a vacation. Any feedback is
>> appreciated.
>
>

This part of you that wants to die may not even be you, it might be some
spirit that wants to die, try to observe it and during observing it try not
to think to much.

Not knowing how old you are and how similar your history is generally I can
only offer some common-sense remedy, maybe ;-)

Never having had olifactory halucinated chemical "nasties", but only some
long gone morbid halucinations and associated panic type fears I think that
it might help to know that they pass into unimportance. They could be real
(present) time from something elsewhere.

The introspective "loops" need displacing/interrupting with some deliberate
good times and social rewards that routinely generate "something to look
forward to" that your mind will switch to as a preference.

I like your articulate documentation BTW but maybe.......... Get drunk, get
arrested or do something you shouldn't and get away with it ;-)

Lightclock

Phin, when I was having a bad time, I took some vanilla and poured it
in a bandana. Then took the bandana and tied it around my face like a
bandit. All I could smell then was sweet, sweet vanilla.

"Lightclock" <unreally@spamdot.doodle.co.uk> wrote in message
news:m4ovh.59851$1W1.6516@newsfe4-win.ntli.net...
> Not knowing how old you are and how similar your history is generally I
> can only offer some common-sense remedy, maybe ;-)
>
> Never having had olifactory halucinated chemical "nasties", but only some
> long gone morbid halucinations and associated panic type fears I think
> that it might help to know that they pass into unimportance. They could be
> real (present) time from something elsewhere.
>
> The introspective "loops" need displacing/interrupting with some
> deliberate good times and social rewards that routinely generate
> "something to look forward to" that your mind will switch to as a
> preference.
>
> I like your articulate documentation BTW but maybe.......... Get drunk,
> get arrested or do something you shouldn't and get away with it ;-)
>
> Lightclock
>



Init loopy:

loops and rings and fields, oh my
follow the yellow brick road
follow the yellow brick road
follow
follow
follow
follow
follow the yellow brick road
I'll get you and your little dog too

pay no attention to the man behind the curtain

the end

Run loopy:

(3-D > 1-D converter)

"Lightclock" <unreally@spamdot.doodle.co.uk> wrote in message
news:m4ovh.59851$1W1.6516@newsfe4-win.ntli.net...
> Not knowing how old you are and how similar your history is generally I
> can only offer some common-sense remedy, maybe ;-)
>
> Never having had olifactory halucinated chemical "nasties", but only some
> long gone morbid halucinations and associated panic type fears I think
> that it might help to know that they pass into unimportance. They could be
> real (present) time from something elsewhere.
>
> The introspective "loops" need displacing/interrupting with some
> deliberate good times and social rewards that routinely generate
> "something to look forward to" that your mind will switch to as a
> preference.
>
> I like your articulate documentation BTW but maybe.......... Get drunk,
> get arrested or do something you shouldn't and get away with it ;-)
>
> Lightclock
>

Two things in Programming
A loop is Much Easier to Proggy
But A Timer is much more Skilled Elegant & far Less Cpu Time

RoidsRim RealTime

On Mon, 29 Jan 2007 15:06:58 GMT, "Lightclock"
<unreally@spamdot.doodle.co.uk> wrote:

>Not knowing how old you are and how similar your history is generally I can
>only offer some common-sense remedy, maybe ;-)
>
>Never having had olifactory halucinated chemical "nasties", but only some
>long gone morbid halucinations and associated panic type fears I think that
>it might help to know that they pass into unimportance. They could be real
>(present) time from something elsewhere.
>
>The introspective "loops" need displacing/interrupting with some deliberate
>good times and social rewards that routinely generate "something to look
>forward to" that your mind will switch to as a preference.
>
>I like your articulate documentation BTW but maybe.......... Get drunk, get
>arrested or do something you shouldn't and get away with it ;-)
>
>Lightclock
>


I am better. I just needed to go to sleep. The risperdal seems to do
me well in this respect. I will go to sleep on it and wake up feeling
much much better.

As to the idea that it is a spirit that's causing the odor, yes I have
thought of that and I think I know who it is. Of course, I can't prove
it, but really it is as good of an explanation as I have found.

I did do a little meditation last night as I was drifting off. I
thought that last night I am feeling stress cuz of the housing
situation here. It's too complicated to go into but I feel it is at
the root of the problem. I don't want to have to move, but I feel the
universe pushing me to move at this point and it's causing me stress.

Thanks to everyone who responded.

Phin

I used to put a capful of liquid that included ammonia in my humidifier. I
couldn't live without it. That was 8 years ago.

> I am better. I just needed to go to sleep. The risperdal seems to do
> me well in this respect. I will go to sleep on it and wake up feeling
> much much better.
>
> As to the idea that it is a spirit that's causing the odor, yes I have
> thought of that and I think I know who it is. Of course, I can't prove
> it, but really it is as good of an explanation as I have found.
>
> I did do a little meditation last night as I was drifting off. I
> thought that last night I am feeling stress cuz of the housing
> situation here. It's too complicated to go into but I feel it is at
> the root of the problem. I don't want to have to move, but I feel the
> universe pushing me to move at this point and it's causing me stress.
>
> Thanks to everyone who responded.
>
> Phin

I can relate to the last paragraph you wrote, i had a similar situation:
I was sitting with some friends in one friends apartment and we were having
a few drinks and shared a joint.
We were feeling quite good, as suddenly something pushed me to go home. I
really didn´t want to go home but something kept on urging me to go home.
Finally i told my friends that i somehow need to go home, though i was
feeling good. Maybe it was better for me to go home, as there could arise a
bad situation between us or something like that, but i will never know.
Maybe the Universe or god knows better sometimes than we know.
Anyway, i didn´t regret going home i still felt good.
But fighting the feeling to go home would cause a much more greater stress
for me, then just leaving though i felt a little disappointed.

>
> I am better. I just needed to go to sleep. The risperdal seems to do
> me well in this respect. I will go to sleep on it and wake up feeling
> much much better.
>
> As to the idea that it is a spirit that's causing the odor, yes I have
> thought of that and I think I know who it is. Of course, I can't prove
> it, but really it is as good of an explanation as I have found.
>
> I did do a little meditation last night as I was drifting off. I
> thought that last night I am feeling stress cuz of the housing
> situation here. It's too complicated to go into but I feel it is at
> the root of the problem. I don't want to have to move, but I feel the
> universe pushing me to move at this point and it's causing me stress.
>
> Thanks to everyone who responded.
>
> Phin

I can relate to the last paragraph you wrote, i had a similar situation:
I was sitting with some friends in one friends apartment and we were having
a few drinks and shared a joint.
We were feeling quite good, as suddenly something pushed me to go home. I
really didn´t want to go home but something kept on urging me to go home.
Finally i told my friends that i somehow need to go home, though i was
feeling good. Maybe it was better for me to go home, as there could arise a
bad situation between us or something like that, but i will never know.
Maybe the Universe or god knows better sometimes than we know.
Anyway, i didn´t regret going home i still felt good.
But fighting the feeling to go home would cause a much more greater stress
for me, then just leaving though i felt a little disappointed.

On Tue, 30 Jan 2007 14:23:36 +0100, "rainbowguardian"
<robert_smrdelj@gmx.de> wrote:

>> I am better. I just needed to go to sleep. The risperdal seems to do
>> me well in this respect. I will go to sleep on it and wake up feeling
>> much much better.
>>
>> As to the idea that it is a spirit that's causing the odor, yes I have
>> thought of that and I think I know who it is. Of course, I can't prove
>> it, but really it is as good of an explanation as I have found.
>>
>> I did do a little meditation last night as I was drifting off. I
>> thought that last night I am feeling stress cuz of the housing
>> situation here. It's too complicated to go into but I feel it is at
>> the root of the problem. I don't want to have to move, but I feel the
>> universe pushing me to move at this point and it's causing me stress.
>>
>> Thanks to everyone who responded.
>>
>> Phin
>
>I can relate to the last paragraph you wrote, i had a similar situation:
>I was sitting with some friends in one friends apartment and we were having
>a few drinks and shared a joint.
>We were feeling quite good, as suddenly something pushed me to go home. I
>really didn´t want to go home but something kept on urging me to go home.
>Finally i told my friends that i somehow need to go home, though i was
>feeling good. Maybe it was better for me to go home, as there could arise a
>bad situation between us or something like that, but i will never know.
>Maybe the Universe or god knows better sometimes than we know.
>Anyway, i didn´t regret going home i still felt good.
>But fighting the feeling to go home would cause a much more greater stress
>for me, then just leaving though i felt a little disappointed.
>

I understand that. A lot of decisions I make are in this way.

Phin