Life is tougher when you're lonely (thoughts on loneliness)

For several years when I was a teenager I wanted nothing to do with
people. I was very angry all of the time, and what I did usually was
ride my bike, lift weights, and go to school. I didn't really feel
lonely, or so I thought. During my hospital stay I realized I was
lonely sometimes. I also realized how nice it was to have people care
about me, and especially to have the deep non-smalltalk conversations.
2 staff members at the hospital I went to became like fathers I wished I
had growing up. I told this to them at the end, and they cried.

To be in a crowd of people a few months after the hospital was very
difficult, because I felt very lonely at the time. I wasn't good at
making friends, and I still may not be. To be surrounded by people, and
yet want one of them to care or to care about one of them is such an
empty feeling.

I didn't even look for support groups for a long time after I was
diagnosed, at about 18 years of age. It has only been the last 3 or 4
years I suppose. I'm 26 now. It's a mixed experience, because there
are cliques, and some ill people I've learned are liars, and will say
things about you behind your back to damage your reputation, out of
jealously, or God knows what...

The other day/night at my grandma's on xmas day was very tough. The
conversations were all so shallow. And then someone started to cry
after a great handmade gift was given to her, and it shook me up. I
started being unable to block my emotions. Then my aunt asked "are you
ok?" I was about to answer honestly, but my uncle interceded and said
"he's fine..." I learned later that some people really enjoy the
shallowness of the holidays. It's a shame, because around most of my
family I must wear a mask, a mask of "I'm ok," even when I'm not.

We all mask our emotions, but it's really a tradegy when you have to do
it around everyone. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and
sometimes the tree is the problem, and I am the apple. You probably
can't fix the tree, any better than I can. People don't change unless
they want and strive to.

There are friends better than blood brothers and sisters. There are
friends better than family.


George

On Dec 28, 5:24*pm, George Peter Staplin
<georgepsSPAMME...@xmission.com> wrote:
> For several years when I was a teenager I wanted nothing to do with
> people. *I was very angry all of the time, and what I did usually was
> ride my bike, lift weights, and go to school. *I didn't really feel
> lonely, or so I thought. *During my hospital stay I realized I was
> lonely sometimes. *I also realized how nice it was to have people care
> about me, and especially to have the deep non-smalltalk conversations. *
> 2 staff members at the hospital I went to became like fathers I wished I
> had growing up. *I told this to them at the end, and they cried.
>
> To be in a crowd of people a few months after the hospital was very
> difficult, because I felt very lonely at the time. *I wasn't good at
> making friends, and I still may not be. *To be surrounded by people, and
> yet want one of them to care or to care about one of them is such an
> empty feeling.
>
> I didn't even look for support groups for a long time after I was
> diagnosed, at about 18 years of age. *It has only been the last 3 or 4
> years I suppose. *I'm 26 now. *It's a mixed experience, because there
> are cliques, and some ill people I've learned are liars, and will say
> things about you behind your back to damage your reputation, out of
> jealously, or God knows what...
>
> The other day/night at my grandma's on xmas day was very tough. *The
> conversations were all so shallow. *And then someone started to cry
> after a great handmade gift was given to her, and it shook me up. *I
> started being unable to block my emotions. *Then my aunt asked "are you
> ok?" *I was about to answer honestly, but my uncle interceded and said
> "he's fine..." *I learned later that some people really enjoy the
> shallowness of the holidays. *It's a shame, because around most of my
> family I must wear a mask, a mask of "I'm ok," even when I'm not.
>
> We all mask our emotions, but it's really a tradegy when you have to do
> it around everyone. *The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and
> sometimes the tree is the problem, and I am the apple. *You probably
> can't fix the tree, any better than I can. * People don't change unless
> they want and strive to.
>
> There are friends better than blood brothers and sisters. *There are
> friends better than family.
>
> George

It must have been heartbreaking to type that last paragraph. My birth
culture is family-oriented and it took me some time to become
conscious of what people mean when they say "you don't choose your
relatives."

Miki

George it's a bummer I have to say this.
Please remember I'm just another "me".
My experiance? I can share that.

I heard someone say once that there is the right thing to do, and the
wrong thing to do, and then there is the correct thing to do.

Yes, hide. Bluff. Everything is okay.

I recently had a summer fling, I guess thats what it was.
We're both in our sixties and she is what passes for normal.
CLEARLY she employs denial.

You and I, I suppose, along with others who post here are not in
denial......concerning our "smptoms", our "Phenomena".

So she wanted to "help" and she did but I knew to restrict the data flow
about the szness happenings with her.
She wanted to know, and I let her in a short distance.
Then one day I get "All you talk about is your feelings".

See.......its best to hide from our social circumstances the reality we
face.
To me, this is very sad.

I don't believe what she said. I believe she was overwhelmed with what I
HAD said.
I restricted my topics afterwards, no problem.
What I said early in our mutual knowingness of each other perculated up.

If I did not respond to her compassion I would not be dealing with a
bruised ego and the weakened positive self image I have now.

Save it for the Docs, George.
They get paid.

In a wierd way, its up to us to keep some of these "social boats"
afloat.
I stiffle myself a little, and I watch about what topics I reply to in
my social circles.
Sometimes I see it as duty.
Sometimes I see it as self defense.

I don't know if what I've writen here is smart, or healthy, or right or
wrong.
Or correct.
I only know the management skills that I have chosen.....for better or
for worse.

I don't know your situation, really....

I have some psychiatrically disturbed people in my experiance.
Folks with a "diagnosis".
Sadly, its not much different then the flatbrainers(normals).

I believe it is more imperative, more important, for us to not cause
injury, to not be deceptful, to not lie, etc....
If we do it, we increase our level of discomfort.
In our word, thought and deed.

You're a Christian I think.
No hurtful words, thoughts or deeds.

I think we are particularly vulnerable to the price of our behavior
(word thought deed) then the normal flatbrainer.

I better stop I'm rambling.

George made a good topic with this post.
Plus he doesn't make "dribbling" posts either.

Sprained Brain

Deep Thoughts wrote:
> George it's a bummer I have to say this.
> Please remember I'm just another "me".
> My experiance? I can share that.
>
> I heard someone say once that there is the right thing to do, and the
> wrong thing to do, and then there is the correct thing to do.
>
> Yes, hide. Bluff. Everything is okay.
>
> I recently had a summer fling, I guess thats what it was.
> We're both in our sixties and she is what passes for normal.
> CLEARLY she employs denial.
>
> You and I, I suppose, along with others who post here are not in
> denial......concerning our "smptoms", our "Phenomena".
>
> So she wanted to "help" and she did but I knew to restrict the data flow
> about the szness happenings with her.
> She wanted to know, and I let her in a short distance.
> Then one day I get "All you talk about is your feelings".
>
> See.......its best to hide from our social circumstances the reality we
> face.
> To me, this is very sad.
>
> I don't believe what she said. I believe she was overwhelmed with what I
> HAD said.
> I restricted my topics afterwards, no problem.
> What I said early in our mutual knowingness of each other perculated up.
>
> If I did not respond to her compassion I would not be dealing with a
> bruised ego and the weakened positive self image I have now.

Women/Men are evil/lying/blood-sucking/bastards/bitches/ from
outer-space/hell/heaven. And I hope one day that you are
happy/content/alone/with-someone.

> Save it for the Docs, George.
> They get paid.

I'd say something, but it might be too deep for you.

And the tortured become torturers...


> In a wierd way, its up to us to keep some of these "social boats"
> afloat.
> I stiffle myself a little, and I watch about what topics I reply to in
> my social circles.
> Sometimes I see it as duty.
> Sometimes I see it as self defense.
>
> I don't know if what I've writen here is smart, or healthy, or right or
> wrong.
> Or correct.
> I only know the management skills that I have chosen.....for better or
> for worse.
>
> I don't know your situation, really....

So...ah....
Did you have a nice Christmas?
›<8-)

(Smiling Santa)

On Sat, 29 Dec 2007 09:28:01 -0500, Deep Thoughts wrote:

> I have some psychiatrically disturbed people in my experiance.
> Folks with a "diagnosis".
> Sadly, its not much different then the flatbrainers(normals).
>
> I believe it is more imperative, more important, for us to not cause
> injury, to not be deceptful, to not lie, etc....
> If we do it, we increase our level of discomfort.
> In our word, thought and deed.
>
> You're a Christian I think.
> No hurtful words, thoughts or deeds.
>
> I think we are particularly vulnerable to the price of our behavior
> (word thought deed) then the normal flatbrainer.
>
> I better stop I'm rambling.
>
> George made a good topic with this post.
> Plus he doesn't make "dribbling" posts either.
>
> Sprained Brain

I think in this context curbing humour is important,
Black humour, is BLACK.

Loneliness can kill you, physically. When I lived alone for a long
time I didn't even realize that I was loneley. I was free to watch any
kind of videos, any time I wanted. And if I had been on the internet
then I would have been able to stay on it all day. I haven't been bored
since before puberty. I have an agenda.
But, I ran into health problems. I was diagnosed as having lupus.
I had the classical lupus rash and my antibodies were attacking my eyes.
I was told that I would go blind. The antibodies onece ate portions of
my tongue away, but it later grew back. The antibodies could have
attacked my kidneys or liver and then I would have died.
A recent article told me that those past autoimmune attacks
weren't real lupus. The article said that loneliness caused that.


http://community.webtv.net/mpereira/TheSecretsofthe

On Dec 29, 6:24*am, George Peter Staplin
<georgepsSPAMME...@xmission.com> wrote:
> For several years when I was a teenager I wanted nothing to do with
> people. *I was very angry all of the time, and what I did usually was
> ride my bike, lift weights, and go to school. *I didn't really feel
> lonely, or so I thought. *During my hospital stay I realized I was
> lonely sometimes. *I also realized how nice it was to have people care
> about me, and especially to have the deep non-smalltalk conversations. *
> 2 staff members at the hospital I went to became like fathers I wished I
> had growing up. *I told this to them at the end, and they cried.
>
> To be in a crowd of people a few months after the hospital was very
> difficult, because I felt very lonely at the time. *I wasn't good at
> making friends, and I still may not be. *To be surrounded by people, and
> yet want one of them to care or to care about one of them is such an
> empty feeling.
>
> I didn't even look for support groups for a long time after I was
> diagnosed, at about 18 years of age. *It has only been the last 3 or 4
> years I suppose. *I'm 26 now. *It's a mixed experience, because there
> are cliques, and some ill people I've learned are liars, and will say
> things about you behind your back to damage your reputation, out of
> jealously, or God knows what...
>
> The other day/night at my grandma's on xmas day was very tough. *The
> conversations were all so shallow. *And then someone started to cry
> after a great handmade gift was given to her, and it shook me up. *I
> started being unable to block my emotions. *Then my aunt asked "are you
> ok?" *I was about to answer honestly, but my uncle interceded and said
> "he's fine..." *I learned later that some people really enjoy the
> shallowness of the holidays. *It's a shame, because around most of my
> family I must wear a mask, a mask of "I'm ok," even when I'm not.
>
> We all mask our emotions, but it's really a tradegy when you have to do
> it around everyone. *The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and
> sometimes the tree is the problem, and I am the apple. *You probably
> can't fix the tree, any better than I can. * People don't change unless
> they want and strive to.
>
> There are friends better than blood brothers and sisters. *There are
> friends better than family.
>
> George

i guess it's the family culture. sometimes you can't help it, you are
born into it and it is beyond your control. you can't change it. some
family cultures are further away from social norms than typical family
cultures. it's more challenging. but i always believe that so ,long as
there is genuine love and affection, that always saves the day.