my email thread with Douglas Dean Dewey, part 1

This was in response to my sending Doug a copy of my "life is a cranberry"
post.

-----------------------------------------------

My intention is not to be tricked into letting you off the hook. For once in
my life someone will have to take responsibility for taking steps to get
what he wants, instead of manipulating me into giving him what he wants so
he can lie to himself that the desire for it originated with me.

I disagree with you that the only basis for friendship is common cause in a
political project. _That_ is where we truly are philosophical enemies, not
the trivial possibility that I'm just another rabble-rouser threatening the
Church's market share of temporal power, as the Pharisees thought Jesus was.
(And don't be facile. No, I don't think I'm Jesus! It saddens me that you're
so brainwashed I even have to say that.)

If you have any moral courage then you won't reply merely to get your last
shots in. So, should you reply, I'll assume you want to carry on a dialogue.

Miki

----- Original Message -----
From: "Dewey, Douglas" <douglas.dewey@bernstein.com>
To: <relapse@mikikocic.com>
Sent: Wednesday, January 30, 2008 10:38 PM
Subject: Basis for friendship (Was Re: my short "life is a cranberry"
speech)


> Miki,
>
> May I suggest that this flinty medium *favors* your weaknesses? Namely,
> your bitterness, self-pity, wrathfulness, suspicion, pettiness, arrogance,
> meanness, and perhaps, lastly, sickness. I say this as one afflicted with
> all of these qualities save (I think) the last, and as such, an amateur
> expert at spotting them.
>
> Your blasphemies are concoctions to impress me altenately with your
> virility and integrity, but they are ridiculous even on the surface. Who
> are *you* to decide what is moral? Where did you get your yardstick? First
> you caricature God then usurp him. How convenient. Been done a million
> times before. Meanwhile, your ignorance of theology and basic church
> history is patent and risible. To call the Church a body of lust for
> temporal power is to display an utter absence of basic knowledge about
> history, sacred or profane. There has never been a less temporally astute
> or oriented organization in recorded history. You come off like a
> remonstrating 10th grader who has just read a book by Ayn Rand and is now
> a master of the universe.
>
> To separate your nonsense from your arrogance from your genuine
> pathological delusion is beyond my powers; but you can see why I think my
> words, at least, are ineffectual. I don't know what portion comes from
> what property of your nature, but even if I did, what difference would
> that make?
>
> For the record, you don't have it as bad as you have think you do. There
> are many with miseries far beyond yours, and less of of their own making,
> who have not rebelled against God so as to find refuge in self-pity. You
> can walk, talk, think, hear, read, and have never missed a single meal in
> your life, never even missed a cigarette. You have never been imprisoned,
> never been orphaned, and never been friendless (not, at least, since you
> were 16). What you are is a spoiled brat, Miroslav Kocic.
>
> You can die that way, cursing me and Father Haddock, and the dolts you've
> net on the Internet, and even feel smug about it as you breathe your last.
>
> Or...OR, the great alternative awaits. Likely nothing between.
>
> You can insult me all you like, because I have no defense of myself, and
> deserve far worse that your contumely. But I won't stand for your obscene
> vituperations against God, who has loved you from all eternity and still
> does now. Who has more righteousness in his discarded eye lash than all of
> the created order.
>
> Your animadversions are are becoming boring as well as obscene. Like a
> bright but bad child whose antics have ceased to be diverting and now only
> annoy and eventually dismay us. It vexes me on a personal level because it
> displays you at your meanest, the junk yard dog Miki, not the gentle,
> humble, generous, searching Miki that I know to be your true nature. This
> pampered, simpering child who has you pinned down like a nasty gremlin is
> NOT you, but I can't pry him off of you. I can only pray him away, and I
> am frankly a miserable prayer. You need heavier artillery than this
> huckster can deliver.
>
> Anyway, this huckster is tired and very, very mortal (echoing Nietzsche),
> and he has a strictly limited bandwidth to boot, the best of intentions
> notwithstanding. If we are indeed philosophical enemies, then we have no
> basis for a friendship. (Consult Plato's Phaedrus, Aquinas, among others.)
> A few shared memories in our youth is not the basis of a friendship; it
> must be made of sturdier stuff: nothing less than a mutual love of the
> truth. At present you seem enamored only with your intellectual penis and
> the taste of your own wounds. I love much more of you than that. All of
> you, in fact.
>
> I can't make you well, or make you take your meds, or argue you into
> equanimity. All I can do is assure you of my intention of friendship and
> prayers for your reciprocation.
>
> Let me know your intentions.
>
> Doug
>
>
>
> Douglas D. Dewey
> Vice President
> Bernstein Global Wealth Management
> 1345 Avenue of the Americas
> New York, NY 10105
> 212-756-4197
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Miki Kocic <relapse@mikikocic.com>
> To: Dewey, Douglas
> Sent: Wed Jan 30 15:40:16 2008
> Subject: RE: my short "life is a cranberry" speech
>
> Don't misunderstand. You are the second-best man I've ever known (after my
> brother) and, yes, I am erratic as a result of mental problems. But
> philosophically we are enemies. You serve a highly world-oriented temporal
> power masquerading as the Body of Christ and have developed a knack for
> pushing my buttons. That's all that's really going on. And maybe the
> Celestial Pedophile is using me to teach you about how much loving someone
> hurts and how evil and vile love really is, because His love for us is
> evil and vile: it causes only pain. God may be all wrong in all ways, and
> it might be wrong for the world to exist and even wrong for Him to be its
> ultimate goodness-wow, if He's goodness, then I'd hate to find out what
> badness is-but He cannot be defeated. He uses the living to wipe His bum
> whether we like it or not; and, whether I like it or not, I am among the
> living. Or correct that. I've heartily wished I weren't among the living
> any longer for the past decade, but God still needs me to wipe His bum
> with so I am forced to remain alive.
>
>
>
> What will happen when we meet in person, Doug? You will overwhelm me with
> your glibness just as you did on the phone, and two days later I will hate
> you bitterly for having more social skill than me and making me feel
> foolish again. But at the time we are together all breaches between us
> will seem to have been healed because I will be too weak to stand up for
> myself in direct real-time conversation and too much of an Aspie to think
> through what you say and come up with appropriate responses. This flinty
> medium merely favours my strengths just as real-time conversation favours
> yours.
>
>
>
> Miki
>
>
>
> ________________________________
>
> From: Dewey, Douglas [mailto:douglas.dewey@bernstein.com]
> Sent: Wednesday, January 30, 2008 3:25 PM
> To: Miki Kocic
> Subject: RE: my short "life is a cranberry" speech
>
>
>
> Miki,
>
>
>
> I've tried to be consistently available to you over the years and you can
> count on that continuing. In some ways I'd rather have you lobbing
> grenades than shutting me out -- the former indicates that I at least mean
> something to you.
>
>
>
> I will let you know when I'm in Toronto next so we can be together and
> bust out of this flinty medium. Right now our exchanges seem only to
> reinforce your latest caricature of me as fanatical financial products
> hustler. Years ago it was that I was some kind of Romeo rich-kid; some
> time later you called me a sell-out to the pursuit of truth when I became
> enamored with politics and worked on campaigns in DC. Anyway, I may not
> have been eloquent, but I don't think I'm misstated my world view, either.
> So your use of the word impasse is apt. There is much, much more than
> could be said, but I don't know where to start, or whether any of it would
> be well received right now.
>
>
>
> Perhaps you now regret that you re-instituted contact between us and
> offered an apology, kind words about my family and my treatment of you
> over the years, and requested the opportunity to meet in person to explain
> why you shut me out about a year ago with no explanation. Fear not, I'm
> the same doormat as ever and stand always ready to take up where we left
> off at whatever the sweetest point was.
>
>
>
> With abiding love and admiration,
>
> I remain your friend and servant,
>
> Doug
>
>
>
> ________________________________
>
> From: Miki Kocic [mailto:relapse@mikikocic.com]
> Sent: Wednesday, January 30, 2008 12:04 PM
> To: Dewey, Douglas
> Subject: my short "life is a cranberry" speech
>
> Don't jump to facile conclusions. It's not that "life is a bowl of
> cherries." It's that we juice a cranberry, and mix its juice with the
> juice of other cranberries, then drink the mixture so that we can be
> nourished and refreshed. In the same way our deaders ("souls") juice our
> lives of our experience, and mix it with the experience of the lives of
> our
> selves on other timelines/in other realities and somehow consume it so
> _they_ can be nourished and refreshed. And they don't know what they're
> doing to us any more than we know what we're doing to each individual
> cranberry. Or do they have any more sense of involvement in it. The joke,
> of
> course, is that God has some analogous relationship to deaders that our
> deaders have to us as individuals in single realities. And that we, as
> single
>
> individuals, have to each individual cranberry we drink the juice of.
>
> The whole thing is at once beautiful and horrible. And, ultimately, the
> smug
> and self-satisfied Celestial Pedophile is ultimately responsible for
> bringing this unconscionable order of things into existence.
>
>
>
> Miki
>
>
>
>
>
> -----------------------------------------
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