Quicky #1
One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a
very**
sexy nightie.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went fishing.
************* Quickie #2
A woman came home, screeching!* her car into the driveway, and ran
into the
house.* She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
"Honey, pack
your bags.* I won the damn lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God!* What should I pack, beach stuff or
mountain
stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said.* "Just get the hell out."
********** Quickie #3
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the
other is
a husband.
********** Quickie #4
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.*
First, of
course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card
with
the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
************* Quickie #5
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them "I must
tell you
all something.* We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back.* "I'm so tired of
chardonnay."
************ Quickie #6
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly,
her
husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL!* Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!*
You're*
cooking too many at once.* TOO MANY!* Turn them!* TURN THEM
NOW!* We need* more
butter.* Oh my GOD!* WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?*
They're* going to
STICK!
Careful...CAREFUL!* I said be CAREFUL!* You NEVER listen to me when
you're*
cooking!* Never!*
Turn them!* Hurry up!* Are you CRAZY?* Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them.* You know you always forget to salt
them.* Use the
salt. USE THE SALT!* THE SALT!!!* THE SALT!!!"
The wife stared at him.* "What in the world is wrong with
you? You think I don't know* how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like
when I'm
driving."
************* Quickie #7
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was
drafted by
the* Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That
afternoon
the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.* That
afternoon the Army
dentist* yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.* The Army has been
looking
for Herman for 51 years
Quickies 
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