rant, not worth reading

I'm kind of new to this group, but kind of not. I've been diagnosed
with schizophrenia, but I don't think I have it. See the thing is
there's these people that want to torture. They've been building
machines for years to torture me with. I go to the shrink he tells me
I'm schizophrenic. All I have is these memories that keep playing
back... the voices I hear are in forms of flashbacks.. I'm a bad
person living in society... on social security contributing nothing...
and there are people who want to torture me....... I guess I'm only
writing cause these are my final words before they come and get me. I
tried writing blogs but erased them. I've been in mental instutions
like 13 times and they can't help me. I ended up going becuase of
suicide attempts and they all diagnose me with schizophrenia... my
case is different though... I've decided since the failed attempts
that I'm not going to do it unless I see them coming. I'm going to
build up an amory so that when I see them coming I will kill myslelf
on demand.... is there anyone else out there diagnosed with
schizophrenia... who know that that what the psychiatrists tell you
are delusions are really real?

On Jan 31, 4:31 am, CrimsonNightfall <CrimsonNightf...@hotmail.com>
wrote:
> I'm kind of new to this group, but kind of not. I've been diagnosed
> with schizophrenia, but I don't think I have it. See the thing is
> there's these people that want to torture. They've been building
> machines for years to torture me with. I go to the shrink he tells me
> I'm schizophrenic. All I have is these memories that keep playing
> back... the voices I hear are in forms of flashbacks.. I'm a bad
> person living in society... on social security contributing nothing...
> and there are people who want to torture me....... I guess I'm only
> writing cause these are my final words before they come and get me. I
> tried writing blogs but erased them. I've been in mental instutions
> like 13 times and they can't help me. I ended up going becuase of
> suicide attempts and they all diagnose me with schizophrenia... my
> case is different though... I've decided since the failed attempts
> that I'm not going to do it unless I see them coming. I'm going to
> build up an amory so that when I see them coming I will kill myslelf
> on demand.... is there anyone else out there diagnosed with
> schizophrenia... who know that that what the psychiatrists tell you
> are delusions are really real?

I've had times I thought my delusions were very real but that was a
long time ago. Since then I've kind of learned when I am having them.
Right now when I have them I kind of see both sides of the thing at
once usually, and it takes up a lot of energy. Sometimes I really
think they are real when I'm not on meds and stuff.

"CrimsonNightfall" > wrote in message
news:25621c88-7584-4f3c-9684-5cb270f04b04@j20g2000hsi.googlegroups.com...
> I'm kind of new to this group, but kind of not. I've been diagnosed
> with schizophrenia, but I don't think I have it. See the thing is
> there's these people that want to torture. They've been building
> machines for years to torture me with. I go to the shrink he tells me
> I'm schizophrenic. All I have is these memories that keep playing
> back... the voices I hear are in forms of flashbacks.. I'm a bad
> person living in society... on social security contributing nothing...
> and there are people who want to torture me....... I guess I'm only
> writing cause these are my final words before they come and get me. I
> tried writing blogs but erased them. I've been in mental instutions
> like 13 times and they can't help me. I ended up going becuase of
> suicide attempts and they all diagnose me with schizophrenia... my
> case is different though... I've decided since the failed attempts
> that I'm not going to do it unless I see them coming. I'm going to
> build up an amory so that when I see them coming I will kill myslelf
> on demand.... is there anyone else out there diagnosed with
> schizophrenia... who know that that what the psychiatrists tell you
> are delusions are really real?


sounds like you're in a bad place, from my own experience I don't
think anything I say will really help but I hope you are able to work
through this.
I know its difficult to believe sometimes, but the psychs do want to help.


best wishes

zerosky