Schizophrenia A Progressive Illness?

I think it is, cause my symptoms are alot worse now then what they
were when i was 19, things seemed to be getten better but then shit
progresses again :-( like i mean it seems like its gotton worse then
when i first started noticing symptoms.

"ACE" <dan_16@msn.com> wrote in message
news:aeef3517-a1aa-44ac-8cd6-b24d1820ca76@s13g2000prd.googlegroups.com...
>I think it is, cause my symptoms are alot worse now then what they
> were when i was 19, things seemed to be getten better but then shit
> progresses again :-( like i mean it seems like its gotton worse then
> when i first started noticing symptoms.

I believe Sz is progressive, but very slowly.
The meds seem to be getting better faster than SZ gets worse.

Why did they deny your SSI, or did they not tell you?

ACE wrote:
> I think it is, cause my symptoms are alot worse now then what they
> were when i was 19, things seemed to be getten better but then shit
> progresses again :-( like i mean it seems like its gotton worse then
> when i first started noticing symptoms.

Do you bottle up your feelings? Do you feel like you can express your
feelings?

I've often viewed feelings as like a boiling pot at times. If you keep
pouring in water/feelings without handling them, then eventually you
overflow, and can't keep the old things, that you used to be able to
keep, inside. It took me a while to realize this though.

What have you been doing to learn about yourself, your views, and how
you relate to others?

Do you trust people more or less than when you were 19?

Do you have any recurring dreams? If so, have you tried to analyze
them?

Do you isolate more than when you were 19?


Take care,

George

On Feb 15, 4:45 pm, ACE <dan...@msn.com> wrote:
> I think it is, cause my symptoms are alot worse now then what they
> were when i was 19, things seemed to be getten better but then shit
> progresses again :-( like i mean it seems like its gotton worse then
> when i first started noticing symptoms.

I feel like it's progressive as far as negative symptoms and general
dysfunction.

I have a better understanding of the positive symptoms usually
though.

Although...

My positive symptoms have morphed from complicated religious delusions
and delusions of reference like thinking tv shows have to do with me,
into more solidly paranoid delusions, like thinking my mind can be
read and some other paranoid stuff. So the positive symptoms are very
scary and not interesting or fun at all these days.

> Do you bottle up your feelings? *Do you feel like you can express your
> feelings?

Bottle up my feelings.

> I've often viewed feelings as like a boiling pot at times. *If you keep
> pouring in water/feelings without handling them, then eventually you
> overflow, and can't keep the old things, that you used to be able to
> keep, inside. *It took me a while to realize this though.

I do go to nami peer to peer groups once a week.

> What have you been doing to learn about yourself, your views, and how
> you relate to others? *

this move to nampa,idaho has been hell, I dont know, i used to
beleive in god as a child but not sure what i beleive in. once i
became ill i turned to more life affirming traditions such as buddhism
and tao.

> Do you trust people more or less than when you were 19?

I dont trust people at all anymore,generally the world is
greedy,people are selfish and only think of ways to get financial gain
for themselves, when i was homeless, i bought a guy a some beer, a
bunch of smokes , and we went to dennys with my money, i hooked him
the fuck up. and i would gladly do it again. this guy was not
schizophrenic, a littel excentric, but overall one of the most genuine
people ive ever met,i wish i could run into him again. i saw him one
night, we split to find places to crash, and then i wandered around
everywhere looking for him, with no luck =( i miss him. god bless
him. i hope he didnt freeze to death out there.


> Do you have any recurring dreams? *If so, have you tried to analyze
> them?

One night i had a dream i hung myself and woke up in sweat and in a
complete state of panic. other dreams have been disturbing as well,my
soul being sucked downward and there is no way for me to combat this.
my soul is just being sucked down into this void and i cannot do
anything about it. nighmares sometimes.

> Do you isolate more than when you were 19?

Unless im homeless. If I have a place to sleep and my own room, i
will just stay here all day. Sometimes I try and start running. but
the meds keep me in a drowsy, sedated, state. like a brain fog where u
cant think well. when im homeless i wander all over the place, trying
to fit in with other SZ's, found many while homeless.

> Take care,
>
> George

Thanks for your concern. it means alot

> Why did they deny your SSI, or did they not tell you?

Been Denied twice,the bastards said all I had was anxiety, and social
phobia. but i do hold down an early mornin paper route :O) so that
keeps me busy for a couple hours in the early morning. best part of
my day. i wish i could get another paper route, but my brother
drives, cause i dont trust myself behind the wheel. i suggested
getting another route but he dont wanna. i love doing early morning
paper routes. i would take like 3 routes if i could. that would
definately support me.

"ACE" <dan_16@msn.com> wrote in message
news:ac94d0e6-cba3-481c-a41d-1b7474fae070@i12g2000prf.googlegroups.com...
>
>> Why did they deny your SSI, or did they not tell you?
>
> Been Denied twice,the bastards said all I had was anxiety, and social
> phobia. but i do hold down an early mornin paper route :O) so that
> keeps me busy for a couple hours in the early morning. best part of
> my day. i wish i could get another paper route, but my brother
> drives, cause i dont trust myself behind the wheel. i suggested
> getting another route but he dont wanna. i love doing early morning
> paper routes. i would take like 3 routes if i could. that would
> definately support me.

Thank you for explaining.

Having a psychiatrist of your own, who genuinely believes you should get
SSDI might be needed before reapplying. I was fortunate to have had a
psychiatrist for about 10 years through rough times, when I was working. I
was a cash patient. When the day came to switch to applying for disability,
he was very supportive of that move. Over the years, the more I tried to
seem normal the more he seemed to think I was not.

ACE wrote:
>
>> Do you bottle up your feelings? *Do you feel like you can express your
>> feelings?
>
> Bottle up my feelings.

I suggest that you learn to express them. There's no time like today.
Talk with your mom or dad. Try 15 minutes perhaps at first. You can do
it. I talk with my mom 15-20 minutes a day during the weekdays, it has
helped me a lot. I mean pure talking. Not talking while interrupted or
busy.

Unfortunately sometimes part of your family may be part of the problem,
if they repress feelings or feel scared by them.

>> I've often viewed feelings as like a boiling pot at times. *If you keep
>> pouring in water/feelings without handling them, then eventually you
>> overflow, and can't keep the old things, that you used to be able to
>> keep, inside. *It took me a while to realize this though.
>
> I do go to nami peer to peer groups once a week.

That's great :-)


>> What have you been doing to learn about yourself, your views, and how
>> you relate to others? *
>
> this move to nampa,idaho has been hell, I dont know, i used to
> beleive in god as a child but not sure what i beleive in. once i
> became ill i turned to more life affirming traditions such as buddhism
> and tao.

I believe it's important for those of us with SZ/SZA to learn to relate
to others. I had a lot of difficulty doing this, and it made me hurt
and feel alienated or weird to not be able to relate to others. To
relate to others you have to understand them and have some similar
basis. Look for similarities between yourself and others.


>> Do you trust people more or less than when you were 19?
>
> I dont trust people at all anymore,generally the world is
> greedy,people are selfish and only think of ways to get financial gain
> for themselves, when i was homeless, i bought a guy a some beer, a
> bunch of smokes , and we went to dennys with my money, i hooked him
> the fuck up. and i would gladly do it again. this guy was not
> schizophrenic, a littel excentric, but overall one of the most genuine
> people ive ever met,i wish i could run into him again. i saw him one
> night, we split to find places to crash, and then i wandered around
> everywhere looking for him, with no luck =( i miss him. god bless
> him. i hope he didnt freeze to death out there.

When your trust has been hurt, it takes time to realize that not
everyone will hurt you. I know this as well as you do I think. Put
yourself into a position where you can trust someone, you may enjoy it.
:-)

>
>> Do you have any recurring dreams? *If so, have you tried to analyze
>> them?
>
> One night i had a dream i hung myself and woke up in sweat and in a
> complete state of panic. other dreams have been disturbing as well,my
> soul being sucked downward and there is no way for me to combat this.
> my soul is just being sucked down into this void and i cannot do
> anything about it. nighmares sometimes.

I suggest that you face your fears. Your dreams can be extremely useful
towards improving yourself, and may not mean what you think during your
wakeful state always. I like the site http://dreammoods.com It takes
time to learn the keywords of a dream to lookup, but I often find myself
realizing things I wouldn't have otherwise. Not all symbology is 100%
accurate though. It's not a science exactly.


>> Do you isolate more than when you were 19?
>
> Unless im homeless. If I have a place to sleep and my own room, i
> will just stay here all day. Sometimes I try and start running. but
> the meds keep me in a drowsy, sedated, state. like a brain fog where u
> cant think well. when im homeless i wander all over the place, trying
> to fit in with other SZ's, found many while homeless.

Make some friends if you can. It's tough to be a friend. Loyalty isn't
easy, and putting yourself in the other person's shoes takes time. But
once you can do it, the friendships you experience improve, and for me
they have become enjoyable.

It's important that you choose the right friends. Some people you may
not want to develop a friendship with after getting to know them a bit
better. It's not your fault. People are different, in their value
systems, and behaviors.


>> Take care,
>>
>> George
>
> Thanks for your concern. it means alot

You're welcome.

Be well,

George

The quote, "If I don't look out for you Ace who will?" is from
what movie?
It takes a sense of humor. Humor is the best medicine. Also,
trivial entertainment and private sarcasm is very medicinal.