X-No-Archive: yes
just found this and i found it very interesting.
if you want to read it on the website then the address is
http://www.socialphobia.org/whatis.html#whatis1
What Is Social Anxiety?
Social anxiety is the third largest psychological problem
in the world today...
A woman hates to stand in line in the grocery store because she's afraid
that everyone is watching her. She knows that it's not really true, but she
can't shake the feeling. While she is shopping, she is conscious of the fact
that people might be staring at her from the big mirrors on the inside front
of the ceiling. Now, she has to talk to the person who's checking out her
groceries. She tries to smile, but her voice comes out weakly. She's sure
she's making a fool of herself. Her self-consciousness and anxiety rise to
the roof...
Another person sits in front of the telephone and agonizes because she's
afraid to pick up the receiver and make a call. She's even afraid to call an
unknown person in a business office about the electric bill because she's
afraid she'll be "putting someone out" and they will be upset with her. It's
very hard for her to take rejection, even over the phone, even from someone
she doesn't know. She's especially afraid to call people she does know
because she feels that she'll be calling at the wrong time -- the other
person will be busy -- and they won't want to talk with her. She feels
rejected even before she makes the call. Once the call is made and over, she
sits, analyzes, and ruminates about what was said, what tone it was said in,
and how she was perceived by the other person....her anxiety and racing
thoughts concerning the call prove to her that she "goofed" this
conversation up, too, just like she always does. Sometimes she gets
embarrassed just thinking about the call.
A man finds it difficult to walk down the street because he's self-conscious
and feels that people are watching him from their windows. Worse, he may run
into a person on the sidewalk and be forced to say hello to them. He's not
sure he can do that. His voice will catch, his "hello" will sound weak, and
the other person will know he's frightened. More than anything else, he
doesn't want anyone to know that he's afraid. He keeps his eyes safely away
from anyone else's gaze and prays he can make it home without having to talk
to anyone.
A man hates to go to work because a meeting is scheduled the next day. He
knows that these meetings always involve co-workers talking with each other
about their current projects. Just the thought of speaking in front of
co-workers raises his anxiety. Sometimes he can't sleep the night before
because of the anticipatory anxiety that builds up. Finally, the meeting is
over. A big wave of relief spills over him as he begins to relax. But the
memory of the meeting is still uppermost in his mind. He is convinced he
made a fool of himself and that everyone in the room saw how afraid he was
when he spoke, and how stupid he acted in their presence. At next week's
meeting, the boss is going to be there. Even though this meeting is seven
days away, his stomach turns raw with anxiety and fear floods over him
again. He knows that in front of the boss he'll stammer, hesitate, his face
will turn red, he won't remember what to say, and everyone will witness his
embarrassment and humiliation. He has seven miserable days of anxiety ahead
of him -- to think about it, ruminate over it, worry about it,
over-exaggerate it in his mind.......again and again and again.....
A student won't attend her university classes on the first day because she
knows that in some classes the professor will instruct them to go around the
room and introduce themselves. Just thinking about sitting there, waiting to
introduce herself to a roomful of strangers who will be staring at her makes
her feel nauseous. She knows she won't be able to think clearly because her
anxiety will be so high, and she is sure she will leave out important
details. Her voice might even quiver and she will sound scared and
tentative. The anxiety is just too much to bear---so she skips the first day
of class to avoid the possibility of having to introduce herself in class.
Another young man wants to go to parties and other social events---indeed,
he is very, very lonely---but he never goes anywhere because he's very
nervous about meeting new people. Too many people will be there and crowds
only make things worse for him. The thought of meeting new people scares
him---will he know what to say? Will they stare at him and make him feel
even more insignificant? Will they reject him outright? Even if they seem
nice, they're sure to notice his frozen look and his inability to fully
smile. They'll sense his discomfort and tenseness and they won't like
him --- there's just no way to win --- "I'm always going to be an outcast,"
he predicts. And he spends the night alone, at home, watching television
again. He feels comfortable at home. In fact, home is the only place he does
feel completely comfortable. He hasn't gone anywhere else in twelve years.
In public places, such as work, meetings, or shopping, people with social
anxiety feel that everyone is watching, staring, and judging them (even
though rationally they know this isn't true). The socially anxious person
can't relax, "take it easy", and enjoy themselves in public. In fact, they
can never fully relax when other people are around. It always feels like
others are evaluating them, being critical of them, or "judging" them in
some way. The person with social anxiety knows that people don't do this
openly, of course, but they still feel the self-consciousness and judgment
while they are in the other person's presence. It's sometimes impossible to
let go, relax, and focus on anything else except the anxiety and fear.
Because the anxiety is so very painful, it's much easier just to stay away
from social situations and avoid other people altogether.
Many times people with social anxiety simply must be alone---closeted---with
the door closed behind them. Even when they're around familiar people, a
person with social anxiety may feel overwhelmed and have the feeling that
others are noticing their every movement and critiquing their every thought.
They feel like they are being observed critically and that other people are
making negative judgments about them.
One of the worst circumstances, though, is meeting people who are "authority
figures". Especially people such as bosses and supervisors at work, but
including almost anyone who is seen as being "better" than they are in some
respect. People with social anxiety may get a lump in their throat and their
facial muscles may freeze up when they meet this person. The anxiety level
is very high and they're so focused on "not failing" and "giving themselves
away" that they don't even remember what was said in the conversation. But
later on, they're sure they must have said the wrong thing.....because they
always do.
How is it ever possible to feel "comfortable" or "natural" under these
circumstances?
To the person with social anxiety, going to a job interview is pure torture:
you know your excessive anxiety will give you away. You'll look funny,
you'll be hesitant, maybe you'll even blush, and you won't be able to find
the right words to answer the questions coherently. Maybe this is the worst
part of all: You know that you are going to say the wrong thing. You just
know it. It is especially frustrating because you know you could do the job
well if you could just get past this terrifying and intimidating interview.
Welcome to the world of the socially anxious.
Social anxiety is the third largest psychological problem in the United
States today. This type of anxiety affects 15 million Americans in any given
year. Unlike some other psychological problems, social anxiety is not well
understood by the general public or by medical and mental health care
professionals, such as doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists,
social workers, and counselors. In fact, people with social anxiety are
misdiagnosed almost 90% of the time. People with social phobia come to our
anxiety clinic labeled as "schizophrenic", "manic-depressive", "clinically
depressed", "panic disordered", and "personality disordered", among other
damaging misdiagnoses.
Because few socially-anxious people have heard of their own problem, and
have never seen it discussed on any media, such as the television talk
shows, they think they are the only ones in the whole world who have these
terrible symptoms. Therefore, they must keep quiet about them. It would be
awful if everyone realized how much anxiety they experienced in daily life.
Then what would people think about them? Unfortunately, without some kind of
education, knowledge, and appropriate treatment, social phobia/social
anxiety continues to wreak havoc throughout their lives. Adding to the
dilemma, when a person with social anxiety finally gets up the nerve to seek
help, the chances that they can find it are very, very slim.
Making the situation more difficult is that social anxiety does not come and
go like some other physical and psychological problems. If you have social
anxiety one day......you have it every day for the rest of your life.....
The feelings I described to you at the beginning of the article are those of
people with social anxiety disorder. That is, their symptoms apply to most
social events and functions in almost every area of life. I suffered from
social anxiety myself for twenty years before I ever saw the term or read
about its symptoms in a book. (The first book that specifically dealt with
social phobia was not published until the 1990's.)
As with all problems, everyone with social anxiety has slightly different
secondary symptoms. Some people, for example, cannot write in public because
they fear people are watching and their hand will shake. Others are very
introverted and they find it too difficult to hold down a job. Still others
have severe anxiety about eating or drinking in the presence of other
people. Some people with social anxiety feel that a certain part of their
body (such as the face or neck) are particularly "strange looking" and
vulnerable to being stared at. Others experience a muscle spasm (usually
around the neck and shoulders) and it becomes the center of their
focus ---"it's so embarrassing that if someone sees it I will be humiliated
forever!"
One thing that all socially anxious people share is the knowledge that their
thoughts and fears are basically irrational. That is, people with social
anxiety know that others are really not critically judging or evaluating
them all the time. They understand that people are not trying to embarrass
or humiliate them. They realize that their thoughts and feelings are
somewhat exaggerated and irrational. Yet, despite this rational knowledge,
they still continue to feel differently.
It is these automatic "feelings" and thoughts that occur around social
situations that must be met and conquered in therapy. Usually these anxious
feelings are tied to thoughts that are entwined in a vicious cycle of
negative expectations and negative appraisals. It is a catch-22 situation:
there is no way out without the appropriate therapy.
Here comes the good part.
How can social anxiety be treated? Many therapeutic methods have been
studied, but cognitive-behavioral therapy is the only modality that has been
shown to work effectively. In fact, treatment of social anxiety through
cognitive-behavioral methods has the capacity to produce long-lasting,
permanent relief from the anxiety-laden world of social anxiety.
Social anxiety responds to relatively short-term therapy, depending on the
severity of the condition. I have seen significant progress in just twelve
individual sessions, although most people respond better with sixteen to
twenty-four meetings. To overcome social anxiety, completion of a behavioral
therapy group is also essential (when people feel ready for this and not
before).
What socially anxious people do not need is years and years of therapy or
counseling. You can't be "counseled" out of social phobia. In fact, socially
anxious people who are taught to "analyze" and "ruminate" over their
problems usually make their social anxiety and fears much worse, which in
turn leads to depression, which just reinforces the fact that "I will never
get better". (Shudder...this statement does NOT have to be true.)
THERE IS A BETTER LIFE FOR ALL PEOPLE WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY. Without
treatment, social anxiety is a torturous and horrible emotional problem;
with treatment, its bark is worse than its bite. Add to this that current
research is clear that cognitive-behavioral therapy is highly successful in
the treatment of social anxiety. In fact, the people who are unsuccessful
are the ones who are not persistent in their practice and who won't stick
with simple methods and techniques at home. They are the ones who give up.
If a person is motivated to end the years and years of crippling anxiety,
then cognitive-behavioral treatment provides the methods, techniques, and
strategies that come together to lessen the anxiety and make the world a
much more enjoyable place.
Many of us have been through the crippling fears and constant anxiety that
social phobia produces -- and have come out healthier and happier on the
other side. You can too.
---Thomas A. Richards, Ph.D.
Psychologist
What Is Social Anxiety? 
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