why be forced to endure torment?

When all hope is gone and there is nothing and there will always be
nothing, why does our abusive scumbag God force us to endure the
endless torment of life? I often feel as if I will never be permitted
to die. My existence will just drag on forever so El Diddlo up in
Heaven can keep going "Ha ha ha. Look at how I'm making My creation
miserable. Ha ha ha. What a Good Boy am I."

Please spare me your superficial crap about "sorry you're feeling bad"
and "did you take your medication" and "you sound depressed." Only
reply to this if you have something substantial to say to address the
question I've asked.

<pogres...@mikikocic.com> wrote in message
news:e6896018-d60c-444d-aeed-c2d4935ca018@e25g2000prg.googlegroups.com...
> When all hope is gone and there is nothing and there will always be
> nothing, why does our abusive scumbag God force us to endure the
> endless torment of life? I often feel as if I will never be permitted
> to die. My existence will just drag on forever so El Diddlo up in
> Heaven can keep going "Ha ha ha. Look at how I'm making My creation
> miserable. Ha ha ha. What a Good Boy am I."
>
> Please spare me your superficial crap about "sorry you're feeling bad"
> and "did you take your medication" and "you sound depressed." Only
> reply to this if you have something substantial to say to address the
> question I've asked.


'El Diddlo... very funny

I think he likes it when we call him pet names.

On Mar 4, 7:18 am, pogreshi...@mikikocic.com wrote:
> When all hope is gone and there is nothing and there will always be
> nothing, why does our abusive scumbag God force us to endure the
> endless torment of life? I often feel as if I will never be permitted
> to die. My existence will just drag on forever so El Diddlo up in
> Heaven can keep going "Ha ha ha. Look at how I'm making My creation
> miserable. Ha ha ha. What a Good Boy am I."
>
> Please spare me your superficial crap about "sorry you're feeling bad"
> and "did you take your medication" and "you sound depressed." Only
> reply to this if you have something substantial to say to address the
> question I've asked.


I don't have an answer so I don't ask why any more.

On Tue, 04 Mar 2008 05:18:05 -0800, pogreshilly wrote:

> When all hope is gone and there is nothing and there will always be
> nothing, why does our abusive scumbag God

If there were a god then he Truly would be a scum bag, as it happens
the whole world works on cause and effect including the hidden dimensions.

When we are surrounded and embody hatred that is hell, and the only
way out is to respect and have compassion for ourselves and others.

Pity the war mongers, as their hell is yet to come, we as psychotics know
of synchronicities let us make the effort to pray to ourselves to yearn
for the peace and happiness for ourselves and others and spiritually
FIGHT our demons that sap our vitality and fill us with fear and false
guilt. We are good people under attack by demons, we have succumbed so
far because we fought headlong, just ignore them and send them packing by
filling yourself with determination to create value in some small way,
and to build on this every day.

>force us to endure the endless
> torment of life?

Some days are better than others, make the right causes then overall they
will improve. When I thought there was a possibility of a God I too was
filled with hatred, these days I avoid thinking of monotheists let alone
consider their half baked opinions, I am so much happier and stronger
for so doing.

>I often feel as if I will never be permitted to die.

It is possible that there is reincarnation, hope in the depths of your
heart your next incarnation will be into happier times and places. You
ARE OK yes this is an evil time in this world of endurance, use the
suffering as an anvil to forge great strength for a superb future where
you small as you are now, can change society for the better in small but
ever growing ways. Someone who has suffered as you have can be an
inspiration to others through your struggle and victories.

>My
> existence will just drag on forever so El Diddlo up in Heaven can keep
> going "Ha ha ha. Look at how I'm making My creation miserable. Ha ha ha.
> What a Good Boy am I."

I do not believe in creation, the universes are eternal and infinite past
present and future, we are it's creator, the kinder we are to each other
the happier we can make our world and even the universe.


>
> Please spare me your superficial crap about "sorry you're feeling bad"
> and "did you take your medication" and "you sound depressed." Only reply
> to this if you have something substantial to say to address the question
> I've asked.

I do not think you are out of touch with reality, these are truly evil
times, it has not always been this way and will change. It has always
been said the darkest hour is before the dawn.

The tide rises and falls, day follows night, spring-winter, mania-
depression,knowledge-ignorance , fulfilment-sorrow, victory-defeat,
remorse and repair-cruelty- , peace-war.

Why would God let a depressed kid pull wings off a fly or stamp on ant
hills? We're all here for a reason - find your purpose and feel good
about yourself.

Why be forced to endure the torment of antipsychotic drugs? The
offending ingredient in antipsychotic drugs is a dopamine blocker.
Dopamine is the neurotransmitter of the reward area of your brain. When
it is blocked you get no natural reward from anything, not even changing
position, so that you squirm in the agony of tardive diskinesia.
Don't let them fool you. There are some antipsychotic drugs THEY
will claim has a dopamine enhancer. Actually it has 10% dopamine
enhancer and 90% dopamine blocker so that you are left with 80% dopamine
blocking action for that particular drug, which certainly at least
compensates for that 20%.
THEY do this on purpose, just to show you the ingredients so THEY
can fool you by saying, "See, it has a dopamine enhancer". But, you're
not going to be fooled now; you know better.

On Mar 5, 2:42*am, Erik the Red <spock_smo...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> Why would God let a depressed kid pull wings off a fly or stamp on ant
> hills? *We're all here for a reason - find your purpose and feel good
> about yourself.

God's purpose=God's Machiavellian calculations. I"m never going to be
impressed that God "knows better" because it only accentuates His
perversity.

Why create man to seek happiness if all you're going to make him do is
suffer?

Why give man judgment and understanding if all you're going to do is
make him incapable of knowing the truth?

Why give man free will if all he gets from you is thwarting of his own
choices and manipulation of his circumstances to make the choices
*you* want him to make?

Ponder those questions, kiddies.

Miki

On Mar 5, 7:17 am, pogreshi...@mikikocic.com wrote:
> On Mar 5, 2:42 am, Erik the Red <spock_smo...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
> > Why would God let a depressed kid pull wings off a fly or stamp on ant
> > hills? We're all here for a reason - find your purpose and feel good
> > about yourself.
>
> God's purpose=God's Machiavellian calculations. I"m never going to be
> impressed that God "knows better" because it only accentuates His
> perversity.
>
> Why create man to seek happiness if all you're going to make him do is
> suffer?
>
> Why give man judgment and understanding if all you're going to do is
> make him incapable of knowing the truth?
>
> Why give man free will if all he gets from you is thwarting of his own
> choices and manipulation of his circumstances to make the choices
> *you* want him to make?
>
> Ponder those questions, kiddies.
>
> Miki

I'm going to piss you off MIki... oh my, why am I doing this... but
WHY ASK WHY, just drink some beer, take the best pills you
can...manipulate the FORCE with fun things like yoga and singing... or
for a guy, find something like martial arts...

why do you think you could understand God's mind or the workings of
the universe?

I'll never know the answers, I think is how I view things these
days... so I just keep on going and try to find the little tricks that
help me fight the negative FORCE, like I was talking about to Gellie
in another post.

I have not given up, but at a different point in the path to
understanding... maybe it is partially giving up... giving up
understanding it intellectually.

If my disability doesn't work out I think I will find another physical
job like working in the warehouse at the textbook company. Be blind,
and live out fighting the evil force without thinking about it very
much, don't think, but do.

Oh, my, I'm going to piss you off, I hate doing that. But seriously...
I have given up trying to understand beyond the more simple things
like Yin and Yang, that there must be some evil to be good, and that
perhaps we are here to learn and must go through hellish things in
order to do this learning... I don't really believe in reincarnation
these days, but what if it's true.. or levels of hell...it's all just
balance in the universe, of the forces.

Maybe that's one way the evil FORCE gets you, makes you sit and
ponder, and ponder, things you can never understand, like the root of
evil, or why it exists... it's like staring into the hall of mirrors
forever... you may keep finding more and more metaphysical secrets,
but at the end, no matter how deep you go, you are left with some kind
of "I don't know and will never know". That is the nature of being
limited humans.

I am going to clean up my room and do some more yoga and maybe
practice singing again. Damn, I wish I could do those martial arts
classes. I like to keep it less mental these days and do my searching
in more elemental, physical ways. This has metaphysical results on the
mind and leaves you at peace.

I believe there are two sides to "giving up" and not asking why. One
way is negative, one is positive.

I am trying for the positve way but it is hard to carry out my ways
when I can't sing or do yoga in a rented room much.

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!!!! Don't overthink it or get trapped. The
negatvie forces want you to be trapped right where you are, miserable
and questioning things.

Alison the ex-hippie

On Mar 5, 9:34 am, Gelly <Gell...@gmail.com> wrote:
> On Mar 5, 7:17 am, pogreshi...@mikikocic.com wrote:
>
>
>
> > On Mar 5, 2:42 am, Erik the Red <spock_smo...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
> > > Why would God let a depressed kid pull wings off a fly or stamp on ant
> > > hills? We're all here for a reason - find your purpose and feel good
> > > about yourself.
>
> > God's purpose=God's Machiavellian calculations. I"m never going to be
> > impressed that God "knows better" because it only accentuates His
> > perversity.
>
> > Why create man to seek happiness if all you're going to make him do is
> > suffer?
>
> > Why give man judgment and understanding if all you're going to do is
> > make him incapable of knowing the truth?
>
> > Why give man free will if all he gets from you is thwarting of his own
> > choices and manipulation of his circumstances to make the choices
> > *you* want him to make?
>
> > Ponder those questions, kiddies.
>
> > Miki
>
> I'm going to piss you off MIki... oh my, why am I doing this... but
> WHY ASK WHY, just drink some beer, take the best pills you
> can...manipulate the FORCE with fun things like yoga and singing... or
> for a guy, find something like martial arts...
>
> why do you think you could understand God's mind or the workings of
> the universe?
>
> I'll never know the answers, I think is how I view things these
> days... so I just keep on going and try to find the little tricks that
> help me fight the negative FORCE, like I was talking about to Gellie
> in another post.
>
> I have not given up, but at a different point in the path to
> understanding... maybe it is partially giving up... giving up
> understanding it intellectually.
>
> If my disability doesn't work out I think I will find another physical
> job like working in the warehouse at the textbook company. Be blind,
> and live out fighting the evil force without thinking about it very
> much, don't think, but do.
>
> Oh, my, I'm going to piss you off, I hate doing that. But seriously...
> I have given up trying to understand beyond the more simple things
> like Yin and Yang, that there must be some evil to be good, and that
> perhaps we are here to learn and must go through hellish things in
> order to do this learning... I don't really believe in reincarnation
> these days, but what if it's true.. or levels of hell...it's all just
> balance in the universe, of the forces.
>
> Maybe that's one way the evil FORCE gets you, makes you sit and
> ponder, and ponder, things you can never understand, like the root of
> evil, or why it exists... it's like staring into the hall of mirrors
> forever... you may keep finding more and more metaphysical secrets,
> but at the end, no matter how deep you go, you are left with some kind
> of "I don't know and will never know". That is the nature of being
> limited humans.
>
> I am going to clean up my room and do some more yoga and maybe
> practice singing again. Damn, I wish I could do those martial arts
> classes. I like to keep it less mental these days and do my searching
> in more elemental, physical ways. This has metaphysical results on the
> mind and leaves you at peace.
>
> I believe there are two sides to "giving up" and not asking why. One
> way is negative, one is positive.
>
> I am trying for the positve way but it is hard to carry out my ways
> when I can't sing or do yoga in a rented room much.
>
> MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!!!! Don't overthink it or get trapped. The
> negatvie forces want you to be trapped right where you are, miserable
> and questioning things.
>
> Alison the ex-hippie



The title to your post, why be FORCED...

Don't be forced, DO some forcing and you'll feel better. I'm not
saying you'll understand things better, but that's not the point.

Ok, you don't want my comments on how to feel better, just how to
UNDERSTAND better.

I don't think it leads anywhere. The greatest human minds in creation
have not really answered this fundamental questiuon very well, have
they?

Now I have to go take my pills. I'm getting psyched up for trying to
not be FORCED anymore myself, but do some forcing.

On Mar 5, 10:37*am, Gelly <Gell...@gmail.com> wrote:
> On Mar 5, 9:34 am, Gelly <Gell...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
> > On Mar 5, 7:17 am, pogreshi...@mikikocic.com wrote:
>
> > > On Mar 5, 2:42 am, Erik the Red <spock_smo...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
> > > > Why would God let a depressed kid pull wings off a fly or stamp on ant
> > > > hills? *We're all here for a reason - find your purpose and feel good
> > > > about yourself.
>
> > > God's purpose=God's Machiavellian calculations. I"m never going to be
> > > impressed that God "knows better" because it only accentuates His
> > > perversity.
>
> > > Why create man to seek happiness if all you're going to make him do is
> > > suffer?
>
> > > Why give man judgment and understanding if all you're going to do is
> > > make him incapable of knowing the truth?
>
> > > Why give man free will if all he gets from you is thwarting of his own
> > > choices and manipulation of his circumstances to make the choices
> > > *you* want him to make?
>
> > > Ponder those questions, kiddies.
>
> > > Miki
>
> > I'm going to piss you off MIki... oh my, why am I doing this... but
> > WHY ASK WHY, just drink some beer, take the best pills you
> > can...manipulate the FORCE with fun things like yoga and singing... or
> > for a guy, find something like martial arts...
>
> > why do you think you could understand God's mind or the workings of
> > the universe?
>
> > I'll never know the answers, I think is how I view things these
> > days... so I just keep on going and try to find the little tricks that
> > help me fight the negative FORCE, like I was talking about to Gellie
> > in another post.
>
> > I have not given up, but at a different point in the path to
> > understanding... maybe it is partially giving up... giving up
> > understanding it intellectually.
>
> > If my disability doesn't work out I think I will find another physical
> > job like working in the warehouse at the textbook company. Be blind,
> > and live out fighting the evil force without thinking about it very
> > much, don't think, but do.
>
> > Oh, my, I'm going to piss you off, I hate doing that. But seriously...
> > I have given up trying to understand beyond the more simple things
> > like Yin and Yang, that there must be some evil to be good, and that
> > perhaps we are here to learn and must go through hellish things in
> > order to do this learning... I don't really believe in reincarnation
> > these days, but what if it's true.. or levels of hell...it's all just
> > balance in the universe, of the forces.
>
> > Maybe that's one way the evil FORCE gets you, makes you sit and
> > ponder, and ponder, things you can never understand, like the root of
> > evil, or why it exists... it's like staring into the hall of mirrors
> > forever... you may keep finding more and more metaphysical secrets,
> > but at the end, no matter how deep you go, you are left with some kind
> > of "I don't know and will never know". That is the nature of being
> > limited humans.
>
> > I am going to clean up my room and do some more yoga and maybe
> > practice singing again. Damn, I wish I could do those martial arts
> > classes. I like to keep it less mental these days and do my searching
> > in more elemental, physical ways. This has metaphysical results on the
> > mind and leaves you at peace.
>
> > I believe there are two sides to "giving up" and not asking why. One
> > way is negative, one is positive.
>
> > I am trying for the positve way but it is hard to carry out my ways
> > when I can't sing or do yoga in a rented room much.
>
> > MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!!!! Don't overthink it or get trapped. The
> > negatvie forces want you to be trapped right where you are, miserable
> > and questioning things.
>
> > Alison the ex-hippie
>
> The title to your post, why be FORCED...
>
> Don't be forced, DO some forcing and you'll feel better. I'm not
> saying you'll understand things better, but that's not the point.
>
> Ok, you don't want my comments on how to feel better, just how to
> UNDERSTAND better.
>
> I don't think it leads anywhere. The greatest human minds in creation
> have not really answered this fundamental questiuon very well, have
> they?
>
> Now I have to go take my pills. I'm getting psyched up for trying to
> not be FORCED anymore myself, but do some forcing.- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

You didn't piss me off but your approach wouldn't work for me. I am
the target of a conspiracy that actively thwarted every effort I made
to improve my life. I don't know why I'm important enough for them to
go through all that trouble, but it appears that I am. So any
"forcing" I attempted to do would be doomed from the start; judging
from past experience, I'd be permitted or even undeservingly arranged
to have some initial success just so I'd get my hopes up and my hopes
could be dashed all the more cruelly later. I'm tired of riding that
particular wagon and am not going to bother any more.

My practical problem is to figure out how to die. I've already decided
in all rationality that I should never have been born because my life
was doomed before it began. My family background, ethnic background,
and personal limitations ensured even before I drew my first breath
that I would be a total failure at everything. Since I have no way to
unexist myself and God won't agree to do it for me, the best I can do
is die as soon as possible. Really, my death is about 18 years
overdue. But I am not able to go through with a suicide attempt,
either because my survival instinct is too strong or simply because
I'm too much of a coward. Others have proven reluctant to arrange to
grant me release, likely because my abusers have some reason for
wanting my existence to continue dragging on. So I'm basically stuck
posting here in this disregarded backwater nobody except trolls and
losers read.

Miki

On Mar 5, 10:24 am, pogreshi...@mikikocic.com wrote:
> On Mar 5, 10:37 am, Gelly <Gell...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>
>
> > On Mar 5, 9:34 am, Gelly <Gell...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > > On Mar 5, 7:17 am, pogreshi...@mikikocic.com wrote:
>
> > > > On Mar 5, 2:42 am, Erik the Red <spock_smo...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
> > > > > Why would God let a depressed kid pull wings off a fly or stamp on ant
> > > > > hills? We're all here for a reason - find your purpose and feel good
> > > > > about yourself.
>
> > > > God's purpose=God's Machiavellian calculations. I"m never going to be
> > > > impressed that God "knows better" because it only accentuates His
> > > > perversity.
>
> > > > Why create man to seek happiness if all you're going to make him do is
> > > > suffer?
>
> > > > Why give man judgment and understanding if all you're going to do is
> > > > make him incapable of knowing the truth?
>
> > > > Why give man free will if all he gets from you is thwarting of his own
> > > > choices and manipulation of his circumstances to make the choices
> > > > *you* want him to make?
>
> > > > Ponder those questions, kiddies.
>
> > > > Miki
>
> > > I'm going to piss you off MIki... oh my, why am I doing this... but
> > > WHY ASK WHY, just drink some beer, take the best pills you
> > > can...manipulate the FORCE with fun things like yoga and singing... or
> > > for a guy, find something like martial arts...
>
> > > why do you think you could understand God's mind or the workings of
> > > the universe?
>
> > > I'll never know the answers, I think is how I view things these
> > > days... so I just keep on going and try to find the little tricks that
> > > help me fight the negative FORCE, like I was talking about to Gellie
> > > in another post.
>
> > > I have not given up, but at a different point in the path to
> > > understanding... maybe it is partially giving up... giving up
> > > understanding it intellectually.
>
> > > If my disability doesn't work out I think I will find another physical
> > > job like working in the warehouse at the textbook company. Be blind,
> > > and live out fighting the evil force without thinking about it very
> > > much, don't think, but do.
>
> > > Oh, my, I'm going to piss you off, I hate doing that. But seriously...
> > > I have given up trying to understand beyond the more simple things
> > > like Yin and Yang, that there must be some evil to be good, and that
> > > perhaps we are here to learn and must go through hellish things in
> > > order to do this learning... I don't really believe in reincarnation
> > > these days, but what if it's true.. or levels of hell...it's all just
> > > balance in the universe, of the forces.
>
> > > Maybe that's one way the evil FORCE gets you, makes you sit and
> > > ponder, and ponder, things you can never understand, like the root of
> > > evil, or why it exists... it's like staring into the hall of mirrors
> > > forever... you may keep finding more and more metaphysical secrets,
> > > but at the end, no matter how deep you go, you are left with some kind
> > > of "I don't know and will never know". That is the nature of being
> > > limited humans.
>
> > > I am going to clean up my room and do some more yoga and maybe
> > > practice singing again. Damn, I wish I could do those martial arts
> > > classes. I like to keep it less mental these days and do my searching
> > > in more elemental, physical ways. This has metaphysical results on the
> > > mind and leaves you at peace.
>
> > > I believe there are two sides to "giving up" and not asking why. One
> > > way is negative, one is positive.
>
> > > I am trying for the positve way but it is hard to carry out my ways
> > > when I can't sing or do yoga in a rented room much.
>
> > > MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!!!! Don't overthink it or get trapped. The
> > > negatvie forces want you to be trapped right where you are, miserable
> > > and questioning things.
>
> > > Alison the ex-hippie
>
> > The title to your post, why be FORCED...
>
> > Don't be forced, DO some forcing and you'll feel better. I'm not
> > saying you'll understand things better, but that's not the point.
>
> > Ok, you don't want my comments on how to feel better, just how to
> > UNDERSTAND better.
>
> > I don't think it leads anywhere. The greatest human minds in creation
> > have not really answered this fundamental questiuon very well, have
> > they?
>
> > Now I have to go take my pills. I'm getting psyched up for trying to
> > not be FORCED anymore myself, but do some forcing.- Hide quoted text -
>
> > - Show quoted text -
>
> You didn't piss me off but your approach wouldn't work for me. I am
> the target of a conspiracy that actively thwarted every effort I made
> to improve my life. I don't know why I'm important enough for them to
> go through all that trouble, but it appears that I am. So any
> "forcing" I attempted to do would be doomed from the start; judging
> from past experience, I'd be permitted or even undeservingly arranged
> to have some initial success just so I'd get my hopes up and my hopes
> could be dashed all the more cruelly later. I'm tired of riding that
> particular wagon and am not going to bother any more.
>
> My practical problem is to figure out how to die. I've already decided
> in all rationality that I should never have been born because my life
> was doomed before it began. My family background, ethnic background,
> and personal limitations ensured even before I drew my first breath
> that I would be a total failure at everything. Since I have no way to
> unexist myself and God won't agree to do it for me, the best I can do
> is die as soon as possible. Really, my death is about 18 years
> overdue. But I am not able to go through with a suicide attempt,
> either because my survival instinct is too strong or simply because
> I'm too much of a coward. Others have proven reluctant to arrange to
> grant me release, likely because my abusers have some reason for
> wanting my existence to continue dragging on. So I'm basically stuck
> posting here in this disregarded backwater nobody except trolls and
> losers read.
>
> Miki


I have been thwarted too. You know my diagnosis was psychotic
depression for a long time, I am no stranger to hellishness.

I don't know Miki, for now I guess I still feel some tiny urge to
fight it.

It has gotten harder as I age though. I am 35 now and I am afraid of
what I will be like at 40 or 45.

Hmmm. Dunno. I wish life was a little more winning for us both here.

I think, again, my simple answer is to just not think about it in
those terms and spend my energy on things like yoga, singing, and
taking (all legally prescribed) drugs that make me feel better and not
think too much.

The yoda and singing stuff is all talk right now. I have been sitting
getting overweight in a crowded small room, playing on the computer.

I wish life WAS more winning for you and me both.

Cheers.

> > > On Mar 5, 7:17 am, pogreshi...@mikikocic.com wrote:
>
>
> My practical problem is to figure out how to die.


Or you could find enough of the right drugs to make living bearable
during your current retirement, as I am trying to do... just in case
there IS some spiritual reason to not kill yourself.

I don't really believe in reincarnation/religion/spirituality much
these days, but I can't get over being a little afraid that I would be
punished in SOME way if I took my own life.

I wish you could somehow take it all a little easier.

pogreshilly@mikikocic.com wrote:
> On Mar 5, 10:37*am, Gelly <Gell...@gmail.com> wrote:
>> On Mar 5, 9:34 am, Gelly <Gell...@gmail.com> wrote:
>> - Show quoted text -
>
> My practical problem is to figure out how to die. I've already decided
> in all rationality that I should never have been born because my life
> was doomed before it began. My family background, ethnic background,
> and personal limitations ensured even before I drew my first breath
> that I would be a total failure at everything. Since I have no way to
> unexist myself and God won't agree to do it for me, the best I can do
> is die as soon as possible. Really, my death is about 18 years
> overdue. But I am not able to go through with a suicide attempt,
> either because my survival instinct is too strong or simply because
> I'm too much of a coward. Others have proven reluctant to arrange to
> grant me release, likely because my abusers have some reason for
> wanting my existence to continue dragging on. So I'm basically stuck
> posting here in this disregarded backwater nobody except trolls and
> losers read.

You can play the victim, or you can see things from a different
perspective. We have all done our share of hurting and been hurt.

No one is left unblamed or unhurt.

I'm still rather disappointed by you Miki. You asked for my advice, and
you didn't really want it, because it wasn't what you expected or
wanted.

Having doubt of myself has been healthy. It has helped me overcome and
change. I wish you would doubt yourself more, in some ways.

I believe that people fear telling you the truth, because you're
volatile. You lashed out when I confronted you with your own words, not
long ago. For this I was called from what I recall a "hypocrite and
Pharisee."


George the "loser"

On Mar 5, 11:17 am, George Peter Staplin
<georgepsSPAMME...@xmission.com> wrote:
> pogreshi...@mikikocic.com wrote:
> > On Mar 5, 10:37 am, Gelly <Gell...@gmail.com> wrote:
> >> On Mar 5, 9:34 am, Gelly <Gell...@gmail.com> wrote:
> >> - Show quoted text -
>
> > My practical problem is to figure out how to die. I've already decided
> > in all rationality that I should never have been born because my life
> > was doomed before it began. My family background, ethnic background,
> > and personal limitations ensured even before I drew my first breath
> > that I would be a total failure at everything. Since I have no way to
> > unexist myself and God won't agree to do it for me, the best I can do
> > is die as soon as possible. Really, my death is about 18 years
> > overdue. But I am not able to go through with a suicide attempt,
> > either because my survival instinct is too strong or simply because
> > I'm too much of a coward. Others have proven reluctant to arrange to
> > grant me release, likely because my abusers have some reason for
> > wanting my existence to continue dragging on. So I'm basically stuck
> > posting here in this disregarded backwater nobody except trolls and
> > losers read.
>
> You can play the victim, or you can see things from a different
> perspective. We have all done our share of hurting and been hurt.
>
> No one is left unblamed or unhurt.
>
> I'm still rather disappointed by you Miki. You asked for my advice, and
> you didn't really want it, because it wasn't what you expected or
> wanted.
>
> Having doubt of myself has been healthy. It has helped me overcome and
> change. I wish you would doubt yourself more, in some ways.
>
> I believe that people fear telling you the truth, because you're
> volatile. You lashed out when I confronted you with your own words, not
> long ago. For this I was called from what I recall a "hypocrite and
> Pharisee."
>
> George the "loser"

Uh oh George, now you did it! Don't you two guys ruin a decent
conversation with all your male lashing out at each other, or
whateverr you want to call it.

On Mar 5, 12:39*pm, Gelly <Gell...@gmail.com> wrote:
> On Mar 5, 11:17 am, George Peter Staplin
>
>
>
>
>
> <georgepsSPAMME...@xmission.com> wrote:
> > pogreshi...@mikikocic.com wrote:
> > > On Mar 5, 10:37 am, Gelly <Gell...@gmail.com> wrote:
> > >> On Mar 5, 9:34 am, Gelly <Gell...@gmail.com> wrote:
> > >> - Show quoted text -
>
> > > My practical problem is to figure out how to die. I've already decided
> > > in all rationality that I should never have been born because my life
> > > was doomed before it began. My family background, ethnic background,
> > > and personal limitations ensured even before I drew my first breath
> > > that I would be a total failure at everything. Since I have no way to
> > > unexist myself and God won't agree to do it for me, the best I can do
> > > is die as soon as possible. Really, my death is about 18 years
> > > overdue. But I am not able to go through with a suicide attempt,
> > > either because my survival instinct is too strong or simply because
> > > I'm too much of a coward. Others have proven reluctant to arrange to
> > > grant me release, likely because my abusers have some reason for
> > > wanting my existence to continue dragging on. So I'm basically stuck
> > > posting here in this disregarded backwater nobody except trolls and
> > > losers read.
>
> > You can play the victim, or you can see things from a different
> > perspective. *We have all done our share of hurting and been hurt.
>
> > No one is left unblamed or unhurt.
>
> > I'm still rather disappointed by you Miki. *You asked for my advice, and
> > you didn't really want it, because it wasn't what you expected or
> > wanted.
>
> > Having doubt of myself has been healthy. *It has helped me overcome and
> > change. *I wish you would doubt yourself more, in some ways.
>
> > I believe that people fear telling you the truth, because you're
> > volatile. *You lashed out when I confronted you with your own words, not
> > long ago. *For this I was called from what I recall a "hypocrite and
> > Pharisee."
>
> > George the "loser"
>
> Uh oh George, now you did it! Don't you two guys ruin a decent
> conversation with all your *male lashing out at each other, or
> whateverr you want to call it.- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

Since George has me killfiled I won't bother replying to him.

It's not my intention to depress people here or make them suicidal.
Most of you confront mere indifference from those around you and are
abused by an uncaring society. I have a group of who knows what,
people/spirits/entities, actively screwing things up for me in as
cruel and malicious a way as possible. I spent over 40 years trying my
best to build some kind of life and it was all ARRANGED to come to
nothing. My circumstances were stage-managed so that I'd end up where
I am, no one and nothing. And the only reason I even bother posting
here is because I've run out of things to do.

Hmm. Maybe *all* of you should killfile me. Maybe everyone on earth
should. Then I'd be free to say anything at all I wanted without
having some shysterish intellectually dishonest "police officer"
barging into my parents' apartment and hauling me off to the nuthatch.
Because even after cleaning my room and polishing my furniture and
making my bed and having a shower and hand-prewashing my undies and
having lunch and playing a poker freeroll and watching 45 minutes of
soccer on TV I still face several empty, barren, sterile hours of the
day before I'm mercifully permitted the oblivion of sleep, and the
emptiness and barrenness and sterility scare me a bit. Anyone wanna
help me arrange to spend the rest of my days in a coma? That'd work
too....

Miki

Miki

On Mar 5, 12:22 pm, pogreshi...@mikikocic.com wrote:
> On Mar 5, 12:39 pm, Gelly <Gell...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>
>
> > On Mar 5, 11:17 am, George Peter Staplin
>
> > <georgepsSPAMME...@xmission.com> wrote:
> > > pogreshi...@mikikocic.com wrote:
> > > > On Mar 5, 10:37 am, Gelly <Gell...@gmail.com> wrote:
> > > >> On Mar 5, 9:34 am, Gelly <Gell...@gmail.com> wrote:
> > > >> - Show quoted text -
>
> > > > My practical problem is to figure out how to die. I've already decided
> > > > in all rationality that I should never have been born because my life
> > > > was doomed before it began. My family background, ethnic background,
> > > > and personal limitations ensured even before I drew my first breath
> > > > that I would be a total failure at everything. Since I have no way to
> > > > unexist myself and God won't agree to do it for me, the best I can do
> > > > is die as soon as possible. Really, my death is about 18 years
> > > > overdue. But I am not able to go through with a suicide attempt,
> > > > either because my survival instinct is too strong or simply because
> > > > I'm too much of a coward. Others have proven reluctant to arrange to
> > > > grant me release, likely because my abusers have some reason for
> > > > wanting my existence to continue dragging on. So I'm basically stuck
> > > > posting here in this disregarded backwater nobody except trolls and
> > > > losers read.
>
> > > You can play the victim, or you can see things from a different
> > > perspective. We have all done our share of hurting and been hurt.
>
> > > No one is left unblamed or unhurt.
>
> > > I'm still rather disappointed by you Miki. You asked for my advice, and
> > > you didn't really want it, because it wasn't what you expected or
> > > wanted.
>
> > > Having doubt of myself has been healthy. It has helped me overcome and
> > > change. I wish you would doubt yourself more, in some ways.
>
> > > I believe that people fear telling you the truth, because you're
> > > volatile. You lashed out when I confronted you with your own words, not
> > > long ago. For this I was called from what I recall a "hypocrite and
> > > Pharisee."
>
> > > George the "loser"
>
> > Uh oh George, now you did it! Don't you two guys ruin a decent
> > conversation with all your male lashing out at each other, or
> > whateverr you want to call it.- Hide quoted text -
>
> > - Show quoted text -
>
> Since George has me killfiled I won't bother replying to him.
>
> It's not my intention to depress people here or make them suicidal.
> Most of you confront mere indifference from those around you and are
> abused by an uncaring society. I have a group of who knows what,
> people/spirits/entities, actively screwing things up for me in as
> cruel and malicious a way as possible. I spent over 40 years trying my
> best to build some kind of life and it was all ARRANGED to come to
> nothing. My circumstances were stage-managed so that I'd end up where
> I am, no one and nothing. And the only reason I even bother posting
> here is because I've run out of things to do.
>
> Hmm. Maybe *all* of you should killfile me. Maybe everyone on earth
> should. Then I'd be free to say anything at all I wanted without
> having some shysterish intellectually dishonest "police officer"
> barging into my parents' apartment and hauling me off to the nuthatch.
> Because even after cleaning my room and polishing my furniture and
> making my bed and having a shower and hand-prewashing my undies and
> having lunch and playing a poker freeroll and watching 45 minutes of
> soccer on TV I still face several empty, barren, sterile hours of the
> day before I'm mercifully permitted the oblivion of sleep, and the
> emptiness and barrenness and sterility scare me a bit. Anyone wanna
> help me arrange to spend the rest of my days in a coma? That'd work
> too....
>
> Miki
>
> Miki

What happened to your girlfriend? That can lighten up the time. Get
another one on the internet if something went wrong with this one. I'm
sure you could.

I'm spending the rest of my days in a bit of a coma by taking all the
pills. Sleep is usually the best part of my day too.

As always I'm in a mad rush...no pun intended.

So I skip a LOT of posts here latelty.

However, in response to Miki's ponder:

I believe its in the writings of Pantajali , anciet Hindu scholar/saint
where he says that the reason for experiance is enlightenment.

Of course now the deffinitions of "experiance" and "emlightenment" have
to be explored and refined as they relate in context to the rest of his
sutras.

He wrote sentence by sentence a series of statements that are considered
as the immutable yogic truths and intended to bring one to God.

Sounds like boring reading, heh?

I had to study it once in my studies.

Screwing with the sanskrit translations is a real zoo besides.

My name, Damodara, was given to me by the Yogi who ran the
school/ashram/monastery.

Most of our unpleasentness he taught, was from...

PANTAJALI!!!
Not my teacher.

Pantajali said:
Most pain and suffering and dispeasure comes from mistakng the non-self
for the self.

This mis-identification is due to the conditioning of the senses.
So that we believe we ARE the senses and not the data processing unit
which makes senseof the data flow from the input devices.

This suggests our relationship to reality is incorrect. This sense
conditioning has blinded us, in a sense.
:-)

There are various impurities that impede this correct understanding.
Most are based on our psycological attachments.

These attachments are almost always on the non-self.

And thus, is the error that prevents true knowledge.

True knowledge is God based.

Etc etc.

Boring reading.

The reason for all experiance is enlightenment.

Okay...

I gotta hurry away.

Damodara

And.......you concept of your relationship to the Divinity is wrong.
Miki.
Thats my opinion.

Dan

On Mar 5, 3:20*pm, damod...@webtv.net (Twang - twang) wrote:
> And.......you concept of your relationship to the Divinity is wrong.
> Miki.
> Thats my opinion.
>
> Dan

Well, things are so desperate in that regard that I'd welcome hearing
from someone other than my Catholic nutcase friend. What do _you_ say
my relationship to the Divinity is?

Miki

On Mar 5, 1:38*pm, Gelly <Gell...@gmail.com> wrote:
> On Mar 5, 12:22 pm, pogreshi...@mikikocic.com wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
> > On Mar 5, 12:39 pm, Gelly <Gell...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > > On Mar 5, 11:17 am, George Peter Staplin
>
> > > <georgepsSPAMME...@xmission.com> wrote:
> > > > pogreshi...@mikikocic.com wrote:
> > > > > On Mar 5, 10:37 am, Gelly <Gell...@gmail.com> wrote:
> > > > >> On Mar 5, 9:34 am, Gelly <Gell...@gmail.com> wrote:
> > > > >> - Show quoted text -
>
> > > > > My practical problem is to figure out how to die. I've already decided
> > > > > in all rationality that I should never have been born because my life
> > > > > was doomed before it began. My family background, ethnic background,
> > > > > and personal limitations ensured even before I drew my first breath
> > > > > that I would be a total failure at everything. Since I have no wayto
> > > > > unexist myself and God won't agree to do it for me, the best I cando
> > > > > is die as soon as possible. Really, my death is about 18 years
> > > > > overdue. But I am not able to go through with a suicide attempt,
> > > > > either because my survival instinct is too strong or simply because
> > > > > I'm too much of a coward. Others have proven reluctant to arrange to
> > > > > grant me release, likely because my abusers have some reason for
> > > > > wanting my existence to continue dragging on. So I'm basically stuck
> > > > > posting here in this disregarded backwater nobody except trolls and
> > > > > losers read.
>
> > > > You can play the victim, or you can see things from a different
> > > > perspective. *We have all done our share of hurting and been hurt.
>
> > > > No one is left unblamed or unhurt.
>
> > > > I'm still rather disappointed by you Miki. *You asked for my advice, and
> > > > you didn't really want it, because it wasn't what you expected or
> > > > wanted.
>
> > > > Having doubt of myself has been healthy. *It has helped me overcome and
> > > > change. *I wish you would doubt yourself more, in some ways.
>
> > > > I believe that people fear telling you the truth, because you're
> > > > volatile. *You lashed out when I confronted you with your own words, not
> > > > long ago. *For this I was called from what I recall a "hypocrite and
> > > > Pharisee."
>
> > > > George the "loser"
>
> > > Uh oh George, now you did it! Don't you two guys ruin a decent
> > > conversation with all your *male lashing out at each other, or
> > > whateverr you want to call it.- Hide quoted text -
>
> > > - Show quoted text -
>
> > Since George has me killfiled I won't bother replying to him.
>
> > It's not my intention to depress people here or make them suicidal.
> > Most of you confront mere indifference from those around you and are
> > abused by an uncaring society. I have a group of who knows what,
> > people/spirits/entities, actively screwing things up for me in as
> > cruel and malicious a way as possible. I spent over 40 years trying my
> > best to build some kind of life and it was all ARRANGED to come to
> > nothing. My circumstances were stage-managed so that I'd end up where
> > I am, no one and nothing. And the only reason I even bother posting
> > here is because I've run out of things to do.
>
> > Hmm. Maybe *all* of you should killfile me. Maybe everyone on earth
> > should. Then I'd be free to say anything at all I wanted without
> > having some shysterish intellectually dishonest "police officer"
> > barging into my parents' apartment and hauling me off to the nuthatch.
> > Because even after cleaning my room and polishing my furniture and
> > making my bed and having a shower and hand-prewashing my undies and
> > having lunch and playing a poker freeroll and watching 45 minutes of
> > soccer on TV I still face several empty, barren, sterile hours of the
> > day before I'm mercifully permitted the oblivion of sleep, and the
> > emptiness and barrenness and sterility scare me a bit. Anyone wanna
> > help me arrange to spend the rest of my days in a coma? That'd work
> > too....
>
> > Miki
>
> > Miki
>
> What happened to your girlfriend? That can lighten up the time. Get
> another one on the internet if something went wrong with this one. I'm
> sure you could.
>
> I'm spending the rest of my days in a bit of a coma by taking all the
> pills. Sleep is usually the best part of my day too.- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

My girlfriend is history. Sharing the details with you guys would
violate her privacy, but suffice to say it's 100% my fault.

I just kind of forced myself to have a nap. It felt really good to be
unconscious and I'm going to have that early-morning-first-coffee glow
for about 20 minutes. I'm going to investigate sleep inducers so that
I can spend as much of my day as I can manage, asleep. Taking 1.5
doses of my perphenazine doesn't work in that regard because all it
does is make my head noisy and my mood erratic.

Hmm. I miswrote about the Brisk iced tea. It actually wasn't a quart
but a pint. I remember how drowsy the "crash" following the "high" of
drinking Brisk made me. Maybe I can use Brisk as a soporific on
demand.

Miki

On Mar 5, 4:31 pm, pogreshi...@mikikocic.com wrote:
> On Mar 5, 1:38 pm, Gelly <Gell...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>
>
> > On Mar 5, 12:22 pm, pogreshi...@mikikocic.com wrote:
>
> > > On Mar 5, 12:39 pm, Gelly <Gell...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > > > On Mar 5, 11:17 am, George Peter Staplin
>
> > > > <georgepsSPAMME...@xmission.com> wrote:
> > > > > pogreshi...@mikikocic.com wrote:
> > > > > > On Mar 5, 10:37 am, Gelly <Gell...@gmail.com> wrote:
> > > > > >> On Mar 5, 9:34 am, Gelly <Gell...@gmail.com> wrote:
> > > > > >> - Show quoted text -
>
> > > > > > My practical problem is to figure out how to die. I've already decided
> > > > > > in all rationality that I should never have been born because my life
> > > > > > was doomed before it began. My family background, ethnic background,
> > > > > > and personal limitations ensured even before I drew my first breath
> > > > > > that I would be a total failure at everything. Since I have no way to
> > > > > > unexist myself and God won't agree to do it for me, the best I can do
> > > > > > is die as soon as possible. Really, my death is about 18 years
> > > > > > overdue. But I am not able to go through with a suicide attempt,
> > > > > > either because my survival instinct is too strong or simply because
> > > > > > I'm too much of a coward. Others have proven reluctant to arrange to
> > > > > > grant me release, likely because my abusers have some reason for
> > > > > > wanting my existence to continue dragging on. So I'm basically stuck
> > > > > > posting here in this disregarded backwater nobody except trolls and
> > > > > > losers read.
>
> > > > > You can play the victim, or you can see things from a different
> > > > > perspective. We have all done our share of hurting and been hurt.
>
> > > > > No one is left unblamed or unhurt.
>
> > > > > I'm still rather disappointed by you Miki. You asked for my advice, and
> > > > > you didn't really want it, because it wasn't what you expected or
> > > > > wanted.
>
> > > > > Having doubt of myself has been healthy. It has helped me overcome and
> > > > > change. I wish you would doubt yourself more, in some ways.
>
> > > > > I believe that people fear telling you the truth, because you're
> > > > > volatile. You lashed out when I confronted you with your own words, not
> > > > > long ago. For this I was called from what I recall a "hypocrite and
> > > > > Pharisee."
>
> > > > > George the "loser"
>
> > > > Uh oh George, now you did it! Don't you two guys ruin a decent
> > > > conversation with all your male lashing out at each other, or
> > > > whateverr you want to call it.- Hide quoted text -
>
> > > > - Show quoted text -
>
> > > Since George has me killfiled I won't bother replying to him.
>
> > > It's not my intention to depress people here or make them suicidal.
> > > Most of you confront mere indifference from those around you and are
> > > abused by an uncaring society. I have a group of who knows what,
> > > people/spirits/entities, actively screwing things up for me in as
> > > cruel and malicious a way as possible. I spent over 40 years trying my
> > > best to build some kind of life and it was all ARRANGED to come to
> > > nothing. My circumstances were stage-managed so that I'd end up where
> > > I am, no one and nothing. And the only reason I even bother posting
> > > here is because I've run out of things to do.
>
> > > Hmm. Maybe *all* of you should killfile me. Maybe everyone on earth
> > > should. Then I'd be free to say anything at all I wanted without
> > > having some shysterish intellectually dishonest "police officer"
> > > barging into my parents' apartment and hauling me off to the nuthatch.
> > > Because even after cleaning my room and polishing my furniture and
> > > making my bed and having a shower and hand-prewashing my undies and
> > > having lunch and playing a poker freeroll and watching 45 minutes of
> > > soccer on TV I still face several empty, barren, sterile hours of the
> > > day before I'm mercifully permitted the oblivion of sleep, and the
> > > emptiness and barrenness and sterility scare me a bit. Anyone wanna
> > > help me arrange to spend the rest of my days in a coma? That'd work
> > > too....
>
> > > Miki
>
> > > Miki
>
> > What happened to your girlfriend? That can lighten up the time. Get
> > another one on the internet if something went wrong with this one. I'm
> > sure you could.
>
> > I'm spending the rest of my days in a bit of a coma by taking all the
> > pills. Sleep is usually the best part of my day too.- Hide quoted text -
>
> > - Show quoted text -
>
> My girlfriend is history. Sharing the details with you guys would
> violate her privacy, but suffice to say it's 100% my fault.
>
> I just kind of forced myself to have a nap. It felt really good to be
> unconscious and I'm going to have that early-morning-first-coffee glow
> for about 20 minutes. I'm going to investigate sleep inducers so that
> I can spend as much of my day as I can manage, asleep. Taking 1.5
> doses of my perphenazine doesn't work in that regard because all it
> does is make my head noisy and my mood erratic.
>
> Hmm. I miswrote about the Brisk iced tea. It actually wasn't a quart
> but a pint. I remember how drowsy the "crash" following the "high" of
> drinking Brisk made me. Maybe I can use Brisk as a soporific on
> demand.
>
> Miki


Sending you an email. Why I should, I don't know...