Day 5 on patch - Revelations

I've determined that I used to use a cigarette for punctuation. I
would finish something off, then have a cigarette. That is the habit
that I am breaking. Just before the start of my quit, I realized that
I was smoking for my body, not for what I needed to do. Mentally I
found that I was hating myself for smoking, hence the last quit that I
am now on. (I think that is my new mantra.)

Yesterday was a fun filled rollercoaster of blood sugar. I drank a
liter of orange juice, as I kept feeling like I was going to fall
asleep. I feel like I have my apettite when I was a teenager and had
the nickname "Remorseless Eating Machine."

Last night, at the local Exhibition Fair (aka rides, midway games,
grandstand show) I had conflicting reports from my nose. There were
times there that I could smell the cigarette smoke and my body
responded in the wrong way to it. The smell was ambrosia, I put the
thought aside, distracted myself and then five minutes later, I
realized what that stink was and I saw other people nearby smoking.

A real eye opener, but yet at the same time, there is a part of me
that does not want to adopt the mental policy that all smokers are
junkies. I know it would be easy for me to slip into that mindset to
help me through my recovery... but it is a lot easier to fear other
people than it is to accept them for who they are. I've always treated
people (regardless of station, rank, priviledge, religion or bank
account size) as they would treat me and others. I do not have time
for bullies as they are using their own fears as a jacket of strength.
The regrettable part is that I will use their habits as a reminder of
what I once was, and that truly it will only be up to them to stop
their own habits.

Wow, that was a little deep. Okay, in other recovery news, lets go to
the wife... who is being supportive in all regards. She bought an
aromatherapy oil jar from a booth last night, to be kept at bedside
when sleeping overnight. There is pine, eucalyptis and spearmint. The
lady at the booth said it helped her daughter quit cold turkey, as
when she was breathing the stuff overnight, it made the taste of
cigarettes unbearable to her. And it reduced her own cravings
practically overnight. At that point, I envisioned a snake oil
salesman... whitens your teeth, makes your skin and hair silky, powers
your sex drive, and gets rid of that stubborn gout and aching smelly
feet. She did say that if I do get a really big hankering, I was to
take about five to six deep lungfulls through my nose to smell the
stuff and the craving should subside.

I was a bit sceptical of it, then again I came to the realization that
any method for quitting (short of amputation at the neck) would be
good to help me. I was willing to give it a try. Right before I went
to bed, I did get another craving, feeling the anxiousness of not
having the relaxation, then tried out the five to six lungfuls along
with a good helping of Spider Robinson novel. The feeling passed and I
went to sleep quite quickly.

As per my usual schedule, I slept in, waking up and stumbling to the
bathroom, then I realized once I was halfway done my cup of coffee
that my lungs felt great. I now know that I can enjoy coffee products
without craving a cigarette. The tastes of food are now sharper now,
although the sudden drops in blood sugar do worry me a bit. I am
tempted to check in with a doctor, as fears of diabetes (even though
it does not run in the family) are cropping up in the back of my mind.

As for these posts, if no one minds, I will continue to do these up in
my self reflective mode. Call it what you like, but if I document my
quit to all absolute details, I can look back on it with pride, and if
tempted by whatever situation comes up in the future, I will be able
to look back to these posts and remind myself that I already went
through my last quit.

I'm still here,
Pike