FOOD FOR THOUGHT

[writer272002]

.... or for breathing, actually. (HPB, are you listening? This is for
you.)

My mother's best friend makes sort of a career out of, well, staying
with the dying. She is hospice-trained but doesn't work for hospice,
if that makes sense. She's kind of the stay-overnight lady fill-in for
hospice.

Anyhoo. Right now she is staying with an old friend of hers. The woman
smoked for years and is now ever so slowly dying from COPD. She is on
oxygen all the time. Peggy (the stayer, my mom's friend) told my mom
the other day that the woman, whose name I forget, no longer has the
energy to get out of bed and get to the bathroom. My mom says you can
hear her breathing across the house. (She visited).

They told the woman she would not live until the end of July. Peggy
told my mother yesterday she doesn't expect her to live through the
weekend, and thought it would be a matter of hours rather than days.

This woman has been sick a long time and her existence has been fairly
miserable for some time now, because she persisted in sucking on
****sticks for years upon years.

I don't know about you, but slowly being asphyxiated -- and having it
be my own damn fault -- is really not how I want to die. It sounds
painful and it sounds really hard. After visiting, my mom called me
and said, "I'm so glad you quit smoking." And I'm glad too.

As Keven says, don't ever forget why you quit.

Love
Ashley

[BessieBee]

>I don't know about you, but slowly being asphyxiated -- and having it
>be my own damn fault -- is really not how I want to die. It sounds
>painful and it sounds really hard. After visiting, my mom called me
>and said, "I'm so glad you quit smoking." And I'm glad too.

Denial is VERY powerful. Denial of the power of tobacco to kill you.
My mom died that way, slowly asphyxiated after almost an entire
lifetime of smoking. That kind of death doesn't happen quickly, it's
a very slow process that kind of creeps up on you. I know that may
sound absurd, but that's how it worked with Mom. From a very vital,
active woman in her prime she slowly, over the course of a decade or
more, slowed down to become a mere shadow of her self.

Mom never stopped smoking and the progression of emphysema is
insidious. Every day you lose just a teeny bit more. Today doesn't
feel a whole lot different from yesterday, but December sure feels
different than January did.

I don't believe Mom's death was physically painful - she was kept
"comfortable" with morphine, but before the morphine took over she
would find herself gasping for breath with the slightest exertion.
That part of death from emphysema was the worst - no pain but the
sheer terror of not being able to get in a breath. That was painful
to watch.

What turned out to be her last expressed wish was for some watermelon.
It was mid July and she decided that cold watermelon would hit the
spot. I raced to the grocery and bought a package of cubed watermelon
and raced back to her nursing home room. She didn't have the energy
to chew even the tiniest piece. We ended up soaking a sponge in the
juice and wiping her lips with it. That didn't seem to satisfy her,
but it was all she could do.

All because of ****ing cigarettes.

--
BessieBee
"Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?"

[Sally]

I am also 'hospice-trained' but working with a different agency. Many
of my clients have some form of cancer.....some have recovered. But
just as many are goind downhill fast and need hospice care. It's
difficult to watch as time progresses but I do my best to comfort
them. I get daily reminders that smoking kills...and it can be a long
slow painful death.

Sally
VOF

On Sat, 2 Aug 2008 13:38:57 -0700 (PDT), writer272002
<[email protected]> wrote:

>... or for breathing, actually. (HPB, are you listening? This is for
>you.)
>
>My mother's best friend makes sort of a career out of, well, staying
>with the dying. She is hospice-trained but doesn't work for hospice,
>if that makes sense. She's kind of the stay-overnight lady fill-in for
>hospice.
>
>Anyhoo. Right now she is staying with an old friend of hers. The woman
>smoked for years and is now ever so slowly dying from COPD. She is on
>oxygen all the time. Peggy (the stayer, my mom's friend) told my mom
>the other day that the woman, whose name I forget, no longer has the
>energy to get out of bed and get to the bathroom. My mom says you can
>hear her breathing across the house. (She visited).
>
>They told the woman she would not live until the end of July. Peggy
>told my mother yesterday she doesn't expect her to live through the
>weekend, and thought it would be a matter of hours rather than days.
>
>This woman has been sick a long time and her existence has been fairly
>miserable for some time now, because she persisted in sucking on
>****sticks for years upon years.
>
>I don't know about you, but slowly being asphyxiated -- and having it
>be my own damn fault -- is really not how I want to die. It sounds
>painful and it sounds really hard. After visiting, my mom called me
>and said, "I'm so glad you quit smoking." And I'm glad too.
>
>As Keven says, don't ever forget why you quit.
>
>Love
>Ashley

[DavidL]

On Aug 2, 3:38*pm, writer272002 <writer272...@gmail.com> wrote:
> ... or for breathing, actually. (HPB, are you listening? This is for
> you.)
>
> My mother's best friend makes sort of a career out of, well, staying
> with the dying. She is hospice-trained but doesn't work for hospice,
> if that makes sense. She's kind of the stay-overnight lady fill-in for
> hospice.
>
> Anyhoo. Right now she is staying with an old friend of hers. The woman
> smoked for years and is now ever so slowly dying from COPD. She is on
> oxygen all the time. Peggy (the stayer, my mom's friend) told my mom
> the other day that the woman, whose name I forget, no longer has the
> energy to get out of bed and get to the bathroom. My mom says you can
> hear her breathing across the house. (She visited).
>
> They told the woman she would not live until the end of July. Peggy
> told my mother yesterday she doesn't expect her to live through the
> weekend, and thought it would be a matter of hours rather than days.
>
> This woman has been sick a long time and her existence has been fairly
> miserable for some time now, because she persisted in sucking on
> ****sticks for years upon years.
>
> I don't know about you, but slowly being asphyxiated -- and having it
> be my own damn fault -- is really not how I want to die. It sounds
> painful and it sounds really hard. After visiting, my mom called me
> and said, "I'm so glad you quit smoking." And I'm glad too.
>
> As Keven says, don't ever forget why you quit.
>
> Love
> Ashley

That's about where my Mom is headed.
They put her oxygen July '07, we both quit Aug '07.
She's still on oxygen 'cause she won't exercise like she's supposed
to.
She's getting less and less active.
My poor Dad is getting pulled down with her.
I don't know if I quit in time to prevent permanent damage.
But I sure is hell AM NOT gonna cause any more.
I don't want to die that way and I don't want anyone to have to watch
me die that way.

[BessieBee]

>I don't want anyone to have to watch me die that way.

That's the big thing for me. The thought of family watching me gasp
for breath after attempting to pull myself up in bed is horrifying.

--
BessieBee
"Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?"

[writer272002]

You said it. Plus, I think not being able to breathe (the few times
I've briefly experienced it, like the time I choked on an ice cube) is
possibly the worst feeling on earth.