Fucked Up . Starting Over

On May 18, 5:50*pm, Sue <sebr...@thegrid.net> wrote:
> On Sun, 18 May 2008 13:49:32 -0500, "Edna Pearl"
>
>
>
>
>
> <edna_pe...@yahoo.BiteMeSpammer.com> wrote:
> >"Sue" <sebr...@thegrid.net> wrote in message
> >news:lhr034hcb1mdpnt8akoj4gvdg35opc1i1k@4ax.com.. .
> >> On Sun, 18 May 2008 11:44:07 -0500, "Edna Pearl"
> >> <edna_pe...@yahoo.BiteMeSpammer.com> wrote:
>
> >>>"Cindy Murray" <c1ndyl...@tx.rr.com> wrote in message
> >>>news:483055cb$0$4108$4c368faf@roadrunner.com. ..
> >>>> No, Becky, I think Rob's point was don't just tell yourself "I fucked
> >>>> up",
> >>>> but actually take the time to sit down and figure out WHY you failed.
> >>>> It's not enough to just say "I'm going to quit". *You ABSOLUTELY MUST
> >>>> examine the psychological issues that keep you smoking.
>
> >>>I feel compelled to express a countervailing viewpoint *:-) *Everybody's
> >>>quit is different. *Some people do *not* do as well with analyzing
> >>>("thinking themselves quit") as they do just. not. putting. a. cigarette.
> >>>in. their. mouth. one. day. at. a. time.
>
> >> That was me. *I didn't analyze anything. *I got a bit offended by
> >> Kimberly when I first came here because I interpreted what she said to
> >> me as, "If you can't figure out why you failed before you will fail
> >> again." *She seemed to be asking for a good deal of introspection
> >> about 25 years after the fact.
>
> >>>> *If you don't, you will continue to be a serial quitter.
>
> >>>> Use this group to "talk out loud" to yourself about the who, what, when,
> >>>> where, and why of your smoking habits and your failures.
>
> >>>> If you can figure out WHY you are failing, then you can change it.
>
> >>>From your mouth to god's ears. *But if I had to figure out why I smoked in
> >>>order to quit, I never would have been able to quit.
>
> >>>> But it takes EFFORT.
>
> >>>Now, there, we agree. *:-)
>
> >> Yep.
>
> >>>> You can't just say "I failed, now I'm going to start again" and then
> >>>> just
> >>>> continue to do the same things over and over again. *You will never
> >>>> succeed that way.
>
> >>>Never say never. *It may be exactly the way she, or somebody else,
> >>>succeeds.
> >>>I've seen plenty of serial quitters finally just get there, without any
> >>>special insights or epiphanies or self-analysis.
>
> >>>Just do whatever works. *That's the beauty of this group. *We all have to
> >>>find our way through our own personal mazes, but there's usually somebody
> >>>in
> >>>the group any given quitter can relate to and find support from. *IME,
> >>>most
> >>>quitters benefit from compassion and support more than they they benefit
> >>>from scolding. *But that's just me. *Somebody else, maybe Becky, maybe
> >>>not,
> >>>might just love being scolded! *What do I know? *Just my own experience,
> >>>as
> >>>well as watching the experiences of others.
>
> >> Which is why I *now* keep my opinions to myself. *OK. *Most of the
> >> time.
>
> >Well, I'm glad you didn't keep your opinion to yourself here. *I hope you'll
> >chime in as often as you deem fit. *That's how group support works. *If "my"
> >way was the only opinion presented by this group, we would have a much lower
> >success rate. *What helps some people doesn't help others.
>
> >One of my closest quit buddies found it necessary to her quitting processto
> >learn a vast amount about the neurochemistry of nicotine and of addictionin
> >general. *Now, I'd take a bullet for this woman, I love her dearly. *But I
> >could no more derive any benefit from her posts than if they had been
> >written in Sanskrit. *Three words in, my eyes glazed over. *But therewere
> >plenty of new quitters out there, for the years that this QB of mine kept
> >posting (and I wish she would still), who would respond to her
> >ultra-scientific posts with tears of gratitude and renewed courage! *Go
> >figure!
>
> >I believe that any action taken (e.g., any opinion offered) in a spirit of
> >love and compassion will have good consequences (karma). *Actions takenin
> >anger or hatred will have bad consequences. *Actions taken on the basisof
> >ego (e.g., "I'm right, you're wrong.") are a crapshoot, as consequences go.
> >The ego is one unreliable motherfucker. *So, Sue, my two cents is that you
> >can't go wrong if you offer your opinion with a "wholesome" intent, as we
> >Buddhist types call it.
>
> >ep oooooooof
>
> Thanks, ep. *You are absolutely right about everyone needing something
> different and everyone having something different to contribute. *I
> like the "wholesome" intent. *I have to be very careful about that.
> Sue
>
>
>
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I feel this way when I read your posts Sue. I'm just grateful you
share your thoughts with us. xo

>If I had any words of wisdom, I'd share them. I don't. I feel sad
>that Becky's having a hard time keeping a quit going. And I'm
>grateful that I've been able to stay quit for well over nine months
>now.
>
>Wayne

Your words of wisdom can simply be that you've been quit for nine
months. When I was newly quit I found a great deal if inspiration in
just reading that someone else had managed to keep their quit for a
time longer than mine was. I still find that helpful.

Leslie
--
BessieBee
"Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?"

Sue <sebrady@thegrid.net> wrote in
news:0q8134h54u91slo48jk0kqqarec1flffiq@4ax.com:

> I read so many of the beautifully constructed posts here that seem
> > to say all the right things and just think to myself, "That's
the > > way I feel. Why couldn't I say it that
> way?"

Me thinks sometimes we sing...sometimes we listen. Its all good
Sue.

Wayne

Thanks Leslie.

Now....Becky.....look at what a wonderful dialogue your post
started. Simply amazing how things work sometime.

I have no idea why its apparently sooooooo easy for some to
quit...and soooooooo damn hard for others. That seems to be the way
in many aspects of life. Hopefully when the end arrives, we'll find
that there was a good reason for it all and that our percption of
"justice" was not quite on target.

/me think me getting a wee bit too heavy now


---
Wayne Baker
Quit Date: August 4, 2007
Nicotine Free: 9M 2w 8h 9m
Not Smoked: 8,367
Money Better Spent: $1,380.56




BessieBee <BessieBee@fakeaddress.com> wrote in
news:tuc134deo0e4kpdralh41t5au2ehn0hj31@4ax.com:

>
>
>>If I had any words of wisdom, I'd share them. I don't. I feel
sad
>>that Becky's having a hard time keeping a quit going. And I'm
>>grateful that I've been able to stay quit for well over nine
months
>>now.
>>
>>Wayne
>
> Your words of wisdom can simply be that you've been quit for nine
> months. When I was newly quit I found a great deal if inspiration
in
> just reading that someone else had managed to keep their quit for
a
> time longer than mine was. I still find that helpful.
>
> Leslie

On Sun, 18 May 2008 15:29:04 -0700 (PDT), Stephanie
<sajesqnyc@yahoo.com> wrote:

>On May 18, 5:50*pm, Sue <sebr...@thegrid.net> wrote:
>> On Sun, 18 May 2008 13:49:32 -0500, "Edna Pearl"

>>
>> >I believe that any action taken (e.g., any opinion offered) in a spirit of
>> >love and compassion will have good consequences (karma). *Actions taken in
>> >anger or hatred will have bad consequences. *Actions taken on the basis of
>> >ego (e.g., "I'm right, you're wrong.") are a crapshoot, as consequences go.
>> >The ego is one unreliable motherfucker. *So, Sue, my two cents is that you
>> >can't go wrong if you offer your opinion with a "wholesome" intent, as we
>> >Buddhist types call it.
>>
>> >ep oooooooof
>>
>> Thanks, ep. *You are absolutely right about everyone needing something
>> different and everyone having something different to contribute. *I
>> like the "wholesome" intent. *I have to be very careful about that.
>> Sue
>>
>>
>>
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>
>I feel this way when I read your posts Sue. I'm just grateful you
>share your thoughts with us. xo

Thanks, Sweetie!
Sue

Becky ????
Whats going on ?

Who ever said it would be easy?
What did you expect to happen within the first week?
Did you not expect those feelings to over come you S T R O N G L
Y ??? (Because as sure as anything - THEY WILL)

There isnt an easy way through these neck of the woods.


But know this also........ Get some TIME under your belt, and it WILL
get easier.......but first, you have to WALK THROUGH the thorn bushes.

(True Story: I went hiking by myself one day...got lost in the
woods...no one knew where I was...no phone (before cell phones)...
I came up against 12 feet thick thorn bushes...and when I looked back,
the trail forked left and right and I didnt know my way back.....I was
standing in ankle deep swamp..and the sun was going down.
I looked over the top of the thorns and saw off in the distant, a
house-top.......I KNEW if I can get to where that house was, I would
know where I was, and I would be alright..........BUT THAT MEANT GOING
THROUGH THE THORN BUSHES for about 12 feet wearing shorts, short
sleeve and a metal frame back pack.

yeah I got scrape good...BUT I WAS DETERMINED TO GET TO THE OTHER
SIDE !!!!!!


and I did.
and I made it home just find.

Believe in yourself !!!
Stop punishing yourself and Thinking you are Worthless !!!... YOU ARE
WORTH A LOT DAMN IT....now get up the courage...you CAN be on the
other side of those thorns....Grit your teeth...and GET GOING....and
Dont..... D O N T......... Fcking STOP !!!!!!!!!!!....you can do it...

otherwise...look at your alternative....and there really isnt one to
look at.

So many people hear have given you WORDS and WISDOM from their
Hearts !!!!....... They are ALL here for you...to HELP YOU STAY QUIT !
Stop fucking quitting already and just QUIT !

Love ya....no whurry your ass over hear through those thorns will ya !

Steve
Eleven months, two days, 8 hours, 23 minutes and 46 seconds.
8433 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,349.40. Life saved: 4 weeks, 1
day, 6 hours, 45 minutes.

SilentNight wrote:
> Becky ????
> Whats going on ?
>
<snipped>

> Believe in yourself !!!
> Stop punishing yourself and Thinking you are Worthless !!!... YOU ARE
> WORTH A LOT DAMN IT....now get up the courage...you CAN be on the
> other side of those thorns....Grit your teeth...and GET GOING....and
> Dont..... D O N T......... Fcking STOP !!!!!!!!!!!....you can do it...
>
> otherwise...look at your alternative....and there really isnt one to
> look at.
>
> So many people hear have given you WORDS and WISDOM from their
> Hearts !!!!....... They are ALL here for you...to HELP YOU STAY QUIT !
> Stop fucking quitting already and just QUIT !
>
> Love ya....no whurry your ass over hear through those thorns will ya !
>
> Steve
> Eleven months, two days, 8 hours, 23 minutes and 46 seconds.
> 8433 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,349.40. Life saved: 4 weeks, 1
> day, 6 hours, 45 minutes.

Great post, Steve! I hope Becky will take some of this to heart. I
know a lot of people come down hard on her, but it's all done out of
love. It it painful to watch her struggle so. We'd all like to see her
succeed. Some day, everything for her will just click and she'll be
quit for good. I hope for her that day comes soon....

P.S. Your meter is looking great!

Cindy
Smobriety comes to: 1Y 4M 1W 4D 19H 21Mns $-Saved to date: $1962.33
Cigs not smoked: 9936

M.BetterOff@gmail.com wrote:

> Becky ????
> Whats going on ?
>
> (True Story: I went hiking by myself one day...got lost in the
> woods...no one knew where I was...no phone (before cell phones)...
......
> I came>
>
> and I did.
> and I made it home just find.
>
A very apt simile.
> Believe in yourself !!!
> Stop punishing yourself and Thinking you are Worthless !!!... YOU ARE
> WORTH A LOT DAMN IT....now get up the courage...you CAN be on the
> other side of those thorns....Grit your teeth...and GET GOING....and
> Dont..... D O N T......... Fcking STOP !!!!!!!!!!!....you can do it...
>
> otherwise...look at your alternative....and there really isnt one to
> look at.
> Steve

There is though: Becky, if you're still reading, look at one horrible
alternative result of failing to stop inhaling smoke - namely me!
It's just great, I can tell you, getting out of breath after the
slightest task like emptying the dishwasher or going round opening the
windows. It's a great feeling, knowing you've willfully ruined a
perfectly good pair of lungs. It's just marvelous knowing you've spent Gawd
knows how much money on paper tubes filled with dried leaves that you
burn to breathe in the smoke.
Well, it's too late for me, but you think about it and we're all
cheering you on. gel.
--
Ian
Nearly seven weeks of not breathing in foul smoke!

Becks,

Sorry for the late post, as I've been out of town.

Look, you've gotten a lot of good advice here. I'm also seeing newer
posts with people wondering where you are. Maybe you're taking a few
days off. And that's OK. Sometimes I did that after some of my
numerous fuckups too.

The bottom line here is that you need to do what's best for you. I
know analyzing my fuckups was never really an option for me. I never
got past, "Um ... because I wanted to fucking smoke, OK?" But
sometimes it helps to figure out the mindset. Remember HALT -- Hungry,
Angry, Lonely, Tired. Usually one of those could at least start to
explain my fuckup, even though I never probed too deeply.

You know, I had a hell of a time learning to ride a bike. I bonked
myself all over -- knees, elbows, even my head after a memorable over-
the-handlebars fall. But you know what? I was determined. And I kept
getting back on. And that, my friend, is all you have to do. Well,
that -- and know you're loved. Certainly by me and by lots of others
here too.

"Tough love" never quite seemed to work for me, as I usually was
kicking my own ass pretty hard. But don't let it throw you. Even the
tough-lovers love you too.

Hugs. We're here for you.

Ashley