HELP - PANIC ATTACK

i didnt take my chantix last night or this morning.
went to work expecting to get my pay as promised....but NOPE - another
lie.

this is like the 10th fucking time.

THEN I FEEL THE PANIC ATTACK COMING....AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS HAVE A
CIG....
I thjouight about it...i thought about WHY...

and it was because im a fucking drug addict...tobacco was my drug of
choice....so was a past relationship.....
IM ADDICTED....

and I WANTED TO GET HIGH FROM NICOTINE AGAIN...I NEEDED IT.....to make
me fell better...rather..to help me NOT FEEL....

Im all fucked up...because I want my drug right now...Im still going
through fucking withdrawals...and ITS BAD RIGHT NOW...

Everyone says to come on to this board.,...well..I came right home
from work (driving)...and here I am...

The bottom line is with me....BUT IM LOSING RIGHT NOW,,,....cause I
want to smoke...PLUS...I dont care about hurting myself...I JUST DONT
CARE ANYMORE.

How fucking pathetic is that??????

Fuck

Im a loser...Im a fucking loser/....always have been....just never
wanted to believe it.
There is something wrong with me.
No wonder I have no friends...Cause Im fucked up.

Anyone out there?
Im keeping myself home right now...affraid that if I go out, I will do
somethung I will regret

SN

OKay...Im a bit more calm now - cried alot
I can breathe a bit more.....
I took my chantix about 10 mins ago - just in case it was from NOT
taking it (Fuck...now Im hooked on chantix??? Is THIS how its gonna
be ? - dont know...hope not)

Just concentrating on the fact that I can breathe better right now....
Im a bit stronger than I was 10 mins ago....
I was ready to fucking do what used to come naturally for me - fucking
smoke and punch and kick theb fucking walls....

WHOA...this is not just from Nicotine withdrawals...its from my OTHER
addiction as well - FUCK.

OKay...Im a bit more calm now - cried alot
I can breathe a bit more.....
I took my chantix about 10 mins ago - just in case it was from NOT
taking it (Fuck...now Im hooked on chantix??? Is THIS how its gonna
be ? - dont know...hope not)

Just concentrating on the fact that I can breathe better right now....
Im a bit stronger than I was 10 mins ago....
I was ready to fucking do what used to come naturally for me - fucking
smoke and punch and kick theb fucking walls....

WHOA...this is not just from Nicotine withdrawals...its from my OTHER
addiction as well - FUCK.

You ARE a loser. A loser of an addiction that has enslaved you for
years. It does take time for your body and more importantly, your
mind to make that adjustment. Deep breathes and some affirmations can
make a difference for now. As to the Chantix, it's NOT addictive. It
breaks an addiction and for now, you do need that help.

Hang Tuff
Don't Puff

You did the right thing posting here.

FlatironMike
Five months, two weeks, four days, 12 hours, 14 minutes and 40
seconds. 3370 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,010.81. Life saved: 1
week, 4 days, 16 hours, 50 minutes.

You ARE a loser. A loser of an addiction that has enslaved you for
years. It does take time for your body and more importantly, your
mind to make that adjustment. Deep breathes and some affirmations can
make a difference for now. As to the Chantix, it's NOT addictive. It
breaks an addiction and for now, you do need that help.

Hang Tuff
Don't Puff

You did the right thing posting here.

FlatironMike
Five months, two weeks, four days, 12 hours, 14 minutes and 40
seconds. 3370 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,010.81. Life saved: 1
week, 4 days, 16 hours, 50 minutes.

On Jul 29, 10:44 am, FlatIronMike <FlatironMike...@gmail.com> wrote:
> You ARE a loser. A loser of an addiction that has enslaved you for
> years. It does take time for your body and more importantly, your
> mind to make that adjustment. Deep breathes and some affirmations can
> make a difference for now. As to the Chantix, it's NOT addictive. It
> breaks an addiction and for now, you do need that help.
>
> Hang Tuff
> Don't Puff
>
> You did the right thing posting here.
>
> FlatironMike
> Five months, two weeks, four days, 12 hours, 14 minutes and 40
> seconds. 3370 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,010.81. Life saved: 1
> week, 4 days, 16 hours, 50 minutes.

thanks mike.......thanks for respondng to me.

On Jul 29, 10:44 am, FlatIronMike <FlatironMike...@gmail.com> wrote:
> You ARE a loser. A loser of an addiction that has enslaved you for
> years. It does take time for your body and more importantly, your
> mind to make that adjustment. Deep breathes and some affirmations can
> make a difference for now. As to the Chantix, it's NOT addictive. It
> breaks an addiction and for now, you do need that help.
>
> Hang Tuff
> Don't Puff
>
> You did the right thing posting here.
>
> FlatironMike
> Five months, two weeks, four days, 12 hours, 14 minutes and 40
> seconds. 3370 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,010.81. Life saved: 1
> week, 4 days, 16 hours, 50 minutes.

thanks mike.......thanks for respondng to me.

On Sun, 29 Jul 2007 07:21:45 -0700, SilentNight
<M.BetterOff@gmail.com> wrote:

>Im all fucked up...because I want my drug right now...Im still going
>through fucking withdrawals...and ITS BAD RIGHT NOW...
Craves come and go. You're learning they lessen over time. Hang in
there!!

>Everyone says to come on to this board.,...well..I came right home
>from work (driving)...and here I am...
I'm here, too.

>The bottom line is with me....BUT IM LOSING RIGHT NOW,,,....cause I
>want to smoke...PLUS...I dont care about hurting myself...I JUST DONT
>CARE ANYMORE.
How can you be losing if you're not smoking?? We're all nicotine
addicts here. Wanting what you're addicted to is why you're addicted.
Obviously you care about yourself. You've made the commitment to be
healthier. You've made the commitment to not stink anymore. Yes, you
do care about yourself and everyone here care about you, too.

>How fucking pathetic is that??????
That's not fucking pathetic. It's just not.

>Fuck
No, thanks. Maybe later. :-)

>Im a loser...Im a fucking loser/....always have been....just never
>wanted to believe it.
If you're a loser so am I. But I *know* I'm not a loser. I'm proving
just how strong I am by continuing my quit. So are you. Nobody that
can break the nicotine habit is a loser, not by a very L O N G
stretch.

>There is something wrong with me.
No, there's not.

>No wonder I have no friends...Cause Im fucked up.
I don't know you very well, but I consider you my friend.

>Anyone out there?
>Im keeping myself home right now...affraid that if I go out, I will do
>somethung I will regret
Just keep yourself away from the stink sticks. Make your home smoke
proof. That's one thing that's kept me smober. There have been times
I've said, "fuck it" and started looking for a smoke. There's nothing
here, though. I made sure very early in my quit to get rid of all
ashtrays, lighters, matches and my still smoking DH keeps his smokes
someplace else. I don't know where and I don't want to know.

Hang tight.... you're doing very well!!!!!

My meter: Two years, nine months, four weeks, one day, 18 hours, 59
minutes and 19 seconds. 61967 cigarettes not smoked, saving $7,745.93.
Life saved: 30 weeks, 5 days, 3 hours, 55 minutes. My quit date and
time is September 29, 2004 @ 3:00PM.

--
BessieBee

"OK, so what's the speed of dark?"
Steven Wright

On Sun, 29 Jul 2007 07:21:45 -0700, SilentNight
<M.BetterOff@gmail.com> wrote:

>Im all fucked up...because I want my drug right now...Im still going
>through fucking withdrawals...and ITS BAD RIGHT NOW...
Craves come and go. You're learning they lessen over time. Hang in
there!!

>Everyone says to come on to this board.,...well..I came right home
>from work (driving)...and here I am...
I'm here, too.

>The bottom line is with me....BUT IM LOSING RIGHT NOW,,,....cause I
>want to smoke...PLUS...I dont care about hurting myself...I JUST DONT
>CARE ANYMORE.
How can you be losing if you're not smoking?? We're all nicotine
addicts here. Wanting what you're addicted to is why you're addicted.
Obviously you care about yourself. You've made the commitment to be
healthier. You've made the commitment to not stink anymore. Yes, you
do care about yourself and everyone here care about you, too.

>How fucking pathetic is that??????
That's not fucking pathetic. It's just not.

>Fuck
No, thanks. Maybe later. :-)

>Im a loser...Im a fucking loser/....always have been....just never
>wanted to believe it.
If you're a loser so am I. But I *know* I'm not a loser. I'm proving
just how strong I am by continuing my quit. So are you. Nobody that
can break the nicotine habit is a loser, not by a very L O N G
stretch.

>There is something wrong with me.
No, there's not.

>No wonder I have no friends...Cause Im fucked up.
I don't know you very well, but I consider you my friend.

>Anyone out there?
>Im keeping myself home right now...affraid that if I go out, I will do
>somethung I will regret
Just keep yourself away from the stink sticks. Make your home smoke
proof. That's one thing that's kept me smober. There have been times
I've said, "fuck it" and started looking for a smoke. There's nothing
here, though. I made sure very early in my quit to get rid of all
ashtrays, lighters, matches and my still smoking DH keeps his smokes
someplace else. I don't know where and I don't want to know.

Hang tight.... you're doing very well!!!!!

My meter: Two years, nine months, four weeks, one day, 18 hours, 59
minutes and 19 seconds. 61967 cigarettes not smoked, saving $7,745.93.
Life saved: 30 weeks, 5 days, 3 hours, 55 minutes. My quit date and
time is September 29, 2004 @ 3:00PM.

--
BessieBee

"OK, so what's the speed of dark?"
Steven Wright

On Jul 29, 11:00 am, BessieBee <BessieBee@I_dont_smoke_anymore.com>
wrote:
> On Sun, 29 Jul 2007 07:21:45 -0700, SilentNight
>
> <M.Better...@gmail.com> wrote:
> >Im all fucked up...because I want my drug right now...Im still going
> >through fucking withdrawals...and ITS BAD RIGHT NOW...
>
> Craves come and go. You're learning they lessen over time. Hang in
> there!!
>
> >Everyone says to come on to this board.,...well..I came right home
> >from work (driving)...and here I am...
>
> I'm here, too.
>
> >The bottom line is with me....BUT IM LOSING RIGHT NOW,,,....cause I
> >want to smoke...PLUS...I dont care about hurting myself...I JUST DONT
> >CARE ANYMORE.
>
> How can you be losing if you're not smoking?? We're all nicotine
> addicts here. Wanting what you're addicted to is why you're addicted.
> Obviously you care about yourself. You've made the commitment to be
> healthier. You've made the commitment to not stink anymore. Yes, you
> do care about yourself and everyone here care about you, too.
>
> >How fucking pathetic is that??????
>
> That's not fucking pathetic. It's just not.
>
> >Fuck
>
> No, thanks. Maybe later. :-)
>
> >Im a loser...Im a fucking loser/....always have been....just never
> >wanted to believe it.
>
> If you're a loser so am I. But I *know* I'm not a loser. I'm proving
> just how strong I am by continuing my quit. So are you. Nobody that
> can break the nicotine habit is a loser, not by a very L O N G
> stretch.
>
> >There is something wrong with me.
>
> No, there's not.
>
> >No wonder I have no friends...Cause Im fucked up.
>
> I don't know you very well, but I consider you my friend.
>
> >Anyone out there?
> >Im keeping myself home right now...affraid that if I go out, I will do
> >somethung I will regret
>
> Just keep yourself away from the stink sticks. Make your home smoke
> proof. That's one thing that's kept me smober. There have been times
> I've said, "fuck it" and started looking for a smoke. There's nothing
> here, though. I made sure very early in my quit to get rid of all
> ashtrays, lighters, matches and my still smoking DH keeps his smokes
> someplace else. I don't know where and I don't want to know.
>
> Hang tight.... you're doing very well!!!!!
>
> My meter: Two years, nine months, four weeks, one day, 18 hours, 59
> minutes and 19 seconds. 61967 cigarettes not smoked, saving $7,745.93.
> Life saved: 30 weeks, 5 days, 3 hours, 55 minutes. My quit date and
> time is September 29, 2004 @ 3:00PM.
>
> --
> BessieBee
>
> "OK, so what's the speed of dark?"
> Steven Wright

thank you BESSIE,,,,,,,,
this is not easy.......i thought it was for a while there,,,,but its
not

On Jul 29, 11:00 am, BessieBee <BessieBee@I_dont_smoke_anymore.com>
wrote:
> On Sun, 29 Jul 2007 07:21:45 -0700, SilentNight
>
> <M.Better...@gmail.com> wrote:
> >Im all fucked up...because I want my drug right now...Im still going
> >through fucking withdrawals...and ITS BAD RIGHT NOW...
>
> Craves come and go. You're learning they lessen over time. Hang in
> there!!
>
> >Everyone says to come on to this board.,...well..I came right home
> >from work (driving)...and here I am...
>
> I'm here, too.
>
> >The bottom line is with me....BUT IM LOSING RIGHT NOW,,,....cause I
> >want to smoke...PLUS...I dont care about hurting myself...I JUST DONT
> >CARE ANYMORE.
>
> How can you be losing if you're not smoking?? We're all nicotine
> addicts here. Wanting what you're addicted to is why you're addicted.
> Obviously you care about yourself. You've made the commitment to be
> healthier. You've made the commitment to not stink anymore. Yes, you
> do care about yourself and everyone here care about you, too.
>
> >How fucking pathetic is that??????
>
> That's not fucking pathetic. It's just not.
>
> >Fuck
>
> No, thanks. Maybe later. :-)
>
> >Im a loser...Im a fucking loser/....always have been....just never
> >wanted to believe it.
>
> If you're a loser so am I. But I *know* I'm not a loser. I'm proving
> just how strong I am by continuing my quit. So are you. Nobody that
> can break the nicotine habit is a loser, not by a very L O N G
> stretch.
>
> >There is something wrong with me.
>
> No, there's not.
>
> >No wonder I have no friends...Cause Im fucked up.
>
> I don't know you very well, but I consider you my friend.
>
> >Anyone out there?
> >Im keeping myself home right now...affraid that if I go out, I will do
> >somethung I will regret
>
> Just keep yourself away from the stink sticks. Make your home smoke
> proof. That's one thing that's kept me smober. There have been times
> I've said, "fuck it" and started looking for a smoke. There's nothing
> here, though. I made sure very early in my quit to get rid of all
> ashtrays, lighters, matches and my still smoking DH keeps his smokes
> someplace else. I don't know where and I don't want to know.
>
> Hang tight.... you're doing very well!!!!!
>
> My meter: Two years, nine months, four weeks, one day, 18 hours, 59
> minutes and 19 seconds. 61967 cigarettes not smoked, saving $7,745.93.
> Life saved: 30 weeks, 5 days, 3 hours, 55 minutes. My quit date and
> time is September 29, 2004 @ 3:00PM.
>
> --
> BessieBee
>
> "OK, so what's the speed of dark?"
> Steven Wright

thank you BESSIE,,,,,,,,
this is not easy.......i thought it was for a while there,,,,but its
not

On Sun, 29 Jul 2007 08:41:28 -0700, SilentNight
<M.BetterOff@gmail.com> wrote:

>thank you BESSIE,,,,,,,,
>this is not easy.......i thought it was for a while there,,,,but its
>not

Somewhere, sometime, someone said something like, "nothing easy is
worth doing."

Quitting smoking is one of the hardest things I've ever done and
probably ever will do. BUT, it is also one of the most rewarding.
It's a HUGE ego boost to realize that you do have the strength to
quit.

Every minute that passes is another victory for you.

Many people will suggest you keep a written diary of your early quit.
I really wish I had. You can go back and read about your own misery
as you got through the very early stages of quitting and know that you
don't ever want to go through that again.

Stand tall. Stand proud. You are a non-smoker. Take a walk through
a famers market, the produce section of your local grocery, a flower
shop. Smell those wonderful things you robbed yourself of when you
smoked. Go pop some popcorn, it'll smell 1000 times better now.

Take a big DEEP breath. Why? Because you can.

--
BessieBee

"OK, so what's the speed of dark?"
Steven Wright

On Sun, 29 Jul 2007 08:41:28 -0700, SilentNight
<M.BetterOff@gmail.com> wrote:

>thank you BESSIE,,,,,,,,
>this is not easy.......i thought it was for a while there,,,,but its
>not

Somewhere, sometime, someone said something like, "nothing easy is
worth doing."

Quitting smoking is one of the hardest things I've ever done and
probably ever will do. BUT, it is also one of the most rewarding.
It's a HUGE ego boost to realize that you do have the strength to
quit.

Every minute that passes is another victory for you.

Many people will suggest you keep a written diary of your early quit.
I really wish I had. You can go back and read about your own misery
as you got through the very early stages of quitting and know that you
don't ever want to go through that again.

Stand tall. Stand proud. You are a non-smoker. Take a walk through
a famers market, the produce section of your local grocery, a flower
shop. Smell those wonderful things you robbed yourself of when you
smoked. Go pop some popcorn, it'll smell 1000 times better now.

Take a big DEEP breath. Why? Because you can.

--
BessieBee

"OK, so what's the speed of dark?"
Steven Wright

Bessie! A quit diary is an excellent idea! I expect that it is
already in the FAQs but if not, I think adding that tool to them would
be a good idea. While I have not done a diary, I certainly can google
all my posts and see what progress I've made by re-reading them. AS3
is sort of a public diary for all of us together. We make wikipedia
look like child's play! <G>

FlatironMike
Five months, two weeks, four days, 17 hours, 45 minutes and 6 seconds.
3374 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,012.19. Life saved: 1 week, 4
days, 17 hours, 10 minutes.

Bessie! A quit diary is an excellent idea! I expect that it is
already in the FAQs but if not, I think adding that tool to them would
be a good idea. While I have not done a diary, I certainly can google
all my posts and see what progress I've made by re-reading them. AS3
is sort of a public diary for all of us together. We make wikipedia
look like child's play! <G>

FlatironMike
Five months, two weeks, four days, 17 hours, 45 minutes and 6 seconds.
3374 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,012.19. Life saved: 1 week, 4
days, 17 hours, 10 minutes.

On Jul 29, 4:15 pm, FlatIronMike <FlatironMike...@gmail.com> wrote:
> Bessie! A quit diary is an excellent idea! I expect that it is
> already in the FAQs but if not, I think adding that tool to them would
> be a good idea. While I have not done a diary, I certainly can google
> all my posts and see what progress I've made by re-reading them. AS3
> is sort of a public diary for all of us together. We make wikipedia
> look like child's play! <G>
>
> FlatironMike
> Five months, two weeks, four days, 17 hours, 45 minutes and 6 seconds.
> 3374 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,012.19. Life saved: 1 week, 4
> days, 17 hours, 10 minutes.

Of course it's NOT EASY! If it was easy nobody would continue to
smoke. We all know what it does to our health, to our self-esteem, to
our perception of ourselves. NOBODY wants to be a smoker, cause
smokers are "losers". I'm not a "loser" - YOU are not a "loser" - you
know what smoking has done to your self-perception, you know it just
drags you down. It's not easy to quit, but it certainly is doable -
just do it. You ARE doing it, just keep it up.
Hugs,
Pam

On Jul 29, 4:15 pm, FlatIronMike <FlatironMike...@gmail.com> wrote:
> Bessie! A quit diary is an excellent idea! I expect that it is
> already in the FAQs but if not, I think adding that tool to them would
> be a good idea. While I have not done a diary, I certainly can google
> all my posts and see what progress I've made by re-reading them. AS3
> is sort of a public diary for all of us together. We make wikipedia
> look like child's play! <G>
>
> FlatironMike
> Five months, two weeks, four days, 17 hours, 45 minutes and 6 seconds.
> 3374 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,012.19. Life saved: 1 week, 4
> days, 17 hours, 10 minutes.

Of course it's NOT EASY! If it was easy nobody would continue to
smoke. We all know what it does to our health, to our self-esteem, to
our perception of ourselves. NOBODY wants to be a smoker, cause
smokers are "losers". I'm not a "loser" - YOU are not a "loser" - you
know what smoking has done to your self-perception, you know it just
drags you down. It's not easy to quit, but it certainly is doable -
just do it. You ARE doing it, just keep it up.
Hugs,
Pam

I just came back from treating myself to a seafood dinner - although I
felt uncomfortable, I did it...I deserved to treat myself....
it was the LEAST I could do for myself...But I wanna do so much more
FOR ME,

Ive taking enough punches...ive eaten enough shit.....Ive swallowed
too many lies that tasted sweet going down,,,,,,

I just dont want anymore SHIT in my life......and only I can change MY
Life.......
first thing;
I want GOOD people in my life...good, edifying, warm hearted, good
spirited people IN MY LIFE,,,
non smokers,,..non drinkers....no fucking active, practicing
ADDICTS...
the rest,,I have no clue as to how to accomplish my dream....but one
baby step at a time...and QUITTING SMOKING is no baby step,
its a fucking GIANT fucking Leap !

Steve
One month, one week, six days, 4 hours, 6 minutes and 18 seconds.
1079 cigarettes not smoked, saving $172.68. Life saved: 3 days, 17
hours, 55 minutes.

I just came back from treating myself to a seafood dinner - although I
felt uncomfortable, I did it...I deserved to treat myself....
it was the LEAST I could do for myself...But I wanna do so much more
FOR ME,

Ive taking enough punches...ive eaten enough shit.....Ive swallowed
too many lies that tasted sweet going down,,,,,,

I just dont want anymore SHIT in my life......and only I can change MY
Life.......
first thing;
I want GOOD people in my life...good, edifying, warm hearted, good
spirited people IN MY LIFE,,,
non smokers,,..non drinkers....no fucking active, practicing
ADDICTS...
the rest,,I have no clue as to how to accomplish my dream....but one
baby step at a time...and QUITTING SMOKING is no baby step,
its a fucking GIANT fucking Leap !

Steve
One month, one week, six days, 4 hours, 6 minutes and 18 seconds.
1079 cigarettes not smoked, saving $172.68. Life saved: 3 days, 17
hours, 55 minutes.

Steve! Bravo! You totally did the right thiing by treating yourself
to a dinner out. You sound very secure in your quit now compaired to
the first posting here. You are so right that we have to take care of
ourselves and that getting smober is very central to that!

Hang Tuff
Don't Puff

FlatironMike
Five months, two weeks, four days, 23 hours, 36 minutes and 27
seconds. 3379 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,013.65. Life saved: 1
week, 4 days, 17 hours, 35 minutes.

Steve! Bravo! You totally did the right thiing by treating yourself
to a dinner out. You sound very secure in your quit now compaired to
the first posting here. You are so right that we have to take care of
ourselves and that getting smober is very central to that!

Hang Tuff
Don't Puff

FlatironMike
Five months, two weeks, four days, 23 hours, 36 minutes and 27
seconds. 3379 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,013.65. Life saved: 1
week, 4 days, 17 hours, 35 minutes.