HELP - PANIC ATTACK

i didnt take my chantix last night or this morning.
went to work expecting to get my pay as promised....but NOPE - another
lie.

this is like the 10th fucking time.

THEN I FEEL THE PANIC ATTACK COMING....AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS HAVE A
CIG....
I thjouight about it...i thought about WHY...

and it was because im a fucking drug addict...tobacco was my drug of
choice....so was a past relationship.....
IM ADDICTED....

and I WANTED TO GET HIGH FROM NICOTINE AGAIN...I NEEDED IT.....to make
me fell better...rather..to help me NOT FEEL....

Im all fucked up...because I want my drug right now...Im still going
through fucking withdrawals...and ITS BAD RIGHT NOW...

Everyone says to come on to this board.,...well..I came right home
from work (driving)...and here I am...

The bottom line is with me....BUT IM LOSING RIGHT NOW,,,....cause I
want to smoke...PLUS...I dont care about hurting myself...I JUST DONT
CARE ANYMORE.

How fucking pathetic is that??????

Fuck

Im a loser...Im a fucking loser/....always have been....just never
wanted to believe it.
There is something wrong with me.
No wonder I have no friends...Cause Im fucked up.

Anyone out there?
Im keeping myself home right now...affraid that if I go out, I will do
somethung I will regret

SN